CHAPTER TWO
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EMMA
Before the bus reached my stop, I decided to get off it. I still had a couple of hours before I had to get to Amanda’s, and a walk with the clean, fresh air seemed like the best thing to clear my head.
I needed space, something I wasn’t going to get with the amount of people piling into the already overcrowded bus. I didn’t mind that it was raining lightly.
With a lot of struggle, I managed to shove my way out. As soon as I hit pavement, I took a big breath. Instantly I felt better and able to breathe.
Amanda’s words repeated in my head like a broken record. It’s time to move on.
But how? Who decided the right amount of time someone needed to overcome a breakup.
Daniel and I had been a couple from my late teens into my twenties when all of a sudden, everything evaporated in a puff of smoke. All I’ve known since being an adult was how to be with someone. Being on my own seemed like some unachievable notion that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend.
Where did that leave me?
How did I find out that I was better? That I was over him?
Was there a clue? A sign?
After four months of acting like a robot, getting up and going to work, my life had become plain and boring. I lived a routine that kept going, no matter the day or the time.
There wasn’t anything that made me happy anymore. So, what was the point of socialising, when the noise of the crowd made me uncomfortable? When all I wanted was to sit and read, or watch TV?
I wasn’t even sure I could hold a conversation with another human being, let alone go for a date.
I sat on a bench, not caring that it could be wet from the rain, and watched the world go by. It made me itch to hold my camera and see everything through a lens. Things always seemed different behind it, better even, as if I were capturing somebody else’s life, not my own.
I had given up the idea of taking photos long ago. Hell, I didn’t even own a camera anymore.
Maybe that was it? I needed my hobby back, a purpose, something that was solely about me and something I enjoyed doing. Hopefully, once I managed that, everything would fall into place.
I stood up with renewed determination and walked the remaining steps towards my flat.
My home was situated at the mouth of Leith Walk, walking distance from the city centre. I loved the area, as everything I needed was close. It felt like a small community with large grey buildings surrounding it.
The only thing I hated were the stairs. Three flights with no lift were always exhausting.
I opened the front door, flipped on the lights, and made my way to the kitchen. Amongst the pile of dishes next to the sink, I found a cup and rinsed it out for tea. I flicked the kettle on and thought of my next move.
It was fairly simple: find a bag and pack it. The problem was where to find a bag and what to pack. It had been so long since I’d left my safe haven that everything outside felt daunting. This was the first time I’d spend the night in someone else’s house since I was a teenager.
After my tea and trying not to freak out, I got ready to head to Amanda’s. Sometimes it was much better to take the bull by the horns and make life happen rather than sitting idly by. I’d already let too much time rush by me.
Looking around my flat, I nodded in satisfaction. It was good to be getting out. I could totally do this. I picked up a bottle of wine from the cupboard and remembered to collect my umbrella.
Amanda’s place wasn’t far, just a couple minutes’ walk.
Arriving at her house in what felt like seconds later, I knocked and waited.
“Hey, lovely,” she greeted, already in her pyjamas. “You’re the first one to come. Follow me.”
I did as I was told and went to the kitchen. Bowls of snacks, pitchers of drink, and any edible or drinkable thing available littered the countertops.
“How many people did you invite? An army?”
She laughed. “Nah, just the usual crowd.”
Not exactly what I had imagined when she said “a night in.” She must have sensed what I was thinking, when she said, “Honestly, Emma, you need this. You can’t lock yourself in a cupboard and hope it all goes away, because it won’t.” Handing over a glass of margarita, she ordered, “You will have fun tonight. Understood?”
I nodded. “Yes, sir!”
“By the way, I was wanting to ask you something.”
I took a tentative sip of my drink and waited for the question.
“We both make shit money, right?”
I agreed, but didn’t know where she was going with this, so I kept quiet until she finished what she wanted to say.
“Well, it seems like a waste of cash to spend in rent, don’t you think?” she asked.
She was right, the rent was crippling me.
“Why don’t you move in here? I have a spare room, and we can share the bills.” She continued, “And that way I can keep an eye on you.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine,” I promised, her words touching me nonetheless.
Her gaze drifted to her feet. “Well, I’m not.”
I angled my head towards her, surprised by her admission. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t afford this place. I’ve been thinking of renting the spare room, and I thought of offering it to you instead of letting a complete stranger move in.”
I grinned, excitement bubbling in my chest. This move, however small, could be exactly what I needed. It didn’t take me long to give her an answer. This felt right. She’d been selflessly supporting me for the last four months; it was only right to do something for her. Plus, it would give me the chance to save some cash and work out my next move.
“Why not?” I said with a smile.
Her eyes lit up. “Do you mean it?”
I nodded and oomphed when she gave me the biggest hug ever. “Oh my God, thank you!”
Once she’d detached herself from me, I picked up my glass. “To new beginnings.”
This was my chance to start again. The sign I was looking for.