CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
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EMMA
I had no idea what the film was about. The time flew by with me just looking at James. I was entranced at how he looked in the light of the screen, how his stubble shone against the darkness. I spent an hour and a half watching him mouth the words said on screen, and how he smiled at the funny bits. That was when I realised I loved him. Maybe I always had and had never noticed. The reality slammed into me fast and hard, threatening to take my breath away. I’d always loved him, but this was so much more than that. I loved him loved him!
In wide-eyed wonder as I attempted to process everything, I glimpsed Jane looking at me. She smiled and then whispered in his ear. James didn’t bat an eyelid, nor did he respond to whatever she said. He just stared at the screen, and after a few moments, so did she.
My gaze wavered. I couldn’t look at them, watch their intimacy. I tore my eyes from my best friend, the love of my life, and prepared to mentally give him up. Finally. Pretending to watch the film, my insides clenched; something inside me was dying. Tears welled up in my eyes and pressure formed in my chest.
At that moment in the film, James’s character confessed his undying love. It could have been how well he did his job, but the last unbroken piece of my heart shattered. Why was I punishing myself like this?
I eased myself out of my seat, being careful to remain as inconspicuous as possible. I needed to get away, needed to think and clear my head, let the tears run loose. All of that trumped my need to remain the supportive friend by James’s side in those few moments. I rationalised my escape would effectively make sure his night wasn’t ruined.
I managed to head out of the theatre without noise or notice. Once in the ladies with the cubicle door closed behind me, I released a heavy breath and let the pain ripple through me. The wall I had created in the last four months crumbled in a matter of seconds—not that I was surprised in the least since it had been so ineffective all this time. I snort-sobbed when the thought of Amanda popped into my head. She’d seen this coming, predicted the hurt. She was spot on.
Minutes later, maybe even less, the ladies room door opened and there was a light knock on my stall door.
I wiped my nose and cleared my throat. “It’s taken.”
“Emma, are you okay?” Jane’s sugar-sweet voice asked.
Squeezing my eyes tightly, I pressed my lips together. Of course, it would have to be Jane. Knowing there was no way out of this without being rude, I reluctantly opened the cubicle door, unsure of what to expect. Jane, looking as glamorous as always, came closer and smiled kindly.
“James saw you leave and asked me to check on you. Are you okay?” She opened her clutch and removed a tissue. Before she continued talking, she handed it over. “You love him, don’t you?”
Bullseye. She didn’t hesitate and got straight to the point.
There was no point in denying it. I nodded without uttering a word. If I spoke, the tears would rush back, and I didn’t want to look like an even bigger mess in front of her.
Taking in a big breath, I confessed, “What does it matter if I do? He’s with you and you’re perfect. I can’t even hate you for it.”
She shook her head, her smile still in place, but it faltered as though she was contemplating what to say to me. I had to hand it to her. I’d just admitted to being in love with her boyfriend, yet she was still being lovely to me. I groaned inside. She really was perfect.
“I’ll be fine.” I knew my smile was weak, but I attempted one anyway. “Tomorrow I’m going home, and I’ll be out of your hair.”
She frowned. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
I nodded. “It’s what I need.”
I edged past her and made my way to the sink, trying to compose myself. She was silent the whole time, though her eyes darted across my face, her lips pursing as though she was about to speak, before she pressed her lips together.
Seemingly having made her decision, she looked away and headed to the door. With her hand outstretched to open the door, she glanced over her shoulder, our eyes connecting in the reflection of the mirror. “Not everything is what it seems,” Jane muttered as she left.
Completely alone in the toilets, I looked at my reflection, washed my hands, and tried to fix my make-up. I had no idea what Jane meant, and I was too exhausted to analyse her words. I closed my eyes and bent my head, preparing myself to exit the sanctuary of the bathroom.
“Why do you always run away and hide?” I jumped at James’s deep voice.
I swallowed hard, my eyes springing open, but I couldn’t look directly at him, knowing that if I did, I would probably give in and become a puddle. Instead, I dug deep and pulled my reserved snark. “What makes you think I was hiding? By the way, you’re in the ladies’.”
“That’s never stopped me before,” he retorted with a shrug. “Jane told me you were here.”
This time I did look at him. His usual smile disappeared, but my heart still did a somersault. I couldn’t help but think of how much I wanted to feel him close to me, how much my body begged to touch him. But I couldn’t, no matter how much I loved him. I had to let him go, even if it was for my own sanity.
He moved towards me, so close that his warmth pressed against me and his aftershave wrapped around me. Closing my eyes, I hoped to hold it together.
I felt his fingers on my chin before he spoke. “Emma, look at me.”
My tears sprang into action as soon as I did what I was told. His eyes seared right through me.
“Why were you hiding?” he asked one more time.
I had two options: force my way past him and lie, or confess what I was feeling. The lie would’ve been the easiest, but his eyes had me bewitched. They forced the truth out of my mouth.
“It hurts too much.” His fingers moved from my chin and made their way to my cheek, where he brushed a single tear that trailed its way down. “James, I love you, more than I ever thought I could ever love someone. And it hurts to see you with someone else.”
His hand held the back of my neck. Before I could mutter another word, he pulled me in with his other arm, circling it tightly around my waist.
I could’ve melted with the passion of his kiss, the firmness of his body, the taste of his lips. I would’ve given anything to keep going and not let go. But he had a girlfriend, and even though it felt heavenly right, it was wrong.
I broke the kiss. Confusion danced in his eyes. Then he wrapped both arms around me, enveloping me in.
I placed a hand on his face, brushing it against the stubble I had been dying to touch before.
“Your girlfriend’s outside,” I whispered, his forehead now touching mine. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” I swallowed. “We can’t. I won’t.”
“Emma,” he whispered, “she’s not my girlfriend.”
I jerked in confusion. “What?”
He still held me in, not letting go. “It isn’t real, Emma.”
His lips were on mine again, this time not as hungry as before. Fluttering butterfly kisses from the corner of my lips to my cheek, he kissed my tears away. But I couldn’t let him do this, couldn’t give in. I had no idea what he was telling me.
“What are you saying, James?” I asked, closing my eyes.
He suddenly stopped kissing me. I opened my eyes and his eyes gazed straight at me, confirming the words that came out of his mouth. “What I’m saying is that I’m yours if you want me.”
“And Jane?” My heart pounded double time, panicked, hopeful, terrified.
“She’s just a friend. The whole thing is for publicity. It isn’t real.”
It isn’t real.
It’s not real.
He can be mine.
My pulse beat in sync to each thought. My hand took control of the situation, my mouth quickly following. Both having more control than my ability to respond with words. Tugging his tie, I captured his lips. After a tentative few seconds, his mouth took control, guiding me, his tongue caressing mine. I kissed him with all my might, giving him everything I had, pouring my confusion, my pain, my love into the moment.
Giggles bubbled inside me, the hysteria taking over. Breathless and giddy, I pulled away. Laughter escaped, taking James by surprise as he stared at me wide-eyed for a moment, before his gaze softened. “How is that possible?” My thoughts slipped out. I couldn’t believe this was real.
“I’ll tell you more about it later. But… bloody hell, Emma.” He touched my face, my hair. “It’s been so hard not to touch you.” He pressed his lips against my forehead. “Not to kiss you.” He then kissed the side of my mouth. He pulled back and smiled. “I love you so fucking much.”
“I love you too.” I’d let him go once; I wasn’t going to let that happen again.
Holding my hand, he led the way out of the ladies’. “Let’s get out of here.”
I stopped in my tracks. “But it’s your night. You can’t leave everyone in the lurch.”
He didn’t even pause a beat before responding. “I don’t give a shit. Besides, I’ve already answered a lot of question and know the film start to finish.”
Jane waited outside the door, a smile cracking her porcelain face. “I take, by the look on your faces, that everything worked out?” Her question was directed to me.
James squeezed my hand tighter. “Jane, can you tell Emma that you and I—”
Jane grinned. “Aren’t an item?” She sighed. “Not my choice. But yes, it’s true.”
James looked at me, his eyebrow arched. “Do you believe me now?”
I could have said to him that, if I didn’t believe him, I wouldn’t have kissed him in the first place, even if my body and my soul were dying to. But I kept my mouth shut—no need to ruin the moment with a sarcastic comment.
“Jane, can you tell Michael I’ll call him tomorrow?” James asked her.
She waved her hand in dismissal. “Don’t worry about it. Off you go and enjoy yourselves.”