Bronx
I lost control.
I lost complete control and this is not good.
It’s very, very bad.
Now I’m looking at her spread out on my bed: legs wide, panties dripping. Her hands are still over her panties with her thumbs hooked just under the band. She looks satisfied, sated. Her eyes look droopy and tired. She’s relaxed, I realize. She’s totally and completely relaxed.
“Madison,” I whisper, and suddenly, she doesn’t seem so tired. Her gaze narrows on me and I realize she suspects I’m about to say something she won’t like. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
She breaths out. The sound fills the room and my heart feels like it’s sinking.
This thing between us…it’s wrong.
A mistake.
“I understand,” she says simply. Then she closes her eyes, as if she’s locking me out of her thoughts. I stand there, awkwardly, for a long minute. Shame washes over me. My inner-wolf is so pissed that I can’t even hear him in my thoughts, and I can always hear that fucker in my thoughts.
“You’re my prisoner,” I say.
“Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself.” She keeps her eyes closed, though. Madison doesn’t look at me. I scent the air in the room, and I know what she’s feeling: anger, resentment, betrayal. She let her guard down for me, and I got swept up in the moment. It really shouldn’t have happened, though.
She’s not my girlfriend or my wife or my mate.
She’s a human, and she’s entirely wrong for me.
She’s dangerous.
With a sigh, I run my hands through my hair and look around the room. I don’t really know what to do now. Clean up, I guess, so that’s what I do. I start tidying up the room, cleaning up the mess I made, and then I go into the bathroom and I take a long, hot shower. As soon as I step under the water, I hear her start to cry, and my heart falls.
I’ve completely, totally screwed this up.
*
I don’t have any pack business to attend to tonight, so after my shower, I go downstairs to the kitchen and make dinner. I don’t invite Madison to cook with me tonight. Instead, I bring the meal back upstairs. I sit at the foot of the bed to eat. Madison’s plate remains untouched.
“It’s not drugged,” I tell her. Maybe she’s worried I’m going to retaliate somehow. I’m not. I would never do that.
“I’m not hungry.”
We sit awkwardly for awhile, but finally, I grab both of the plates and go back to the kitchen. I can’t just stand there while she watches me. It’s weird and creepy. I’m washing the plates when I hear a knock at the door. I glance at the clock, as if to ask who’s visiting me at this hour. I’m used to pack members coming by, but having visitors during the dinner hour is rare.
I head out to the living room and open the front door. Sure enough, one of the pack wolves is standing on my porch. She offers a cautious smile.
“Jenny,” I say. “What a surprise.”
“Is it true?” She asks, stepping in and looking around. “You took a woman? Is she your mate?” She places her hands on her hips and turns back to me. Then she raises a fucking eyebrow.
Jenny is one of the childcare providers for our clan. It’s her job to look after all of the young cubs while the parents are off doing other things. Needless to say, Jenny is a complete romantic. She’s also really nosy.
“She’s not my mate,” I sigh, closing the door behind Jenny. “Coffee?”
“Make it a tea, but yeah.”
She follows me into the kitchen and sits down at the table, waiting quietly while I make our drinks. Then I come over, set the cups down, and join her at the table. I’m wearing sweats now, so as to not be all the way naked around Madison anymore. That’s just a bad idea. For some reason, I can’t seem to resist her.
Jenny’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans: her go-to outfit of choice. She’s always dealing with little kids, so of course she’s going to choose to be comfortable. She sips her tea and watches me thoughtfully, but she doesn’t say anything until half of her drink is gone. Then she sets her mug down and looks at me.
“So?”
“What?”
“So what’s the deal, Bronx? The whole pack is talking.”
For fuck’s sake.
“Are you serious?”
She nods, leaning forward. “Alyssa and Jed were really weird when they came back from checking the perimeters the other day. Alyssa said something about you finding a woman to keep you company and Jed said she was no good.” Jenny shrugs. “It’s been a few days now, Bronx. People are worried, Bronx. I’m surprised no one else has come by. You’re going to have to make a statement soon.”
“A statement?” I raise an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, but the last time I checked, as pack Alpha, I’m not required to give a ‘statement’ about anything, least of all my personal life.”
She shrugs. “It’s your call, but I think it’s important that you understand what this means to the pack.”
“It doesn’t mean anything to the pack because the pack isn’t involved. If I want to have a visitor at my home, I’m free to do so.”
“Jed says this woman is dangerous and you won’t put her down.”
I snarl. “No one touches her.”
“Yeah, ‘cause she’s your fucking mate, dipshit.”
“Excuse me?” Now it’s my turn to be still. Jenny has never spoken to me this way before. Jenny’s never spoken to anyone this way. Sweet, lovable Jenny has a heart of gold and she would never so much as raise her voice to another person. Calling someone a dipshit? That’s an entirely different level.
“She’s. Your. Mate.”
“Jenny, she’s not my mate.”
“It explains everything,” she says. “You’ve never hesitated in killing someone before, Bronx. Never. Now, suddenly, this human threatens the pack and you’re bending over backwards to protect her.”
Because she’s ours. Ah, my wolf came back. Nice. Perfect timing, asshole.
“She didn’t threaten the pack. Who told you that?”
“She didn’t?” Jenny looks around. “Jed said she did.”
“Jed doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.”
And I don’t appreciate having a wolf running around spreading rumors about something he knows nothing about. Alarms are going off in my head. Something is up in my pack and I need to get to the bottom of it. What’s Jed’s game? What’s he playing at?
Jenny shrugs and finishes her tea. “It’s nothing to me. Just thought you might want to know what’s going on.”
“I appreciate it,” I tell her truthfully, although now I’m going to have to figure out what to do with my seconds-in-command getting feisty and unreasonable with the pack. Why are they trying to stir up trouble? I realize Alyssa feels a little jealous of Madison, but that can’t be helped. I’m not interested in Alyssa and I never have been. I’ve never led her on. I’ve never tricked her or even touched her.
Still, a little jealousy doesn’t give her and Jed the right to go talking to the pack without my consent. I might be a newer Alpha, but I’m still the Alpha. It’s still my pack.
Jenny gets up to leave and I walk her to the door and tell her goodnight. Once she’s gone, I close the door and head upstairs to bed. I pause outside of my bedroom door and listen for a minute. I can hear sniffling inside and I know Madison is still crying in there.
I should go to her and try to comfort her.
I should hug her and hold her because she should never be sad.
I can’t, though.
I can’t.
With a sinking feeling of regret, I push open the door across the hall and go into the study. It’s actually a guest bedroom that I use as an office instead. There’s a couch in here, though, and I grab a blanket, curl up on it, and go to sleep. Things will look better in the morning.
They have to.