Chapter Six
I don't know what’s gotten into me, all the hurt and pain of the past six months melt away with his touch and strumming of his heartbeat against my ear. The old familiar feelings are back, and I can't fight them, and I don't want to. I'm so full of emotions, I don't know my left from right, nor up from down. Call me dumb, stupid, naïve or whatever. Hell, you can name it anything you like. I don't know what this force is that's driving me to shake off my doubts and suspicions about him, or to address what he’s been up to these past months. I’ll have my answers soon.
I convince myself I should trust him. The bus I was on was attacked by wild animals; we crashed. I could have died. I shouldn't be here but I am. Life is too short. And if all I have is today, I'm going to make it count.
Things are unclear—especially my role in all of this, but it feels serious. Serious enough to have Roman trailing deep off into thought in my arms. I can sense his fear for me, feel it emanating from him as he tries to shield me from the truth. He’s reluctant and being careful with his delivery. I love Roman; therefore, I'm resolved to accept my fate and live in the moment.
I also felt a different need in him, more potent than his fear. It matched my own. It was desire, he’d wanted me and the bulge in his pants said now. I’d wanted him too. The assault of his tongue against my mouth startled me at first. The need to resist him was strong but not strong enough. I stiffened, then relaxed. I'd missed him, his smell, touch, taste, the warmth of his eyes, that sparkle in his smile, and the deep caressing tone of his voice.
His body slumped a little. I knew he'd pull away, thinking I wasn’t interested. I’d smiled inside as I remembered how he used to be when we first got together. This was the stance he'd take when he wanted to make out but wondered if the feeling was mutual. I’d known if I didn't act fast, he’d shut down and the moment would be lost. I’d needed this, we needed this. My desires were as raw as his. Of their own free will, my palm had drawn circles on his firm torso, my fingers barely tracing the grooves.
I’d wanted to feel more of him, be consumed by him. I knew I was playing a dangerous game with my heart, but I couldn't help it. I was addicted. From the way he’d responded, he might be a little addicted to me as well. Somewhere in my mind I remember him whispering the words he loved me, and I believed him. Some things you just know are true. Maybe it’s intuition or perhaps false hope. But in the moment, it feels so damn real, just like him being here with me now.
At some point I must address the elephant in the room. What I did, making the furniture fly, spiraling above our heads, was new and a little frightening. I've never done anything like that before and I’m still processing being able to do such a thing.
I've been so mad at him for so long, I couldn't think. At times, I couldn't see straight. All I could do was feel and give in to my rage. I knew we’d need to discuss it but not then. I’d wanted to give into a different kind of feeling, a more urgent need. It was the need a woman who was starved of affection, has for the man she loves, yearning to be held in his arms and being loved by him.
He’d released me. I’d licked my tongue along the side of his neck, feeling the vibration of the vein in his throat as he swallowed. I worked my way up his neck across his jaw to the area I knew he couldn't resist. Nibbling gently on his earlobe, I breathed into his ear. He reacted just as I knew he would. Effortlessly, he threw me back against the bed, his body pinning me there.
He lifts my tank top over my head and kisses my wounded shoulder wrapped with bandages, then pauses.
"Is your shoulder all right? Are you sure you want this, babe?"
"My shoulder is fine. And as far as doing this goes, I definitely want it." I grind my hips up and into him, urging him on. His bulge pushes back in response. He presses his hips in farther. Spreading my legs, I dry hump his erection, getting off on his animal-like moans. The heat between us intensifies. My mind is a muddled haze of want, need, and lust.
He gazes at my shoulder a little longer and moans, seeming to make up his mind, accepting this is happening. His lips find mine. I’m filled with burning passion, roaming over my mouth, my face, and my neck. Settling on my ripened buds straining against the material of my bra, he pushes the barrier to his desire over my breasts, freeing them, and sucks my nipple into his mouth.
His tongue is flat at first, then the tip teases my nipple; his teeth lightly scrape the flesh around it. I ride my urgent need against the friction between us, escalating to a new height. He undoes the zipper to my jeans, and his fingers find their way through to my wet mound, slipping between the folds before gliding back over my sensitive bundle of nerves. It’s been so long, my body quivers and trembles beneath his touch, and I’m rocking to my first climax.
In seconds, he removes all his clothes. We’re two sweating, gasping, groping bodies, merged at the hip as he rocks my world. He’s snug and hot inside me, thrusting back and forth, dipping deep and hard with every motion. I buck and grind against him using my thighs to crush him closer, inviting him deep inside. Before long, I manage to brush off the negative thoughts, hoping this moment won’t be a bittersweet memory, haunting me for all eternity.
My insides clamp shut around him, molding him into me. I don’t ever want to let him go. I ride the wave of sensation after sensation gripping my being, sending sparks of sheer pleasure up and down my spine. Tingling all over, I scream my release as he comes too.
He doesn’t withdraw but stays tucked inside me, wrapped in my arms and legs. His breath is coming as fast as mine, as we slowly come down from the most intense sex we’ve ever had. Fast, hungry, and raw, full of emotions. We’re saying with our bodies the words our mouths appear too afraid to voice out loud. Too, I can see it in his eyes. Neither one of us want to let go of this moment, but we must. There are things we have to discuss which I sense will change my life forever.