Hidden in the bushes, I spewed my guts out, but that wasn't the worst pain. My heart ached as I thought of Sadie and horrendous guilt burned through me.

I had been so consumed by what was happening to me that I had more or less forgotten her, happy to assume that she would just continue with the life she had always led. Here was I, learning about real food and drink, seeing the world, dancing with strangers, discovering the pleasures of men and sex, and she was facing death. Even if Viola was wrong and the sacrifice would not go ahead as planned, then what would happen to the Chosen? What did you do with someone bred for sacrifice if the sacrifice was off? I had a hunch that it wasn't anything good. Either way, Sadie was facing an uncertain future while I was indulging myself.

Suddenly, I had managed to make this all about me again and I started to feel guilty about feeling guilty, when I should have been feeling sorry for Sadie. I leaned against a tree as my stomach settled and felt tears starting to flow down my face.

"Got you!" I nearly jumped out of my skin as Gage crashed through the undergrowth and wrapped his strong arms around me. "Thought you could run away, did you?"

"No!" I was too upset to be scared. "Let me go, you big oaf. And stop squeezing my stomach or I'll throw up again."

Gage noticed the pool of my vomit at the base of the tree. "You weren't running away?"

"No. I was..." As the shock subsided, the sadness returned and I had to fight back fresh tears.

"Are you crying?" asked Gage in that tone of confused horror that men use when women start crying.

I fixed him with a hot stare. "Did you know the sacrifice was going to go ahead without me?"

"You're afraid of missing it?"

I smacked his arms as viciously as I could, which seemed to have no effect at all. "Don't mock me. I have friends there - a friend - who's going to die. Did you know?"

Gage met my gaze and I saw his stern exterior soften slightly. "We suspected. Jax told you, we didn't come for one girl. We wanted to take as many as we could. Truth be told, it was always a long shot. We were lucky to get out alive with you."

"Wouldn't it have been easier to kill us all? Set fire to the dormitories or something?" Angry though I was, I had to ask.

Gage drew himself up, a stern expression on his strong face. "We don't do that." There was an inflection in his voice which implied that Sudders did.

"Why didn't you tell me that my friends were still going to die?"

"We didn't want to give you another reason to run off. If you run back there with stupid ideas about saving your friend then you'll get captured and they've got their sacrifice back. Our best hope is that they go ahead with their sacrifice and that the volcano doesn't like the last-minute virgin substitute."

"That's your best hope?!" I practically screamed. "Your best hope is to let twenty-five innocent girls die? I might not like all of them but they don't deserve that. You talk about how terrible the Sudder are and then you say that?"

"It's the Sudder who are killing them," growled Gage.

"And you're letting it happen. Hoping it happens. Do you suppose that makes you any better?"

"Frankly, yes."

He may have been right, but I didn't care at that point. We were talking about Sadie's death as if it was an academic problem.

"We have to go back."

Gage shook his head. "See? That's exactly what we didn't want to happen. We knew you'd think that way and we don't want to have to lock you up to stop you doing something dumb. But we will."

"You did it once," I pointed out. "You can do it again."

"We barely got out with our lives."

"So, you're scared?" I sneered.

Anger flared in Gage's dark eyes and I saw the muscles of his massive arms tighten. He could have torn me limb from limb with barely an effort, and some of the people back at the party would have given him a medal for doing it. But he controlled his rage, his voice coming out low and gravelly. "You're damn right I'm scared. I'm scared of letting down my people. I'm scared that we turn a victory into a defeat. I'm scared that you hand the Sudders another ten years of victories by delivering yourself back into their hands. That's what I'm scared of."

Before I could answer - in as much as I could answer that - there was a noise from the bushes and Jax, Adrien and Killian joined us.

"What's going on here?" asked Adrien. Was it my imagination or was there a little jealousy in his voice?

"She threw up," said Gage.

"Too much ale?" suggested Killian.

"She found out that the sacrifice is most likely still going ahead," said Gage.

"Who told her?" asked Adrien.

"Damn Viola," muttered Jax, guessing right.

"She has her good points," said Adrien, in a way that made me feel a pang of jealousy in return.

"She's got a big mouth."

"Because she told me the truth?" I snapped.

Jax leveled his hard, blue-grey stare at me. "You still haven't got the basics of being a prisoner mastered, have you? We don't have to tell you the truth. We don't have to tell you anything or show you the least consideration whatsoever. You think the Sudder feed their prisoners meat or give them ale? You think they let them dance? Most of them will be lucky to walk again after what the Sudder do to them." His tone changed a little. "I'm sorry about your friend. But there's nothing we can do. She's a casualty of war."

"But..." I tried to speak.

"There's no more to say." He didn't shout, but Jax had a way of speaking that shut you up just as well.

"There is a case to be made for going back." It was Adrien who spoke.

Jax rounded on him. "We all know why you're taking her side."

Adrien defended himself. "I'm just saying, we didn't finish the mission."

"You think we can just walk back in there again? Remember how difficult it was the first time? And now they'll have redoubled their security."

"Since when did how difficult things are bother us?" asked Adrien.

"There's a lot at stake."

"If we left the girl here in Holm's Rest," to my surprise, Gage now seemed to be taking my side, "then we wouldn't be risking anything."

"Except our lives," pointed out Killian.

"You got a problem with that then you need to find another squad," snapped Gage.

"All I'm saying," Killian countered, "is that our lives might be better spent fighting a battle we can win. We're outnumbered already. Throwing four good soldiers away on a fool's errand doesn't seem like the best use of a limited resource."

"But if we were successful," Adrien pointed out, "then that would guarantee the sacrifice fails. Isn't that worth it?”

Killian shrugged; maybe.

"You've got to weigh the chances of success against failure," said Jax. "The rewards are great but the chance of success is too small. It's like saying, let's attack the citadel of Sudene, because if we win the war will be over - it would, but they outnumber us twenty to one and have better weapons. It would be suicide, so we don't do it. The same applies here." He looked around at his comrades. They had been on many missions together and each would happily trust any of the others with his life, and had done so. "Look, if I thought there was a chance then I would be the first to suggest it; you all know that. If I thought we could end this war by laying down our lives then sign me up, and I know you'd all be there with me. That doesn't mean I'm ready to squander my life for nothing just because some Sudder girl bats her eyelashes." He shot me a look of pure contempt. "Now, since you seem to have some difficulty recalling that you're a prisoner, I think we'd better remind you. Get the rope back on her and find her a room in the keep. Something secure."

"I don't feel well." I didn't know if it was the drink or the fateful outcome of this conversation or Jax's reminder that I was still their captive, but something was making my stomach churn once more.

Jax looked irritated for a moment, as if this had interfered with his hardline attitude. "Alright. Somewhere with a comfortable bed. But still secure. Tomorrow, you will meet our king and I will speak to him about your staying here as a citizen rather than a prisoner. Bear in mind that that is based on you behaving yourself."

I nodded, too upset to do much more arguing now.

"Good." Jax turned on his heel and stalked away as the others moved to carry out his instructions. But as he went, he stopped and turned back to me. "I am sorry about your friend."

There was a catch in his voice that reminded me that he knew what it was to lose someone you cared about.

With a rope around my waist, Killian and Gage marched me up to the stronghold of Holm's Rest. We entered through a heavy pair of wooden gates and crossed a courtyard to a two-story wooden building. Up two sets of stairs, we came to a corridor lined with doors, one of which Gage opened.

"Here's your room," said Gage, tying my rope to the bed's leg.

"What's stopping me from untying it?" I asked.

"Obedience," was all he said, but that was enough; I knew that I wouldn't be untying it. Gage had achieved a level of obedience in me in a few days that the Caretakers had failed to achieve in twenty years.

"I will be right outside the door all night," added Gage. "Me. Not Adrien."

No sex for me tonight.

Killian and Gage left and I sat down on the bed. I was exhausted from the day's journey, and from the party and from throwing up, but mostly from what I had learned. An emotional exhaustion stole over me, leaving me heartsick and lost. I felt as if I could burst into tears there where I sat. It was all just so much to take in. So much to deal with.

They were all right, of course. They knew their business and if they said that there was no way of getting Sadie out of the temple precinct, they were right. They were right that security would be so much tighter since they had managed to get me out. It was impossible.

The thing was, none of that mattered. Sadie was my only friend, the closest thing I had to family, and I loved her in a way I could not even begin to put into words. It wasn't that I thought I could save her, it was that, if I didn't try, I wasn't worthy of the word 'friend'. I would sooner die with her than know that I had done nothing. I would sooner the Norrens all died than lose Sadie. Which wasn't right, or rational, or decent, or kind. It was just the very normal act of a friend.

I got into bed and let sleep creep over me. I would need a good night's rest, because tomorrow I was going to find a way to escape, and then I was going to do everything in my power to save Sadie.