Over the past few days, the men of Norren had specialized in opening me up to sensations that I had never experienced before - it was becoming almost repetitive. But what Jax and I had just shared had left me breathless, confused and excited in a whole bunch of new ways. If Adrien had introduced me to the pleasure of sex and Killian to the fun of it, then Jax had shown me another side entirely, and I was at a loss to explain why I had enjoyed it so much. As far back as I could remember, until I was about sixteen, I had been disciplined by the Caretakers with beatings of one kind or another. I had hated it - which was, of course, the point. Certainly, I had never been left ravenously craving it. Even now, my bottom still smarting, I was actively considering throwing insults at Jax, or, failing that, a rock, in the hope that he would put me across his knee once more.

What in the hells was wrong with me? It wasn't that it hadn't hurt - it had, it really had. But the pain, or the fact that it was Jax who was inflicting it, had lit in me a fire that I was helpless to explain and powerless to resist. What had happened next had been entirely at my instigation and had been... I probably wasn't experienced enough to say something like 'it was like no sex I had ever had before', but it was so different to what I had experienced with Adrien or Killian. Not necessarily better, but different. It fired me in new and thrilling ways, it made me hungry and desperate, it made me feel less like a woman and more like an animal, acting on lust-fueled instinct. It was less like sex and more like combat.

How did I feel now? I was exhausted, my chest heaving with exertion, and I was pleased to note that Jax looked as done in as I felt. At least I had given as good as I got.

Was this normal? Did girls normally react this way to being spanked by a man? Or was it just my particular upbringing that brought out this unusual reaction to something supposed to be punitive? Or perhaps I was just a freak. I wanted to ask Jax but wasn't sure exactly how to word the question.

"I wasn't expecting that," I said finally, by way of introducing the subject.

"Me neither."

"Do girls usually... react like that, when you...?"

Jax looked across at me, frowning. "You think I make a point of doing this to women? Of... Of hitting them?"

"I really don't know. I'm still very much a beginner in this area."

Jax shook his head. "Well, I don't. And I'm sorry that I did, I just..." He seemed confused and angry, and as so often with Jax, I wasn't sure if he was angry with me or with himself. "You make me so damn angry. I mean, what were you thinking? You could have... You could have died out there. You damn near did. You make me so angry, Aleah that I just..."

"I guess I deserved it," I admitted.

"If another Sudder had done what you did I'd have dragged them back and put them in the dungeon under Holm's Rest, I wouldn't have... I wouldn't have done what I did to you. There's no excuse for what I did to you."

"Well, I did deserve it," I repeated, a bit too eagerly, perhaps.

I wasn't sure he heard me, he seemed to be consumed with his own thoughts. "You scared the shit out of me."

That wasn't what I had expected him to say. "You were worried about me?"

"Of course, I was."

"I thought you hated me."

"I do," he snapped. "But there's other stuff, too. And when you mix it all together then you get..."

"A sore bum?" I suggested. I had rolled over onto my belly and was gently jiggling by backside so the air could cool my burning cheeks. Even that was turning me on now.

Jax hung his head. "I really am sorry."

I leaned across and kissed him. "I'm not. Whatever it took to make this happen between us - that's fine by me."

He turned his blue-grey eyes on me and I could see the conflict in them. "Liking you makes me feel like a traitor."

"Running away from you made me feel like one."

He frowned. "You're not a Norren yet, you're not betraying anything."

I shook my head. "I was betraying you. And Adrien, Killian and Gage. That matters far more than any race of country. I betrayed people who showed me nothing but kindness, and I hope you know and understand that I would never have done it except to help someone else who means the world to me."

Jax nodded. "Your friend."

"Sadie. If I let her die and do nothing then..."

"I know." And, of course, Jax did. "There wasn't anything I could have done to save my brother, Kern. I was away at the time. But every day I live, and he doesn't, is a reproach. Every Sudder I let live feels like a stain on my brother's memory. So, you..."

He let the sentence tail off but it needed no ending.

"There are women I've been with and women I've liked," he continued. "But you're different. Maybe it's because of what you are that makes it feel different but I don't think so. I think the reason I've been so harsh toward you..."

"Not that harsh."

"Harsh enough. The reason I've been so harsh is because I knew from the moment I saw you that this is how it would end up."

"With you spanking me in a hunting lodge?"

He laughed. "Maybe I didn't know exactly how it would end up. But as soon as I saw you, I was lost, and from that moment I've been fighting it. And treating you badly was my way of fighting against my own desires - a way to keep reminding myself of what you are. I guess tonight was a last-ditch attempt. I reached a point where I had to touch you or explode, so I tried to touch you in anger, in a way that wouldn't lead to anything. Doesn't seem to have worked." He shook his head. "I took my anger at myself out on your ass."

"That's mostly my fault," I confessed. "The truth is, Jax, I don't think there's any way you and I could touch each other without it leading to something." There was a heat between us that could not be denied or repressed. With Jax, even pain turned to pleasure.

I remembered back to what Adrien had told me, about the infinite variety of sex. I had wondered what he meant, but now I thought I was closer to understanding. There were variations you could accomplish with a single partner, of course, but the real variation came with the people who you did it with. Sex was personal, it personified your relationship. Of course, Adrien could spank me - I had already been contemplating the possibility - and I was sure I would enjoy it, but it would be different than it was with Jax, because it was with Adrien. I allowed my mind to drift into all the permutations I could discover just with my four captors. A lifetime of lovemaking that would never repeat itself.

But that was a dream for a woman other than me. What had brought me out here in the night and the rain had not changed. Part of me wanted to talk to Jax about it, but the larger part of me wanted to savor a moment that was destined not to last long.

I rested my head against Jax's strong chest, feeling one of his scars rub against my cheek, listening to the regular rhythm of his breathing, and closed my eyes. We lay like this awhile, as the rain on the roof above us slowed from torrential downpour to a discreet patter, at which point I felt Jax move beneath me.

"Come on."

He moved me gently from him. For all the intimacy that we had shared, he was still a dominant presence and I did as he instructed, getting dressed and following him out into the light rain. A grey, early morning mist hazed the mountains, but I got the sense that Jax could have walked these mountains blindfolded. I would be in no danger if I stuck close to him.

In the little stable attached to the lodge, the horses waited for us. Moon Cow trotted up to me as if greeting an old friend, which was more consideration than I deserved from her given what I had put her through. I wondered if Killian would be so willing to forgive. Hopefully, Moon Cow would have a word with him on my behalf.

We mounted up, me wincing slightly - horse-riding and spanking don't mix. Then in the growing light of dawn, we headed off in the direction of Holm's Rest.