VEE

The next morning, I wander around the house fighting anxiety after last night’s switch from relaxing to shocking. After all the recent stress and horror, I would’ve thought some quiet alone time would be good, but I don’t want to spend time in my current headspace.

Especially when images of myself in the mirror at the museum sneak in alongside the gruesome fae images. Is that how I look when I kill now? Or something more sinister?

But like Xander, I want to act and not think too hard. The urge to fight for an answer—and confront anything that gets in my way—won’t leave. I have another fight: to keep the other Vee under control; the one who wants to walk out the house and find Seth. That’s harder after seeing the result of his attack last night.

I head to see Joss. I’m concerned about our conversation at the museum; perhaps talking to him about how we both feel right now would help. We haven’t spoken much about recent events. Is he coping? Or hiding from me, the way Ewan did, after what happened in Scotland?

I can’t allow myself to think about Seth and his threats. The idea sickens and terrifies me.

I can relax with Joss the most and right now I need his gentle calm. I head upstairs and find Joss in his room on the bed, reading. He’s barefoot and wearing just a T-shirt with his jeans. I only see the guys wrapped up against winter in their jackets when we’re out, and I appreciate how the grey material stretches tight across his shoulders, and his muscled arms emerging from the sleeves. Involuntarily, I picture his long fingers stroking my skin and not in the soothing way I’ve approached him for.

"Stop perving, Vee." Joss’s eyes remain on his book, but a smile hovers around his lips.

"I was not," I protest and head toward the bed.

"Uh huh." He lowers the book.

Sitting, I tip my head to read the book’s title. The Da Vinci Code. "Joss! That’s fiction, and won’t help your obsession with religion."

He pulls a face and sets the book on the nightstand. "I feel like a fiction break."

"Hmm."

"But now I have you to spend time with."

Smiling, I stretch out on the bed and prop myself up on my elbows, so I face Joss, and place my feet in his lap.

Joss tuts. "Oh, I see. You only came to see me for a foot massage." He mock pouts.

"No. But if you insist…"

He shakes his head before taking my foot and kneading with strong fingers. "I sense you’re not okay."

"What? You sense that from my feet?" I joke.

"Ha ha. No. Come on, speak to me."

"I can’t cope," I whisper. "I can’t stop worrying about you all and how you’re being affected by this."

He looks up. "A lot is happening, of course, you worry."

‘A lot is happening’. I almost laugh at his understatement. "True."

"Let’s make a deal. For a couple of hours, we relax. There’s nothing we can do right now until we meet with Ripley and the others and discuss what to do."

"I need you to know what happened to me doesn’t change anything between us all," I blurt out.

"But it does." My heart speeds in fear over what he might say. "Don’t you feel like this has broken some of the tension? Built trust? Maybe because Seth has gone, maybe because Ewan somehow united us. I don’t know."

Relief replaces the concern. "I think so."

"And when this shit is over, then we can spend more time together. I don’t think anybody is going to blame you for being a little distant. You’re stressed. We all are."

"So I need some of the Joss treatment to wipe away stress." I grin at him, but he doesn’t return my smile.

"Believe me, Vee, you don’t want some Joss treatment right now."

I wriggle my toes. "Why?" He looks up, and my heart speeds at the look in his eyes. Desire. Unhidden, pure desire. Am I in another situation like Xander last night?

"Maybe I do."

"Don’t, Vee," he whispers. He eyes the open door and shifts to massage my ankle. "You think I’m obsessed with thoughts of Hell and God? Believe me, that’s nothing compared to the obsession I have with you right now."

My heart speeds, his touch sending not-so-soothing sensations through me. I came up here to relax and joke; this intensity is unusual from Joss. He slides a hand higher, massaging my calf as he looks back at me.

I pull my leg away and move, so I’m beside him instead, wanting the comfort we’re agreeing to share.

He reaches out and touches my face. "I know you come to me when you want peace and gentle treatment." I open my mouth to protest. "Vee, you know that’s true. The problem is, I don’t feel very gentle right now."

His eyes burn with an intensity that snatches my breath. I’ve seen this from Joss once when we were in the study that night, and for a few blissful moments, I saw the raw man underneath. But he’s right, and so was Syv when she spoke about how intuitive he is. This man puts my needs first, always, sometimes frustratingly so, as if he’s scared what would happen if he doesn’t hold back.

"You’re worried you’ll lose control around me, is that what you mean?"

He leans forward and brushes his lips on mine, sending sparks across my scalp. "No. I would be very in control, Vee."

His words murmured against my mouth, trigger heat, instantly, spreading through my body as it instantly responds to the suggestion. "Why’s that a bad thing?"

He smoothes my hair. "I don’t want to scare you."

I can’t help but break into a laugh. "Joss, there’s more to scare me in my life than you suggesting you want to do bad things to me."

His grip tightens. "I want to be alone with you. To take you somewhere away from all this and—"

"And?"

"Seriously, I’m not going to say anything that’s in my head right now because just you with me, like this, is driving me towards showing you instead."

"Close the door, then," I whisper.

"No. Not today. Not in the middle of all this. I want you to myself, just for a few hours, away from the other guys. Maybe that’s selfish, but it’s true. I don’t mean that I’m jealous because I know how we all have something different to give you. It’s just..." He sighs. "I’m not explaining myself well, am I?"

I place my finger on his lips. "I understand. How about just a kiss?"

I hardly get the words out before Joss's mouth crashes on mine, wiping the confusion over the whole situation away. The suddenness matches my surprising, overwhelming need to respond. I grab Joss round the neck and kiss him back. Hard. He grips my hair in his fist, holding my head so I can't move, deepening his kiss. His resolve is snatched away; I can tell by the intensity of the moment, and I relish the way his tongue explores my mouth, sharing the intoxication.

Joss holds my waist with his other arm and pulls me onto his lap. I dig my fingers into his shoulders, and the kiss continues; neither of us stopping for air.

His hands roam to my backside, and he shifts below me. When I dive my hands beneath his T-shirt and drag my nails across his abs, Joss pulls his mouth away. Our hot, heavy breaths mingle as he rests his forehead on mine.

"Just a kiss isn’t possible, Vee. You have no fucking idea what you do to me."

I shuffle from side to side on top of him. "I can feel what I do to you, Joss. I know you want to fuck me."

He groans and pushes me back onto the bed, nudging my legs apart with his knee. "Shush! Don’t say things like that." He studies me, eyes darkened by the need to let go. "Seriously, my self-control is crap right now."

"Well, maybe it’s a good thing the bedroom door is open." I chew my lip and wait for his response.

Joss takes a ragged breath. "If you let me close the bedroom door, I won’t be responsible for my actions."

I push him away from me. "Close the door, Joss."