Banks

“Damn, Banks,” Huxley says, swimming up to the edge of the springs and splashing me. “Do you ever stop working?”

I grunt, shaking off the water from the papers I was reading since Tia wouldn’t let me bring my laptop. I would never obey another woman’s commands but she’s different. She’s not a weak woman and she means well. Tia cares about me, maybe more than she should. Maybe even more than I’m worth, but she’s worth everything to me. I’ve tried to keep my emotions at bay but it’s so damn hard with her.

“Something you know little of,” I say, even though I know the man is constantly working. I just haven’t figured out exactly what he does. I’m not even sure Salinger knows the truth of how Huxley really acquires all his goods.

I put my papers, which are now soggy, down beside me and glance around.

This part of the springs has been covered in an insulated dome-like structure, trapping in the natural heat, but I still have all my clothes on, even though everyone else has stripped down and are either goofing around like Huxley or fawning all over Tia.

My back teeth grind together as I catch a glimpse of my wife wrapped in a Fallon and Emerson sandwich at the far side of the springs.

Hell, I wish I could relax. Let go of all the pressure, the responsibilities that weigh me down, but there’s too much at stake.

There are still so many damn ifs floating around my head. I’m a rational man. Probably a little stubborn to a fault. But I rely on concrete evidence, on control, and right now I feel like my world is unraveling and the harder I work, the more what ifs appear.

What if Tia doesn’t get pregnant on time.

What if Lawson doesn't hold up his end of the bargain.

What if I can’t save my wife.

My throat constricts.

Death has become an old acquaintance that I’ve gotten to know way too well over the years. He takes and takes, without discrimination. Old, young, rich, poor, innocent, and cruel. The bastard is impartial.

These men believe that their love will keep Tia safe. But I know the truth. Love isn’t a shield. If anything it only leaves a person more vulnerable to attack, because they’re blinded to the enemy that’s right in front of them.

Time.

And we’re running out quickly.

Giles gets out of the spring and wraps a towel around his waist, before sitting down on a stone-cut lounge beside me, then pulling two beers from the cooler the man packed and handing me one.

I take it.

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

“You want to talk about what’s eating at you?” Giles finally asks, running a hand over his beard, his wounds from the wolf attack and his time with Salinger's father now puckered pink scars that will never go away.

But that’s the thing with injuries, both physical and emotional, even if you survived, you’re never the same afterward.

“Nothing’s eating at me,” I say.

I like Giles, which is saying a lot. There are not many people in this world that I respect, but he’s one of them. However, that doesn’t mean I’m going to bare my soul to the man.

His gaze remains directed forward, towards Tia, who’s now wrapped around Salinger, head back laughing at something he’s said.

“She’s incredible, isn’t she?” Giles says, then takes a sip of his beer.

I drown half of my own bottle, before admitting, “Yeah.”

But I’m pretty sure my reasons are different than his. Sure, the woman is gorgeous, and my cock aches everytime she walks into a room, but it’s her mind that I’ve come to regard. She’s not just smart, she’s brilliant. And even though I hesitate to admit it to her, her contribution to my research over the past weeks has been paramount.

“Tia told me that you and she finally consummated the marriage.”

I glare at him. “That’s none of your business.”

“You’re wrong about that.” Green eyes meet mine, and I hate the way he seems to read me. “And you’re still holding back. Why?”

“Why did you not tell anyone about the infection in your leg?” I toss back. “We all have our reasons.”

“Even if they end up hurting everyone else.” I know he’s taking responsibility for his actions, but at the same time throwing it back at me.

“Just because I’m not willingly screwing our wife in a giant orgy doesn’t mean I’m holding back. Maybe I’m a private man.”

Giles shakes his head, but says, “Maybe. Or you’re afraid of something.”

“Of course I’m fucking afraid,” I say a little too loudly, my voice carrying across the water and making Tia turn her head towards me and frown. With a frustrated breath, I drag my hands over my face. “Which is why I’m working my ass off night and day to make sure she has the best possible chance of survival.”

More silence.

The others resume what they were doing.

“You lost someone,” Giles says softly.

“Everyone has lost someone.”

He takes another sip of his beer. “Who was she?”

I haven’t talked about Liesel - ever.

But there’s an itch inside me to open up. Maybe then he’ll get off my back. He knows about loss, about the brutality of this world. The first woman that he cared about had suffered the consequences of it. Maybe we weren’t so different after all. But even as I think it, I know the truth.

Giles is good. And even though he suffered a devastating loss, it hadn’t tainted him the way it had marred me. But then again, I was already corrupted way before Liesel died.

“My father had an... appetite for women,” I say.

Instead of making a joke like most men would do, Giles just tilts his head and nods for me to continue.

“I grew up in an affluent household. My father had more money than he knew what to do with. It was old money, passed down from my grandfather and he hadn’t had to work a day in his life.” I finish my beer, before adding, “He spent his money on two things, women and booze.”

Giles’s brows draw down. “And your mother?”

“Usual story. She died giving birth to a girl. The baby only lived a few days before it...” I shut my eyes at the memory, the little casket beside my mother’s larger one. “My father didn’t let a whole month pass before he brought in another wife. She died less than a year later, the same fate as my mother... Another sister buried.”

“Shit, Banks.”

I glance across the water to where Tia is floating in the springs, the others swimming around her like life isn’t this dark, terrible place, and there are still small moments of happiness to be found.

I know better.

“After that wife, my father started buying women.”

“Women?”

“Four, five, sometimes six at a time.”

“He had multiple wives?” Giles frowns. “But that’s illegal.”

I chuckle humorlessly, “Anything is legal if you have money. It was his own private harem. But he didn’t love them, and most of them grew to hate the man. But he still bred with them. He didn’t care about the children...”

“Children?”

I inhale through my nose, then blow out a steadying breath, but the horrors of what I’d seen still gut me. “So many failed pregnancies...My father was too damn prideful to call a real doctor, so he started relying on me to help the women when they miscarried. Even the few who were lucky enough to carry to full term, he insisted they deliver at home.”

“How old were you?”

“Twelve, when I helped delivered my first...” I swallow hard. “Another little girl. She never took her first breath.”

“That’s...”

“Fucked up? Yeah.”

“I was going to say, cruel.” Giles frowns at me. “That’s too much for an adult, let alone a child to deal with.”

“It’s what drove me into medicine. At least I have that to thank the bastard for.”

“Did...” Even under his beard, I see his jaw clench. “Did any survive?”

“One. Caleb.” A small smile tugs at my lips, because for a short time there had been happiness in the house. “He died of pneumonia when he was two.”

I’d been fifteen at the time. After that, the darkness had really seeped in, not only to the house and the woman but into my soul.

I’m not sure why I continue, but it’s like my words ooze from me, like I need to release the horrors that have blackened my soul for too damn long.

“I hadn’t known it then, but my father had lost his inheritance gambling. But he still continued to grow his harem. His last... wife....” My fingers clench into fists. “Was only sixteen when they married. The same age I was.”

I let the memories form in my head, let the loss twist inside of me.

“You loved her?”

I give a harsh shake of my head. “I’d learned a long time before that, not to love anyone. But we were friends. She didn’t deserve what happened to her.”

Memories grip me, too damn fresh, and pain sears through me.

“Banks?” Giles says my name, but all I hear are my demons howling.

“Men came to collect on my father’s debt...” Screams fill me, women’s voices, begging for mercy. “They took them...”

“His wives?”

I nod. “I tried to stop them, but there were too many, and I was...”

Weak.

“They raped the women right in front of me. And when they’d come for me, I’d been too numb to do anything.”

I don’t realize I’ve said the last words until I hear Giles’ sharp intake of breath. “Jesus.”

It was after that my world went even darker than it had been before.

Control.

It was the only thing I sought.

Control of world. I threw myself into my studies.

Control over my body. No one would ever touch me again unless I permitted it.

Control of myself. I would never let myself feel again.

And here I am, unraveling under Tia’s charm, knowing that history has a way of repeating itself.

“What if I can’t save her?”

“You will,” his words are more of an order than a statement, but there’s also compassion in his eyes when he looks at me.

I hope he’s right.

Giles raises his beer, clinks it against my empty one. “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, right?”

I shake my head and take a long look at him, then back at all the men gathered around Tia now. “We’ve all been through hell and back, is that what you’re trying to say?”

He claps my shoulder with his hand. “You aren’t alone in any of this, Banks. It doesn’t take away the pain, but it sure makes it easier to bear.”

“I can’t put all this on Tia,” I say, adamantly. “She needs to focus on being physically and mentally healthy, she doesn’t need to help me through my issues.”

Giles raises his eyebrows. “Man, for being so fucking smart you can be pretty damn dense.”

A smirk crosses my face. “Oh yeah?”

“Tia isn’t the only family you have. Far as I can tell there are five other guys you can lean on.”

“I don’t do--”

He cuts me off. “Right, you don’t get close to people. That’s what you say, yet you just opened up to me.”

Running a hand over my jaw, I feel like I just got played - except I know this wasn’t a game. Giles isn’t fucking with me, and neither is Tia.

Maybe it’s time to let her in too.