Chapter 14
Two minutes after Jax walked into Senior Chief’s office, Kelly rushed in and said Bella had been hurt again. Moore had rushed her to the clinic. Jax hadn’t even bothered with his truck; it’d take longer to move it from one parking lot to the other than for him to run there.
He blew through the front doors of the veterinary clinic, not bothering to stop at the desk, and went straight to the closed exam room door. His heart pounded in his ears, as his lungs worked overtime to supply the oxygen his body needed.
Bella. She had to be okay. They’d been babying her leg for weeks. Risa had said another two weeks and she’d be ready to train again. What the hell happened?
The room was empty, but the back door leading to the lab and X-ray was cracked open, so Jax marched through. His girl lay on her side, once again, with Risa by her side. Moore stood near the wall.
Dr. Lagasse walked in. “Chief Faraday. Good to see you again, although I wish it were under different circumstances.” He shook Jax’s hand and turned to Bella. “Seems our girl has had a rough couple of months.”
“Is she…” Jax swallowed and stared at Bella’s chest. “Is she going to be okay, Doc?”
Risa and Dr. Lagasse both looked at him and answered in unison. “Yes.”
All the air in his lungs—and it wasn’t much—rushed out. Jax had to bend over, with his hands on his knees, to keep his meager lunch from making its way back up. “Thank God.” He turned to other man in the room. “What the hell happened to my dog, Petty Officer Moore?”
Bella whimpered, and Jax shot Moore a look that told him they weren’t finished and he better not go far. He went to his girl, bending down so his face was even with hers. “Hey, how’s my sweet Belladonna?” He ran his hand down her head and neck, crooning reassurances.
Risa laid a hand on his shoulder. “Jax, we need to talk. Let’s go take a seat in the office? She’ll be okay. She’s sedated and will go back to sleep.” She whispered the last comment.
He nodded to Lagasse, followed Risa into the office, and let her close the door behind him. “She’s really okay, isn’t she?”
“Depends on your definition of ‘okay.’ She’ll recover.”
Jax pulled Risa to him and held her as a multitude of emotions rushed through his mind and body: terror, relief, grief, happiness, confusion.
Not even an hour ago, everything in his life had felt like it was on target. All his goals, dreams, and hopes within his reach.
When he thought he wouldn’t embarrass himself or Risa, he stepped back and nodded. “Tell me.”
“From what Moore said, he and Bella were at the obstacle course—”
“What the fuck was she doing there?” He raked his hand through his hair. “She wasn’t cleared to work or train.”
“You’ll have to ask Moore, but no, she wasn’t cleared.”
“How bad is it?”
“Moore said she was fine until he sent her up the dog walk. According to him, she jumped off the steps instead of running down them. Her back leg went out and she went down. The fracture wasn’t fully healed. It’s been slow to mend, and now she’s got a Grade Three rupture of the CCL.”
Jax dropped to the edge of the desk and tried to remember his biology class lectures. “English, Doc.”
Risa let out a deep breath and grabbed a chart showing the skeletal structure of a dog. “CCL stands for cranial cruciate ligament. Think of an ACL in a human. This is the dog version, and it connects the femur—your thighbone—to the tibia—your calf. Unfortunately, Grade Three is bad. If she goes untreated, it might heal on its own. If it doesn’t, she could develop bone spurs, arthritis, decreased range of motion, and be in excruciating pain.”
The idea of Bella suffering killed him. He’d been lucky when he’d injured his knee—sure, it had cost him a SEAL assignment, but a torn meniscus was still less pain and recovery than an ACL.
“What do you recommend?” he asked, already knowing the answer and dreading hearing Risa say it.
“Dr. Lagasse feels, and I agree, that she needs surgery if there’s any hope for a good quality of life. It’ll be two-to-three weeks before she’s able to bear weight on the leg, and a good eight before she can be allowed to exercise. She’s going to need round-the-clock care.” Her voice broke, and she looked away.
“You’re talking Texas?”
“There’s more. Given her recent mental and physical state, there’s a high chance she’ll be declared unfit to return to duty.”
Shit.
He did the math in his head. If they put her up for adoption, she’d be ready and released right around the time he got out. If he got the job—and it was a big maybe after today’s interview—he could ask his dad to take Bella while he was in training. He could do this and make it work. A lot could happen in the next couple of weeks.
“Will you do the surgery?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No. She’s going to be transported to an emergency animal hospital in about an hour. They’re trained and staffed for this. We’re not. They’ll keep her for about forty-eight hours and as long as she’s stable and alert, then she’ll be flown to the base in Texas, where the team down there will take over.”
Risa would keep him posted while Bella was here. Jax had a buddy in Texas who wouldn’t mind watching over Bella for him. He wouldn’t lose her.
“You still willing to write that recommendation that she be placed in my permanent care, Doc?”
“Of course, but does your apartment allow dogs?”
“No. Don’t worry, though, because that’s all going to change soon.” He slid his arm around her waist and tugged her in tightly between his legs. “Actually, there’s some other stuff I’d like to talk to you about. Tonight? If you’re free.”
“Give me a couple of hours to get Bella transferred and the paperwork done. I’ll grab us a pizza on the way home.”
He kissed her lightly on the mouth. “I’ll take care of dinner, but right now I need to get out there and be with my girl until she leaves.”
Especially if things went south, and he never saw her again.
* * * *
By the time Risa pulled into her driveway, it was nine p.m. and she was exhausted.
It had taken forever to approve the transfer paperwork for Bella, then to transport her to the animal hospital. Of course, Risa couldn’t—nor did she want to—drop her off and run. She stayed with Bella until she was settled in and sedated for the night. The night attendant had promised to call if anything happened.
It probably broke the rules, but she’d left not only her number, but Jax’s cellphone for updates. He’d been torn when he got called away before the transfer, and Risa could see that he was tempted not to respond. She got it, all of it.
The K-9 units were important to the military, and she understood the reasoning behind separating sailor and dog, but it didn’t always work. Bonds between partners, built on trust and unconditional love, were powerful forces. If it had been her, she would have been written up. Then again, she’d make a terrible warrior. All the enemy would have to do was bait her with any four-legged creature, and she’d risk her life for theirs.
Goodness knew her growing farm ruled her life most days.
Thankfully, her dad had been over earlier to work on the fencing and had taken care of feeding her crew. All she wanted was a shower and her bed. Until she spied Jax’s truck in her driveway, and then all ideas of sleep vanished and were replaced with other desires.
Risa followed the sound of soft music around to the back of the house and found Jax asleep on the two-man lounger with Athena and Eir at his sides and Morpheus on his chest. A low fire glowed in the pit and an open bottle of wine sat next to a clean glass. If she hadn’t already been falling for the guy, she would have tripped and fallen for him right then. Or at least taken a tumble a few feet down the slippery slope to love.
She poured the wine and took the empty chair after giving her girls the signal to stay. No telling what time Jax started his day or when he had arrived, but the guy had looked wiped out when he left the clinic.
Sitting there under the skies, she let the emotions of the day roll off of her. It was hard not to relax, given the setting and company. She pulled the blanket Jax had left on the back of the chair over her shoulders and propped up her feet on the ottoman. Surveying her property, she imagined it five years in the future, with the goat pen and horse paddock done, along with a landscaped sitting area like the ones seen on yard overhaul shows on TV. The house would be expanded to include another bedroom or two, plus a home office. Off to the side there would—hopefully—be a swing set, a playhouse, and possibly a munchkin or two playing.
But who would be the man at her side?
She studied Jax openly while he slept. Could he be the one? Granted, she was a little bit in love with him already. Not really love, but that like-lust feeling that had the potential to blossom into much more, given time.
He was whip-smart, with a great sense of humor, and loved animals. These were all musts on her requirement list. Add in good looks and rock-hard body that sent her body dancing with happy thoughts and naughty desires when he came near… neither a requirement, but nice bonuses. He was caring, compassionate, and dedicated to his job; all traits she admired. His one downfall that she could see was his being in the military. And while she knew she shouldn’t hold it against him—the man put his life on the line to defend their country—giving up on her dreams wasn’t easy, either.
“Hey, beautiful. When did you get home?” Jax’s voice was low and husky from sleep.
“Not long ago.” She brought him up to speed on Bella and assured him they’d hear in the morning how she was doing. “You look comfy.”
“Come join us.” He held out a hand and didn’t have to ask twice.
Risa scooted Eir over and snuggled into Jax’s side. “You didn’t have to wait for me, but not going to lie. All of this…” She waved a hand at the blanket, the fire and wine. “… is nice to come home to.”
“There’s more.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.” He kissed her, long and soft, rolling his body to line up with hers and making the dogs and Morpheus jump down. He looked at the dislodged pets and grinned. “Oops.”
“They’ll get over it.” She ran a finger down the side of his face before sinking her hands into his hair. “You look tired. Long day?”
“Always, but before we talk, you need to eat. Hold tight.” He scooted off the lounger and walked to the other side of the fire pit, carefully picking up a foil-wrapped package she hadn’t noticed earlier. Jax slid the contents onto a plate and handed it to her before reclaiming his spot.
Her stomach grumbled as the aroma of melted cheese and basil hit her senses.
“Yum, stromboli. One of my favorites,” she said around a mouthful of gooey goodness.
Jax refilled their wine glasses while she ate. The dogs resettled, and Morpheus stole her blanket. It didn’t get much better. They just needed Bella and their circle would be complete.
She set aside the empty plate. “It’s pretty much been a craptastic day, but I did have something good happen.”
“I could use some good news. Tell me.” He kissed her hand, which he’d linked with his.
“Dr. Lagasse is retiring and recommending me for his job.”
“That’s fantastic. We should be out celebrating.”
“Whoa, slow down, cowboy. It’s a little early yet. Lots of red tape to go through and hoops to clear first. For now, we can raise a glass to going after our dreams.”
“Sounds good.” He took a drink, kissed her, and cleared his throat. “Is that your dream, being the base vet?”
“Pretty much. I mean, if I get it, I’ll be the boss and it will be like having my own practice, just without all the start-up cost, insurance, or accounting headaches. Plus, it pays pretty well, which allows me to build up this place and live with my million-and-one furry babies. It’s also close to home. So, yeah. It is my dream job. What about you? What does Jackson Faraday want out of life?”
He was quiet for several long moments, and Risa began to think either he didn’t know or didn’t want to share with her. They were still pretty new in their relationship, so she could understand… a little.
“More.” His voice was soft, yet the word firm.
She didn’t really know how to respond. Instead, she took a sip of her wine before setting down the glass so Eir could climb up next to her.
“I want to be remembered for having made a difference in this life. I don’t want to just be a name on a headstone and, when people ask, the only answer is that I was a good guy, because they can’t remember a damn thing I did that mattered.”
She twisted around to look at him. “Jax, how could you even think that? You’ve been an MA for a dozen years, you’ve served your country, and you’re a freaking hero.”
“You’d say that to anyone serving.”
“Well, yes, because it’s true. But I bet you can’t tell me honestly that you’ve never helped anyone in need during that time. You’ve never helped an accident victim or saved a life? What have you been doing, writing speeding tickets all these years?”
“I did my job, Risa. Don’t make me out to be someone I’m not.”
“Tell me about your time overseas,” she asked quietly, knowing a lot of service members didn’t like to talk about those times.
“What’s to tell? It was hot, and there was a lot of sand.” He went silent, staring off into space for a couple of minutes. “What I remember the most is the people and their eyes. The way they’d watch us with extreme distrust, fear, and hope all mixed together.”
“Given the situation over there, I don’t think we can blame them.”
“It’s a hell of a way to live. The kids break your heart. In some villages, they were just kids, you know. Playing, laughing, doing kid stuff. In other places, they’re trying to kill you, and sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference between the two.” His voice came out hollow and distant, like he was no longer sitting next to her in the crisp fall air of New England, but back in the dry desert.
“Was it all bad?” She’d never thought Jax might suffer from PTSD, but the sound of his voice and the blank look on his face worried her.
He slipped his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. “Nothing is all bad if you don’t let it be. I had my brothers and sisters-in-arms and Bella at my side. Food and fresh water, most of the time, and a job to do, that I did well.”
“Not everyone can do what you did, Jax. Don’t make it less than it is.”
“There was this one time we were canvassing a village for unfriendlies. This little boy came running up to me. He couldn’t have been more than four or five. He yanked on my pant leg and pulled on me, trying to get me to follow. There was so much fear in his eyes. I didn’t know if he was afraid of me, of what would happen if I didn’t follow, or for someone else. I just knew Bella wasn’t worried about the kid.”
“What happened?”
“Against all my training, I went with him. And prayed.”
His body trembled beneath her palms and Risa knew he was back there, back in whatever hellhole he’d walked in on that day. She wanted to wrap him in her arms and make it all go away, but she was already holding him and he’d left her to slip into the memory.
“Jax, honey. You don’t have to talk about it,” she whispered, afraid to startle him.
The air whooshed out of him, and he looked deeply into her eyes. “Don’t worry, it has a happy ending.” The smile he gave her was as empty as the calories in a candy bar. “We came around a corner to an open doorway. Inside was this damn big guy beating on a woman. Huddled in the corner was an older couple, sheltering a little girl. I yelled for back-up and kicked his legs out from under him.”
He chuckled and wiped his face with his palm.
“The look on his face was priceless. Turns out the SOB was the unfriendly we were searching for and he’d been taken down by a toddler. He was trying to hide in the house, and the occupants didn’t want anything to do with him. They tried to kick him out, but he got violent. In the end, the good guys won and the woman he was beating on… she kicked him so hard in the nuts, he’s probably still singing soprano.”
Risa laughed for a minute, then reached up and guided Jax back to look at her. “See, you are a hero. And you definitely made a difference in that family’s life.”
He kissed her palm. “Yeah, but now I sit around a desk and write reports and schedules. I miss it.”
His words wrapped around her heart and squeezed with all their might. Now she knew what he meant by more. He wanted back in the thick of things, back in action, living at the tip of the spear. He wanted the danger and adrenaline. Things Risa couldn’t give him.
“Are you going back, Jax?”
He ran his hand down her arm and back up, soothing. “No. I think it’s time for a change. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. And I need to start with an apology because I should have brought this up sooner. I have just over three months until I reach my EOS—end of service—date.”
Risa might not have been totally up on Navy lingo, but she had a good idea what that term meant. “What happens then?”
“I’m not sure. I’m trying to figure it out now. The detailer wants me to stay in and send my ass to a small island in the middle of nowhere, but I think I’m due for something different, something that offers more. The problem is, I’ve been looking and I’ve had no takers yet.”
The words squeezed a little tighter around her heart. He was talking about leaving. She was right back to where she’d been that afternoon in the sandwich shop. Only that couldn’t have been Jax, because those guys said their chief had an interview and Jax just said no one wanted him. Except that wasn’t true, because she wanted him.
“Are you going to go back to Georgia?” She had to know, had to make sure.
“Oh hell, no.” He laughed. “Not if I want to keep my sanity. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but we do better when there’s some distance between us.”
She took a deep breath and sat up, putting some distance between them. It was the only way she could ask her next question. “I know it’s early, and I’m not trying to push. What does all this mean for us?”
“I can’t make any promises, Risa. Come the beginning of the year, I might be sleeping in the back of my truck, or flipping burgers, or hell, I don’t know. I had no right getting involved with you, dragging you into my mess of a life.”
“According to Fee, there is never a perfect time.”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you kicked me to the curb. Ball’s in your court.”
Did she want to play ball, knowing that the game could be cancelled before they reached the end? As much as it would hurt to end things with Jax now, every day that they were together would just up the level of pain when he left.
But that was the old Risa talking, the one afraid to live.
Live life to its fullest.
Take a risk.
Be happy or get hurt?
She’d never know the outcome if she didn’t try, if she didn’t put herself out there, open herself to love and be loved. He said he wasn’t going home.
“Are you planning to stay here?”
“It’s my goal.”
If she said no, told him to leave, she’d always wonder if she had that thing called love in the palm of her hand and had thrown it away out of fear.
“Goals are good.” She scooted forward and laced her fingers with his. “I don’t want you to leave, Jax. As a matter of fact, I’d like it very much if you stayed the night. I’d like to make love with you and wake up with you in the morning. I’d like to do that tonight, and tomorrow after work, we could drive up and check on your girl, then come back here and repeat it all over again. What do you say to that?”
He pulled her forward, making her fall against his chest, where she could feel his heart beating under her hand.
“Sounds like a plan.”