Chapter 17
It had been the longest and slowest week of Risa’s life. Full days at the clinic, running to the hospital to keep Dad company, then rushing home to feed the crew before she could drop into bed. And Jax had been right there by her side.
Loving her, holding her through the darkest moments, and keeping her from losing her ever-loving bloody mind from too much time spent with Mum.
But all that was about to change, because Dad was home now and they could get back to their regularly scheduled life… with modifications.
She hummed as she tucked the bed sheets around the man she’d compared every guy she’d ever dated to and thanked her lucky stars she still had him.
Dad took her hand to stop her. “Pumpkin, sit. You’ve been fussing since you arrived. Tell me about your day. How’s Harle and Totes doing? Did you give the pups a scratch behind the ear and Morpheus a treat for me?”
Exhaustion pulled at Risa the minute her butt hit the bed, but she mustered up a smile, truly happy. “Work was busy, but nothing unusual. The little demons are into everything and ate one of my socks. Yes, I gave the whole gang your love and made sure to tell them the treats were from Grandad.” She fussed some more, smoothing out the sheets and rearranging the dishes on his bed tray.
“How’s Jax?”
“He’s good, but you know that, because you saw him yesterday. So what are you really asking, Dad?”
“Nothing. You look happy.” He pushed away the low-fat, low-salt, no-flavor broth away that she’d been trying to get him to eat. “When you’re not frowning at me.”
“I’d be happier if you ate.”
“Bring me a steak with a loaded baked potato and I’ll eat.” He licked his lips like a child about to dig into an ice cream sundae.
Sadly, she’d have to disappoint him. “No can do. Doctor’s orders, and like you’ve told me before, you can’t have everything you want. So, decide. Life in the afterworld or gruel.”
“When you put it that way...” He chuckled and picked up the spoon. “So tell your old Dad. Is Jax the reason for that smile you’ve been wearing when you think no one is looking?”
“Dad, I don’t need a man to make me happy.” Although Jax did make her happier and definitely satisfied.
“That’s not what I asked. Are you in love with him?”
“It’s really way too early to banter around that word.” Not that she hadn’t thought it or tested it out quietly when no one else could hear.
“Bollocks, my girl. I knew by the end of my third date with your mother that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“Not all of us are fast and easy, Dad.” She winked and handed him the broth bowl he’d set down after two sips.
“Words every father wants to hear from his offspring.”
“I aim to please.”
“More words no father wants to hear, and you’re avoiding the question.”
“I learned from the best… Mum.” She paused. “I think I may be in love with him.”
She was pretty sure what she felt was the real deal. It was nothing like anything she’d experienced before. But honestly, how did one know? How could she tell if it was love or lust? She’d thought she’d been in love with Troy. Look how that turned out. Definitely not the capital L word, unless that meant “loathing.” Then, yes, what she had felt for Troy had been the great, big, bold, capital L word.
Dad sighed and tugged on a rogue strand of hair that had escaped her band. “You’re overthinking.”
“Fine. Enlighten me with your wisdom. How do you know it’s the real deal and not wishful thinking or hormones on overdrive?”
“It’s different for everyone. Some people love quietly, others loud and passionately and some fall in the middle, like your mother and me.”
She rolled her eyes at him and pushed him the broth he kept setting down.
“Okay, let me ask you this. Does he make your heart skip a beat when you think of him or hear his voice or even just hear his name? What did you feel a few minutes ago when I said his name?”
Good question. She gave it some serious thought before responding. “Several things. Warm and safe, like I’d been wrapped up in my favorite blanket. A little giddy, like the day I graduated. You know, excited and scared at the same time.”
“When you wake up in the morning, what’s your first thought?”
Oh man, no way her father wanted to hear those words.
“You mean after I push Morpheus’s large butt off my chest?” She laughed at his grin. It was good to see his mood picking up. “I guess I think about Jax and wonder what he’s doing.”
“Last thing at night, when you close your eyes, what do you see?”
Again, not words she should utter to Dad. So she went with a modified version.
“Jax’s smile.”
“When you picture your life five years from now, who do you see in the picture with you?” His voice was soft, and Dad had a dreamy look on his face, like he was picturing walking her down the aisle already.
“It’s a little fuzzy, but it might be that French veterinarian Mum wanted me to meet. Oh, no, wait… it’s a pony.”
She moved the tray out of the way and sat back down. Tears rose up, stinging the back of her eyes. A lump in her throat made it hard to breathe. Unable to hold back any longer, she lay her head carefully on her dad’s chest and let the tears fall as she hugged him.
“It’s going to be okay, Pumpkin.” He ran his hand lovingly over her head, like he used to do when she was a child.
Risa swallowed the last of the tears and sat up. “I know. You scared me, Dad. Don’t do it again, okay?”
“Guess I should cancel my plans to clean the gutters today.”
“Not funny.”
“You made me eat gruel. I can tease.” He took her hand and held on. She studied their joined hands, noting the similarities and differences. Same shape and short forefinger, but even now his hands engulfed hers. She couldn’t imagine a life without him there to support and guide her.
“Get used to it,” she teased. “The doctor said you have to change your diet. So no more Patriot Popovers, bacon, cheese, or ice cream, and you need to get more rest. Tomorrow I’m calling a handyman to finish the goat pen.”
“Someone should shoot me now. No bacon?”
She gave him the evil eye, then smiled. “Maybe on special occasions, but Dad, you really do need to take better care of yourself.”
“I know, and your mother and I have talked about making a lot of changes. For one, I’m going to drop my papers and retire now instead of waiting until January. The other is, we’re going to put up the house for sale and move to Arizona as soon as the doctor clears me. I don’t think I can handle shoveling snow this season.”
Oh, God. She was going to cry again. No. She wasn’t going to add to his stress. She plastered a smile on her face and kissed his cheek.
“I think that’s a brilliant idea, Dad. I better let you rest before Mum comes in and yells at me for tiring you out. I’ll come by tomorrow, and I’ll bring the pups with me.”
She gave him another quick kiss on the cheek and left. His eyes closed before she’d even walked out of the room.
“Risa, love.” Mum stopped her before she made it out the front door. “Did your father tell you?”
“That you’re abandoning me? Yep.”
Mum’s face clenched up.
“Relax, Mum. I think it’s a brilliant plan, but I will miss you both.”
“You have Jackson now. It’s not like you’ll be alone,” Mum said in a tight voice.
“Don’t start on the guest list yet,” Risa said.
“Please, I think I know when my daughter is in love.”
“You, too? Is that your plan? Marry me off to Jax, and then you can move without worrying about me?” Risa laughed. Was she suddenly back in the Middle Ages? “Mum, I can take care of myself, and I’ll be fine. Arizona will be great for the two of you. Dad can golf and you can paint sunsets over the red hills.”
“But you’ll be alone,” Mum said.
“I’ve been on my own since I graduated. I own my own home, have a steady job, and I’m not alone. I have my crew and Fiona and Dylan. You’ve done your job. Now it’s time to reap in the rewards and enjoy your golden years, or whatever they’re called.”
Mum, never a big hugger, placed both hands on Risa’s shoulders and looked her in the eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”
Mum might drive her mad, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t miss her just as much as she would Dad. Genuine concern filled Mum’s eyes and Risa knew that no matter what happened from here on out, she’d be fine.
She smiled, feeling lighter than she had in years in regards to her relationship with this woman. “Mum, you’ve been prepping me to be an independent woman since I was out of nappies. Don’t you think it’s time to remove the bumper pads and see how well you did?”
Mum hugged her. Not a quick “see-I-love-you” kind of hug, but one that shook Risa to her toes and went on a tad too long. Risa thought her mother would never let go. “I’m going to miss you, love.”
“Of course you are.”
* * * *
Jax stared at the phone receiver as he hung up from the call. For months, he’d been waiting for this moment and now that it had arrived, he was numb. Saying yes to the offer was a no-brainer, but was it worth the risk?
“Yo, Jax, I need a favor.” Casey stopped in mid-stride as he took in the look on Jax’s face. “Okay, tell me. What’s the bad news?”
Jax refocused. “What are you talking about?”
“Dude, you look like… Shit. Bella?”
“Bella’s fine.” Although this was another wrench in his plans to adopt her. Jax ran his hand through his hair and blew out a deep sigh. “I got the job.”
“Congrats. Bobbie’s Burger Barn is lucky to have you, but I’m still not eating their crap-burgers.” Casey dropped into his chair and kicked back with his feet on the edge of his desk. “By the look on your face, I thought something bad had happened. Then again, working at the Triple B…”
“Shove it, Casey. I’m talking NCIS. Actually, I got two offers today. The first came in from the Jacksonville PD, and for a while I thought I’d have to take it. Granted, my mom would have been thrilled.”
“Seriously, Jax, that’s fantastic news. They’re lucky to get you. Any chance you’ll be stationed in Pensacola?” The smile slipped briefly from Casey’s face, before he caught it and tossed the stress ball from his desk to Jax.
Jax caught the ball and sent it flying back.
They had told him where he’d be stationed first when they offered him the job, but he wanted to share that news with someone else first. Suddenly anxious to see Risa, Jax jumped up and grabbed his keys and cover. “I’ll fill you in later. I need to go see someone.”
“She’s not there.”
“How do you know?”
“I saw her leave the base earlier and her car’s not in the clinic’s parking lot. Besides, you can’t spring this kind of news on her at work. You need to wine, dine, and romance her so when you drop the bombshell that you’re leaving, she won’t rip out your heart.”
Jax dropped his stuff on the desk and scowled. “It’s not like that with us.”
“You think she’s going to wait around for you when you ship off to Glynco for, what, two, three, four months? Have you seen the doc? She ain’t no dog, and I guarantee the minute you’re gone, some other guy is going to be sniffing around.”
Jax ground his teeth and met his friend’s gaze. “Is that some other guy you, Casey?”
Casey laughed. “Don’t get me wrong. Risa’s hot, but hell to the no. I’ve got enough problems with Colette cyberstalking me.”
The ball flew at him, and Jax caught it one-handed. Sitting on the edge of his desk, he squeezed the ball as he thought about Casey’s words. “Have you tried telling her to leave you alone? That you’re not interested?”
Casey held up his hand and Jax tossed the ball back.
“You didn’t, did you? You’re thinking of getting back with Colette?”
His friend ignored his questions and sent him a fast ball; it was their usual thing when working out problems.
“Okay, here’s my question. Are you dropping Risa? Or are you planning to make this long term?”
Long term? That made it sound like death approaching. He didn’t know what he planned. He simply knew he wasn’t ready to walk away or call it quits, and he couldn’t see why taking the job—his dream job—meant it had to end. Did he see himself getting down on bended knee? He didn’t know about that, but he did know he didn’t want to think about Risa not being in his life.
“Training is only a couple of months. She’ll wait.” At least, he thought she would. They hadn’t really talked about the future except that one time and then her dad had the heart attack, and he didn’t want to add to her stress.
“Make reservations somewhere nice—Latitude’s—wait until dessert, and tell her the good news then. And trust me, don’t lead off with ‘I’m leaving.’”
* * * *
Risa loved her place surrounded by woods, but a girl could get used to the view before her: lights twinkling over the Thames River—not to be confused with London’s River Thames—and Jax.
Except Jax had been acting weird since he’d called that afternoon and asked her out. Nervous, distant, trying too hard… definitely not himself. After all the talk from her parents about the giant L word, she was a bit on the anxious side, too. Still, the man looked good. He’d worn slacks, a silver button-down shirt opened at the collar that brought out the blue in his eyes, and a suit jacket. If she’d thought he looked sexy as sin in his uniform, Jax in a suit should be downright illegal.
“Dad came home from the hospital today,” she announced. “He asked after you.”
“That’s great. I’ll have to stop by and see him.”
“Don’t be surprised if he puts you to work cleaning gutters.”
“Happy to help in any way that I can.”
What happened to their easygoing conversations? The relaxed, fun banter? It was there that morning when he’d woken her with slow kisses and roving hands.
“You might not want to tell either of them that, or you may find yourself their handyman for the next couple of weeks. Although Mum would probably pay you in baked goods, and her melting biscuits and cream tea cakes are heavenly.”
Jax perked up. “If cookies are involved, I will slave away.”
“Good to know.” Risa smiled and ran her finger lightly over his arm. “I have this goat pen that needs finishing before the cold sets in and Harle eats the rest of my undergarments. So if you’re looking for a side gig… But in full disclosure, I’m not that great at baking, except for popovers.”
Jax lifted her hand and nibbled his way across the knuckles and around to the soft spot on the back of her wrist. “Personally, I’m a fan of your cookies.”
Warmth rushed through her body, flooding her core and setting her face on fire. She took a sip of ice water and glanced around to see if anyone overheard them.
“Jackson Faraday, you are a bad boy.”
“You have no idea, but I’m willing to demonstrate.”
The waiter took that moment to show up and rattle off the specials and take their drink order. Risa slipped her hand out of Jax’s grasp and sat back. She kicked off one of her pumps and ran her foot up Jax’s leg.
“I think we better behave before we get kicked out.”
“Worth it, though,” Jax said.
The playful teasing continued until the waiter dropped off their drinks and appetizers. Somewhere in those few moments, she’d lost him again. Across the grounds, under a big tent, a couple stood in full wedding regalia, and Jax stared at them. Risa’s heart tripped. Was that what tonight was about? Was he going to pop the question?
Oh God, oh God, oh God. Although she wasn’t sure if she was asking for divine intervention or a blessing.
“They’re moving,” she blurted out. She loved Jax, really, she had no doubt after her conversation with Dad, but she didn’t know if she were ready for a giant leap into matrimony.
Jax looked at her, puzzled.
“My parents, not the bride and groom. Of course, they might be too. I don’t know them, but that’s common, right? Anyway, Mum and Dad told me today. They’re packing up and heading south.” She was rambling, which was better than stuttering yes or no.
“I’m sorry, Risa. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’ll miss them, of course. You know how it is. At the same time, I know this is the best thing for both of them. Dad’s heart attack… Anyway, there’s that.”
The tears were back. Couldn’t the bloody things leave her alone? She’d never been much of a crier before. Must be all the stress from the last couple of months. Time to change the subject before she really botched up their evening.
“You said on the phone, you had good news to share. So share.” She propped her chin on her linked fingers and gave Jax all her focus.
“It’s nothing important.” His gaze drifted to the big tent again. “How about Saturday I get working on the goat pen? We wouldn’t want Harle eating your underwear. Hey, what am I saying? Maybe we should hold off putting them outside. They’re still young.”
Risa laughed and rolled her eyes. “You are terrible and, no, I don’t think I want to go commando under my scrubs. Saturday it is. Now, tell me, what was your news?”
The waiter arrived with their entrees. Jax complimented the food and made small talk with him until another waiter gave them the evil eye. He dug into his food like he hadn’t eaten in days. Risa pushed her food around the plate. If she took a bite, she was afraid it’d come right back up or stick in her bone-dry throat.
Jax looked up from his steak. He pointed at her untouched food with his fork. “Something wrong with your chicken? We can send it back.”
Risa set down her silverware. “No, it’s fine. My stomach’s a little off right now.” She reached out to still his hand as he went to stab another piece of meat. “Jax, please forget I even brought up my parents. Tell me.”
He sat his fork and knife carefully on the edge of his plate. “I was offered a job today.”
“That’s great news. Why wouldn’t you want to tell me that? This is a celebration. I say we ditch the adult food and order the raspberry cheesecake tacos.”
“We can do that.”
“Yay, cheesecake. So tell me about it.” All of her earlier worries faded away. Everything would be just fine. She didn’t have to worry about Jax moving away. He could find a place that had room for dogs and adopt Bella. They could see where this thing between them went. No more worries. Plus, they were having cheesecake, and who didn’t like the creamy goodness of cheesecake?
“It’s a great opportunity with lots of room for advancement. Good pay, better than what I’m making now, with all the benefits. And it’s something I’ve been working toward for years.”
She reached out and intertwined her fingers with his. “Jax, that’s fabulous. Is it with one of the casinos around here, or the state patrol?”
“No.” He released her hand to call the waiter over, and ordered dessert. When they were alone again, he looked up with worry etched deep on his face. “It’s federal law enforcement. NCIS, actually.”
The world around her spun, making Risa grab the edge of the table. Her empty stomach lurched. He was leaving. He’d brought her to a public place to dump her and avoid a scene. How cliché was that? Her stomach lurched again, and her hand flew up to cover her mouth.
“Jax, that’s great news.” Acid churned and worked its way up her throat. “Can you excuse me? I need to run to the ladies’ room.”
She didn’t wait for his response; instead she bolted inside and ran to the restroom. Her head pounded. Tears burned. The world spun around her. How could she have been so stupid as to get involved with a guy in the military? They left. They always left, and to think he would stay around here was naïve and shortsighted.
Her stomach continued to bubble and churn. There was no way she could return to the table and act like nothing was wrong. Not when everything was falling apart. Jax was leaving. Her parents were leaving.
What had the two young sailors said in the sandwich shop? He’d be home for Christmas.
She couldn’t think about it. Right now she had two options: leave, or return to the table and pray her cheesecake stayed down. Her insides revolted at the thought of food. Home it was.
A woman entered the restroom and looked at her. “Are you okay? You look a little green.”
“Don’t worry.” Risa wrapped an arm around her middle half. “It’s not from the food here. Cramps.”
Risa bolted for the front door, thankful she’d driven herself. In the privacy of her car she sent Jax a text and explained she wasn’t feeling well, sorry to abandon him, but it was probably for the best that they just made a clean break of things now. She took a minute to wipe the tears streaming down her cheeks, then wished him the best with his new career.
At home, Risa went through the motions of taking care of her crew, made herself a cup of tea, and crawled into bed.
Sensing her mood, the dogs crawled up on the bed, Athena on one side and Eir on the other. Morpheus, not to be outdone, planted his royal behind on the pillow and rubbed his head against Risa’s. She took turns giving each of them attention.
“Thanks, gang. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Give me a few days to get over being a fool, and then we’ll be back to normal. It’s just hard.” She sniffed back more tears; so sick of emotions she wanted to scream
“Everything’s going to be okay,” she crooned, more for herself than the animals. “People come and go, and clearly Jax wasn’t meant to stay in our lives forever. We’ll be happy we had this time with him and wish him the best. Ah, Eir, there’s no point in feeling sorry for ourselves,” she told her sweet terrier.
She wasn’t the only one who fell for Jax.
“We’ll let this stand as a life lesson. Trust your gut next time, not your heart. And no more dating guys in the military, even if they have amazing hazel eyes and love you all as much as I do. Not even if they make me all tingly inside, or laugh at my stupid jokes. No more exceptions.”
Her phone rang with the ring tone “A Thousand Years.”
Jax.
Of all the songs to choose from, why did she have to pick that one?
The tears she’d been fighting back burst forth in great, big sobbing wracks of pain. She snuggled deeper into her pillow and let all the pain and heartache flow from her body. It would hurt, not having Jax in her life anymore. In time she’d get over him, maybe even forget her stupid visions of him by her side years from now. Maybe in time she wouldn’t look around her house and see only memories of the two of them together, or remember what it felt like when his hands caressed her.
From there on out, there’d be no more exceptions to her rule.
Not even if her heart said otherwise.