Chapter 14
No. 1
All assignments are to be satisfactorily completed before an Everton lady is permitted to leave her post.
—The Everton Companion
Rules of Conduct
She was leaving him, and there was nothing he could do about it. Markus had tried to talk to Phoebe, but she had sent him away. All day long the trunks were packed and things were made ready for her and Honoria to leave the next day. It might have been wrong, but he hoped the carriage would throw a wheel and keep her at Rosefield a few days longer.
Memories of one beautiful night ran wild in his mind as he stared at the ceiling above his bed. Phoebe’s skin was silk and she responded to him as if they have been created for each other. Why couldn’t she see that? Her strange sense of honor was keeping them apart, and he didn’t know how to change her mind.
Markus tossed the blankets aside and pulled on his breeches and blouse before tromping down to the kitchen. The flickering candlelight stopped him on the servants’ stairs. He eased down the remaining steps and peeked around the open doorway.
Head in her hand, she bit into a forkful of pie. Red hair cascaded over her arm and down her shoulders. Knowing its texture made him hard just at the thought of touching her. The candle glinted off a tear rolling down her cheek.
“Why are you crying?” He only whispered the question, but she jumped. Putting up both hands in surrender, he said, “I did not mean to frighten you.”
“I thought you had come and gone.” She took another bite of pie, but there was no joy in her face as she ate. Still, her skin gleamed in the flickering candlelight and she looked like a sad goddess of the night.
He sat next to her, took the fork from her, and leaned it on the edge of the plate. “You are sad because you are leaving yet I have asked you to stay.”
Wiping her face, she sat up straight and pulled her shoulders back. “This is my third assignment and it is always emotional as they draw to an end.”
Her words injured him but he was coming to understand this was her brave face. “Then you would tell me Rosefield has been no different from any other Everton posting?”
A deep breath brought her breasts to the edge of her shift as she leaned against him. “You know that is not true, Markus. No assignment will ever compare to being here with you and Elizabeth.”
Joy burst inside him and he wrapped his arm around her. “Then stay, sweetheart. Stay here with us.”
“I cannot. If you knew how much I wish things were different and how this is killing me, Markus, you would stop pursuing me.” With another deep breath, she sat up away from him. “I have made my choice. I am an Everton lady. I come into a home and sort out the family’s problems, then I leave and move on to the next assignment. It is a good life for a girl like me. When you remarry, is should be to a young girl from a substantial family. Someone who can add value to your home. I am on the shelf. This is no place for me.”
He turned the chair to face her, grabbed the side edge of her chair, and pulled until the wooden seats met with a knock.
Phoebe gasped, wide-eyed, and stared at him.
“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I do not care about your dowry and I certainly would not call you old.”
She tried to pull away, but he held her shoulders. “You might not, but many would. People would say that I trapped you into marrying me. Eventually you would resent me. What happened between us is no reason to remain together. I will not marry you.”
“I cannot pretend to understand your decision.” He threaded his fingers through her hair and cupped the back of her head while pulling her into him with his other arm around her waist. “I see that what I want is not important. Your happiness is what is most concerning, and so out of respect for you, I will abide your wishes.”
“Thank you.” The words were a sad whisper with no force behind them.
Lowering his head, he kept his gaze locked with hers until their lips met.
She sighed into the kiss and he deepened it. Breath and body merged in a way he could compare to nothing else. Everything around him tightened to the one point where Phoebe was his. He made love to her lips the way he wished he could take her body. A lifetime of loving mashed into the few moments with Phoebe in his arms.
Every sigh and pant from her brought him joy and sorrow. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and toyed with the hair at the back of his neck. Her touch set him on fire, branding him with her mark and tearing out his soul.
Sweet berry pie mixed with the warm taste of Phoebe overwhelmed his senses. His shaft tightened despite the knowledge he would get no relief. One last kiss was all it was.
Her tears mixed with salty remorse as he broke the contact. “I wish things were different. If you change your mind, I will honor my offer. Do not hesitate to contact me.”
Lips parted and blinking at him so innocently, she was irresistible. “I shall not change my mind. You are a good man, Markus. Find a suitable wife and a mother for Elizabeth and be happy.”
There was nothing left to say and his breaking heart held his tongue.
Phoebe slid off the opposite side of the chair and ran from the kitchen.
Head on his arm, he held his emotions in check. No good would come from mourning Phoebe, but this hurt almost as badly as losing Emma had. Every moment since she came into his life rolled around in his head. He searched for what he could have done differently to make her want to stay with him, but no epiphany came.
The sun peeked through the servants’ door as Becca let the dairyman in with the milk and cheese. They stopped and stared at him. Becca said, “My lord, are you all right?”
Drawing a painful breath, he stood. “Fine.”
“Can I get you something? I can have coffee for you in a few minutes.” She rushed to the stove.
Markus walked to the door. “No. Nothing, Becca. I should go and start my day.”
Instead of heading toward his bedroom, he crossed to the far end of the lower level and passed through a stone hallway to the wine cellar. Wine and brandy lined one wall in the perfectly temperate stone cellar. All he had to do was uncork a few and swallow away his pain. He ran his hand along the finest vintage and his mouth watered for a taste. Perhaps he could just have one glass to take the edge off. He might get through the day if he was just a little numb.
“It’s early for a drink,” Thomas said from the bottom step.
“Yes. I know.” He swallowed and closed his eyes, hoping the need for drink would pass.
Thomas slapped his back. “Your very fine cook has some nice coffee brewing and food is in the works. Might be best if we went upstairs. I have taken the liberty of asking Blakely to have your bath drawn.”
God, how he wanted a drink, but to have one would mean breaking his promise to Phoebe. Was her leaving reason enough to break his word? And what of his commitment to Elizabeth? “That was kind of you, Tom.”
“Do you want to talk about whatever sent you into the cellar at dawn?” Thomas had always been the friend they could all tell their problems to. He was always there for his friends.
Markus had not been available to Thomas when he was in need. Another mistake he would have to make up for. “Miss Hallsmith is leaving.”
“Do you still have need of her?” Thomas sat on the steps.
Markus clutched his elbows, hoping it would keep him from reaching for a bottle. “Not perhaps in the way you mean.”
“Oh? Are you in love with Miss Hallsmith?”
Guilt and horror assaulted him. “I love Emma.”
Cocking his head to one side, Thomas said, “Do you not think it is possible to love Emma and be in love with Phoebe?”
In the years he had loved Emma, another woman had never entered his mind in a romantic way. Not until Phoebe Hallsmith barged in and took over. Loving Emma was all consuming. “I do not know. I have loved Emma for so long.”
With a nod, Thomas smiled. “You shall always love Emma. There is no reason you should stop, and I doubt Phoebe would ask that of you. As I understand it from your mother, Phoebe was a great friend of Emma’s. If you love her, you might want to tell her.”
“She is probably loading her carriage now. I asked her to stay and she refused. There is some silly code within the Everton Domestic Society that prohibits her from staying after her work is done.”
Thomas shifted his feet. “Perhaps it is best to deal with one issue at a time. This cellar is cold and uncomfortable. Come upstairs and have a bath and break your fast. You can deal with your feelings for Miss Hallsmith later. She is only going to London. It is not as if she is leaving the country.”
Hope edged into Markus’s despair like an unwanted fiend. He turned back to the bottles. “Can you do something for me, Tom?”
“Anything.” Thomas straightened his morning coat.
“Can you have all of this removed from Rosefield?” He gestured toward the wall of temptation.
A wide smile spread across Thomas’s face. “It will be my pleasure, Markus. I have to say I am very proud of you.”
“Thank you.” Markus trudged up the steps forcing his desire for drink down. “I think that bath is just the thing, followed by a good meal.”
Without commenting on the flurry of activity as Phoebe and Honoria made to leave, Markus went up the steps. He paused as he passed Honoria on the stairs. Her dark blue dress, cut with a nod to the Navy, she was more appropriately dressed than he’d ever seen her. “I wish you a safe journey, my lady.”
“Thank you, my lord. I am sorry to see this assignment come to an end. I have enjoyed my time here at Rosefield. You have a lovely home. I hope you will spend more time here in the future.” She made a pretty curtsy, considering they stood at the center of the steps.
“Your presence here has been a wonderful addition. You may consider yourself family and feel free to return any time. Elizabeth and I would be happy to see you again.”
“That is most kind. I would enjoy seeing you both again. Now I must go and find Mr. Duck and say my goodbyes.”
“Duck?” Markus was constantly surprised by the old groundskeeper.
She blushed. “He is quite good company and a fine friend.”
Taking her hand, he bowed over it. “Best of luck to you.”
“You will find Miss Hallsmith is finalizing her packing in her room.”
“The lady has made it clear she does not wish to see me.”
She patted his cheek. “You know nothing of women.” With a giggle, she trotted down the steps and went toward the garden in search of Duck.
At the top of the stairs, he hesitated. Knowing he should ring for Blakely and not come out of his bath until Phoebe was long gone did not stop him from walking to her bedroom door. He stood outside, sad that soon this room would just be a guest room and not where his sweet Phoebe spent restless nights. He knocked.
“Yes, come in.”
Opening the door bathed him in her clean fresh scent. She stood by the window staring out into the gardens while Arwen fussed over her trunk.
Arwen curtsied and excused herself.
A long sigh escaped Phoebe as she turned toward him. “We are ready to take our leave of you.”
It was proper to keep the door open when visiting a lady without a chaperon, but Markus closed the door. He crossed to her and wrapped her in his arms.
She threaded her fingers through his hair and toyed with the curls at the back of his neck.
Kissing her cheek, her chin, then capturing her lips, he reveled in the moan that merged with his own. There was perfection in their kisses and the way their bodies fit together. Breaking the kiss, he breathed her in. “I wish you all the happiness you can stand, Phoebe. I want only good for you.”
“And I for you, Markus. You and Elizabeth will be better now. I am confident you have turned a corner and will never go back.”
If he lied, he could force her to stay. Tell her that he would slide back into his former drunkenness and she would feel compelled to remain. He tucked her silken hair behind her ear. “I will be the model father. You have nothing to worry about.”
Lifting on her toes, she pressed her lips to his. Tears ran freely down her face but she smiled. “I will miss you.”
“My offer still stands….”
Before he could renew the offer in words, she pressed her fingers to his lips. “No. I am an Everton lady and it is time to return to London. You have everything in order here.”
Stepping out of his embrace, she patted her hair and brushed out her gray skirt. “Goodbye, my lord.”
He watched as she stepped around him and walked to the door. “I have not changed my mind either, Phoebe. My offer still stands should you change your mind.”
Back to him, she paused for a heartbeat. Shoulders straight, she opened the door and walked out of his life.
* * * *
Despite his need for Phoebe, Markus struggled with the idea of romantic love with anyone but Emma. After his bath, he went downstairs to break his fast.
Mother, Dory, Thomas, and Elizabeth all sat eating.
Miss Cavot fed Elizabeth, who played with as much food as she ate. The new nanny smiled and spoke in low tones as she coaxed more food into her.
Dory smiled. “I rather like this tradition of having Elizabeth at the table. Mother and I have decided breaking our fasts should be done here rather than in our rooms.”
Markus sat and a footman brought his coffee. “I am surprised you approve, Mother. When we were young you always took your breakfast in your room.”
“As Dorothea said, your tradition appeals to me. It is comforting to see one’s family in the morning over a meal.” Margaret sipped her coffee and watched him over the rim of the cup. “Miss Hallsmith did a remarkable job. I was sorry to see her go so early this morning.”
“She will be starving by the time they reach London,” Dory said.
Markus held his breath until the pain ebbed. “She did not break her fast?”
Dory shook her head. “Lady Chervil stopped in for a bite to eat, but Miss Hallsmith only said her goodbyes and out the door she went. Surely, she will have another assignment in short order. She really is magnificent at her job.”
Jared Blunt entered the breakfast room and bowed. “Sir, I know you said I could not bother Miss Hallsmith, but I need to speak to her.”
Fingers itching to strangle Blunt’s skinny neck, Markus took the offered newspaper from Thomas. “You will have to go to London if you want to speak to her, Blunt. I no longer have command over who bothers Miss Hallsmith.”
Wide-eyed and mouth agape, Jared Blunt stammered. “She is gone?”
“To London.” Markus read the same sentence about some ninny who was engaged to an earl for the sixth time.
Blunt masked his features and stood straight. “I must request some time away, my lord.”
It was within Markus’s power to keep at least one suitor away from Phoebe, but if she wanted Blunt, she should have him. “Take what time you need. I can manage awhile without you.”
With a bow, Blunt ran from the room.
Markus ate a bite of toast and drank his coffee before excusing himself to hide away in his study. The mountain of work forced on him by his father’s negligence and his own was staggering and would keep his mind off Phoebe and her suitors.
He’d barely read a paragraph of a late notice from the magistrate when his mother walked in without knocking.
He stood. “Mother, is something wrong?”
It might have been the first time he’d ever seen his mother at a loss for what to say. She circled the room then stopped at the window and stared into the garden. A light snow blew snow flurries in all directions. “I am fond of Miss Hallsmith.”
Unsure why his mother made the statement, Markus waited for more information. When none came, he said, “I am fond of her as well.”
“Did you ruin her?” Here was the mother he knew. Direct and insulting but thoroughly observant.
“I do not believe that is an appropriate question. However, if I had, Mother, you can be sure I would have done the right thing and made the lady an offer of marriage.” His heart beat as if he were back in front of the headmaster at Eton after hitting Wormwood with a bat.
Finally, she walked to the desk and sat facing him. “I thought she would be good for you and my granddaughter.”
He eased into his chair, wary of where this conversation was going. “And you were right. Going to Everton to help me sort through things was an excellent idea. I appreciate what you have done, Mother.”
“I chose Miss Phoebe Hallsmith specifically because she has always had a strong will. I never liked her mother much, but the girl always struck me as sensible and smart.” Mother picked a piece of lint from her royal blue skirt.
“What are you getting at?”
“Why did she leave?”
“Her obligation here was fulfilled. Miss Cavot’s arrival and success with Elizabeth was the last duty she felt necessary, and now she will take on some other chore with some other family.” It hurt to say the words. Phoebe was more than an Everton lady. She’d ripped his heart from his chest and taken it to London with her.
“It pains me to say that I raised an idiot, but there it is. That girl was perfect for you. You clearly have feelings for her yet you let her get away and be courted by that secretary, and from what the servants tell me there is an old fiancé sniffing at her skirts as well.”
“Mother, it is none of your business, but I asked her to stay. Miss Hallsmith declined. What would you have me do, chain her to the house? Lock her in a dungeon?”
Whatever Mother opened her mouth to say was stopped by a knock on the door and Elizabeth running in. Her pale yellow dress floated around her.
Miss Cavot stood at the threshold, red-faced. “I am sorry, my lord. She is due for a nap, but became hysterical and ran to your door.”
Markus picked Elizabeth up and put her on his lap. “It is all right, Miss Cavot. You may leave her with me. I will take her up for her nap in a few minutes.”
The door closed and Markus leaned down, taking in the sweet scent of her hair. Perhaps his heart was not dead after all. He certainly had room for Elizabeth. More than enough room, in fact. “What seems to be the trouble, Elizabeth?”
She turned her cherub face toward him. Eyebrows drawn down and nose scrunched up, she opened her mouth. “Papa, want Fee.”
Though her words stung, the fact that she had said them forced joy into his heart until he thought he might drown in it. He wanted to dance around the house screaming about her having spoken, but he feared that might quiet her again. Pretending her speaking was normal would be best. “I am certain you miss Phoebe, as we all do, Elizabeth. She has gone back to her own life and we have much to do here at home.”
Elizabeth stuck her thumb in her mouth and leaned her head on his chest. “Fee,” she said around her thumb.
Daring to glance at Mother, he saw her raised eyebrows in that I told you so way she had. “I will be in the small parlor if you need me. I have several letters to write.”
“I will see you at luncheon, Mother.”
With a nod, she left the study and closed the door behind her.
“If the weather improves in the next day or two, I think you and I should go and visit your mother, Elizabeth. I have been negligent in visiting and you have never been. I have much to atone for.” His mother was right. He was an idiot. So many things he should have done, but instead he drank, let his father run his inheritance into the ground, ignored his daughter, and let Phoebe Hallsmith walk away.
Holding Elizabeth with one arm, he jotted a note to James Hardwig asking if there was any progress finding Father. He addressed it to Bow Street and left it on the tray to be posted. “Time for your nap, Elizabeth.”
“Papa.” Her voice was scratchy but high and sweet.
It was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. “I am very pleased to hear you call me that. Do you like your new nanny?”
She nodded. “Nice, Winny.”
Chuckling, he lifted her and headed toward the nursery.
Miss Cavot waited with a pleasant smile and the serenity that hovered around her. “Ready for a nap now, Miss?”
Elizabeth went to her willingly but mumbled something about Fee before Markus made his escape. Aching on the inside, he changed his clothes and went to the barn. A good long ride on a cool day would take one redhead off his mind. At least he hoped so. He waved to Duck, who put feed in the chicken coop.
A boy with pale skin and a shock of dark hair ran into the yard. “Mi’lord?”
“I need a horse saddled.”
“Yes, Sir.” He turned.
“What is your name, boy?” It was time he stopped thinking of everyone as the new stableboy or the new maid. This was his home, and he needed to know the people in it. He made a note to have the staff gathered for proper introductions and a short chat with each.
“Wyatt, mi’lord. I just come to work for you a week ago.” His hair fell over his eyes and he brushed it back.
“Welcome to Rosefield, Wyatt. I am sure you will be a worthy addition to the staff.”
Wyatt gave a toothy grin and ran into the barn.
Leaning on the fence that surrounded the stable yard, Markus shivered. Winter would be there any day. It had been teasing for some time. Emma’s roses were cut back and nothing bloomed any longer. London would be quiet. What would Phoebe do for the long, cold months? Who would protect her from Durnst and Blunt?
Knowing she didn’t need his protection didn’t make him feel any less responsible. If only he could discover why she wouldn’t stay. It could be that he was too much work and she had done all she could. Yet she was not without desire for him. Phoebe was not the type to share herself with a man she did not care for.
“Your horse, my lord.” Wyatt handed him the reins.
Markus jumped into the saddle. “Thank you.”
When Wyatt opened the gate, Markus trotted out and kept a slow pace for a mile or so before he kicked the horse into a gallop. The cold air whipped his cheeks and made his eyes tear. The panting horse forced Markus to slow at the far end of his property.
George Harper strode down the road toward him. “Good afternoon, my lord. Are you well? You look a bit…”
Leaving the sentence unfinished was a kindness. Wet streaks nearly froze on his face. Dismounting, he patted the horse and took the leather over her head, then wiped his face on the sleeve of his coat. “I am fine, George. Just a bit out of sorts.”
They walked along together. “Anything I can help you with?”
“Unless you can explain women to me, I think not.” Legs aching from the strenuous ride, Markus struggled to keep up with George.
Laughing, George slapped him on the back. “On one hand, it’s good to hear you have such troubles, my lord. On the other, I feel for you. Women are too complicated to ever fathom.”
“Do you think a man can truly love two women in his lifetime?” Markus wished he could take the question back but the thought that plagued him popped out before he could stop it. There was something kind and easy about George that made talking to him natural.
George stopped and kicked the dirt road. “I think the heart has an infinite ability to love. Is that what’s troubling you?”
He had gone this far in embarrassing himself; he might as well take the next step. “If I love Phoebe, does that mean I did not truly love my Emma? Or if my love for Emma was pure, how can I love Phoebe the way she deserves?”
“Ah, I heard Miss Hallsmith left Rosefield today. She’s a good girl, that one. I’m not sure I’m the best person to give advice on matters of the heart. Pearl had to practically bash me over the head to make me realize she was the woman for me.”
“You both seem quite happy.”
A wide smile spread across George’s face. “I would say so. Pearl is the light of my life.”
“Then you think there is only one love for a man in this world?” Heart aching, Markus struggled to draw breath.
Sticking his hands in his pockets, George stared at the ground and walked on down the road.
Markus tugged the reins and followed. The chill seeped through his jacket and he resigned himself that George would not answer because of course a man can only have one great love. Emma was his, and he would not tarnish that memory by pretending another woman could fill her place in his heart.
George cleared his throat. “I think there is room for more than one love in a man’s heart.”
Stopping, Markus had to replay the words in his head. It was the last thing he expected George to say. “You do?”
Nodding, he walked on with his eyes narrowed in thought. “I’m not saying a great love can be replaced. I don’t think that is possible. Maybe you’ve been looking at this the wrong way, my lord.”
“How so?” Markus leaned into the mare’s warmth.
“You said that you worried if you loved Miss Hallsmith it means that you didn’t truly love my lady, as if you would be replacing one with the other. Her ladyship is part of you and part of your family and always will be. You need not wipe her memory away to add another family member. A man with a big heart, like yourself, can make a new place for a great love. I don’t think Miss Hallsmith would want to take her ladyship’s place anyway. She is the kind of woman who makes a place for herself in the world. Just because they would share a title does not mean one must disappear to allow the other. You will always love her ladyship and she will keep her place in your heart and in your home. You have little Miss Elizabeth, and she is an extension of the love you shared. If you love Phoebe Hallsmith, then she has found a new place in your life like the pieces of a puzzle slide together. I cannot imagine the Lord would be so cruel as to limit your capacity for love. A man may have ten children and enough love to encompass them all.” George said the last as if talking to himself.
“I should not have let her go.” Markus’s heart ached and his hands shook. He had made a monumental mistake.
George turned his head toward Markus for the first time since beginning his speech. “London is not so far away.”
Hope tugged inside him. He slapped George on the back. “Thank you for your time, George. I had no idea farmers were quite so wise.”
Laughing, George said, “Don’t you go spreading it around. We’ll have a line out the door if you tell folks all the good advice we farmers have to give.”
They shook hands and Markus mounted his horse. At a slower pace, he headed back to Rosefield.
A light snow drifted down but he was warmer than before. He needed to find a way to convince Phoebe that he was the right man for her and the rest of her concerns were irrelevant.
Thomas stepped out of the house as Markus approached. “We have been looking for you.”
Dismounting, he sensed Thomas’s tension and his own tightened. “I went for a ride. What has happened? Is Elizabeth all right?”
Handing the horse over to a footman he said, “Thank you, Robert.”
“My lord.” Robert pulled his collar up and his hat down against the cold.
“Elizabeth is fine. I did not mean to alarm you. The earl has arrived.” Thomas’s usually easy manner was stiff and filled with rage.
“My father is here? How odd. If you would like to take Dory and leave, I completely understand. The man tried to kill you. There is no need to subject yourself to his antics, Tom.” Markus climbed the steps and Watson opened the front door for them.
“At the moment, his lordship is unconscious in your parlor. I cannot say that I am thrilled with his presence but I will not leave you in your hour of need.”
A change of clothes and a hot meal was what Markus needed. He stopped at the steps leading to the bedrooms. “I can deal with Father. You may either seclude yourself or head for home. I will not blame you for either course. I am certain Dory has no desire to see our father.”
“What will you do?” Thomas asked.
“I was planning to go to London tomorrow, but I suppose that will have to wait.” The ache in his chest returned. Damn, but he wanted to see Phoebe and find out if she loved him. He had things to tell her, but he could not leave with Father in the house. Lord only knew what havoc the man could cause if left on his own.