Chapter Nineteen
Jasper took the stairs two at a time, apprehension quickening his steps. The need for Victoria’s approval was higher than ever, now Julia had admitted she loved him.
It would be yes. It had to be yes. No one had ever been refused before.
In the foyer, the queen’s messenger bowed from the waist and held out the crisply folded sheet of cream vellum. The queen’s seal was stamped on it in silver wax. Jasper stared at it for a moment, like it might leap forward and bite him.
You’re being ridiculous.
He accepted the letter and opened it.
Dearest Cousin,
Unfortunately I cannot, in good conscience, grant your request.
Please accept my deep apologies, and even deeper wishes for your future happiness.
Sincerely,
Victoria Reg.
That was it. No explanation, beyond that nonsense about her conscience. She’d written two lines and destroyed his bloody world. Two lines.
“Ruby!” Jasper bellowed at the top of his lungs. When she didn’t immediately appear, he did it again.
The door to the drawing room opened and his sister appeared. Her expression should have turned him to stone. “I do not appreciate being shouted for.”
Jasper didn’t care. He was going to get answers. “What the hell is this?”
With raised eyebrows, she strode forward and took the page from his hand. Her eyes flicked back and forth as she scanned it. It didn’t take long.
“She refused.”
“Yes, I know she refused.” Jasper snatched it back. “I want to know why.”
Ruby sighed. “You knew this was a possibility.”
“A miniscule one!”
“Not as small as you thought, apparently.”
Jasper crumpled the page in his fist. “Did you do this? Did you interfere somehow?”
“No.” The word was laced with venom. “You did this yourself, but by all means, blame it on me. Everything is my responsibility, isn’t it?”
His anger reduced to a smolder. It wasn’t gone, but it didn’t have a suitable target right now. Jasper’s shoulders slumped, and the paper fell from his hand. “She refused me.”
As his temper deflated, so did Ruby’s. She took him by the arm and led him into the drawing room. There was no one else there, just a wooden circle with Ruby’s latest needlepoint on it. She pointed him at an armchair, and gravity did the rest.
Jasper stared at his empty hands. “I have to do something.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to be done.”
There was always something to be done. A DeVere didn’t give up, and he didn’t take no for an answer. “We’ll go to Paris, or New York, and get married there.”
“Jasper, you can’t.” Ruby clutched his arm. “If you disobey the queen’s edict, it’s tantamount to treason. You wouldn’t be able to come back.”
“I don’t care about coming back.”
Her gripped tightened. “England needs you. It needs the Duke of Albemarle.”
“I don’t care.” England didn’t care about what he needed. He would be damned if he spent a moment worrying about it. For his grandfather’s sake, he could hire the right people and leave instructions before he left, but there was nothing keeping him here.
Ruby knelt down, filling his vision with her face. “You wanted Julia to believe you’re serious. Be serious. Serious men don’t run. Grandfather never did, and he’d be ashamed to hear you talk about abandoning his legacy now.
“Victoria said no, Ruby. What else am I supposed to do?”
Ruby gave him an encouraging smile as she stood up. “Go home. Make nice. Play the dutiful servant to the crown, and in a year, you can—”
“A year?” Jasper bellowed.
“Yes, a year,” she threw back at him. “You know how this works. In a year, you can petition the privy council to reconsider. And you will spend the next twelve months making certain they side with you.”
“They won’t go against Victoria.”
“They will, if you learn how to use the title correctly.”
A year. It was too long. It wasn’t as long as never, but it was still too long. But if he won and Julia still wanted him, they could stay here close to their families and build a life. He could wait for her. He would go home. He would learn to be the best damn duke anyone had ever seen, and he would win the right to choose who he married.
“Pack your things,” he told Ruby. “I want to be on the four o’clock train.”
She probably said something that was meant to be bolstering, but Jasper didn’t hear it. He was too busy trying to figure out how he would explain to Julia.
He couldn’t ask her to wait for him. A year was a long time, and she’d never wanted things to become complicated in the first place. Not to mention—he hadn’t asked her to be his wife yet, and she certainly wasn’t ready to say yes. Telling her he had to leave for a year to go pretend to be a model duke would not go over well.
Neither would the reason. Julia adored Victoria. How many times had she said the queen was her idol? Her idol’s refusal had infuriated Jasper, but it would devastate Julia. After the fair, the Hathaway dinner, the argument with her father, even Amelia’s uncertainty when she heard he had to ask.
Julia would believe it was her fault.
There was no way Jasper could willingly hurt her like that, and he couldn’t lie to her. Which meant he couldn’t tell her at all. A dull buzzing filled his ears, as he realized what he had to do.
Once he came to terms with it—or as close as he was going to—Jasper went in search of Nicholas. How fitting that he should find his host in the same study where Nicholas had lectured him about the dangers of letting Julia fall for him. Had it been a fortnight? Not even.
“I need to borrow a carriage to take Ruby and me to the train station.”
Nicholas looked up from the book he was studying. “Going back to London?”
He hadn’t come back. Every minute he was gone was another minute Julia spent imagining the worst, so she sent Nora to find out what was keeping him. Royal messengers did not deliver inconsequential news. When Nora didn’t come back, Julia’s worst fears ran rampant. No one ever gave her a moment’s peace when she was recovering from a bout of fever, and she’d been alone for over an hour. Something very important was happening, and Julia needed to know what it was.
It was time to push the limits of her recovery. She took a deep breath and swung her legs out of bed. She waited to see if the motion would bring any nausea. When it didn’t, she stood up.
The room tilted alarmingly.
Getting dressed was out of the question. Her nightgown would have to do. If anyone chose to be scandalized over her wandering the halls in a state of undress, they only had themselves to blame for not attending to her. Julia hated being left in the dark.
She hated worrying.
With a death grip on the stair railing, she made her way downstairs. Before she reached the bottom, she could hear arguing coming from the drawing room. Sweating and out of breath, she pushed open the door.
“What the devil is going on?”
Nicholas, Amelia, and Nora all spun around to face her.
One person was noticeably absent.
Nora rushed to her side. “You shouldn’t be out of bed.”
“Where’s Jasper?” Julia asked. Silence met her question.
All the way down stairs, she told herself she was being ridiculous. She told herself she would come down here, and everything would be fine. Mia and Nora would chastise her for overreacting and send her back to bed. But Jasper wasn’t here, and no one was saying anything.
She’d been right.
“He’s gone,” she whispered.
“He’s gone,” Nicholas confirmed.
Gone.
The exertion of her trek hit her all at once, and her knees buckled. Nora caught her and Amelia rushed forward to help. They settled her onto the nearest sofa.
He didn’t even say good-bye. One minute he was reading to her and playing with her hair, and one minute he was just…gone. “How long ago did he leave?”
“Perhaps we should talk about that when you’re feeling better,” Amelia suggested.
Gone. Gone where? Gone for how long? Forever? They couldn’t just say gone like it was an explanation. “What did the messenger want?”
More silence. Amelia rearranged pillows. Nora couldn’t meet her eyes.
Julia turned to the person most likely to tell her the truth. “What happened, Nick?”
His face settled into rigid lines. “He left. He and Ruby took the train back to London.”
“Oh.” It shouldn’t be a surprise. She’d known he would have to leave eventually. She thought, when it happened, he’d at least tell her he was going, but he didn’t owe her anything. That was how she’d wanted it. Insisted on it, even. Something masochistic made her ask, “Is he coming back?”
“No.” Nick’s tone broke through her calm, scattering it like leaves in the wind.
Her voice shook when she spoke. “You’re certain?”
If anything, Nick’s face became even stonier. “I’m certain.”
That was it, then.
Jasper had left her—without saying good-bye or giving a reason–and he wasn’t coming back. Maybe it was Ruby. Maybe it was the queen. Maybe he’d just changed his mind, like he warned her he might. Julia didn’t know what exactly had sent him away, but she had always known something would. She tried to tell him they weren’t meant to last, but he kept insisting they were more than that. Rather than admit she was right, he’d slunk away like a coward.
She wanted to hate him. She would hate him—just as soon as his absence didn’t feel like a gaping hole ripped straight through the middle of her chest. Every gesture, every touch, every devilish smile and earnest word raced through her mind. Gone. It was all gone. He was gone.
Julia barely noticed when Nicholas helped her back to her room.
She’d been foolish enough to let him convince her they had a chance, but it had all been lies. How long had he known he would leave her? Certainly while he was stroking her hair and telling her how she would take care of him one day. Lies. Had it cost him anything to say it, knowing it wasn’t true?
There was murmuring around her, and then the door closed. Nora tucked the blankets in around her. “Can I get you anything?”
“Just leave me alone.”
Silence stretched. Nora’s voice was soft when she answered, instead of her characteristic snap. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Then your services are no longer required.” Better to lose Nora now, while everything hurt anyway, than lose her later. She would leave eventually. She would resent Julia eventually. It was just a matter of time.
Nora was unfazed. “We’ve been over this before. You can’t fire me.”
A flash of anger managed to break through the gray. She just wanted to be left alone. Was it too much to ask? “I said, go away.”
“And I said no. I’ll sit quietly so you don’t notice I’m here. I’ll forgive you for the awful things you’re bound to say, because I know you’re hurting, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Somehow, that made it even worse. Julia rolled over, staring at the joint between the panels of wainscoting. Nora wouldn’t leave her—but Jasper would.
She’d meant nothing to him.