Chapter Six
The writing desk in Jasper’s room was small, but large enough for the single sheet of paper centered on its walnut surface. He held the pen, inked nib suspended above cream vellum. So far, he’d only managed two words.
Dearest Ruby,
A day’s worth of distance wasn’t enough to get out what he needed to say. There might not be enough time in their whole lives, but he had to say something. She deserved something. Instead of the words that would slice his heart to shreds, he wrote about his day and trusted she would be able to read the meaning in them.
Today I rowed in a boat on a lake. It was exactly the catastrophe you would expect—a young lady had to jump in and push me to shore. You would have found it quite comical.
If she was capable of finding anything comical at the moment.
I’m sorry for the way I left. I know you expected better of me. You always do.
It was all he could manage. Everything else came too close to the knot that closed up his throat.
Give my love to Gran and to
Jasper’s hand shook as he realized what he’d been about to write. He took a deep breath to steady it as he crossed out the words.
Give my love to Gran.
Be well,
Jas
He hesitated, pen poised over the post script. There was always a danger in giving Ruby too much information. In the end, he threw caution to the wind because that was his way.
P. S. –If you need to reach me, send word to my solicitor in London. He won’t tell you where I am, but he can get word to me if necessary. Please don’t try to find me.
It wasn’t enough, but it was what he could give her. Jasper folded the page over on itself and headed out of his room to put it with the outgoing post.
“Jasper!”
He turned at the top of the stairs to find Nicholas coming from the opposite hall. “Hullo, Nick.”
“I need a word with you.”
Undoubtedly, but better now than after Juniper joined them. Nicholas in a temper wasn’t the most careful with his words.
“Study?”
Nick nodded. Jasper followed his silent march down the hall and through the dark walnut door of the ground-floor study.
When it closed behind them, Nicholas whirled on him. “What in the bloody hell are you thinking?”
Jasper didn’t need to ask what he was referring to. “She’s a delightful woman.”
“She’s Amelia’s—a member of Amelia’s family. Of my family, now.”
“Nothing untoward has happened.”
Nicholas stared him down.
“I mean it. I have been behaving myself quite admirably.”
“You two were barely dressed.”
Jasper poured them each a glass of port. This conversation would clearly require something stronger than tea. “That was an unfortunate circumstance, but not in any way planned.”
“Are you trying to tell me you aren’t pursuing her?”
“It’s complicated. I’m trying not to, but I’ve still got a pulse, Nick.” Jasper took a quick sip, barely tasting the fortified wine as it passed his throat. “Nothing serious has occurred.”
“You’re unbelievable.”
“Oh, come on. I promise to behave myself. Where’s the harm?” He leaned against the edge of the desk and tried to lure Nicholas back to the lighthearted friendship they usually enjoyed.
Nicholas refused. “The harm? The harm is what if she gets attached to you? What if she takes you seriously and develops feelings for you?”
The thought generated a warm flush just under Jasper’s skin that had nothing to do with the wine. “I would be quite flattered.”
“And she will be devastated, because you don’t mean it and this…” Nick shook his head. “This cannot end well.”
“Maybe I do mean it,” Jasper said quietly.
“Excuse me?”
“Maybe I do mean it.” His voice was louder, more confident, the second time. “Maybe Miss Fairchild is special. In fact, I know she’s special. Maybe she’s the woman for me.”
“I’m not kidding, Jas. Take this seriously.”
“I am. Are you?” Being near Juniper, hearing her laugh, made Jasper feel a rightness that had been missing for a long time. He wasn’t in the habit of analyzing his feelings, so he couldn’t say for certain what it was. But why couldn’t it be love? Stranger things had happened.
“No! Why would I?”
“Maybe Miss Fairchild is the person I’ve been waiting to meet my whole life.” The idea was taking root. Their story had a great deal of romance to it. He’d run off to the country in a fit of grief, saved her life on the hillside, and then they would fall madly in love to the backdrop of the rustic English countryside.
While he crafted the ballad in his mind, Nicholas stared at him like he’d lost it. “You’re incredible. I’ve always known you only have a passing acquaintanceship with the truth, but that you would be willing to fabricate this kind of justification—”
If Nicholas truly could read his mind, he’d know none of it was fabricated. Perhaps a little embellished, but fully truthful. “I have never needed to justify myself.”
“—purely so you can continue to pursue Jul—Juniper with lascivious intent.”
“My intentions are not lascivious.” That was where he deviated from the truth. It was only circumstantial interruption that had kept Jasper from kissing Miss Fairchild senseless, and his resolve to keep things between them purely a flirtation was crumbling further by the hour. But it was more than just a physical attraction. Jasper wanted her smile. Her sweet blush and the unexpected edges to her conversation that snuck out and revealed the vicious wit beneath. There was nothing lascivious about that. That was pure.
Nicholas’s glass connected with the surface of the table like a gunshot. “She’s important to me, Jas. She’s important to Amelia.”
Jasper stood his ground. “She’s important to me, too.”
“I think you may actually mean that,” Nicholas admitted softly.
Relief eased through Jasper. He did not like being at odds with Nicholas. “I do.”
He needed Juniper. He needed her blushes and her laugh. Without them, he would be forced to think about what he’d run from. Jasper looked up, wanting to explain at least part of that to Nicholas, but his friend’s face stopped him cold.
Where Jasper normally found the curving lines of a half smile, Nicholas’s face was all tense edges and censure. “Unfortunately, I don’t believe you’ll still mean it in a fortnight.”
And there it was.
He wanted to hate Nicholas for saying it, but how could he when it was the truth? Jasper was unreliable. He couldn’t be counted on not to change his mind—to not run halfway across the world on a lark. The same reasons he wasn’t fit to carry on his grandfather’s legacy were the same reasons he couldn’t have Juniper. Jasper DeVere couldn’t be counted on.
Not an admirable quality in a husband, or in one of the most powerful lords of the land.
When Julia opened the drawing room door, she stopped short. Amelia was reading a book on the settee while Nicholas and Jasper played chess in front of the windows. Nick mumbled something under his breath and they exchanged a laugh. Julia told herself to be calm. Amelia had promised Nicholas wouldn’t tell Jasper before Julia was ready. She trusted them. They were her family.
“You two look cozy.”
“Hardly,” Nick answered. “I’m fairly certain Jasper cheats.”
Amelia looked up from her book. “Everyone beats you at chess, darling. You just don’t have a very diabolical mindset.”
Nicholas turned to his wife. “Didn’t you swear some sort of loyalty to me in front of witnesses? I think there were rings involved…”
“All I swore was to take you as my husband. There was nothing about bolstering your ego.”
“So that’s why we eloped to Scotland. I’m certain an English ceremony would have covered that.”
“You caught me. That was the only reason.” Amelia returned to her book with a smile.
“Well, I give up.” Nick toppled his king. “You’ll have to challenge one of the ladies if you want to keep playing.”
Jasper turned to Julia. “Do you play?”
Julia Bishop did—with great skill and absolutely no mercy. The question was, did Juniper Fairchild? “A little. It’s been a very long time. Will you teach me?”
On the settee, Amelia fell victim to a coughing fit.
“Are you all right?” Jasper asked.
“Fine, fine,” she said. “Cousin Junie, I could swear you played more often than that. I remember you being quite good.”
“You must be mistaking me for someone else.” Julia settled herself in front of the board.
“Perhaps. My sister and I play so often, maybe I just assumed everyone does.”
“That could be.” Leave it alone, Amelia.
Jasper reset the pieces on the board. “I still haven’t met the mysterious Lady Julia.”
“No. No, you have not,” Nicholas agreed.
“I doubt you ever will,” Amelia said. “Julia’s quite the recluse. Very socially inept, I’m afraid.”
“But extremely adept at chess,” Nicholas added.
“Quite.”
Julia would strangle them both. “I’ve always found cousin Julia to be very charming.”
“You’re just being kind.” Amelia turned to Jasper. “Cousin Juniper has the temperament of a saint. Always believing the best in people.”
Jasper frowned. “You’ve only ever had glowing things to say about your sister before, Mia.”
“Really?” Julia leaned in. “What sort of things?”
“That she was beautiful, and clever, and talented. She sounded like a woman of remarkable character.”
That was more like it.
Amelia stared straight at Julia and said, “I exaggerated.”
Nicholas chimed in. “Don’t be unkind, Mia. She’s like that sometimes.”
Thank you, Nick.
“But then other times, it’s like she’s an entirely different person.”
A slow death would be too good for Nicholas Wakefield.
Jasper’s attention was bouncing between the three of them, his brow furrowing. This was it. He would figure it out. Everything would be ruined, all because Amelia and Nicholas thought they were clever.
“They’re being deliberately cruel,” Julia explained. “And I don’t think cousin Julia deserves it one bit.”
“She deserves it a little bit,” Amelia mumbled.
“I must admit, after everything you told me, I harbored a small infatuation for the mysterious Lady Julia,” Jasper said.
The thud of Julia’s heartbeat drowned out everything else.
“But perhaps I’m just partial to all the female members of your family.” He smiled at Julia. “Shall we play?”
Julia was more than happy to agree.
“This piece is the king. If you lose your king, you lose the game.”
“Fascinating.” Julia had no trouble pretending to be distracted and inept. She was far too busy marveling that Jasper DeVere had thought about her as she really was.
They played three games, and Julia managed to lose every single one without arousing Jasper’s suspicion. It was worth it to be able to sit across from him and watch the way the light played across his face as pondered his next move. Or as he tapped the bridge of his nose when he was thinking about making a sacrifice play. Or smiled gently when he successfully trapped her king.
This was what Amelia had. Julia had envied it throughout their childhood, watching her sister sit across from Nicholas while he looked at Mia like she was the only person that mattered in the world. Julia knew what it felt like now and no one could take it from her—no matter what happened.
“Perhaps chess just isn’t my game,” Julia announced.
Amelia made a vulgar snorting sound.
“Shall we do something else?” Jasper asked. His fingers brushed across hers on the table, tracing the lines of her knuckles. “Maybe something…just the two of us?”
The flush rose up under Julia’s skin. Her attention was riveted to his slow exploration of her hand.
“Jasper.” Nicholas’s voice held a note of warning.
Jasper’s hand pulled away like she’d burned him. It hovered in midair as he frowned down at it. When he withdrew it fully, his expression shuttered into a polite neutrality. He stood up from the table. “Excuse me a moment. I think I’d like to take a walk alone.”
When he was gone, Julia turned on Nick. “What did you do?”
If he had ruined it, if he had told Jasper after promising he wouldn’t, she would never forgive him.
“Someone is going to get hurt, and it won’t be Jasper. It never is.” Nicholas’s mulish expression told her everything she needed to know. He’d said something to Jasper.
Bloody, interfering ass. “Thank you for your unsolicited opinion.”
Julia went after Jasper. If she stayed, she would throttle her brother-in-law. He had no right, and he ought to know better. Julia made her own decisions. She did not allow anyone, no matter how well-meaning, to limit her. Perhaps Jasper would hurt her. Perhaps someday she would lose her footing on the stairs, or one of the infections that laid her low would finally be the end of her. The idea that she should wrap herself in cotton and hide away from life because of what might happen was ludicrous.
She turned the corner of a sculpted hedge and found Jasper contemplating his reflection in the water of the lake. “Jasper?”
The light shifted across his face as he turned. His initial smile at the sight of her crumbled into a frown. “You shouldn’t have come. Your ankle—”
Damn you, Nicholas. Bugger her ankle, and whatever this nonsense was. “What are you doing out here?”
He sighed and returned to his reflection. “Trying to decide if I’m a terrible person.”
Julia stepped forward, her skirts blending with the fabric of his trousers in their watery mirror. “Are you?”
“I think maybe I am.” His eyes closed. The lines of his face were tortured and tense. “It was never my intention to mislead you.”
“Have you?” It would be the wrong time to laugh, no matter how much Julia appreciated irony.
“I’m not certain I can offer you what you deserve.”
“And what do you think that is?”
“An honorable courtship.”
If he’d been looking, Julia’s relief would have been obvious. He was out here worrying about not being able to make her an honorable offer? That, at least, she could fix. If it was time for their flirtation to end, it would be because she chose to end it, not because of Nicholas’s interference. And maybe, just maybe…
“Jasper, if anyone is guilty of misleading, it is me.” She took a deep breath. “I am not Amelia’s cousin.”
“What?” His eyes flew open.
She took a deep breath. “My name is Julia Bishop. I am—”
“Amelia’s sister.” Realization dawned on his face. “They were teasing you, during our chess game.”
“Yes.” Julia held her breath.
His shoulders dropped and the tension fell away from his body. “Why did you lie?”
She frowned at him. He had to know—how could he not? “You were flirting with me. I just wanted…I wanted it to keep happening a little while longer.”
“I would have flirted with you anyway.”
“Would you have, really?” Her throat was tight, but the question escaped anyway.
“Yes.” No hesitation, no attempt to avoid her eyes. Everything about him screamed the truth.
She let the euphoria of the moment wash over her.
“But it doesn’t change the situation.” He shook his head, pacing as his hand drove furrows through his hair. “If anything, it makes it even more complicated. Amelia is utterly devoted to you. If I led you on somehow, or couldn’t deliver on the promises my flirtation has made—”
Amelia might be devoted, but she had her own life now; her own love affair. Julia deserved one, too.
She put her hand on his arm to make him stand still. “Jasper, even if you did ask me to marry you, I would be forced to refuse you. I am not a suitable spouse for anyone, least of all the heir to a dukedom.”
“But Nicholas—”
“Is very sweet.” Julia could think of a few other words to describe Nick just then. “But he has unrealistic notions about my prospects.”
“He wants the best for you.”
“The only person who knows what’s best for me is me.” Julia took a deep breath. Boldness had never been difficult for her, but this was different. “Jasper, do you care for me?”
“Yes.” It seemed like that was all he would say, but then he added, “You constantly surprise me, and I find myself wanting to know everything about you.”
“Then what, precisely, is the complication?” She would love nothing more than for him to learn it all.
“I’m not known for my constancy. What if it doesn’t last? At some point, I’ll have to go back to London, and I don’t know what will happen to us then.”
“I can guarantee it won’t last. I’ve known that since I met you.” She could at least ease his mind on this. “You and I are not destined to end up together. It didn’t stop me inviting you here unchaperoned, and it won’t stop me from wanting to continue what we’ve begun.”
“Are you certain?”
“My future has never been certain, Jasper. Quite the opposite.” Crickets chirped in the setting sun as she searched for the words to make him understand. “I choose to live in the moment, and I’d like to spend this moment with you, for as long as it lasts, if you’re interested.”
He took her hand in his. “Even if it doesn’t last?”
“Even though it can’t,” she corrected.
“Julia Bishop, are you asking me to embark on a scandalous affair with you?”
The thud of her heart beat in her ears. Her name on his lips. Hers, not anyone else’s. This wasn’t some fantasy in her room anymore. He hadn’t run from who she was and he wasn’t looking away. “I am.”
He lifted her hand to his lips and placed a kiss against her knuckles. “I accept.”