Aidan
I didn't think it was possible for her to ever be more beautiful to me than before, but seeing her pregnant, carrying our child, makes Katie more stunning than ever. She seems to radiate this inner warmth that I can't help but be drawn to. I want her more now than ever.
Her lips are slightly parted and a burning desire is reflected in her bottomless brown eyes as I drop to my knees, trailing the tip of my tongue down her flesh the entire way. She trembles slightly when I part her thighs with my hands, lifting one of her legs up and placing it on my shoulder before turning my attention to her eager pussy.
I savor the sweet taste of her juices as I push my tongue past her velvety folds, causing her to cry out.
“Yes, Aidan,” she whimpers, rocking against me.
I grab her hips and pull her down against my mouth, driving my tongue deeper into her. I feel her body tensing as Katie slowly grinds her hips against my mouth. Her breathing is growing ragged, and her voice hoarse as I caress her with my tongue. Not wanting her to come yet, I pull back and look her in the eye as desire and lust flare across her delicate features. My need to be inside of her is overwhelming.
She watches as I stand up, and suddenly grab a condom from my bag, tearing open the package and slipping it down my length.
I pull her to me, pressing against her belly, her full, round breasts straining against my chest. Her body is soft, her curves – from the swell of her breasts, to the small of her back – entirely feminine. Her tiny frame is dwarfed by mine, only highlighting how delicate she is.
She looks up at me, biting her bottom lip. “I want you, Aidan,” she says. “Please. I need to feel you inside of me.”
Katie weighs almost nothing, so I carefully pick her up and let her wrap her legs around my waist. It's a little awkward, given her belly, but we make it work. She clasps her hands behind my neck, excitement flashing across her face. I move the head of my cock against her wet opening, and slowly thrust my hips upward, driving deep into her. Katie's eyes grow wide, and she draws in a sharp breath as I start to rhythmically thrust my hips, again and again. Katie moans quietly, her nails digging into the flesh of my back.
“I'm going to come,” she moans, her voice thick and husky. “Come with me, Aidan.”
I feel Katie tighten her muscles around me, gripping me tighter, and I lose it, throbbing within the condom inside her. That sets off an explosion of her own, and Katie falls forward, her head pressed against my shoulder, her body trembling as she's overcome with the maelstrom of sensations sweeping over the two of us.
Together, we ride the currents of ecstasy, wrapped in the warm glow of amazing, loving sex.
Slowly, our breathing returns to normal and that post-sex afterglow begins to dim. Katie turns and wraps her arms around me, pressing her lips to mine.
Our kiss is chaste and sweet, and we cling to one another, her head resting on my chest, our bodies pressed close together. I place a soft kiss on the top of her head and squeeze tighter, reveling in feeling her skin against mine. After Maddy, it's a sensation I never thought I'd actually enjoy again.
Katie doesn't realize it, but she's given me a new life. She's helped me to step out of the shadows I've forced myself to live in for the last few years, and walk back into the light.
It's not easy. There are times when the grief and guilt I feel over Maddy still threaten to choke the life out of me. But, for the first time since she died, I'm feeling the stranglehold those emotions have on me beginning to loosen.
I know it's going to take some time for me to fully heal, but this is the first time since losing Maddy it even feels like a possibility.
More than that, it's the first time I find myself not just welcoming that possibility, but openly embracing it.
* * *
“You look stunning,” I say.
“Thank you,” she says shyly, color flaring in her cheeks. “And thank you for these dresses. They're absolutely amazing. You have incredible taste.”
“I just pictured you in them and then picked out what I liked.”
“Well done then, mister.”
She'd picked out the royal blue, vintage maternity dress with the white flower detail to wear for the evening. The dress hugs her curves perfectly, and really accentuates her full, perky breasts, and shows off her blooming belly in the most attractive way. Her hair is set in a simple bun atop her head, but loose strands frame her face, somehow making her already large, doe-eyes seem even larger. She really is breathtaking.
“You don't take compliments well,” I say.
“It's nothing personal,” she says. “I never have.”
“That's a shame,” I say. “You deserve to be told how beautiful you are every single day.”
If her face gets any redder, it's going to look like she suffered a horrible sunburn. The fact that she's so shy and awkward when it comes to taking a compliment is adorable. I don't think Katie realizes just how beautiful she is. Which, if I'm being honest, is part of her charm.
We're sitting in one of my favorite steakhouses in Atlanta – Chuck's Meat. Horrible name, with an even worse slogan – put a little of Chuck's Meat in your mouth – but the food is nonetheless amazing. The place itself has been around forever – practically since Sherman burned Atlanta to the ground. And I can honestly say, I've never had a better steak anywhere.
Though, I'll have to admit, the one I had back in Ashton Mill recently was a close second.
We're eating our salads, and I’m enjoying a nice Pinot Grigio while Katie has ginger ale. We're both famished. It seems that our pre-dinner romp helped us both work up quite the appetite. A couple of minutes later, the waitress arrives with our entrees, setting the plates down, and clearing our salad dishes. The busboy behind her drops off our sides – a loaded baked potato for her, and lobster macaroni and cheese for me.
We dig into our meals, the conversation light, fun, and flowing. Over the last few months, I've found we actually have a lot more in common than I ever would have imagined – despite the eight-year age difference between us.
With our meals done, the waitress clears our plates and brings out a very large slice of red velvet cake slathered with generous amounts of white and dark chocolate frosting – one of Chuck's signature desserts – and cappuccinos.
“I am so stuffed,” she says.
I shrug and give her a little smirk. “I can probably power this down on my own then, if you're not interested.”
She brandishes a fork at me like a weapon, a silly smile on her face. “Don't make me cut you,” she says. “I'll make room.”
I laugh, and we dig into the decadent dessert. Katie's eyes roll back in her head, and she moans with sheer delight as she takes a bite.
“This might be the single best piece of cake I've ever eaten,” she says.
“I thought you might enjoy it.”
She pops a bite into her mouth and chews thoughtfully. She looks at me for a moment, her expression turning a little more serious. It seems like there's something on her mind. She washes the cake down with a drink of her cappuccino.
“Can I ask you a really personal question?” she asks.
“Shoot.”
“You don't have to answer, of course,” she says quickly. “It's just something I've been curious about.”
I have a feeling I know what she wants to ask. It's the one question she hasn't asked since I met her, and the one question everybody asks. The fact that she hasn't asked it has really stood out to me as we've gotten to know each other, and I figured it was only a matter of time before she did. Especially, in light of my behavior and desire to protect her.
Yeah, turns out Davis was right about it, and I'm starting to understand how the two things correlate.
“She was murdered,” I say. “Maddy. My fiancée.”
Katie covers her mouth with her hand, as her eyes widen, and she draws in a shocked breath. She stares at me for a long moment, clearly stunned and not knowing how to respond. I take a sip of my cappuccino and try to push back the sudden avalanche of emotion crashing down inside my head.
“Aidan,” she whispers. “I'm so sorry.”
I give her a tight smile. “Thank you,” I say. “This trip – other than my brother's wedding, is really the first time I've been out in the world since she was killed.”
She reaches across the table and takes my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. She looks distraught at having brought up the painful memory, and like she wishes she could take it back. Strangely enough, I don't though. I'm glad it's finally out there on the table. Maybe, she'll understand me a little better.
Besides, if I'm serious about exploring things with Katie further, I think she should know. It’s an important piece of who I am – or at least, who I've become. And she should know all of my different facets and the things that make me – well – me.
She didn't ask for the story, but I tell her anyway. I spare her the grisly details – nobody needs to know those, and I feel a profound sense of protectiveness about safeguarding Maddy's dignity as much as I can – but I tell her everything. And the strangest thing is, when I finish telling my story – the first time I've really told the whole, uncensored story to anybody, I somehow feel lighter. Like a dark, heavy weight has been somehow lifted off my shoulders. Not completely, of course, but enough that it's noticeable.
Through the whole tale, Katie holds my hand and listens, absorbing my words. She looks shocked, of course, but more than that, she simply looks sad. Grief-stricken. Her eyes shimmer with tears – for me.
“Aidan, I – God, I don't even know what to say,” she says, her voice barely more than a whisper.
“It's okay,” I say. “There's really nothing to say. I knew you had questions, and I just thought you should know.”
She raises my hand and places a soft kiss on my knuckles, her eyes filled with nothing but warmth and compassion. Something passes between us in that one look – something I haven't felt with her before. It's as if that connection that's been building between us has somehow solidified. Like the missing puzzle piece has just been snapped into place.
I don't know if I'm describing it right or what it even means, but it somehow strikes me as significant. I don't know what to think about it or what to do with it. But then, maybe I don't need to do anything with it. Maybe, I need to let this develop naturally, rather than try to control it.
That's one thing most everybody I know seems to agree on – that I'm a bit of a control freak. It's part of what makes me so good at my job. But, on a personal level, I know it also forces me to try to control everything in my sphere of influence. And it also leads me to shouldering many burdens that don't belong to me.
Like Maddy's death.
Logically, I know there's nothing I could have done to stop her murder, I know that. I've always known that. The problem is, I feel like I should have been able to. I feel like I should have been there. Should have protected her.
And that's because I'm a control freak.
I've always had a hard time accepting that life… just happens. That bad things sometimes seemingly happen at random – that there is no rhyme or reason to the universe. There is nothing you can do to change the outcome, no matter how tightly you hold on to things.
All you can do is control your reaction as things come up.
What I'm learning now, thanks to Katie, is that if you allow yourself to be open, good things can happen too. I never planned on Katie. Never expected her to storm into my life and turn my world upside down. It's just another one of those random, chance occurrences life throws at you – a good one.
I'm not saying it's the universe rewarding me for all of my suffering. Like it's throwing me a bone to make up for all the bad things that have happened. No matter what happens with Katie, she's never going to be Maddy. She's never going to replace her. Maddy is, and always will be, sacred in my heart.
But, that doesn't mean there isn't room in my heart for Katie. That doesn't mean that just because Katie isn't Maddy, she can't be just as special to me. I never expected her, but here she is. I can either continue to dwell in darkness, mourning the loss of Maddy, or I can learn to accept, if not enjoy, some of the good things that come out of the chaos that is the world.
Like Katie. And our accidental baby.
And for the first time in my life, I find that I'm trying to relinquish that iron-fisted control and enjoy a little bit of that chaos rather than trying to impose order upon it.
* * *
The following night, the driver pulls the car to a stop in Katie's driveway, and it's back to reality. Unfortunately. Though, I have to believe that reality – at least, my version of it – is changing for the better. A reality that looks like it's going to include Katie – a thought that makes me happier than I've been in almost three years.
“This has been the single most amazing weekend of my life,” she says, placing a soft kiss on my lips. “Thank you for everything, Aidan.”
“No, thank you, Katie,” I say. “It's been – incredible.”
“It has,” she says, her eyes twinkling in the darkness.
“And I hope it's only the start of something better for us,” I say.
She kisses me. It's a long, lingering kiss filled with complex emotions that leaves my lips feeling warm. The driver opens the back door, and I follow her out, carrying all the goodies she's collected while we were in Atlanta. She sees me hauling them onto her porch and looks embarrassed by the bounty.
“This doesn't like, make me a kept woman or something, does it?” she asks with a giggle.
“Depends,” I reply. “Do you want to be a kept woman?”
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “Do you even know me? I'm way too stubborn and independent for all that.”
I laugh along with her. “And that's what I love about you.”
We both stop laughing and stare at each other for a long moment, an awkward silence filling the space between us. It's as if the word “love,” has taken on some added meaning or a different context.
“Did you want to come in?” she asks.
“Thanks, but I should probably get home,” I reply. “I've got a little work to catch up on, and I'm sure Oliver is giving the sitter fits by now.”
She laughs. “Well – I’ll see you soon.”
“Count on it.”
I step forward and kiss her, putting as much energy and feeling into it as she put into the kiss she gave me. When I step back, her eyes are sparkling, and the smile on her face is warm. I turn and walk back to the car, sliding into the back seat. The driver shuts me in, and we drive off.
As we head down the darkened road, heading for my hidden sanctuary in the mountains, my mind and heart are awash in thoughts and feelings I thought were long dead. It's a heady feeling. Katie is utterly intoxicating to me, and I'm already looking forward to seeing her again.
Even though I thought all the thoughts and feelings swirling around inside of me were long dead, the truth is, I'm glad they're not.