Aidan
Davis stayed at my place for a couple of days before blowing out of town again, saying he had a gig down in Atlanta for some superstar country singer. It was good to have him with me, and I was sorry to see him go. Same as always. He gave me a lot to think about. A lot to ponder. And of course, he gave Oliver someone else to play with, which he appreciated.
I'm sitting in my office, reviewing some documents Marcus had forwarded to me earlier that day. It's a new project he wants to bid on but needs my approval before moving forward with. I stare at the words on the screen, trying to focus, but failing miserably at it.
All I can think about is Katie, and what Davis had said. Yeah, I’m an idiot. It's been a month, and I'm a major asshole for not even attempting to talk to her. I can only imagine what she thinks of me at this point.
I need to do something about it. I know Davis is right. I know I handled that whole situation badly. I’m sure Katie feels like shit. And, it’s all because of my hang-ups and insecurities. She probably feels like I used her for a fuck, and then threw her away like trash when I was done. I can't blame her for thinking like that, no matter how wrong she is.
The truth of the matter is – what I feel for Katie scares me. She's special. Someone I could really get attached to. But, I know that until I get over myself, and work through my own issues, I’m not going to be good for anybody, let alone a woman as special as Katie. She deserves better than I can give her – better than I have given her.
But, at the very least, I need to set things right with her. Maybe, if I do that, we can start laying the groundwork for something more, down the line.
I lean back in my seat and pinch the bridge of my nose. My head is a damn whirlwind of thoughts and emotions right now. Most of them about Katie – and Maddy, of course.
Davis spent a lot of time trying to ease my conscience about sleeping with Katie, telling me over and over again that I hadn't betrayed Maddy, and that I'd done nothing wrong. That I deserved to move on with my life and be happy. That it's what Maddy would have wanted.
And although a small part of me wants to believe in his words, I can't find it within me to absolve the guilt that still courses through my veins. Davis' talks helped. They gave me a perspective I hadn’t considered before. It's the one definitive negative thing about isolating myself up here in the mountains – all I have to sift through is the toxic shit in my own head. So, Davis' thoughts and input were a welcome reprieve from my own twisted thinking.
But regardless of everything we talked about, the grief and the guilt are still there. Like always. And I don't know how in the hell to purge myself of them completely.
I stare at the framed picture of Maddy on the wall. Her smile is wide, her eyes are sparkling, and her cheeks are flushed with excitement. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, and I never felt good enough for her.
As I look at her, her smile forever frozen in time, and know I'll never see it again. It makes my heart ache with the pain of her loss once more.
Is Davis right though? Do I deserve to move on? Do I deserve to be happy? Intellectually, I know I couldn't have prevented what happened to her. Not unless, like he said, I was with her twenty-four-seven. Knowing that though, doesn’t make the situation any easier, or blunt the sharp sting of my guilt any less.
Like I said, there's a lot of shit going on in my head right now, none of it very good – and all of it preventing me from doing any actual work.
One thing he said that's stuck with me though, is that I need to make things right with Katie – and he’s not wrong. Davis gave me an endless amount of shit for how things went down after we had sex.
What could I do though? It was awkward as hell. I hadn't intended to sleep with her. It just kind of – happened. I let myself get caught up in the moment. Once it was over, the reality of what we had just done came crashing down on me, pulling me back down to Earth.
The way she'd bugged out of here, I realize now, that I'd probably made her feel like shit. Katie probably felt used. I never wanted to make her feel that way. I was just too caught up in my own shit. It was a total asshole move. Unintentional, but an asshole move nonetheless.
And I need to make that right.
I take another look at Maddy's picture and then over at Oliver, who's lounging in a wide beam of sunlight on the office floor. He raises his head as if he's intuited that something's happening.
“Want to go for a ride, buddy?”
Oliver heaves his big body up off the floor and starts panting happily, that goofy doggy-smile on his face once again. There are certain words and phrases he knows and gets very excited about. “Go for a ride,” is one of them.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He turns in a circle, chuffing at me, before sprinting out of the office. I hear his nails clicking on the hardwood floor as he dashes out to the front room. I shut down my computer and head out to join my faithful canine companion. When I walk out to the front room, he's sitting patiently, head held high, next to the cabinet where I keep his leash and my key fob.
I hook him up in his harness, grab my keys, and head out. Oliver makes a beeline for the truck, pulling me along with him. I open up the door and allow him to hop in, making himself comfortable on the passenger seat. He always rides shotgun. There’s no point in trying to get him into the back seat or the cargo section of the SUV – it's as if he feels the rear of the car is reserved for lesser beings.
I climb in behind the wheel and push the button to start the engine. Oliver looks at me, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as if waiting for me to oblige his unspoken want. Which I do. As he grunts happily, I roll his window down, just enough to fit his head out. He loves the feel of the breeze on his face, as I guess, most dogs tend to do. I scratch him behind the ears, and he sticks his head out the window, right on cue. I laugh as I put the truck in gear, and head out.
The road down the mountain is long and winding, but the view of the valley beyond is spectacular. Everything is so green, and the forest stretches on as far as the eye can see. Maddy would have loved this place – well, except for being so far from civilization, anyway. I'm positive she would have enjoyed it as a vacation home, though – a place we could escape to and unplug from the world.
The trip down the mountain takes about half an hour or so, and Oliver has his head out the whole way, his ears and tongue flapping in the breeze. It takes another ten minutes or so for us to get into Ashton Mill proper and find a parking space on the main drag.
“Okay, buddy,” I say. “You just hang out here for a minute. I'll be back.”
Oliver looks over at me and chuffs, then sticks his head back out the window, watching me closely. I used to worry about people messing with him if I left him in the car on his own. But, he's grown to the size where most people try to avoid him. He's better than a car alarm.
I get out and hit the button on the remote, locking the doors, and heading into the Hail Mary. The place is nearly deserted, with only the hardcore drinkers hunched over the bar, their faces in their drinks. The place is decorated, reminding me that Halloween is coming up, which sends a dark current of fear flowing through me. I do my best to shake it off, but it lingers. Living up on the mountain like I do, I'd almost managed to forget about it.
But, here it is, smacking me in the face once more.
Clearing my throat, I ignore the cobwebs, giant spiders, and tombstones being put up all over the place. I see Jake standing behind the bar, staring down at his phone, but Katie is nowhere to be found. Damn.
With a sidelong glance at the decorations, and nearly overwhelmed with the familiar sense of trepidation I have this time of year, I walk over to the bar and lean on it. Jake doesn't seem to notice me and continues typing away on his phone, so I clear my throat. He looks up, giving me a lopsided grin, and I can smell the marijuana coming off him from where I'm standing.
“Sorry, man,” he says. “The old lady is really bustin' my balls today.”
“No worries,” I reply. “Katie here today?”
He looks over at me and shrugs. “Nah, man. She's off today.”
“Know where I can find her?”
“I dunno,” he says. “I don't keep her schedule, man.”
I stare at him for a moment. He's clearly not understanding what I'm asking. Clearing my throat, I try again.
“No, do you know where she lives?” I ask. “I need to see her.”
He glances back down at his phone and frowns. “Sorry, bro, I can't give you her address.”
“It's important.”
He looks at me, seeming to be growing impatient with my questioning. Then the light of understanding, or maybe just recognition, seems to dawn on him. I can practically see the light bulb going off over his head. He snaps his fingers and points at me, as a grin spreads across his face.
“You're the dude who beat the shit out of Leon a while back,” he says. “I remember you. Good on you, man.”
“Great, thanks,” I say. “I really need to talk to Katie. It's important.”
The kid goes on like he didn't even hear me. “When Leon came back in after that night, his face was all bruised up!” he crows. “Said he's gonna beat your ass. The guy's all talk if you ask me. It was so awesome watching you bust his face like that, man.”
“Listen to me, Jake,” I say. “I need to talk to Katie. It's very important.”
“Personally, after seeing what you did to him the other night, I don't think Leon stands a chance. I mean, what was the Kung-Fu shit you pulled on him, anyway? That was awesome.”
I let out a long breath, trying to keep my frustration under control – which Jake isn't making easy, by any means. I get that he's excited to see a bully taken down, but I'm not here to go over the play by play. I'm here for information, and he's really not helping me out. I'm not a patient man on the best of days, but Jake is really pushing me to my limit.
“Jake,” I say, my voice low and gruff. “Listen to me for a minute.”
Amazingly enough, he stops talking and looks at me, cocking his head like a puppy listening to his owner. That's a start, I guess.
“I need to find Katie. I need to talk to her,” I say. “And I need you to tell me where she lives.”
A smile stretches across his face and he nods. “I get it, man,” he says. “Yeah, I get it. She was really pissed at you that night.”
I ball my hands into fists in my pockets and grit my teeth. “Yes, she was,” I say, though the situation is far more complicated than he realizes – not that I'm going to enlighten him any. “And I need to set this right.”
My voice is tight, and my frustration is threatening to spiral out of control. Stoned as he might be, Jake is still testing my patience right now.
“Yeah, I still can't tell you where she lives,” he says. “It's like, against the law or something. Sorry, man.”
He's right, it is against the law for him to tell me. But, I couldn't give a shit about that. He has information I need and I intend to get it from him, by whatever means I have to resort to.
“I really am sorry, man,” he says. “I'd like to help you out, but I don't want to get into trouble. I can't afford to lose this job. My old lady is bustin' my balls about money enough as it is. I can't even imagine what she'd do to me if I lost my gig.”
And there it is. Everybody has a soft spot. A chink in the armor. In business, you have to be subtle enough to find it, then smart enough to exploit it. Jake's soft spot is money. Good for him. I've got plenty of it.
Standing up, I fish my wallet out of my pocket and pull out five hundred dollars. I lay the bills on the counter in front of Jake, making sure he can see what it is I'm laying out, and watch his eyes grow wide. He looks from the money up to me, and opens his mouth to speak, but remains speechless.
“It’s important, Jake,” I say. “Very important.”
“Listen, I –”
I pull a couple hundred more out of my wallet and add it to the five already there. Jake looks at me, obviously torn. I can see he wants the money – is desperate for the money, actually. He's looking at it like a starving man might look at a buffet of food.
“You really that stupid, boy?”
I look over at one of the barflies, an older man with thinning white hair, and a face deeply etched with wrinkles. He flashes me a yellow-toothed grin and tips his head at me.
“Ain't like it's a national secret or nothin',” he says. “Ashton Mill ain't that big. Everybody knows where everybody else lives anyway.”
Jake looks over, his face darkening. “Shut it, Lester,” he hisses.
“Hell, gimme that money, and I'll tell you where you can find her,” Lester says, laughing.
Jake doesn't move, his eyes narrowing as he stares at the older man. Slowly, his gaze returns to mine, and I just shrug and reach out to pick up the money. If I can't get the information from Jake, I'll get it from somebody else.
His hand flashes out, and he puts it on top of mine. He licks his lips, and I can see the nervousness in his eyes. He so badly wants the money, but I can tell he's also struggling with the idea of putting Katie in harm's way.
And I don’t blame him for that. In fact, I respect him for it. He doesn't know me from Adam. Doesn't know if I'm going over there to do something terrible to her or not. In this day and age, you can't be too careful. I get it. I really do.
But, I also need that address.
“Look,” I say. “All I want to do is talk to her. I know she's pissed, and I want to make it right. My name is Aidan Anderson. I live up in Whitetail Hollow. Sheriff Keller knows who I am. If anything happens to Katie, he'll know where to find me. I'm being straight with you here, kid. I only want to talk to her.”
I fish a business card out of my wallet it and slap it down on the stack of hundreds. It has my name, the company name, my office phone, and personal phone numbers.
“Anything bad happens, that's how you can find me,” I say.
I take my hand off the card and the money, and Jake reaches out, slowly and hesitantly, but finally scoops it all up and quickly shoves the whole pile into his pocket. He grabs a pad of paper and a pen and scrawls something down and slides it over to me.
“You did not get this from me,” he warns.
“My lips are sealed,” I reply. “You have my word.”
I turn and head out of the bar, armed with the information I needed. Now comes the hard part.
* * *
Oliver is sitting patiently at my side, his head raised, as I knock on the door and wait for a long couple of minutes. I lean forward, straining my ears, but hear nothing. I check the address on the paper Jake gave me against the address of the house. It's the right place. Katie's car is in the driveway. I knock again, step back, and wait.
Katie's house is a bitch to find and I think I passed it half a dozen times before realizing my mistake. It's nestled back in a small clearing in the woods at the end of a long driveway. You'd never see it from the road if you didn't know what you were looking for.
I hear the muted creak of a floorboard from the other side of the door and suddenly get the feeling that I'm being watched. It's like a pressure that's weighing down on me. The unseen gaze carries a physical weight to it. There are windows on either side of the door with curtains drawn over them both. I can't see anybody peeking around them, but I can feel somebody on the other side, watching me.
A moment later, I hear the locks on the door being thrown, and then it swings open a crack. Katie, looking like she'd just woken up, is standing there, peering at me, then around me, with wide eyes, and a look of fear on her face.
“You – okay?” I ask.
She clears her throat and then opens the door a little wider, standing in front of me with her arms crossed over her chest, an irritated look on her face. She's burning holes through me with her glare – which is about what I expected, to be honest.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
I hold up the bags in my hands and give her what I hope is a charming smile.
“I came to offer an olive branch,” I say. “And to talk.”
“I don't think we have anything to talk about,” she says, her voice cold. “I think you made things pretty clear the last time I saw you. And over the last month of radio silence.”
“That's what I wanted to talk to you about,” I say.
She stares at me with her chin raised and her jaw set. Yeah, she's not happy with me at all right now.
“How'd you find out where I live?” she asks, her tone sharp.
“I'm a resourceful man,” I say and grin. She doesn't smile back. “Look, you have every right to be pissed –”
“You're damn right I do,” she snaps.
“Please, Katie,” I say. “I just want to talk.”
She lets out a long breath, and I notice that she's not looking at me. She's looking out into the driveway and woods beyond. Her eyes are moving back and forth like she's looking for something. Her body is tense, and it’s obvious she's stressed out about something.
Oliver lets out a soft whine and wiggles a little bit, doing his best to resist the urge to jump up and run to her. I know it must be a struggle for the big guy – he really likes Katie. Her eyes fall on him and her expression immediately changes. The darkness etched upon her face lifts, and when she greets him, her smile is as wide and bright as the sun.
Katie kneels down and opens her arms for Oliver, who quickly bolts over to her. He covers her face in kisses and leans against her, his tail wildly swinging back and forth. It's funny to me that she seems to have taken so well to him, given how terrified she was at first. But, the two seem to have bonded, which is good.
I also knew that bringing him might be a good icebreaker, given the fact I knew I'd be getting a pretty frosty reception. Manipulative? Yeah, maybe a little bit. But, at least there’s good intentions behind it.
She's in nothing but yoga pants, an oversized t-shirt, and socks. Her hair is a wreck – sticking out a hundred different ways – and she's not wearing any makeup. Yet, despite that, she's still breathtakingly beautiful. Her cool, alabaster skin is smooth and flawless, her brown eyes warm and bottomless. She's an absolutely stunning woman, and I don't think she even knows it. She's a lot like Maddy that way.
Katie gets back to her feet but continues scratching Oliver behind the ears. Her gaze returns to me, and I notice her expression has softened slightly. It's not much, but it's a start. I can work with it.
“Come in,” she says, even though there's a bit of reluctance in her voice.
I follow Katie in, and she closes the door behind us, throwing the half a dozen locks on it, and my mind immediately flashes to the unset alarm in the house the night Maddy was killed. If only Maddy had – I immediately push those thoughts away. I'm not going to dwell on that right now. I'm here to make things right with Katie. There will be plenty of time to wallow in my misery later.
“Wow,” I say. “You take home security pretty seriously.”
I meant it as a joke, but Katie glares at me as she walks by, and takes a seat on the couch. She grabs the remote and turns the TV off, plunging the room into silence. Not knowing if an invitation to sit is coming or not, I decide to seat myself.
Taking a seat at the other end of the couch, I set the bag on the table and start digging everything out.
“Croissants and danishes,” I say. “Bagels with cream cheese and lox. I wasn't sure what you liked, so I figured I'd just give you a variety to choose from.”
A small smile touches the corners of her mouth, and she stands up. “I'll get some plates and napkins,” she says. “I just put on a pot of coffee. Would you like some?”
“I'd love some, thank you,” I say. “Black, please.”
As she goes to the kitchen – Oliver following close behind her – I lay everything out and get it all ready. I can feel the tension that has been saturating the air since she first opened the door finally starting to dissipate. If only a little. At least it's something, though.
Finished setting everything out, I glance over at her spot on the couch and notice the handle of what looks like a butcher knife poking out from beneath the cushion. I reach over and slide it out, seeing that it is indeed a butcher knife. A big one. Why would she stash a knife under the couch cushion? The knife and her demeanor at the door both tell me that something's very wrong here. She's clearly afraid of something. But, what?
I slide the knife back into its spot and sit back when I hear Oliver panting excitedly as he follows Katie back into the room. He plops down on the floor beside her as she sits down on the couch, putting a tray on the coffee table in front of her. On the tray are two mugs, a pot of coffee, and a bottle of flavored creamer. There is also a small plate with some peanut butter crackers on it.
She looks over at me. “I assume peanut butter crackers are okay for him?” she asks. “Dogs usually love peanut butter.”
“Yeah, that's great,” I say. “I'm sure he won't object to a few treats. Thank you.”
She tosses him a cracker, and Oliver snatches it mid-air, munching away happily. The quickest way to my boy's heart is through his stomach, that's for sure. She throws him another cracker, and Oliver quickly chomps it down, looking to her for another before he's even finished swallowing that one.
“You're gonna have to slow down, mister,” Katie says and laughs.
She hands me a cup of coffee and then starts fixing her own, pouring in a healthy dose of the creamer into her mug. She sets her mug down and surveys the spread on the table before her, finally picking up a cheese and cherry danish, and putting it on her plate.
“Thank you for this,” she says. “I'm actually really hungry. I haven't gone out yet today.”
“You're welcome,” I reply, taking a bite of my bagel. “I thought it might be nice to bring you a picnic instead this time.”
Her smile is warm but hesitant. Which is a lot better than the scowl from earlier.
Honestly, I was surprised to find a place in Ashton Mill that actually had fresh lox. I was more than a little skeptical at first. But, the flavor explodes in my mouth, and I’m very pleasantly surprised. Perhaps I've judged this place a little too harshly, and it's not the backwater town I thought it was.
We eat for a few minutes, the silence between us strained and pronounced. I know she's waiting for me to say something, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the words. I have no script. No real plan. Although I expected her to be, I foolishly hoped she wouldn't be as pissed as I thought she'd be. That stupid dream was dashed the moment I saw her face in the doorway. So now, I'm just going to have to wing it – and I'm off to a very poor start.
I set my plate down and clear my throat. It's time to address the elephant in the room. It's what I came here for. Katie idly tosses another cracker to Oliver who snaps it up happily.
“I think he's going to like you better than me before we leave today,” I say and chuckle.
She smiles politely, but it doesn't reach her eyes. My gaze is drawn to the handle of the butcher knife between the cushions again – though, she's managed to slide it back even farther, so only the butt end of the blade is visible. I'm curious, though, and want to ask her about it, but know I should wait.
At least, for now.
“So, anyway,” I say. “About what happened between us –”
“Don't worry about it,” she says, her voice sharp. “It happened. It was great. We had a good time. But, you don't owe me an explanation. You don't owe me anything.”
Though her voice is strong and confident, I can hear the hurt behind her words. She's projecting an image of strength. Toughness. She's trying to appear unaffected by it all. I can tell though, she's not the kind to casually sleep around. What happened between us surprised her every bit as much as it had me.
Which must have made the aftermath of it incredibly painful for her.
“I do though,” I say. “I – I owe you an apology for the way I handled things, and for not contacting you –”
She shakes her head. “You don't,” she says. “I'm a big girl and –”
I hold up my hand and let out a frustrated breath. “Can you let me finish?”
She falls silent and looks down at the pastry on the plate in her lap. She won't meet my eyes and the tension radiating from her is like heat off the sun. Oliver, sensing the shift in mood, whines softly, and Katie tosses him another cracker. It hits the floor at his feet, and he continues staring at us, completely ignoring the treat.
“I'm sorry,” I say. “I didn't mean to snap at you.”
“I – it's fine,” she says.
I can tell it's anything but, though. Yeah, this is going well. I hurt her once already, and I just keep piling it on. Way to go.
“It's not fine,” I say. “And the way we left things the last time we saw each other isn't fine either. Stop being so damn agreeable.”
The words fell out of my mouth before I'd even had a chance to think about them. I feel my eyes widen slightly, and the apology is already forming on my lips when Katie finally looks up at me. Her jaw is clenched and a fire is burning in her eyes I haven’t seen before. I can’t say it’s a bad thing, though. She should be more aggressive and stand up for herself. I hate that I pushed her to this point, but in a way, I'm glad. I'm glad to see that maybe, just maybe, she'll start standing up for herself – with guys like her ex, with Leon. Hell, even with me.
“You know what? You're right. It's not fine. I'm pretty far from fine, actually,” she growls. “You made me feel like trash, Aidan. You were done, so you threw me out. Like I didn't matter. And I've had a month to do nothing but stew about it. So yeah, I'm pissed. More than pissed at you. You’re an arrogant asshole.”
I know she needs to get this out, so I let her speak. I just sit back and letting her swing away, taking her best shots as she delivers them. It's okay, I can take it. Katie needs to vent.
“I don't do things like that, Aidan,” she says. “I don't sleep around. I don't know why I did it. I just – I just got carried away or something. And then to have you treat me like that – like some random hookup you can't wait to get rid of – it hurt.”
“I know,” I say softly and nod.
“It hurt a lot, actually. And it pissed me off,” she says, her voice gaining even more heat. “I mean, who in the hell do you think you are? Why do you think you can treat women like that? I actually thought you were one of the good guys. A nice guy. Turns out, you’re the kind of asshole who uses women to get their rocks off, and then throws them away when they're done with them, regardless of their feelings. To me, that makes you the worst kind of asshole.”
She opens her mouth again but says nothing else. She seems to be running out of steam. Katie falls silent and looks down, picking at the corners of her half-eaten danish. I wait a few moments for her to go on, but she seems finished.
“I understand why you'd feel that way –”
“Wow. That's big of you,” she snipes.
“It's not what you think, though,” I say. “If it really was a case of me just trying to get rid of you, would I be here right now? Would I be sitting here, offering an apology and an explanation? Believe me, I don't explain myself to very many people.”
She looks at me with uncertainty in her eyes as she nibbles on her bottom lip. I can tell that she wants to believe me – at least, in part – but is having trouble with it. I imagine it's because of that darkness I see in her. The past she doesn't want to talk about.
Which also makes me wonder about the knife again.
“The truth is, you're the first woman I've been with in a long time, Katie,” I say. “My fiancée – died –three years ago and I haven't been with anybody since. So, when we had sex, I sort of freaked out about it. I was fucked up about it. That's not your fault. That's on me. I dumped all my shit on you, and I know that's not right. It wasn't that I wanted to get rid of you, or that I'd gotten my rocks off and was done with you – I just kind of had a mini-meltdown in my own head. And I know I handled it poorly. So, I'm sorry about that.”
I see her eyes widen as a stricken look crosses her face. I know that’s probably not anywhere close to what she expected to hear.
“Oh god, Aidan,” she says, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I am so sorry. I didn't know about your fiancée. I'm so sorry.”
I shrug. “How could you have?” I say. “Not like we know each other that deeply, and it's not like I talked about it. I just let myself get caught up in that moment with you and one thing led to another, and – I didn't plan out what happened between us. It was just – it just happened.”
The minute I see a flash of pain in her eyes, I know what I just said came out wrong. I'm doing a fantastic job of stuffing my own feet in my mouth today. It's alien to me because I'm usually very confident in whatever it is I'm saying. I never second guess myself. It would be fatal in my line of business to have this many crippling self-doubts. I am used to making a decision and going with it. If something goes sideways, I fix it. I don't spend time dwelling on it, nor do I ever need to explain my motives.
Yet, sitting there looking into Katie's wide, beautiful eyes, I find myself scrutinizing every word coming out of my mouth. I find myself carefully considering everything I say before I say it – and I'm still fucking it all up. This is why I don’t like to deal with emotions. Why I prefer logic and reason. Emotions tend to get messy. Complicated. Nothing is ever simple.
“Not that I regret what happened between us, Katie,” I add quickly. “I don't. Not for a minute. I just didn't expect it. What we shared though, was intense. It was pretty amazing, actually.”
A soft smile touches her lips and she looks away from me, color rising in her cheeks. Katie looks so sweet. So delicate. So vulnerable. There's just something about her I find massively appealing – that draws me to her. Something I find utterly intoxicating. I don't know what it is, but the connection between us is real.
And it scares the living hell out of me.
“It was my own shit that made me pull back like that. It had nothing to do with you,” I say. “And I’m sorry I made you feel like that. You deserve better.”
She looks up at me, and her eyes are shimmering. She's fighting hard, but loses the battle when one lone tear rolls down her soft cheek. I know that she's dealing with a lot of baggage and emotions that probably have nothing to do with me. But, I also know that I only made her burden that much worse with what I did.
Obviously, what happened between us – specifically, the aftermath of it – triggered a lot of things inside of her. It seems to have brought a lot of negative emotions to the surface. Which makes me even more intensely curious about her story. About her.
And of course, it makes me curious about how that knife she's hiding factors into it all.
Katie has an inscrutable look on her face, but a light of gratitude and relief shines in her eyes.
“Thank you for saying that,” she says. “It means – a lot to me.”
“There's no need for you to thank me, Katie,” I say. “I just – you just needed to know that what happened wasn't your fault. It wasn't about you. I was an asshole, and I dealt with my own shit poorly. I – like you, Katie. I like you a lot, and I don't ever want to upset you or make you feel somehow unworthy. Because believe me, you're more than worthy. You're special. And you deserve a lot better than an asshole like me. You deserve more than the way I made you feel. I’m sorry.”
She smiles, but the tears continue to roll down her cheeks. I can tell there is a lot of emotion boiling inside of her, and I suspect that most of it has nothing to do with me. Whatever it is though, I'm glad to see a smile on her face – one that's warm, genuine, and actually reaches her eyes this time.
Our gazes are locked as my heart begins to race. Reaching out, I wipe away the tears on her cheeks with my thumb. It's an innocent gesture, one meant to soothe and calm, but when my skin makes contact with hers, I feel a powerful current of electricity run through me. I feel the heat flaring up inside of me, and before I know it, I'm pulling her toward me.
When our lips touch, and she slips her tongue into my mouth, I'm rocked by an explosion of sensation. Katie presses herself into me, and she's putting as much intensity into her kiss as I am.
There's a small voice in my head telling me to stop; that this isn't what I came here for – that this will only make things more complicated between us. But, feeling her hands roaming all over me, feeling her tight, firm body pressed to mine, pretty much guarantees I'm not listening to it. As our kiss grows hotter and harder, my cock becomes stiff, and I surrender to the moment.
She pulls back for a moment, and I can see the desire flaring in her eyes. I can see the passion and the longing I'm sure is reflected in mine. We both know we shouldn't be doing this, but seem powerless to stop it.
I lean back and pull her back down on top of me. She's straddling me, grinding herself against me as we kiss. I slide my hands down her back and cup her ass, pulling her down onto me. Katie lets out a soft breath as she rocks her hips, sliding herself up and down on my thick shaft.
“We really shouldn't do this,” she whispers.
“I know,” I reply. “We should stop.”
Our eyes are locked onto one another, and although her grinding has slowed, she's still rubbing herself up and down on my cock. Katie's eyes flutter, and she lets out a small groan.
“I don't want to,” she says.
“Good,” I reply softly. “I don't want to either.”
She lowers her head back down and kisses me again, harder, and with even more intensity than before. I pull her shirt up and slip it off, tossing it aside carelessly. She responds by sliding her hands up my shirt, letting her fingertips trail along my skin, sending a shiver running through me. I raise my arms and let her take the shirt off of me. With a flirty grin, she throws it carelessly across the room just as I'd done to hers.
I sit up, and then get to my feet, picking her up with ease. She lets out a giggle as she wraps her legs around my waist and locks her hands behind my neck. Both of us shirtless, her full breasts pressed to my chest, I walk down the hallway.
“Second door on the right,” she says and kisses my neck.
I take her into the room and set her down on the bed, our mouths locked together, our tongues swirling in an erotic dance.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask, giving her one last out.
“Shut up and fuck me, Aidan.”
That's all the answer I need.