“You Can Find Me in The Club”

“Don’t mess this up, big brother,” Danielle lectured me as I walked into the airport. “I absolutely cannot believe you guys are pregnant.”

“It’s not like we planned it.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that this would be anything any two people would plan after having known each other a little over a month.”

I didn’t bother to correct her and tell her we hadn’t even known each other a month before we got pregnant. I mean, we had known each other over a month when we’d found out, but we’d gotten pregnant earlier than that. I almost couldn’t believe it myself. It was quite possibly the most irresponsible I’d ever been.

“Are you listening to me, Carter?” Danielle started lecturing me and I wanted to tell her that it was her bossiness that most probably was making her fail in the relationship department. It was a bit like the pot calling the kettle black and I also didn’t want her to be mad with me. I needed her in my court right now.

“I’m listening. Look I’m walking into La Guardia now. We’ll see you when we get back, okay?”

“Okay,” she said sounding amused. “Who would have thought my big brother would finally be growing up?”

“Whatever,” I said, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “You’re a brat.”

“Whatever, doofus. Give Lila my love and see you guys soon,” she said and then hung up. I smiled at the phone and then looked to see if I had any texts. I didn’t want Lila to think that I wasn’t coming if she’d texted me or something, but there were no missed texts.

I walked toward the arrival gates feeling excited. I hadn’t seen Lila in a little over two weeks, and I missed her more than I’d thought would be possible in such a short time frame. She had been in my dreams and in my mind most of my waking moments and even performing shows hadn’t felt the same without her there. It wasn’t just because she wasn’t there; it was because I knew she also wouldn’t be home waiting for me when my night was over. It had been nice having someone to go back to at the end of a gig. Especially, someone like Lila that was so supportive and sexy.

I stood waiting at the arrival gate anxiously. I didn’t know where her mind was at. We hadn’t spoken in the last week at all. She’d asked me to not contact her after she’d sent her flight information. She said she had needed some time to think about things, and that was difficult with me being in contact with her. I didn’t understand or like it and had started to contact her several times, but I’d stopped myself. I wanted to respect her wishes, and I also felt that maybe she’d been smart to say that we should have a little bit of distance.

People started to walk out of the gate, and I put my phone in my back pocket. I held up the sign I’d made on a white piece of cardboard. It read, “I met you, and you met me, little did we know, we’d create a baby.” I knew it was corny, but I wanted her to laugh when she saw me. I wanted her to seriously consider living with me. I knew it was a big step, and I knew that it was something that ruined better relationships than ours, but I figured it would be the best way to really get to know each other and figure out what we were going to do once the baby came.

“Carter.” Lila walked toward me rolling her red suitcase and smiled. She looked at the sign and laughed as she stopped in front of me. I put the sign down and gave her a huge hug, holding her tight to me.

“Hey you,” I said and kissed her cheek.

“Hey you,” she said and laughed again rubbing the side of my face. “I like the facial hair,” she said as she ran her fingers along my newly grown beard. “Sexy.”

“I’m glad you think so.” I took the suitcase from her and walked toward the exit. “Let’s just get a yellow cab home. We would have to go to another terminal for the Uber and that’s just too much bother.”

“We don’t have to do that.” She shook her head. “We can take public transportation. It’s much cheaper.”

“We’re not taking buses and trains home.” I frowned. “It’s too much, and I’d rather we take a cab.”

“Fine,” she said, and she just looked ahead.

“What?” She looked like she was annoyed with me, and I had no idea why.

“We shouldn’t be wasting money. And I don’t want you wasting your money getting cabs when you don’t even have a job anymore.”

“I’m not a broke-ass, Lila. I have savings, and I’ve already got a new gig signed up,” I said as I stopped to look at her seriously. “You don’t have to worry about me having enough money.”

“What’s the gig?” she asked, looking at me curiously. I hadn’t wanted to tell her just yet, but I guess there was no time like the present.

“Harley knows this manager guy Carlos, and he talked to the guys at Universal and they’ve offered us a two-month gig to play shows in Canada and parts of the States. They’re going to pay us forty thousand dollars each.”

“Whoa, what?” Her eyes widened, but I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “Wow, that’s amazing. What parts of the States?”

“Mainly in the South and the Midwest. They have the best test markets for new rock bands, supposedly,” I said. “We wouldn’t have any shows in New York.”

“Oh.”

“We’d be leaving in a month.”

“Oh.” She licked her lips, and her eyes looked away from mine. I wanted to ask her what she was thinking and feeling. I wanted to know if she was happy for me, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if she thought I was deserting her.

“It’s a really good opportunity. If it goes well, we could book gigs in Europe as an opening act for some big bands, maybe even The Rolling Stones.”

“Europe, huh?” She looked back at me and smiled. “That’s really awesome. Congrats.”

“Obviously, this would complicate things a bit.” I sighed. I wanted to ask her if she would tour with me, but I didn’t even know if that would be feasible. She had a job, and she was pregnant. Why would she come with me? Especially because I still didn’t know what I wanted.

“No, why would it?” she said. Her voice sounded higher than normal, and I stopped to stare at her properly. Her eyes were wide, and she looked like she was about to cry. My heart stopped for a moment, and I wondered what was wrong.

“Are you okay?” I asked her softly, my heart thudding. She didn’t look like she was happy. Maybe she had decided in the week that we hadn’t seen each other that she no longer wanted to be with me. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” She shook her head. “Nothing at all. So when do you go?”

“We haven’t signed the contract yet? We’re still waiting on a few things to be ironed out. It might not even go through,” I said grabbing her hand. “The music business is crazy. One day you’re hot, and one day you’re not.”

“You guys will never be not hot,” she said, her voice soft. “You’re all very talented.”

“Thanks, Lila,” I said as we waited in line for the yellow taxi. “So have you given any thought to us living together?” I asked. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve come up with a plan.”

“Let’s talk about it later,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. “I think we have a lot to talk about.”

“We’re going out tonight, Lila. You and me. We’re going to dance and have fun and catch up.” Danielle hugged Lila close as she walked into the apartment. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Lila laughed, and we all headed back to the living room. “You have to tell me all about London, and the job, and that guy you sent me the photo of. What happened with him?”

“Oh my God, he was a loser. You will not believe what happened.” Danielle groaned. “I thought he was going to be this charming English polite gentleman, but no he was this weird-ass guy with a foot fetish, and he wanted me to dress up in diapers.”

“No way.” Lila burst out laughing. “Baby diapers?”

“Nooo,” Danielle squealed. “The adult ones for when you can’t hold it in anymore.”

“I think it’s called incontinence, Lila,” I said as I watched the two of them gossiping. “And as your brother, I want to officially state that I have no interest in hearing about this conversation.”

“Sh, Carter,” Lila and Danielle said in unison and both of them started laughing. They looked at me, and I glared at them, and that got them to giggling. Women! It then struck me that if Lila and I had a girl, I would be surrounded by estrogen. That couldn’t happen. I would die. I really, really hoped we were having a boy.

“Are we having a boy or a girl?” I blurted out looking at Lila, and she just grinned at me.

“Brother dearest, it’s too early to know the gender of the baby.” Danielle just rolled her eyes at me. “He’s so worried that he’s going to be surrounded by women,” she said to Lila. “Poor baby.”

“Shut up, Danielle.” I made a face at her, but then we both laughed. It felt good to be back in Lila’s apartment and having a good time. It seemed like all of our conversations recently had been so serious, and it felt nice to just have a laugh. “And Lila can’t go out with you tonight, she’s staying in with me.”

“I don’t think so, big brother.” Danielle grinned. “I already texted Lila yesterday, and we made plans for tonight.” She looked at her watch then. “Okay, our dinner reservation is in an hour. I’m going to go and shower and start getting ready.”

“Oh, yes, I should shower and get ready as well.” Lila gave me a sheepish grin. “You can stay here if you want.”

“And look after Frosty.” Danielle laughed. “It will be good babysitting practice for you.”

“I already looked after your damn dog for a month by myself,” I said feeling irritated. I wanted to spend the night with Lila. I’d had visions of us going out for a romantic dinner and then coming home and making love. In fact, I was annoyed that Danielle had wanted to even come over tonight period. I’d wanted to rip Lila’s clothes off as soon as we walked through the door. Having to just sit there and keep my hands to myself and wait for my sister to show up had been torture.

“Well, you’ve got another night of it tonight, Daddy dearest.” Danielle started laughing. “Okay, I’m going to head out. Come with me, Carter, I’ll grab Frosty, and you can walk him while I get ready.”

“Wow, is this what my life has come to?” I threw my hands up in the air and just fake-glared at the two women that were totally dictating my life right now. “No one would believe that I was a rock star.” I walked over to Lila and gave her a huge kiss before following Danielle to the front door. “Okay, I’ll be back in about thirty minutes,” I said and blew Lila a kiss as I exited. It felt nice to be here with her, and even though I was upset she was going out, I was happy just to be in her space again. My phone beeped as I closed the door, and I pulled it out to see a message from Harley. “Call me now.” It read and I sighed and pressed his number into the phone.

“What’s up?” I asked as he answered the phone on the first ring.

“Dude, you haven’t sent the contract back. Carlos told me that you said you needed to think about it.”

“I’ve got a lot going on right now, Harley.”

“This doesn’t have to do with big tits again, does it?”

“Dude, if you call her that again. I will knock your teeth out.”

“What’s the fucking hold up, man? The terms of the contract are exactly what we asked for. They are giving us everything we want. They want us badly, dude. We’re so hot right now, we’re going to burn.”

“This might not be the best time for me.” I kept my voice low. I didn’t want Danielle to hear my conversation. I didn’t want her telling Lila what she’d heard. Not after I’d told Lila I hadn’t received the contract as yet. I didn’t want the questions or the guilt she might feel if I decided not to go. I didn’t know what I was going to do yet. I wanted to go, of course, I wanted to go. Music was my life. It had always been my life. This was my dream. We were on the precipice of fame and glory. We were about to make it. Unfortunately, I didn’t know if that was everything I wanted anymore.

“What the fuck, Carter, don’t let some pussy fuck this up for us.” Harley was angry as he shouted in the phone, and I knew he had a right to be angry, but I didn’t appreciate how he talked about Lila. I didn’t appreciate it at all.

“I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said and then hung up the phone. Everything in my life was upside right now, and I didn’t know if I was coming or going, and I didn’t want anyone to pressure me into making a decision I didn’t want to make. I realized that this was the first time in my thirty years of life that I actually had life-determining decisions to make, and it scared me more than I wanted to admit.