Matt was a good five minutes early, only making himself look even more like a desperate loser.
Anna hadn’t asked him to help get her car and Tuesday’s practice had been rained out. Matt hadn’t seen or talked to her since Sunday night when he’d dropped her and Ethan off at her father’s other than the mass text he sent about canceling practice (to which she didn’t respond) and his text early today asking if they were still meeting tonight and, if so, they could meet at Starbucks at seven.
Her response: Thank you.
Thank you. What the hell did that mean? She was the one who’d asked him to meet her, but after the way they’d parted on Sunday night, he wasn’t sure she still wanted to go through with it. What if it had been one of those spur-of-the-moment requests? The one you regret after a good night’s sleep.
He sat at a table, slipping off his jacket in the too warm room and contemplating sending her a text to cancel when he saw her walk through the door. All reasonable thought fled his brain, and sitting back in his chair, he knew he wasn’t going anywhere. The truth was he was at Anna’s mercy. He always had been, and apparently, he still was.
What an idiot.
She saw him sitting at the table for two and headed toward him. She was wearing jeans that clung to her shapely legs and a pale blue shirt that did amazing things to her complexion. Her blond hair hung in loose waves to her shoulder, and she nervously tucked a strand behind her ear. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
She gestured to the counter. “I’m going to get a drink. I see you already got one. I was going to pay for yours, but you already got one.” She paused and grimaced. “I already said that. I’m nervous. I guess I shouldn’t have admitted that either.”
Seeing her like this—betraying a rare moment of uncertainty when she was usually confident—reminded him of the woman he’d fallen in love with. He’d been drawn to her confidence back then and humbled when she felt comfortable enough to let down her guard and show him her rare moments of self-doubt. But he’d also been drawn to her utter goodness. She was a package of sexy and sweet, and he found her just as irresistible now as he’d found her back then.
He stood and reached for her hand before he realized what he was doing and dropped his hand in an awkward move.
She was leaving. She was flying across a damn ocean, and who knew when she’d ever be back, yet all he could think about was unfastening the buttons on her shirt so he could see more of her.
He fisted his hands to keep from acting on his thought. “It’s okay, Anna. I’m not going to bite.” Damn. Wrong choice of words, because he was dying to lower his mouth to her full lips and rake his teeth across them.
She looked up into his eyes, and her lips parted, then she seemed to remember why she was here and took a step back. “I’m going to get a drink.”
He almost offered to walk her to the counter, but he needed to let her set the boundaries here, and he needed to let her give her explanation. There was no doubt she had destroyed him when she’d turned down his proposal, but seeing her now and getting to know her again over the last few days, he knew she hadn’t changed. He had no idea why she’d really turned him down, but she hadn’t turned into the cold-hearted bitch he’d made her out to be.
She was back a few minutes later with a tea bag label sticking out from under the lid on her cup.
“You’ve learned to like tea?” he asked in surprise. “You used to hate it.”
She eyed him as though looking for some hint of accusation, and he purposely kept his posture casual and nonconfrontational.
Shrugging, she lifted the lid off her cup and checked inside before putting the lid back on. “Couldn’t be helped, I guess.”
“What’s the best part of living in London?”
She sat back and eyed him for several seconds before she said, “You’re serious.”
“Yes.”
She was quiet for a moment then smiled. “That’s so hard to answer. There’s no one big thing, more like lots of little things.”
“Such as?”
Her smile spread. “High tea, for one. They have the best scones.” She pointed in the direction of the bakery case. “Those things are sad imposters. And they serve them with clotted cream, which is like butter but twenty times more delicious and a fat content so high it should be illegal. And then there’s the architecture and the history.”
“You loved European history,” he said with a genuine smile.
Sadness filled her eyes. “We talked about touring Europe after we graduated.”
Instead he’d proposed. For the first time he wondered if they would still be together if he’d taken it slower. Or if he’d tried to understand why she’d said no.
“Have you traveled much of Europe?” he asked.
Again, she studied him as though trying to determine if he’d set a trap. “Not as much as I would have liked. In the beginning, I was working insane hours trying to prove myself. Once I was established…I don’t know…it seemed like a lot of work. I wanted to relax. Then Toby came along, and I didn’t want to travel alone with a toddler.” She glanced down at her cup then back up into his eyes. “Matt, I owe you an apology of epic proportions.”
“Actually,” he said softly, “I think maybe I owe you one instead.”
Her mouth parted in surprise. He was pretty sure that was the last thing she’d expected him to say.
It was the last thing he’d expected to say. He’d been stubborn and stupid. Why had he presumed the worst of her? The woman he’d grown to love would never callously hurt someone, and there was every indication that, at her core, she was still that woman.
“I’m serious,” he said. “I was so busy consoling and coddling myself over how I’d been wronged, I never once stopped to think about how badly you had to be hurting, too.”
“I…I don’t know what to say.” Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I never wanted to hurt you, Matt.”
“I know.” And he did. Why did it take him so long to see it?
“Those fourteen months with you were the happiest of my life. But I was offered that job in London and I wanted it, really wanted it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me you were considering it?”
“It’s like I told you when you proposed. I knew you wanted to come back home and work with your dad. And I knew if I came back that I was never leaving, you know? I knew that if I was going to see the world, that was the time to do it.” She gave him a sad smile. “The irony is I’ve seen a lot of the inside of my office, which admittedly has a great view of the London Eye and Parliament, but I’ve given my life to my job.”
“Did you mean it when you said you weren’t sure about getting married and having kids?” he asked. “We’d talked about it, Anna—getting married, having kids. I never once got the impression you didn’t want those things. You have to know that hit me out of nowhere.”
She leaned back and cupped her tea with both hands even though the shop was too warm. “I know. I’m sorry.” She took a sip of her tea then set down the cup. “I knew about the job several days before you proposed. I was confused about whether to take it or not, so I called my mother.” She frowned, her brow creasing as she glanced down at the cup. “I should have known better. She told me I was foolish to even consider it, that I was throwing something good away. You.” She glanced up at him with glassy eyes. “The thing is, I knew she was right. I knew it deep in my soul, but she kept pushing marriage and kids and telling me that I’d screwed up my priorities. So I rebelled and told her I didn’t want to get married and have kids. And while I was saying it to her, it sounded right. It sounded true. I didn’t want to be tied down like she had been. But when I said it to you, I wasn’t so sure anymore. Even so, I knew I needed to go to London. I couldn’t marry you because I was afraid of living a larger life than my mother dared to have. I needed to marry you for the right reasons.”
“For the right reasons? You didn’t love me?” he asked, feeling pathetic for asking.
She gasped then looked at him in earnest. “I loved you more than I’ve loved any other man. Any other person with the exception of Toby, but that’s not even a fair comparison because they are two completely different kinds of love.”
He felt like a fool when his heart skipped a beat at her declaration. “I understand. I know from Ethan. I love that little guy more than I ever thought possible.”
She nodded.
“But what about Toby’s father?” he asked, needing to know even if it hurt. “You must have fallen in love with him.”
She shook her head with a sad smile. “I won’t deny I was drawn to him. He was charismatic and cocky and a bit of a bad boy.” She made a face. “He was totally unlike you. I didn’t realize the comparison until a few years later, but it’s true.” She sighed. “It was a disaster. I had no idea he was sleeping around while we were dating until I found out I was pregnant and went to his flat to tell him. He was in bed with another woman.” A sardonic smile spread across her face. “Score one for karma.”
“No,” he said emphatically. “I never would have wished that on you.”
She shrugged. “Nevertheless, the universe is a fickle bitch.”
He couldn’t deny it.
“We weren’t married. We’d only been dating six months, and I thought the last three months were exclusive. Then…somehow, I ended up pregnant. My mother had just died. My father had a chip on his shoulder the size of the world. While I was home for the funeral, I began to suspect I might be pregnant, but I waited until I got back to London and made an appointment at the clinic to confirm it. I refused to take a home test, even though I knew. I just couldn’t accept it.”
He’d expected to feel some sort of vindication, but all he could think about was how terrible it must have been for her. She’d just lost her mother, found out she was pregnant, then discovered the father of her child had betrayed her.
Tears filled her eyes and her chin quivered. She took a breath then continued. “After I found him with his girlfriend, I’d changed my mind about telling him about the baby, but it slipped out in the heat of an argument.” A tear rolled down her cheek. “You have no idea how badly I wished I hadn’t told him. He’s made my life hell ever since.”
The protective side of him roared to life. “What has he done?”
She smiled and swiped absently at a tear. “I can see by the look in your eyes that you think it might have been physical. Trust me, psychological hell is just as bad.”
He wasn’t sure how to answer that.
“Phillip is five years older and his family had been pressuring him to settle down. He said he wanted to try to make us work. And even though we might be living in the twenty-first century, I was worried how my bosses and clients would have taken a single woman having a baby. The banking world is conservative. So…I married him.” Another tear leaked from her eye. “The third biggest mistake of my life.”
“Third?”
“The second biggest was telling him about Toby.” She paused. “It was a rushed wedding. I was four months pregnant and his family did not approve. Neither did my father. He refused to come to the wedding. I felt so alone after my mother died, and you know I was never close to Dad. I thought I could make my own family. I was determined to make my marriage work and Phillip was so convincing. And at first, he was determined. But the closer I got to the delivery, the more freaked out Phillip became and the more he was…gone.” Defeat and embarrassment filled her eyes. “He missed Toby’s birth.”
“Please tell me he was out of town.”
She shook her head. “He was at a pub getting drunk and going home with a woman he’d just picked up. And the only reason I found that out was because I called him to let him know he’d missed seeing the birth of his son. She answered, telling me he was sleeping it off.”
“Anna, I’m sorry.”
Anger filled her teary eyes. “No. Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. I got what I deserved.”
He stared at her in disbelief. “You really believe you deserved that?”
“After what I did to you? Yes. And more.”
He shook his head, but her gaze was focused on the table.
“That was it for me. I realized that he’d never given up the other women, and he never would. I was done. I had the locks of my apartment changed, even while I was still in the hospital ward. I had Toby at three in the morning and Phillip came by the next day—not the same day, the next day, thirty-six hours later, walking in with a giant teddy bear and a cigar.”
“He what?”
“I filed for divorce soon after I brought Toby home from the hospital, before I even went back to work early to compete for a big client when he was four months old. And even though his family didn’t like me, Toby was their flesh and blood, and they refused to let me bring him back to the States.” She grimaced. “That was mistake number four—not coming to the States to give birth. He has a dual citizenship, but I would have more rights if I’d had him here.” She ran her finger around the lid of her cup. “My divorce papers say I’m not allowed to take him out of the country for more than four weeks.”
“Then how did you bring him here now for this long?”
“Phillip doesn’t know we’re here and I’m fairly certain he won’t find out. The last time I talked to him was three years ago.”
“He doesn’t see his son?”
“No.”
“Does he pay child support?”
She didn’t answer and Matt’s mind went into overdrive trying to figure out how to help her.
A warm smile lit up her face even though her eyes still shimmered with tears. “Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“I know you, Matt Osborn. You’re sitting there trying to figure out how to fix this for me. And while I’m touched, it’s not your problem.”
He gave her a dubious look.
“Matt,” she said with more force. She looked like she was about to say something, then closed her mouth before she said, “I didn’t expect this to go so well.”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “Honestly, neither did I. I was pretty angry when I saw you last week.”
“But you’re not anymore?”
“No. It’s a lot easier to wallow in your self-righteous anger when you don’t have to see the pain the other person has gone through.”
Her eyes pleaded with his. “I’m truly sorry, Matt.”
“Me, too.”
They sat in silence, as though both were unsure how to handle this truce. He’d spent so many years trying to hate her, he was grappling with the feelings flooding in to replace it.
“So what about you?” she asked. “Did you ever marry?”
“No.” He shifted in his seat, feeling even more foolish about letting her go a decade ago. “I dated several women, but none seemed right.” No, Anna Fischer had ruined him for other women. They had all seemed like a pale imitation of what he’d always wanted: her. “I lived with a woman for several months last year, but she turned out to be a bank robber.”
Her eyebrows shot up. “What?” She sat up straighter.
“Yeah…” He drew out the word, trying to determine how much to tell her. “She’d assumed an alias and was living a quiet life with me in Blue Springs. Imagine my surprise when the police busted in my front door to storm the place and arrest us both.”
Her mouth dropped open.
“I was later released, but it still made the news. Business suffered for a bit.”
“And your girlfriend…”
“Pled guilty to robbing banks in five states.” He shook his head with a wry grin. “She told me she was broke. You think she could have shared some of the money with me. Or taken me on a trip to Fiji.”
She gave him a wry grin. “She was probably afraid to leave the country.”
He laughed. “True.”
“Anyone else?” she asked, sounding hopeful.
“No.” No one worth mentioning. He realized how pathetic he sounded and sat up with a smile. “But I bought my house soon after the incident and decided I didn’t need someone to make my life complete. Dad died a couple of years ago, and I took over the business. Kevin moved back last summer, so now I have both him and Tyler close, and we see each other often. I have Ethan, and I love every minute I get with him. And soon I’ll have a dog.” He took a sip of his drink, embarrassed about sharing that last one. “For Ethan.”
Sadness filled her eyes. “You always talked about getting a dog.”
“The timing never seemed right until now.” This was becoming far too introspective and melodramatic.
“Maybe losing your father spurred things,” she said. “I’m sorry to hear about his passing. He was a great guy. What happened?”
“Heart attack.”
“I’m sure he’d be proud of the way you’re taking care of Ethan.”
That filled him with more pride than he’d expected. “I’d like to think so. Mom had a hard time at first, but now she’s dating.” He made a look of disgust.
Anna laughed. “Spoken like a son.”
Still cringing, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I guess…”
“I always liked your mom,” she said wistfully.
“She liked you, too. She took your side after the breakup.”
“What?”
He smiled. “She said we were twenty-two and too young to tie ourselves down. I think she would have friended you on Facebook if she thought I wouldn’t have been offended.”
An uncomfortable silence loomed over them.
There was so much Matt wanted to know about her life, but he knew better than to push his luck. “Toby said you’re here because your father’s ill?”
She spent the next several minutes telling him about her father’s broken leg and his doctor’s concern about him being alone. Tears filled her eyes when she told him how she’d spent the previous Saturday touring an assisted living facility to move him to. “I have an appointment on Friday to visit another place in Lee’s Summit, but even if it’s better, he’s still going to hate it.” She shook her head. “I don’t know how I’m going to tell him. He’ll hate me all over again.”
“All over again?”
“He was angry when I moved to London, then pissed when I came home for Mom’s funeral and left again.” She paused. “He’s too frail to leave unattended, but there’s no way he’d come to London. Even if he did, he’d be miserable…we’d be miserable.”
“What about hiring someone to help him at the house?”
She shook her head. “He needs to be watched full time, or at least left alone for no more than a few hours. He broke his leg when he fell outside and his neighbor found him. If he’d fallen in his house, I have no idea how long it would have been before he was found.” She paused and worry filled her eyes. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
“How long before you go?” he asked. “To London?”
And that was the question he’d been dying to ask since the moment she’d walked in the door. How long until she walked out of his life again.
“Five weeks.”
“That’s not much time.”
She sighed and sank into her chair. “I know.”
“If you need any help, let me know,” he said.
She gave him a tiny smile. “You’re doing it again. Trying to fix this for me.”
“Ever heard of networking?” he asked with a wry grin. “I’m a business owner. I know a lot of people in the community.” He dug his phone out of his pocket. “In fact, I know the director of nursing at a brand-new residential care facility that’s set to open in another month. I can send her an e-mail and introduce you two then let you take it from there.”
“I don’t know what to say,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve been far nicer to me than I deserve.”
Matt had a feeling she’d spent more than enough time beating herself up over the last twelve years. He reached across the table and grabbed her hand then squeezed. “Let’s make a deal. Let’s agree to let the past go and just move forward. Okay?”
Tears filled her eyes again, but she smiled as she nodded. “Deal.”
He glanced down at his phone and resisted the urge to groan. “I’m going to have to leave so I’ll be home when Mom drops Ethan off.”
Her eyes flew open. “Oh. Of, course.” She stood and picked up her purse. “Sorry to keep you.”
“Anna.” Matt stood and put his hand on her upper arm and felt a jolt of awareness shoot through him. He’d felt it when he’d touched her on Sunday night and he knew this was a bad idea, yet he was drawn to her regardless. “Don’t be sorry. I wish I could stay longer.” He dropped his hand before he did something stupid like try to kiss her. “Let me walk you to your car.”
He expected her to protest, but instead she smiled softly and turned toward the door. They walked in silence until they reached her father’s car. He almost commented on her not calling him to pick up the car from the shop, but stopped. The evening had cooled off, the air was crisp, and the sky was cloudless, revealing the stars. She looked up at him with her keys in her hand, and he didn’t want to spoil this moment, didn’t want to mar it with polite lies and half truths. They both knew why she didn’t call.
He studied her, in awe that she was standing in front of him. How many nights had he conjured up her image in his head? How many times had he wished he could hold her again? Kiss her full lips and hold her body next to his as they made love. He couldn’t have any of those things—she was leaving and they had no future—but he could look at her now, her face glowing in moonlight. He could commit this to his memory. A newer, happier memory to replace that night twelve years ago when his world fell apart.
“Matt…” she breathed out in a small sigh. He heard the sorrow in her voice, the regret in his name.
“I know.” He took the keys from her hand and unlocked the door, then opened it and waited for her to get in. When she was seated behind the steering wheel, he handed her the keys. “Anna…thank you.”
He didn’t wait for her to respond, just turned and headed for his truck, wondering how he’d survive the next five weeks.