CHAPTER TEN
Daddy’s Big House
…Two weeks later…
She’d broken up, down, in and out to chase a dream…
“And so, that’s where I am at with it now,” she said with a sigh.
She sat at the big dining room table facing her stone-faced father after spilling her guts about her business plans. It had taken a great deal of courage to ask him for the loan to create her workout video series. This was one of many steps to launch her into the next leg of success. She’d come humbly, hesitating forever, but after speaking with Aiden he practically made her promise to do so.
What’s the point in pride if it stands in your way, Addison? Besides, they’re your parents. You said they love you. If their actions showed they loved you despite your resentment after what happened, then hell, baby, believe them…
Much to Addison’s surprise, Aiden had been right about the type of reaction she’d receive from her request. Dad was supportive, went as far as to say it was a good idea, but he demanded she come to the house to get the check—no just-over-the-phone-stuff, as he called it. He wanted to look her in the eye and wouldn’t be sending her the funds online or through the mail. That had been made abundantly clear. The tall man with milk chocolate skin, dressed impeccably from his head down to his toes, stood from the antique chair and exited the dining room without so much as a word. When he returned, he had his checkbook in hand.
“I thought Mom was home, but I didn’t see her car when I pulled up.” She looked across the room towards the window, dressed in sheer white curtains. The long, winding driveway was occupied by Dad’s black Mercedes and their mailbox at the end of the trail.
“She’s running some errands,” he stated matter-of-factly as he sat back down. “Addison, I want you to come by and visit more.”
“I know you do, Dad.”
“Then why don’t you?” He slowly looked up from his checkbook, a rather stern look on his face.
“I… I’m not really sure. Things just… okay, look.” She placed her hands on the table, ready to come completely clean. “Things hadn’t been right between us since I married Daniel.”
“Okay, but that wasn’t our choice.”
“I don’t agree. You made me choose between him and you. You and Mom didn’t approve, and you didn’t even bother to come to the wedding. That hurt me so badly. Initially I believed it was because he was White.”
“That’s preposterous. Race doesn’t determine a person’s character and we never said anything to you to prove otherwise. You’ve dated Black men, White men… there was even that one guy, what was his name?”
“Franco from Argentina. Look, dating and marrying are two different things though, Dad. I did figure out that his race wasn’t your concern or, at least, not your main one. What hurts most is that we barely talked for the entire duration of that marriage. Though he ended up being just what you said he was, I needed you most because of that, Dad. I felt… so alone.” She dropped her head. “So, when he and I ended, I still felt awkward to be around you, in your home… My childhood home where the happiest times of my life were spent. I called you and Mom to let you both know how horrible things had turned out, that you both were right, but… I don’t know, Dad.” She shook her head. “Something felt broken between us and I wasn’t certain what to do about it, how to make it right. I felt abandoned by you.”
She looked into the man’s eyes. He nodded, but no words came out. Looking down at the check, he filled it out, then paused. A few seconds later, he tore the check from the booklet and placed it in front of her.
“There you go, Addison. Hopefully that’s enough to get you started.”
“I’m sure it will be, Dad, and thank you. I will pay you back every single penny as soon as I get fulltime employment.”
“From the sound of things, that should be any day now, but take your time repaying it, Addison. I know you aren’t really one for handouts, as you call them, but I believe in you and what you’re trying to do. Look, before you go, I want to finish what we were talking about.” He clasped his hands and leaned back in his chair.
“Okay.”
“You kept in contact with your sisters but not with your mother and I. They didn’t approve of your marriage to Daniel, either, Addison. It seemed as though you wanted to punish us. He wasn’t right for you, and we knew it, but…” He shrugged. “In these cases, sometimes people have to find these matters out the hard way. I was just trying to save you some pain… some heartache…” He snatched up a napkin and blew his nose.
“Dad, Mary and Bridgette didn’t like Daniel—that’s a fact. I haven’t liked some of their boyfriends either and honestly, I can take or leave Lance but now that he’s engaged to Mary, I am trying to be as supportive as possible. To me, that is what a sister does. As long as he is not hitting her or dogging her out, I’m going to support her and try to be positive. They didn’t act the way you two did towards me. They told me what they thought, but they didn’t shun me or write me off, Dad. That was the difference. They didn’t wish doom and gloom on my marriage by saying, ‘It’ll never last.’ In fact, Bridgette told me flat out that she wanted to be proven wrong about him—and you know what? I believed her.”
“They still came by to visit us, even though Daniel tried to alienate me. Dad, that’s when I needed you and Mom the most! You were right, and because of that, your love was the most crucial it had ever been!”
She hated how her voice quaked at the revelation. She looked at her father, not certain if he understood. Here sat a Black man who’d come from money. He’d never known what it was like to struggle financially, or not know where his next meal was coming from. He did not live in the same realm of the have nots, but he had a good heart. That said, he had little patience for mistakes, and sometimes Addison felt like he thought she was a mistake, too. Middle child blues…
They stared at each other as time ticked on by.
“We never stopped loving you, Addison.” He swallowed hard, his eyes moist as apparent emotions built up like water in a dam, but he kept his composure nevertheless. The truth showed in the way his shoulders slumped and the tick at the corner of his lip.
Her phone buzzed then. She looked down at it and smiled. It was Aiden checking in on her, making sure all was well and she was okay.
Aiden: I don’t need you to respond, just making sure you are fine. Whatever is going on, keep an open mind and listen. I love you.
She looked back at her father.
“Dad, is it okay if I come by Monday afternoon? I have to meet two new clients at the gym, a couple, for a personal training session that morning.”
“Of course you can come.”
“Maybe all of us can have lunch… you know, when Mom is here, too?”
His eyes glimmered. “I think your mother would like that very much, I know I would.”
She rose from the table and went to wrap her arms around the man and kiss him on the cheek. He patted her arm and smiled, but deep within, she had no doubt they both hurt so deeply. When she started to leave, he called out to her.
“Addison.”
“Yes, Dad?”
“One day, you will have children of your own.”
“Oh, Dad,” She smiled and shook her head. “I don’t know about all of that.”
He raised a hand to stop her. “No, listen to me,” he said, his tone serious. “One day, you’ll understand the hurt that comes with being a parent… when you have to admit that you made mistakes in raising them. Perfection and parenting both begin with the letter ‘p’, but they live nowhere near one another, not even on the same block. We do the best we can, and each child is different, so how you talk to them and treat them can vary, too. You’ll be sorry many times before they reach adulthood, but you’ll probably never say sorry for loving them with all that you have within you, because you don’t owe that child an apology for loving them so hard! One day, Addison, the words that I can’t say right now, the things I can’t explain to you, will make sense. My parents, your grandparents, grew up dirt poor, but worked hard so that when they got married and had me and my sister, we never wanted for anything. But they instilled in us that even financial success didn’t mean you could treat people any way you wished, that you needed to have honor and respect, and you needed to be humble.
“Because of how they raised us, I wanted to ensure that my children had the same privileges. I have never told you some of the adversities I faced and perhaps I should have. I wanted to protect you. It wasn’t a prideful reason, I wanted you to believe you and your sisters could have it all, despite being African American young ladies in a racist and misogynistic society. It was hard enough being Black in America, Addison. Having to explain to cops who pulled me over why my car was so fancy, being accused of stealing my suits, hats, and watch. Having people cut their eyes at me with resentment and tell me I spoke well for a Black man! Being asked to sing or dance, mistaken for a shoeshine boy while in the airport, having my Master’s degree questioned for authenticity! Not believing me when I explained that I didn’t have any children out of wedlock! Your mother was mistaken for a cleaning lady when she pulled up in her own driveway one day. Someone had the wrong address and was on our property!
“The stories I could tell you, Addison… it would take hours to recite each one. These things don’t just happen in the South. Seattle is supposed to be progressive, and yet, it is happening here, too, and it will continue to happen as long as people need someone to feel better than because their own self-esteem and self-worth is in the shitter! I never wanted you to have that! I never wished for you and your sisters to have to apologize for being you! For being successful! For living well! You and your sisters are our pride and joy. So, when you go down in the dumps, you need to remember that you take us down with you! When your heart breaks, so does mine, a million times over… Your cries are heard as though atop a mountain, echoing, and we hear them! Oh, honey, don’t you understand?!”
Her heart beat inside her chest so hard, it hurt. She fought the tears, begged them not to come as she simply stood there, shaking, staring at the man, hearing things from him that were brand new and tragic.
“I’m trying to understand, Dad. I am!” She walked back over to him, and he stood from his seat and held her hand as he looked into her eyes. Into her soul.
“I saw my daughter being torn apart… torn down.” His voice shook as a tear streaked his cheek. “This strong, independent young lady who’d worked her behind off in school, got straight A’s all through elementary and high school, and made the Dean’s list every semester in college was a showstopper of a woman. You never wanted money from us. You wanted to earn your own way, just like we’d taught you. You were amazing! My daughter knew the meaning of hard work. She was training people, helping them achieve healthier lifestyles. I know exactly what led to you choosing this occupation, and it’s a noble reason.” She dropped her head, fighting tears, then slowly met eyes with him again, barely hanging on. “This daughter of mine, she was full of life! Laughing, silly at times, rebellious as a teenager, but had her head on straight. And then this… this bastard came into her life and tore my child’s heart out of her chest!”
Addison unraveled right then and there. The tears came and never stopped. She looked down, kept a tight grip on her father’s hand, but looked away, unable to keep her composure a moment longer.
“She was being destroyed by a man who didn’t give a damn about ’er! Didn’t value her! He didn’t encourage you to chase after your dreams. He didn’t help steer you in the right direction, give you good advice and inspire you to treat the world as your oyster. He was too insecure to let you have what was rightfully yours! Everyone became his competition. He didn’t want you to spread your wings and fly. He was afraid you’d soar high up in the sky, right the hell away from him if you knew what else was out there in the world! You were so young, a bit sheltered, and you didn’t know any better. But I and your mother did and it killed us, Addison. I am sorry that you felt left behind… that we drew a line in the sand and told you to choose. In retrospect, that wasn’t a good plan. You’re right, that’s when you needed us most. I’m sorry!”
She took her father into her arms and hugged him tight, squeezing him as the tears kept falling and her heart kept swelling with the pain of a wound that should have healed long ago. She was at a loss for words, in shock. She’d rarely seen her father express emotion. Certainly not like this.
“He wasn’t kind to you, Addison.” Dad rocked her in his arms and kissed the top of her head. “He wasn’t compassionate. He was hard, rough, and arrogant. He turned you into someone you were not. On the outside, he was a father’s dream for their daughter—a surgeon from a great family. But on the inside, he was cold, callous, controlling and devious. I didn’t hate you for choosing him, Addison. I hated him for hurting my child… for making her believe his lies, for making you doubt yourself. I despised him for not being human enough to see or care about the havoc he’d reeked. Yes, one day, you’ll be in my shoes, watching your child make a mistake… one that will make you queasy with anxiety. But there won’t be anything you can do about it because they’ll be grown, making their own choices out in the world. And when that day comes, I hope you can remember this conversation, and I hope it’ll do you some good…”