CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Confessions and Obsessions
She sat there at that picnic bench for at least four hours.
She couldn’t stop shaking or crying. A mound of crushed cigarettes lay in a makeshift ashtray someone had constructed from a soda tin can. She’d reached out from her hole to receive the love and attention she craved, but no one came to her rescue. She’d tried to contact Perry, but once again, her calls went straight to voicemail. When she’d left the hotel the other day, determined to change her life, she’d ridden in that Uber to a rehabilitation center.
As soon as the driver pulled up, she had him pull off and drive her to the liquor store instead, then back to the hotel where she got sloshy drunk to try to kill the fear within her. Aiden was right; she was riding on the Grim Reaper’s back and sooner or later, he was going to shake her off and she’d succumb to the long overdue death she so deserved. Or maybe death was too good for her. It was an out, after all. A way to end it all. Suicide was an option. She’d considered it a time or two but then she thought about her boys and discarded the matter once and for all.
The boys. Were they better off with her dead or alive? She was no longer certain.
He has no voice? I stole his voice?
She kept repeating those words in her mind. Such strange words that rolled off like rain drops on the curved back of her emotions. She thought she could handle all of it, but now, these pesky emotions gathered at her feet like blessed oil, reminding her that he’d cried for her, because of her, and yes, in her own way, she’d already died. She couldn’t escape his stare. It was burned in her brain… the way Aiden’s green eyes were filled with unsurmountable sadness then tapered with such heated rage within a flash. His coldness chilled her to the bone, the way he could divorce himself from her within a blink of an eye. Of course she knew it wasn’t true, that he still cared, but he was playing the role. He had to cope, right?
After a while, cars began to leave out the parking lot as people left the building and drove away home to their families. She envied them.
Slowly getting up, she walked over to the back of the building and lit up a cigarette. She must’ve stayed back there for at least forty-five minutes. When she walked back to the front of the building, her son’s car was gone, too.
She went back inside, all the way to Aiden’s work area, not surprised to see just about everyone was gone. For some reason that she couldn’t fathom, she remembered one little thing that her son had told her a couple of years ago. His boss always stayed until 6:00 P.M. She made her way past the empty cubicles, some with computers left on and desktop savers scrolling on by, then turned towards the office doors all lined up on one wall, reading the names on each as she walked by. What was his boss’ name? She couldn’t remember that…
One office had a man sitting inside, at his desk. She looked at the name plaque on the wall, which read, “William Jones.”
It sounded rather familiar, but it was such a common name. Perhaps she was mistaken.
The man suddenly looked up at her, seemingly startled. “Uh… hello. How can I help you?”
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” she said nervously as she ran her hands together. “I’m Aiden Summer’s mother… my name is Barbara. Are you his boss?”
“Yes, I’m Aiden’s supervisor.”
“Is it okay if I borrow a little of your time?” She offered the best smile she could muster.
“Oh, uh, yes, sure, no problem.” The man pointed to a chair in front of him and began to scoot papers around on his desk. “Is Aiden okay?”
“Yeah, well, not really.” She took a seat and gathered her thoughts before continuing. “You see, Mr. Jones, hmmm, I don’t even know how to say this. Well, I’ll just go with the flow I guess. Aiden has been working for you for a long time from my understanding.”
“Yes, he has and he’s a great employee, too.” The man smiled, though he appeared a little unnerved.
“I believe that to be true. Did my son ever tell you anything about me? You know… any problems that I may have?”
“Um.” He shook his head. “Not that I recall.”
“I didn’t think so. He’s always been kinda private, ’specially about family matters. Anyway, you see… what you don’t know, Mr. Jones, is that Aiden has been living a double life. He works here, then he works for me, too.” The man looked downright confused. “What I’m saying is that he takes care of me. I am an alcoholic, Mr. Jones.” The guy’s face grew tight, then relaxed as if filled with sympathy. “No, that’s too nice of a word. I’m a drunk.” She laughed miserably as she waved her finger in the air.
“Oh, I see.” The fellow clasped his hands on his desk and looked at her the way her doctor did. She hated that expression of pity.
“I guess I have taken him to the point of no return now.” She couldn’t stop the tears from falling now. How she detested that she couldn’t control herself. The man snatched a tissue from his desk and handed it to her. “He gave me a good cursing out… but it’s because I broke his heart.” Blowing her nose, she soon regained her composure. “I mean, I knew it all along that he’d make good on his threats, but I just couldn’t help myself, you know? I’m a boozer; I’m not stupid. There’s a difference. I’ve seen him look at me with disgust. I’ve seen him look at me with hope. I’ve seen him look at me with love. Today, I saw him look at me with nothing… and that scared me most of all. He’s given up on me. He’s gone. It’s over.”
“I… I am sorry to hear all of this, Barbara. Maybe Aiden just needs a little time. I hope that, uh, you two can mend your relationship. Is there something that you wish for me to do?” He clasped his hands together.
“Well, I’m not sitting here to complain or tell you my problems. Honestly, it’s nobody’s business but mine and his, but I just feel like I would be a good reference for his character as a man. I’m sitting here because I haven’t done one damn thing for either of my sons in a very long time but cause them grief. I didn’t mean to, but that’s just the nature of the beast I guess. See, from my previous stints in rehab, albeit short,” she said with a chuckle, though she was far from amused at her own confessions, “it usually takes a long time for a drunk to admit these sorts of things, you know, come clean. But this is an old hat for me.” She waved her hand lazily in the air.
“I didn’t take rehabilitation seriously, didn’t think I really needed it. In fact, I figured I could just stop on my own. I was selfish, just like he said I was, and so now, I want to not be so self-centered. At least, for this one situation. To think of someone other than myself for a change, you know?” The man nodded in understanding, glanced at his watch, then tossed on an awkward smile. “Let me get right down to it and stop foolin’ around. Aiden is either gonna love me or kill me for this… but you’ve got something going on here under your nose that you’re probably not aware of.”
“And what would that be?”
“Aiden is seeing someone. He’s in a relationship with a young lady.”
“Well, that’s nothing strange. Aiden is a great man. It actually surprises me that he isn’t already settled down, considering that amazing personality of his and easygoing persona. Not only is he smart, he’s a really nice guy.”
“Yeah? Well that easygoing stuff you see is all an act. He’s actually sensitive but hides it well. I know my son inside and out, contrary to what he thinks, but that’s neither here nor there. I bring up this lady because she came here for help. She’s a client of his.” The man’s face suddenly grew serious. “He was really concerned about it, but they love one another, and they kept it to themselves. Now, from my understanding, according to my youngest son, that girl is already squared away. She doesn’t come here anymore and got a damn good job and is doing just fine. But here is where the problem comes in.” She pointed to herself. “At least from my vantage point anyway. Look, you’ve got some guy here that has been trying to strong arm my son and I just won’t have it!”
“Strong arm Aiden?”
“Yeah. I understand that there is a big promotion on the table and my son is one of the contenders. The other candidate… I don’t know his damn name, but he’s been a pain in the ass for my child since day one, according to Perry. That’s my other son.”
Mr. Jones fell back into his seat and rolled his eyes.
“Yes,” he said with exasperation. “I know who you are talking about. Barbara, between you and me, they both are excellent employees but there has in fact been some tension over the years. I was afraid this would happen. They are both vocationally competitive, especially with one another. I will talk to—”
“No, that’s not the problem. Being competitive and takin’ digs at one another sometimes comes with the territory especially when there are quotas and bonuses involved. I haven’t gotten to the worst of it. You see, Mr. Jones, that man, his rival I guess you could say, somehow found out about the relationship my son is having with this woman and made a veiled threat to tattle tale like some little bitch if my son got the job offer and he doesn’t.”
The man’s eyes grew big and his mouth dropped. She wasn’t certain if it was due to her choice of words or the news itself.
“I can assure you that though we’d prefer for Aiden and all of our employees to not date one another and definitely not the clients, from my recollection, that’s not against company rules… it is a suggestion. Aiden would not be fired for this; he wouldn’t even be disciplined but yes, it’s not an ideal situation. I am disappointed in this information, Barbara.” The man took a deep breath and shook his head, then closed his computer. “Thank you for coming forward. I can’t imagine the stress Aiden has been under and for this to be going on is regrettable, to say the least. Can I let you in on something?” he stated with a smile.
“Yeah.”
“Your son already got the job. We’re just waiting on some signatures and to present him with the new salary offer, should he accept it of course. This information you’ve provided doesn’t change that, but it does require me to have a meeting with both of them and get this resolved. I think it was wonderful that you care enough about Aiden to let me know of this situation, not to rat him out but to let me know that he has this hanging over his head and that he’s been dealing with quite a bit behind closed doors. I am disappointed that Aiden didn’t trust me enough to tell me about him and the client dating, nor about Mark’s trying to intimidate him, but I’m grateful that I know what’s going on now.”
She nodded and stood from her seat, clutching her purse to her stomach.
“Mr. Jones, when you have nothing to lose, you’ll do just about anything. I have already lost Aiden. I could see it in his eyes today. He doesn’t want to have anything else to do with me.” She wiped a tear off her face. “I hope we can mend our relationship too, just like you said, but I deserve what he’s serving me I guess. I definitely brought it on myself. He was always a good kid, always wanting to help people.”
“I believe you, I can see that… one of the many reasons why he deserves the promotion. You should see the reviews from his clients. Always glowing. Aiden goes the extra mile and even checks up on his clients long after he is required to.”
“When his brother would be upset, he’d say stuff to help cheer him up. See, Aiden never wants anyone to be sad, especially the people he loves. The alcohol makes me happy.” She sighed. “I’m not going to lie. But the alcohol became my enemy because it’s killing my relationships. The people I love are turning their back on me. I only got two people in this world… my boys. Aiden threw in the towel. He could no longer sit idly by and watch me self-destruct. Mind you, I am realizing all of this as I tell you, right this very second.” She swiped at the corner of her eye. “Fact of the matter is, I want to do better, but I can’t seem to manage.”
“Barbara, I am not an alcoholic so I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but we all have our frailties and faults. No one is perfect. It seems to me that you will need to make some tough choices so that you can prove to your sons you are willing to change.” The man’s gaze softened with kindness.
He’s got a good heart, but he don’t understand it’s not that easy…
“Even sitting here and talking to you, my mind keeps wandering off, thinking about the wine I better get as soon as I leave from here. My nerves are a wreck right now. We are who we are, you know?” She shrugged. “I’m glad that you already chose him for the promotion, but as soon as the company at large knows about his upgrade, that man is going to try and tear my boy apart, drag him through the mud, and Aiden’s already been through too damn much… mainly on account of me. I might drink myself into the grave, but before I leave this planet I want Aiden and Perry to know that I do love them, and I always did, and I always will. Please promise me you’ll not use this against him, but for his own good. I took a big risk by doing this. The last thing I want to do is make things worse for him.”
“I’m sure you do love your children, Barbara. Look, I will speak to Aiden first thing Monday morning. I assure you that we don’t accept certain conduct here, and blackmailing is one of them,” the man stated sternly.
Happy that he believed her and would take the necessary action, she extended her hand. He shook it firmly. She turned to walk away, then paused. “Mr. Jones, thank you for listening to me. Thanks for hearing my voice… I understand now how important it is to be heard…”
“What other tournament have you roped me into without my permission?” Aiden questioned as Tim handed him six hundred dollars in cash. They sat inside Starbucks enjoying some Saturday morning coffees and shooting the shit.
“Nothing yet, but I’ve got my eye on a Pitfall tournament down the pike.”
Aiden sighed and jammed the cash in his pocket.
“I’m being treated like some hooker on Craigslist! You just rent me out. How’d you like for me to rent you out, huh?”
“To whom? I’m no good at that. Well, not as good as you.”
“1-800-RENT-A-FUCKER. I’m sure someone wants ya around.” Tim grimaced and rolled his eyes, causing Aiden to chuckle. “Hey, I need to tell you something.”
“Yeah, what?”
“I think uh… I think I’m going to propose to Addison.” Hot coffee, mixed with the bastard’s saliva, sprayed across the table.
“You’re going to do what?!” Tim’s eyes grew larger than life.
“You heard me, and clean this shit up.” He tossed the guy his napkin. “I’m gonna ask her to marry me.”
“And that’s it? Your mind is made up just like that?” The man snapped his fingers. Aiden took a sip of his coffee and set it back down, giving the question a few seconds of thought.
“Pretty much. This is what I want. I wanna take this to the next level. So, what do you think?”
“Honestly? It seems a little fast, but I also know you don’t really have a history of making rushed decisions when it comes to your love life, so you must’ve thought this through.”
“I have. Here’s the thing, though.” He leaned forward and hooked Tim’s gaze. “I want to ask her parents for her hand in marriage. See, there’s some history there. They don’t know me. They’re real supportive of their daughter but like I told you, she’s divorced and her parents didn’t approve of the guy. He was a real son of a bitch, man, and no, I didn’t just take her word for it. I looked him up… a total sack of shit. Arrogant, a total show-off on Instagram. You can tell he is phony as fuck. Douchebag is written all over his face.”
“Fuck boy status, got it. You said her family was rich, right?”
“Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, you’re not. I mean, you’re obviously not destitute but you know what I mean. What did the ex do for a living?”
“He was a surgeon.”
“Shit!”
“Yeah, but look where that got everyone? An asshole can be a homeless bum or the president of the country, makes no difference. And don’t forget, they are hardly in a position to judge considering their daughter came to me practically broke and jobless.”
“Good point. But obviously Mr. Surgeon Asshole was taking care of everything.”
“All he took care of was breaking her heart. Anyway, this isn’t about him but I’m just sayin’ Addison had a loser on her arm, so being as close as she is to her family, they might give me the side eye, ya know? I want them to see me, meet me, show them that I’m not some fly by night sorta guy. I’m not like their first son-in-law, I’m not going to hurt Addison, I’m just going to love her and do the best I can by her.”
Tim gave a dramatic golf clap, drawing a smirk from Aiden.
“Beeeaaautiful! Not a dry eye was in sight!” Tim chuckled. “So, do you have a ring?”
“Nope, planning to get one. Hey, I can look for one today, actually. I was gonna go try and reach out to her parents first, but you know, I think I may just cross this off my list. I know the type I want to get her. It’s just a matter of buying it.” He glanced at his watch. “Wanna come?”
“Now why in the hell would I want to come with you to look at engagement rings?! You’re taking this bromance too far.”
“Oh, come on! It’s not like you’ve got something better to do.”
At this, Tim’s lips twisted in annoyance. He patted the rest of the sprayed coffee dry off the table and placed his wallet in the back pocket of his jeans.
“All right, but don’t ask me my opinion though. You’ll want to, because you know I have style and great taste, something you lack,” Tim said with a smug expression, the kind that drove Aiden up the wall.
“You’re right about that. I obviously have horrible taste. Look who I have as a friend?!”
“Hardy fuckin’ har! Let’s go.” Tim made his way towards the front door of the establishment with Aiden almost skipping behind. “We’ve got to go blow some money on an expensive rock…”