CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Pouring a Little Out for My Dead Mommy
…One week later
“He still hasn’t heard back from them from what I understand.” Perry sat in the back-loading area of the grocery store, a cigarette in one hand and his phone in the other. Mom had just gotten out of jail. She’d found a way to make bail without them, and he wasn’t certain how’d she pulled it off. It came as no surprise to him that she’d returned home to find an eviction notice on her door. Sober, angry as hell, and homeless, she’d called him in a state of panic. Much to his surprise, she didn’t ask for anything, but wanted to know what they both had been up to.
“So, do you think he got the job or not? He never even told me he’d applied! I told him he deserved better than that, Perry. Aiden probably doesn’t even remember, but I told him this and I remember it like yesterday that he needed a better job. Not that the one he’s got now is too shabby, but hell, he is a college graduate doin’ social work as far as I am concerned. You know they never want to pay those people anything.” He could hear her exhale, as if she were smoking, too.
“I know. I’m surprised you didn’t call us as soon as you got out.”
“No…” There was a long pause. “Wasn’t no need for that. I knew after I called you both a few times and neither of you answered that I was up shit’s creek. Anyway, I stopped by the liquor store today, but I haven’t opened the bottle yet. Honestly, I probably will later.”
She chuckled sadly, and so did Perry. His hand shook, the cigarette a mere blur as he tried to steady his nerves that were shot to hell. It was turning out to be the hardest week of his life, following his big brother’s orders to not engage with Mom, as he put it. No phone calls. No visits. No money. No nothing.
“Tell me the truth. Aiden told you to ignore me, didn’t he?” How could he respond to that? Wasn’t it bad enough that his actions proved the answer to be true? She gave an angry laugh then, the kind that might have a promise of revenge tied to the end of it. “Anyway, he earned that fuckin’ promotion, that’s for sure. That son of a bitch that’s threatening to blow the horn needs his fuckin’ ass beaten to a pulp.” He heard her inhale; she was definitely smoking. “Son of a bitch… Aiden is a stubborn piece of work, just like his mom.” They both laughed at that. “So, it’s no surprise to me that he decided to keep his trap shut and just see what happens. Might be a smart move… might be the dumbest thing he’s ever done.”
“This could’ve been avoided. He shouldn’t have gotten involved with that girl, if you ask me.”
“What do you mean he shouldn’t have gotten involved with that girl? Let me tell you something, Perry, while I’m still sober and it counts. Life is too damn short to live for other people, all right? As long as he is doing his job and doing it well, who cares who he is dating?!”
“But Mom, the clients are—”
“SO. DAMN. WHAT! So what, all right? He met ’er at work, she needed help. It’s not like he works with her. It’s not like he even broke any rules. It’s just frowned upon, as they say.” He could almost envision the woman rolling her eyes. “A lot of shit is frowned upon, like datin’ people of different races, or datin’ people that don’t have as much money as the next man.”
“Well, Aiden went for two out of three. Not only is she a client of his, she’s Black, too, he said. Not that that’s a big deal or anything, but it might just make it all the harder for him… buncha racists.”
“Yeah, it might, but just because something is harder doesn’t mean you don’t do it. I dated a Black guy before, a damn good lay, I tell ya that much.”
“Mom! Come on!”
The woman laughed. “Well, you get my point. I mean, shit, we gotta live our lives to the fullest and I’m not going to get my panties in a wad over my son finding someone he likes. I read an article once that office romances are common. Now sure, she’s not an employee, so that’s gotta count for something and it’s not like a doctor-patient situation. From what you told me, he seems happy, so that’s all I care about. And he ain’t hurtin’ nobody.”
They were quiet for a brief spell.
“Mom, I need to tell you something.”
“What, you’re dating a cashier?” She chuckled, and he had to smile at that.
“No… I have someone too, though. She’s a teller at a bank, actually. But, uh, she’s been wanting to meet you. I lied to you when you asked if I was settled with someone, because… I just… Well, it doesn’t matter, but she wants to meet you, Mom. Would be nice if she did, but I’d like you to be sober first and we both know that’s no guarantee. When you get off work, you drink, and you drink all night so unless she came to your job in the morning, making it happen would be out of the question. That doesn’t seem quite right, and it doesn’t seem fair, either.”
“Well, life isn’t fair, Perry. Matter of fact, it’s pretty damn shitty if you ask me.”
He swallowed down his anger at her response, but it came back up like a burp.
“You know what, Mom? Life may be shitty to you, but I want to enjoy mine, all right? I have never asked you for shit! The one time I ask you for something… I ask you to put the fuckin’ bottle down so you can meet my girl, I get this! Just fuck it!”
He ended the call, tossed his cigarette on the ground next to a forklift, and stomped it out before marching back into the grocery store.
Aiden was right. Nothing is going to change! She is who she is, and that isn’t much!
…Several days later
Coming out of a drunken stupor was different this time. Barbara looked around her hotel room, all of her shit folded in a few boxes, her furniture in storage. The place served a free continental breakfast, and she was up on her day off, happy that her boss hadn’t fired her and even seemed to have sympathy for her situation. As she lay there sobering up, she glanced at the half empty bottle of wine she’d scored from down the street. It had been brutally cold the previous night, but she’d walked the half mile to the convenience store since the liquor at the hotel was overpriced and the selections not to her liking. As her head throbbed and a strange sense of guilt settled within, she reflected on everything that had occurred since she was taken away in handcuffs in front of her children.
Her world had been turned upside down in more ways than one. Perry, her youngest son, was no longer speaking to her. Perry had never even raised his voice at her, to her recollection, let alone lost his cool during a conversation. When he’d hung up on her, it had left her stunned. As she’d packed up her belongings in her old apartment, she’d thought about calling him back but realized it was no use. He’d been poisoned against her and Aiden was the one dumping the venom down his throat. That enraged her. It was one thing for Aiden to turn his back on her, but another for him to take Perry with him. Shit had hit the fan and splattered all over the wall. She had legal troubles coming out of the ass, but Aiden had made good on his word and turned colder than a frozen fish in Alaska during a blizzard. Then, Perry, her reliable backup, bailed like he had jail bars for ribs. It was a lonely place to be… abandoned in every which way. She’d cried most of the night and early morning, feeling sorry for herself and for her boys, too.
“You both deserved better than me,” she murmured to herself. “I have good sons. Handsome, tall, hard workin’, and sensible. Perry is my softie; Aiden is the responsible one. Aiden is independent and thoughtful. He’s also at times tactless and unpredictable… but that’s usually when his emotions are runnin’ high. When I’m all over the place, he comes and simmers me down. It’s like I’m a volcano and he is rain.”
As she got up from the hotel bed, her knees cracked. She stretched, then went to freshen up and put on a change of clothing. After applying some makeup, she brushed her hair into a ponytail. She looked at the time; it was almost ten in the morning. Grabbing her cellphone, coat, and purse, she made her way down to the lobby and called an Uber. She had somebody important to see…
“I’m proud of you, Aiden.” She kissed the man’s forehead as he lay above her, a thin layer of sweat across his face. They’d been making love for the better part of the night, and he wouldn’t turn her loose. She could tell he needed to take the edge off. “Is she still calling?”
“She finally stopped. Unless she is ready to have a real conversation about getting some help, which is what I said to her on the voicemail I left her the first night she was in jail, we’ve got nothing to say. Each time I answered the phone, which was only a couple of times, she started screaming about me turning Perry against her and some other bullshit. I hung up and then stopped answering again. Perry talked to her and said the conversation went bad, but he didn’t want to get into what happened. Whatever occurred, he was pretty messed up over it.”
“I must say, you seem rather calm about this, Aiden. Should I be worried?”
“I don’t think so.” He shrugged. “I’ve been tired of this for a long ass time, Addison. Everyone has their breaking point, including me. You can love someone to death… I’m proof of that.” He drew quiet, and it broke her heart to see the pain in his eyes.
“You still haven’t heard back about the promotion, huh? That’s strange. I wonder what is taking so long? Do you think that jerk said something?”
“If Mark had, someone would have approached me by now, trust me. He’s using this for leverage. I think they have to run all offers through the Maine office first before they present them… like our new pay and everything. From what I understand, Frank, the District Manager, is on vacation so that might explain the delay.”
“Gotcha.”
“Anyway, I didn’t come over here to talk about this again. I came here to relax and to tell you that I’m throwing you a party,” the man said, then started to leave a trail of kisses along her breasts.
“A party?” Addison giggled beneath his naked form, loving the feel of him. He’d sent her body to a party all right, all decked out in orgasms galore. “What for?” She stretched and sat up in the bed, wiggling beneath him as a lazy spell came upon her.
“For all of your hard work! You deserve it. My baby has a new job she’s kickin’ ass in. Your workout videos are doing amazingly well and you have some promo opportunities that could take this to the next level. Yeah, you’re definitely getting a party.” Gripping her hips, he dragged her back down into the mess of sheets.
“Stop!” she protested behind boisterous laughter. “I have to get up early in the morning. You promised if I let you spend the night you’d be good!”
The horrible man ignored her protest and slicked his tongue in her mouth. Wrapping his arms tight around her body, he entered her, stealing her breath. His large dick awakened her inner freak as every nerve ending in her pussy was pushed, prodded, and pressed. Incoherent words fell off his tongue as he rolled her on her side, staying deep inside her and giving her body what for. Her eyes rolled, the sensations becoming too much. He gave it to her good, and as her climax built, she made a mental note to set her alarm. This bastard was determined to make love to her all night and all morning, greedy as he was. But it felt so divine to be truly wanted and loved…
The secretary had stated Aiden had a visitor and he couldn’t believe his eyes. Mom stood in front of him, dressed in a gaudy red and green Christmas sweater that featured a red nosed reindeer, even though it was spring. It was rather cool outside though, and perhaps that was all she could find to wear. He’d heard she was living in a hotel until she found a new place. Either way, he was determined to not participate in any form of communication with her. He had to protect his peace of mind.
“Hi, son.” A crooked smile creased her angular face. She appeared thinner, and she’d already been a waif of a woman. “I thought that, uh, maybe we could have lunch today?” She clasped her hands together and stared at him. Her speech was clear, but it was evident she’d been crying. Black, streaky lines of mascara had made a mess of her face. Without saying a word, he ushered her onto the elevator, then outside to a picnic bench, knowing no one would be there just yet.
“I don’t have time for lunch right now but more importantly, what are you doing here?” He took a seat and looked out towards the parking lot, then back at her.
“I told you, to have lunch.” She smelled like sweet perfume, cigarettes, and bubble gum. He actually liked the combination for it reminded him of happier times in his childhood. “Since you can’t do lunch, maybe another time, right?” She removed her glasses from her pocket and placed them on her face. “My eyesight hasn’t been the best lately,” she said dismally. Silence webbed itself between them as she tapped her fingers against the table.
“Perry tells me that your girlfriend is a speech—”
“I’m not trying to talk to you about my life, none of that. Unless you are telling me that you’re going to rehab, then we have absolutely nothing to say to one another.”
She sat a bit straighter, more than obviously perturbed.
“Let me tell you something, Aiden.” She pointed a finger in his direction. The red nail polish was all chipped. “I took damn good care of you and Perry when I could! I deserve some respect!”
“You deserve respect?” He shook his head in disbelief. “Tell me, Mom, when did you start earning my respect? Was it when you got knocked up by a man who didn’t know your last name?”
“You sorry piece of shit! How dare you talk to me like that?”
“I’m the piece of shit? You’re not the one that suffered! You know who your father is, Mom! I have no idea where my father is and neither does Perry and yet somehow, you find that okay. You’re incredible! You really have no idea how ridiculous you sound.”
“Why are you bringing all of this up right now? These are things I can’t change! I couldn’t make your father want you! And I can’t keep apologizing to Perry. It’s water under the bridge.”
“I’m trying to make you see the damage you’ve done! Not to make you accountable for a man who didn’t want to be a father in my life, but you had to try to be the best mom you could be to Perry and me because we started out with a strike against us! I know it was hard being a single mother, Mom. I commend all women who have done it. It’s thankless work, but you’ve never even sat us down and tried to answer our questions! Here we are, grown men, and still so many unknowns that you certainly have an answer for. It might be water under the bridge for you, but your son drowned in it. Perry runs from reality.”
“Oh, and I’m to blame for that, too? Since you two are so grown, then you need to pull your heads outta your asses and stop tryna beat me up for the past all the time! Move on!”
“I am so fucking sick of you!” He jumped up from the bench, filling with rage. “I can smell the booze coming out of your pores! No, you didn’t drink this morning, but you sure as hell did last night. Same old, Barbara… you think the world owes you! You’re selfish!”
“How dare you judge me! You’re not better than me! You’ve got no room to snub your nose at anybody, Mr. Perfect… so self-righteous! Like you never made a goddamn mistake!”
“Stealing a piece of candy as a child from a store is a mistake. Getting the wrong answer on a test in a mistake. Catching the wrong bus is a mistake. Getting drunk for over twenty damn years is not a fuckin’ mistake! You’ve lost your home, and you almost lost your job. You lost your sons, and you’re still drinking! I didn’t turn Perry against you. You turned Perry against you! You wanna hear the truth? He moved in with you not because he needed to, but to babysit your sorry ass, and then he found out real fast he couldn’t take it! He said he wasn’t strong enough. He thought, if he lived with you, you’d stop drinking, because then you wouldn’t be lonely anymore. Bull!”
He saw the unmistakable look in her eye, the one where the truth hit her hard and knocked the wind out of her.
“No one can love you enough to make you stop, can they? You’ve taken us for granted, and when I looked at you in the police car, I knew that was it.” He threw up his hands. “No more running every time Perry called about Mom being in trouble. No more cleaning up the broken glass. No more threats of leaving you to your own devices. Nope, empty threats help no one and I’m in the business of making promises that I keep… and I’m keeping this one.”
“I’m a functional alcoholic, all right?” She huffed. “I’ve tried rehab in the past. It doesn’t work, and I’m fine! As long as I go to work and—”
“Fine? Fine on what planet, Mom? What are you, a mere hundred pounds?! You’re 5’5 and a hundred damn fuckin’ pounds!” He pounded the table, causing her to jump in her seat. “You’ve had dentures since you were fuckin’ thirty! Your health is in the trash, your damn kidneys are shutting down, and the doctor said you’ll need to be on dialysis if you don’t stop cold turkey. Your liver is fucked, you have stomach ulcers, you black out… it is more than apparent to me that you wanna die. Well.” He got up from his seat. “I tell you what. I have already called the funeral home and made arrangements. At the rate you’re going, Perry and I will be puttin’ you in the ground by the end of the year. I can go through this life not knowing the guy who made me… but you… you are the one who has done the most harm!” his voice trembled.
“Here we go again. I love you, Aiden. Isn’t that enough?”
“Love is how you treat someone, Mom, not just what you say. You asked why I brought up my father, well, I’m bringing him up again for a reason. There’s a deadbeat father out there who doesn’t care about me. I get it, Mom. I have a mother who I’ve seen multiple times a week until recently, and she’s absent, too! You both are the same! He checked out physically, you checked out emotionally. Every child deserves at least one stable parent!” He yelled so loud, his voice rattled. “My father, my mother… so many dreams gone up in smoke.”
“I never made you do anything, Aiden.”
“You’re right. But you made it so hard for me to say ‘no’. You stole my voice! I couldn’t speak! You reached inside me and ripped my vocal chords out. You ignored my advice; I wasn’t heard. That’s all I could afford to give you that was worth anything: sound advice. But, all I heard were your needs! Not once did you say you were sorry or regretted anything while sober. While drunk, you were subdued, even agreeable. Once in your sober mind, however, you act like the world is peachy keen and we owe you. That’s actually worse, that you could care more about me and Perry while intoxicated and not give a shit while clearheaded… kinda like now. Your indifference is amazing.”
The woman dramatically rolled her eyes, but it was obvious from the twitching of her nose his words were getting under her skin.
“Regardless of what you’re saying Aiden, to get back at me I guess, I love you and your brother.”
“You don’t love me! You don’t even know who I am. All you know is only what I can do for you. You came here for one last try, one last ditch effort to manipulate me, but it’s not going to work, Mom. The jig is up. I can make it if I don’t ever get promoted and end up in the same ol’ routine for the next thirty fuckin’ years because I love what I do and I met the love of my life doing it. I can rest easy with the fact that I could have had an entirely different future if I’d gone on and got my Masters degree like I’d planned to, stayed out of town and ignored your selfish calls for help. But what I can’t do, Mom…” A tear cascaded down his cheek. “What I can’t do is play a role in your demise.”
His world crashed around him as he watched her silently cry now, too. “Since you’re happy being dead, you just let me know what type of flowers you want on your casket. I haven’t picked them out yet, but my girlfriend’s sister can give me a discount. I’m certainly interested in saving a little money since I am finished trying to save you!” And with that, he turned and walked away…