Roman is in the other room meowing at the cat while I help my mom take her pills. There are so many that it’s a small wonder she manages it without my help most days. “You sure you’ve been taking this one twice before noon, right?”

She squints at it. “Oh, I thought he said to take that one four times before noon.”

I glare at her. “Mom, that’s not funny.”

She smiles weakly. “I thought it was.”

I sigh, running my hand down her arm. She’s so frail. My mom has always been so powerful, so confident and sure. Her mind is still the same, but seeing her body this way hurts. I can hardly remember how she used to be anymore. It feels like forever since the first diagnosis came through. “Mom, did you and dad ever have trouble? Like something you couldn’t ever agree on?”

She laughs. “When did we not have trouble? They say marriage is a compromise because in a healthy marriage, no one ever gets exactly what they want.”

I frown. It’s odd thinking of my parents having trouble. I vaguely remember one of my undergrad courses on marriage counseling talking about something similar. The truth is I never planned to get into marriage counseling though, so I didn’t ever revisit those notes. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well, I always thought we should go to church as a family every Sunday. It was just one of those things that were part of the future I imagined for myself ever since I was a little girl. Me, my handsome husband, and my beautiful children all snuggled into church pews every Sunday, dressed to impress and happy. But your father only ever went to church to please me, and I knew it was like torture for him to go.

“So if I had got exactly what I wanted, your father would have been miserable. If he had got exactly what he wanted, I would have been miserable. The tough part is agreeing on where the middle ground is. A good man will shift that middle ground farther and farther toward his woman’s side, and your father was a good man. He was right there in those pews with us every Sunday, and I still love him for it.”

I smile. I didn’t even know my father wasn’t religious. He never talked about it or pushed it on me, but mom’s right, he was there almost every Sunday. I can’t keep my thoughts from wandering to Leo. Can I really accept a compromise from him? Going to church is one thing, but hurting people, even killing them?

My mom sees right through me, like she always does. “He’s a kind man, Julia. I don’t care what he does for a living. There are two types of broken men, and Leo is broken. One type is broken beyond repair, the other wants to be fixed. Leo wants to be fixed. I can see it in him. He’s just waiting for the right woman to come along and help him find his way again. If you can help him find his way, he’ll be yours forever. I know he will.”

I take a deep breath. “If. It’s a big if. A really big one.”

“You’re more capable than you give yourself credit for. You always have been. When I heard you were going back to school for psychology I was so happy. I think a lot of mothers have to watch their kids chase the wrong dream. I was lucky enough to see my baby go after the one thing that God meant for her to go after. You were born to help people. You have a way about you that makes people want to change, to be better.”

I squeeze her hand. “I had a pretty good model for behavior.”

She smirks. “You’re right. I’m pretty amazing, too.”

I laugh, trying not to let the sadness that is always just outside the door come in. My mom has always had so much faith, but I can’t help being angry with God for what’s happening to her. How can a woman like her who has never done anything but bring her own unique blend of happiness to people get sick like this? What greater purpose can that possibly serve? I try to stop. Those questions lead me down a dark spiral that leads to anger, which isn’t going to do anyone any good right now.

Chapter - Leo

I knock on Julia’s door once I hear they are up for the morning and moving around. I have plans to meet with Angelo late tonight. I tried again to talk him out of going to see the Bianchis, but as usual, he’s being stubborn. He’s supposed to meet them at 9:00 p.m. on their turf. Apparently he’s taking Carlito with him. I’m going to make sure I’m there with him in case they try anything. But I have time to take Julia out for an early date if she still wants it.

Julia opens the door, looking gorgeous even without her makeup on. She’s a natural beauty, and to be completely honest, I wouldn’t care if she stopped bothering with makeup all together.

“You look great,” I say.

She laughs sarcastically, lifting her wet hair and doing a little curtsey. “I look like a drowned rat, but thanks.”

“Are we still on for that date?”

She hesitates, glancing back inside just in time to see Roman streak past completely naked. I grin and she sighs in exasperation. “I’ve already dressed him three times this morning.” She bites her lip, looking back to me. “I want to apologize to you.”

I raise my eyebrows. I sure as hell didn’t expect that.

“I’ve been a bitch to you since you came back.”

“I showed up and fu—” my eyes fall on Roman, who is still sprinting through the house butt-naked. “I screwed up your life and then disappeared. You have every right to be angry.”

She shakes her head, deflating a little. “My life wasn’t perfect before you came along. Look, do you mind coming in? I feel weird having this conversation in the hallway. I can make us some tea.”

I don’t drink tea, but I nod my head, following her inside and taking a seat at the kitchen table. Roman pokes his head around the corner, grinning like a wild child at me. “Hey bud,” I say. “You know, your mom was just telling me how big you looked in the outfit she picked out for you. Can you go put it on so I can see, too?”

His smile widens and he scurries off and out of sight. I hear drawers slamming in his room as he rummages for the clothes.

Julia smiles over her shoulder as she gets the tea going. “Thank you. You are a useful guy to have around the house, you know.”

“Give me a few hours and I could knock out the wall here and build a door. You could pop over whenever you wanted.”

“So could you come over whenever you wanted?”

“I’m more interested in seeing you come whenever I want.”

She blushes and clears her throat, turning to try to hide her embarrassment.

I smile, watching her as she moves around the kitchen, looking so perfect to me. I don’t know what it is about the scene, but seeing her so at home taking care of Roman and playing host to me, it makes me imagine what life would be like with her, what a normal life would be like. I think I would actually enjoy it. I could get some office job or start a business, come home in the evening and Julia and I could team up to take care of Roman. We could watch the sunset together sipping drinks, settling into a routine and watching our favorite shows. We could be normal, together.

The thought gives me chills because I want it so badly. But I’m pulled in two directions. Walking away from my life would mean turning my back on my brother. It would mean leaving him to the mercy of the Bianchis, who clearly are out for our blood, even if they won’t say it to our faces. Even Carlito needs me. The two of them aren’t strong enough to have gone through what we went through these past years and come out unscathed. They’re both broken, and right now I’m the only thing managing to keep them from completely crumbling.

“I’m taking you to a movie tonight,” I say casually.

“Oh?” she asks.

The way she smiles and the way she finally seems to be getting more comfortable around me is a good sign. I just hope it’s not a lingering side-effect of the crazy sex we had. I hope she’s really starting to see she can trust me.

“What movie are we seeing?”

I shrug. “If you like scary movies, there’s one out about some mom and her possessed kid.”

She turns to stare at me. “You like scary movies?”

I don’t blush, not for anything, but I feel a little heat in my cheeks. I scratch my nose, trying to shrug off the question like it doesn’t bother me. “Yeah. So what?”

Julia plants a fist on her hip and and smiles at me from the kitchen, like she’s seeing me for the first time. “Me too. I love scary movies.”

“No shit?” I ask, catching myself at the last second and glancing to see if Roman was in earshot.

“Yeah,” she says, biting her lip. “I prefer the old stuff mostly. Freddie Krueger, The Shining, It, you know, that kind of stuff.

“You have no idea how much your taste in movies is turning me on,” I say, smirking.

Her eyes slip down my body to find my hard cock. She covers her mouth, blushing and laughing. “I think I have a decent idea.”

She brings two steaming cups of tea to the table, setting one in front of me and sitting across from me. I sip mine and try not to grimace. It tastes like dirt.

She frowns. “You don’t like it?”

“No, It’s really good. I just brushed my teeth before I came over is all.”

Roman bursts out from the bedroom wearing a t-shirt and a pair of shorts that barely come half way down his thighs. Julia covers her mouth, hiding a smile.

“You sure that was the outfit I picked for you, honey?”

He looks down at his clothes and then back to her, nodding.

“Your mom wasn’t kidding. You look at least five in that outfit. Maybe six.”

Roman’s smile splits his face. “We’re going to see a movie?” he asks.

“Don’t you have school?” I ask.

“Leo, he’s three. He doesn’t go to school and even if he did, they’re off for Thanksgiving break,” says Julia.

“Thanksgiving? Jesus. It’s already that time of year?” I feel like an idiot, realizing how out of touch I am.

“It’s in three days. You don’t have plans?”

“I’ll be fine. I can order some takeout and eat it with my brother. Don’t worry about it.”

“I don’t think so. You can come eat at my mom’s place. It’s never a very big crowd. You’ll love it. And I’m a pretty good cook.”

I look down at the dirt-tea warily, doubting very much that Julia is a good cook.

Roman smiles up at me. “Pleaseeee?”

I ruffle his hair. “Yeah, sure,” I say, feeling more than a little off-balance.

Julia seems so relieved that I promised to change that it’s making me feel guilty, considering I haven’t even begun to figure out how to do that. You don’t just get to turn in your two week’s notice in my line of work. Guys overhear things, they get asked to do less-than-legal favors, and they witness a lot of money changing hands. Bosses never like letting loose ends like that walk away. The only vague possibility I can think of is reaching out to my cousin Vince and seeing what he could do for me. If he agreed to take Angelo, Carlito, and I back under the Citrione wing, it would at least let the Bianchis know they might have some backlash if anything happened to us. I just wish Vince hadn’t steered the Citriones so far into legitimate territory. No one down here in Jersey is going to show much fear at the mention of them, but it might be the only hope I have.

Roman snaps me out of my thoughts by tugging on my leg. “Can we see Trolls?”

I give Julia a questioning look. Sounds like it’s at least something a little scary, but I doubt Julia will go for it.

“Sure,” she says.

I glare at Julia as we’re walking out of the theater. “Why didn’t you warn me?”

She grins. “Warn you about what?”

I shake my head. I can’t get all the high pitched voices and brightly colored cartoons out of my head. It’s not helping me with my vow to avoid violence. I want to hit someone, just to cleanse my palette. Still, Roman is hopping along beside us, jabbering about how much he liked the movie, so I guess it’s not all bad. I’m also just glad Julia is finally agreeing to spend time with me, and that she seems to be relaxing more and more. How is she going to react if I can’t keep my promise?

The thought sours my mood and I fish in my pocket for my phone. I have a text from Angelo.

Angelo (1:13 p.m.): Bianchis moved the meeting up. I’ll call you when it’s done.

I stop walking, staring at my phone in disbelief. Cold fingers of dread creep through my body.

“What is it? Is everything okay?” asks Julia.

I look at her and then Roman, who’s still smiling and humming a song from the movie.

“I need to take care of something.”

I can tell by the hesitance in her face that she knows it has to do with my work. “Even after we talked about this?” she asks.

“Talked about what?” asks Roman.

“It’s my brother. I have to. Go ahead and take Roman home, I’ll get a ride. I don’t have time to go by the apartment first.”

Tears brim in her eyes. “Just like that?”

I sigh in frustration. I can’t tell her I’m worried a bloodthirsty crime family is probably trying to have my kid brother killed. I can’t tell her I’m planning on going in after him, guns blazing if I have to. I especially can’t tell her what that would mean for me and her if the Bianchis have turned on me too. I have no choice but to leave her thinking I’m doing it again. I’m breaking my word and abandoning her. Shit.

“I’ll explain later. As much as I can.”

She shakes her head slightly, taking Roman’s hand. “Come on, honey. Mr. Leo has to go.”

“But I don’t—”

“Come on,” she snaps, pulling him toward the car.

I watch them go, feeling like a knife is twisting in my heart.