Roman holds my hand as we leave the grocery store. There’s a little extra pep in my step because my mom just learned the tumor is responding to treatment and getting smaller now, but I still can’t let myself get too excited. I don’t know how we’re going to keep paying the medical bills long enough to get her healthy.

When I’m not thinking of my mom I’m thinking of Leo. Did he really come back just to do it all again? To make promises he couldn’t keep and leave when it got tough? Why couldn’t he have just stayed gone? All his coming back did was raise my hopes. He was cruel enough to come back and let me dream about a better life. I knew his promises would be false, but I held onto them like lifelines either way. Now I’m left here with Roman, trying to figure out how I’m going to explain why we don’t get to see Mr. Leo anymore. I sigh. I won’t miss the violence and the danger, but I will miss seeing those two together. I started catching myself daydreaming when I would watch them, imagining this was real, that he had never left and that my little guy had the father he so desperately craved.

Roman “helps” me load the groceries by taking anything small enough for his hands out of the bags and handing it to me. I notice a black SUV slowly crawl to a stop right behind us. I give an irritated wave. God. There’s a parking spot like five feet away. Are they really lazy enough to wait for this one?

As I finish loading the groceries, I’m increasingly annoyed by the SUV. I close the trunk of my car and strap Roman into his carseat before turning to face the car. I give my best fake smile, but it freezes on my face when I look at the people in the SUV for the first time. They have olive skin and wear clothes that look expensive. They have the same kind of hardness in their eyes as the men from the mini-golf course. My stomach clenches when I realize I’m boxed in. I can’t back out without ramming them, and there are cars parked beside and in front of mine.

I reach for my keys, squeezing them in my fist so that the car key sticks between my index and middle fingers, making a little blunt knife. It’s not much, but if one of these assholes tries to touch me, he’s going to get it in the eye. I don’t move, standing still as the men watch me. I can see two clearly and there appear to be more in the back. I swallow hard, throat dry.

The driver makes a lazy motion for me to approach his car. I glance through my rear window, where I can see Roman kicking his little feet. So many protective instincts are flooding my system that I feel paralyzed. It’s like checkmate. I have no choice but to talk to them and to hope they aren’t planning on hurting me or Roman, but stepping away from the car feels like abandoning him.

I shake my head, stepping back and standing protectively in front of his door. The driver rolls his eyes in annoyance, stepping out of the car and approaching me, dress shoes clicking on the pavement. He would be a handsome man if he didn’t look so cruel. His cruelty is written in the sneering twist of his lip and the cocky set of his eyebrows. That’s not what frightens me though. I’m more afraid of how disinterested he seems, as if threatening me in broad daylight is as stimulating to him as getting the mail in the morning. It tells me this isn’t even near his upper-limit, it’s not even the beginning of what he’s willing to do.

“Stay away,” I say glancing around, wishing there were more people heading to their cars, but no one seems to notice anything out of the ordinary, and I’m scared to find out what this man would do if I screamed.

“I have a message for you. Julia Connors?”

“No. You must have the wrong person.”

He sighs, pulling out his phone and looking at the screen, at my face, and back at his screen. He tucks his phone back in his pocket. “Strange. You look exactly like her.”

My nostrils flare and I feel my nose twitch. I wonder if I could jab these keys in his eye before he could stop me. It’s a stupid thought though. The men in that SUV would never let me get away with it. I’d be in a worse position than I started. I hate how badly I wish Leo was here, how badly I wish he would ride in and save me, whether he had to use violence or not. I just want my Roman to be safe.

“My name is Fredo Moretti, and normally the only time people learn that is right before I put a bullet in them or before I welcome them into my family. I’m making an exception for you because I want you to tell the thug you’re fucking to give himself up.” Fredo’s face twists with sudden emotion, an anger so vivid and clear that it makes me step back. “I’m way past pride with him, way past traditional methods. I’ll admit he’s good. He’s real fucking good. But I don’t give a shit. The bottom line is he’s outnumbered and he has a weakness.” Fredo punctuates his last sentence by jabbing a finger into my chest and then toward the car. “I want you to tell him that I personally promise to fuck you before I kill you. I’ll kill that little brat of yours, too. If he wants to avoid that, all he has to do is give himself up to me. He knows where to find me.”

Fredo turns and walks to the car, leaving me breathless. His car door slams and he drives off, eyes locked menacingly on mine until he pulls out of view. I slowly relax my grip on the keys, feeling like I want to just curl up and cry, but knowing I have to stay strong for Roman. As much as I hate myself for it, I call Leo’s number, even though I promised myself I was done with him.

Leo is already waiting on the park bench where we agreed to meet before I get there. He’s wearing a dark blue suit with a black tie and a light gray undershirt. His hair is wet, like he just showered. I let go of Roman’s hand and let him run to the playground, where he goes immediately for the slides. I sit on the bench, leaving plenty of space between Leo and I.

I look at his face and see something there that surprises me. He looks on the verge of something, but I can’t say what. I swallow the urge to ask him what’s wrong. I don’t care what’s wrong with him. I’m not at work and he’s not a patient. I don’t have to pretend to care. I want one thing, and that’s to keep my baby safe. That’s not entirely true, of course, but it’s easier to convince myself when I’m pissed at him. And every time I start to think I care about Leo’s feelings I get more angry with myself. I just want to hate him. Why is that so hard?

“You wanted to meet?” he says stiffly.

So he’s going to act disinterested now? Ever since he’s come back it has seemed like his mission to win me back, and now he seems like he wants to be somewhere else? I clench my teeth. “Fredo Moretti spoke to me in the parking lot of the grocery store. Roman was in the car right beside me.” My words sound cold as they leave my throat, even though I feel anything but cold. It feels like an inferno is swirling in my chest.

Leo’s eyes dart to mine. “What did he want?”

“He told you to give yourself up or he’d…he said he would…” I’m surprised when a tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away hurriedly. I guess I hadn’t fully processed everything he said to me. Saying it out loud makes it feel real. “He said he’d fuck me before he killed me.” I swallow, gathering myself. “And he said he’d kill Roman. Unless you give yourself up to him. He said you knew where to find him.”

I see Leo’s jaw flex as he stands.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Going to him.”

“Wait. Just…Jesus, just wait. You’re going to just let him kill you?”

Leo kneels in front of me, taking my hands. “Listen. I never did right by you. I know that. I spent every day of those four years thinking about you, thinking about what I would do differently if I could come back. When I left you at the restaurant back then, it tore something in me, something I thought I could fix. But I couldn’t. Not without you.

“Now I have a chance to do the right thing. If the only price of keeping you and Roman safe is my life, then I’ll fucking pay it. Every fucking time. Do you understand? I would rather die than let anything happen to you two.”

“Roman is yours. He’s your son,” I say, grasping for something to change his mind. I don’t know why, but I’m sure getting himself killed isn’t the way out of this. I need him here. I need more time to figure things out with him. I need him. I haven’t wanted to see that, but I see it now.

Leo rests his forehead on my knees, squeezing my hands, so hard now that it hurts a little, but I welcome the pain. It feels real, like an anchor keeping me from floating away in the torrent of emotion threatening to take me. When he looks up his eyes are red. “You’re sure? You’re absolutely fucking sure?”

“Yes,” I say, eyes welling with tears.

He hugs me tight, voice a whisper in my ear. “God. I have a son. I have a fucking son.”

I smile. It’s so good to finally say it. I wish I had told him sooner. Maybe he would have been able to turn himself around if he had Roman to fight for, too.

“And he loves you,” I say. “Like his mom.”

Leo pulls back, cupping my cheek in his hard hand. He kisses me. “I’ve loved you since I met you, and I never stopped.”

I close my eyes, letting his words settle into my chest and swell, marveling as they somehow turn the despair and anger and hopelessness into something else, as if being loved by him makes nothing else matter. “Stay,” I say. “We can fight this together.”

He shakes his head, but I see he’s less sure than before. “No. I can’t risk anything happening to you. And to my son.” I love the way he says the last, like he’s feeling the words pass his lips and savoring every syllable.

“No,” I say. “You can’t let your son grow up without a father. He needs you. I need you.”

“You’re right.” He looks toward Roman, watching him for a few seconds before standing and brushing off his knees. “I have an idea, but I need to know you and Roman are somewhere safe before I stir the snake’s nest.”

“We’re safe with you.”

“Normally, yeah, but I’m not going to let my pride come before your safety. I can’t fix this without taking some risks, and I need to know you’re going to be taken care of if I don’t make it.” His face darkens. “And I have a debt to settle. A big fucking debt.”

I frown, noticing there is dried blood beneath his fingernails. “Is this blood?” I ask.

He pulls his hand back, examining it. “Yes.”

“What did you do? Where did you go when you left Roman and I after the movie?”

There’s so much pain in his face. I’m surprised to find my perception of him has shifted. I don’t know when it was or how it happened, but I’ve stopped thinking like Leo is on trial. Now I just want to help him, to work with him and to help him fight through issues. I want to make it work now. I realize I had almost been looking for reasons to keep it from working before.

“My brother,” he says. “Angelo. The people I was working for betrayed him. They executed him like a fucking dog. Now they are working with the asshole who threatened you.”

“Leo… I’m sorry.”

He brushes me off with a wave of his hand. “Angelo was no saint.” Leo sits back down, looking at his hands and laughing a little. “He was an idiot. An ambitious, violent, idiot… But he was my idiot, you know? He was my little brother, my mess and I’ve been cleaning up after him as long as I can remember. Now I have to clean up one last time. One last mess.”

I squeeze Leo’s knee. “Can you do all this by yourself?”

He shakes his head. “Maybe not. But I have a plan I think will work. Is there someone you trust that can give you and Roman a place to stay while I settle this?”

I nod reluctantly. “Yes, if you think that’s best.”

“It will be safer. I can’t bring you two with me where I’m going, and I don’t want to leave you here, not in the city.”