Wednesday 12th December
Alice
I wake up depressed. There’s no sound of Pickles scurrying around the corner. No sound of Tom’s bare feet thudding along the floor. I’m all alone. Happy birthday me. But I have one thing to look forward to. Finally opening the present from Tom.
I rush out into the living room, throwing my dressing gown on along the way. I grab the present and the few posted cards I’ve had delivered. It’s funny, but now I’m allowed to open my gift, I almost want to prolong it. I leave it to one side and instead open one of the cards. The first one is from my parents.
To Alice,
Enjoy your birthday,
Mum, Dad, and Gerald.
Well, that’s formal. I’m really feeling the love. Funny how Mum never texted me back the other day and he’s still being included on my birthday card. Forgiven him as always then.
The next card is from the zoo. It’s actually more lovingly written than the one by my parents.
Okay, now I’m doing it. Opening the present Tom gave me. I rip at the red wrapping paper until a red velvet box is revealed underneath. Jewellery? He’s got me jewellery?
I open it up carefully and nearly drop the box. Nestled inside is the brooch I saw and fell in love with that day we were shopping in the lanes. I didn’t think he’d even noticed what I’d been looking at.
It’s a 1960’s large floral gold design that almost looks like violas, only each opening of the flower has a different gemstone. I’d noticed how it had all of us girls’ birthstones on it; there’s garnet for Erica in January; Peridot for Brooke in August, Emerald for Molly in May and Tanzanite and Turquoise for both me and Evelyn this month.
It’s so rare to find all our gemstones in the same shop, let alone in the same brooch. I’m always looking for a necklace with our stones in it, and now I have this brooch from the past which feels like it was made just for me.
I can’t believe he went back and got me this. It was over a hundred pounds. Plus, it’s not like I was dropping any hints or anything. I just looked at it in passing. I didn’t even think he’d noticed. How wrong was I? What else didn’t I notice?
My front door suddenly opens and in crash the girls holding balloons, banners, coffee, and a cake box.
‘Happy birthday!’ they all sing showering me in kisses.
‘We have coffee from your favourite coffee shop,’ Erica says handing me one.
‘And chocolate fudge cake for breakfast from...’ Evelyn says with a big grin.
‘No!’ I choke in shock. ‘Not...’
‘Yep!’ Molly coos. ‘From Choccywoccydoodah’s! We know you said you’d love to have one of their cakes for breakfast one day. Well, your birthday wish is our command.’
‘God, I love you guys.’ I’m always looking in their shop window at all the out-of-this-world cakes.
I open the box to see the most delicious looking chocolate cake in the world. I take a knife from the drawer and cut it up in equal pieces. I pass around the disposable forks—trying to ignore that they’re bad for the environment—and break off a bit. I place it in my mouth and let the flavours overwhelm me. Damn, it’s chocolate fudge cake.
‘Oh my gawd!’ I moan through a mouthful. ‘This is like heaven.’
‘What’s that you got there?’ Evelyn asks taking my brooch from the side.
‘Ooh, that is so adorable!’ Brooke says. ‘Who got you that?’
I squirm uncomfortably. ‘Tom did.’
‘What?’ Evelyn nearly chokes out. ‘When did he give you that?’
I explain about the violas, some of which are still dotted around the flat—the rest I gave to the children’s wing at the hospital—the vintage fair tickets, his apology, and now this brooch.
Brooke smiles when I mention the vintage fair. It was definitely her that mentioned it to him.
‘Wow,’ Evelyn gasps. ‘I hate to say it, but he really is trying.’
‘He is,’ Erica agrees, nodding frantically. ‘He’s living on our sofa right now.’
‘Really? I thought he left his job?’
‘They fired that old cow. He’s back working there now.’
‘Ah, so he just wants his room back then,’ I say sadly. ‘That makes sense.’
‘No, Alice,’ Molly says, taking my hand. ‘I’ve seen him. He’s in bits without you. Look at everything he’s done. Someone doesn’t do that just to get a room back in a flat.’
‘Anyway,’ I say, shaking my head, ‘let’s talk about something else. My head is all over the place with this.’
‘Fine. We’re going to a spa!’ Molly claps like an excitable seal. ‘So, get your stuff and let’s go chill out for the day.’
‘That sounds bloody perfect.’
* * *
Tom
The girls surprised her with a spa day, so it’s given me and the boys time to do everything I’ve wanted. That’s how guys deal with loss. We don’t talk about it, but we show our mates we’re here for each other with action. They all dropped everything to help here all day. And I’ve really put them to work.
I’ve been told Alice is on her way home. I’ve just finished off the vegan curry from her recipe book. It looks... well, it looks sort of edible. I’ve made sure to set the table with an arrangement of the delivered violas, glad she didn’t throw them straight in the trash. I hear the door go, my heart beating crazily.
She rounds the corner cautiously. I’m scared shitless of her reaction. She could just go mental and throw me out straightaway. I deliberately didn’t bring Pickles. I don’t want her to have any bearing over her decision.
She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me, looking with eyes wide for a long time.
‘Tom?’ she asks.
I smile and rock awkwardly on my heels.
‘It’s me, yeah.’
We stare at each other again for a few more minutes. I shake myself off trying to get going. ‘I’ve made you a vegan curry. Sit down.’
She smiles kindly and sits down. The worst bit is not knowing if she’s just being polite and only doing this because my dad just died. Not because she’s even considering forgiving me.
‘You really made this yourself?’ she asks as she looks over it. ‘I’m not gonna find some M&S containers in the bin?’
I chuckle. ‘You haven’t tasted it yet.’
She picks up a spoon and tastes a bit. I do the same. Shit, this tastes like crap. I see her face contort but she quickly tries to cover it.
‘It’s okay. It tastes like shit,’ I admit on a grin.
She bursts out laughing and spits the rest back into the bowl. We both crease over laughing. I’ve so missed laughing with her. Doing anything with her really. My soul just feels at ease even being in the same room as her.
‘Maybe we should order pizza?’ Alice says with a smile.
‘Or maybe we should talk first? Get the awkwardness out of the way?’
She swallows. ‘Okay. We can talk about the elephant in the room.’
‘Okay.’ I stand up and walk around the table to sit next to her. I take her hand. ‘I want to know if you’ll give me another chance. I know I don’t deserve it, but just hear me out.’
She looks down at her hand in mine.
‘But,’ I say quickly, wanting to get my speech out before she has a chance to speak again. ‘I don’t want you to feel sorry for me because my dad died. I want you to imagine that hasn’t happened. I want you to be honest.
‘I feel shit about lying to you, but I didn’t realise how amazing you were when I made that bet. I never used to value sex. It was just another fuck for me.’ She squints, wondering where I’m going with this. ‘But that was all until I fell for you. Sex with you is different. Everything is different with you. I feel different when I’m with you. Like I’m worth loving.’
She smiles sadly, her eyes turning glassy.
‘But I get that I don’t deserve your love. I’m just some fuck boy that hurt you, but please know that version of me is the old Tom. Everything is so much clearer now. I want to make memories with you, just like my mum had with my dad. I want to fill a photo album with all of our firsts. I want to know the day I die that I’ve spent it with the person I love.’
She inhales sharply. Her eyes close for a second. ‘You love me?’ she asks disbelievingly.
‘How can you doubt that? Of course, I love you.’
‘Look, I forgive you, okay. But don’t say things you aren’t sure about.’ She shakes her head. ‘I don’t need I love you’s.’
Smiling, I stroke her soft cheek. ‘I know, but I do. Fine, if you don’t believe me, but you will eventually.’
She smiles. I take my cue to lean in. I hover my hand over her porcelain-pale cheek, grazing my fingers on her perfect lips. She closes her eyes and sighs contentedly. I take that as a sign and lean in, kissing those pretty little lips I’ve come to love so much.
I break it off quicker than she wants. I know because she follows me when I lean back.
‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’
She grins. ‘Better than this curry?’
‘It’s not hard,’ I chuckle. I stand up, pulling her hand so she’s forced to stand. Then I lead her to my old bedroom door. ‘I hope you like it.’ I stand back and let her open the door, a suspicious look on her face.
She walks in, no doubt expecting a red room of pain or something equally as creepy, to instead find her new photography dark room the guys helped me put together. Complete blackout curtains are duct taped around the windows, so all sense of light is taken out. Chemistry trays are set up on my old set of drawers, along with tongs. The red hue from the safelight makes the room have a cosy kind of glow.
‘It’s not completely ready. We still need to get the chemicals, but it’s a start, right?’
She turns around and grabs my face. She slams her lips against mine, pushing her tongue in.
I laugh. ‘So, I take it you like?’
‘I love.’ She beams at me. ‘And I love you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still kind of furious with you, but life’s too short to let this get in the way.’
‘I can’t tell you how happy I am you said that, because I can guarantee I’m going to fuck-up again. But I want you to forgive me each time because life without you isn’t a life at all.’
She smiles. ‘Just don’t fuck-up so epically next time, yeah?’