Thursday 15th November
Alice
I didn’t get a chance to chat to Tom last night. Well, more like didn’t have the guts. It helped that we were both so knackered we passed out as soon as we got in. Not even sex. Maybe he’s already bored with me.
I’m woken by gentle kisses on my shoulder.
‘Wake up, sleepyhead.’
I begrudgingly open my eyes to see his clear green eyes looking down at me with something like adoration. He’s holding a cup of tea and some toast. Wow, he’s a keeper. Who knew I’d ever imagine Tom ‘Manwhore’ Maddens being a keeper? I suppose stranger things have happened. Like dinosaurs.
I sit up, eager for the tea. ‘Wow, thanks. Did you use the vegetarian butter?’ I can’t help but check.
‘Yes,’ he smiles with a shake of his head.
‘What’s this all in aid of?’ I can’t help but be suspicious that he’s already fucked-up.
‘Just wanted to treat you.’ He smiles, too good-looking to want little old me.
I pretend to sniff the air. ‘And the kitchen isn’t on fire, right?’
He pretend punches me on the same shoulder he was kissing a minute ago. ‘Ha ha.’ He sits down next to me folding his legs underneath him. ‘Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you.’
Uh-oh. My stomach drops. This is it. When he lets me down. When he shows me he is the manwhore I’ve always expected him to be. He’s cheated on me already, or maybe he just wants to end this. Or make sure I realise it’s just sex and nothing else. My heart sinks at the idea.
‘Okay,’ I say with a forced smile. ‘What’s up?’ Sound breezy Alice. Fucking breezy.
‘Well... I kind of went to see your ex-boyfriend a few days ago.’
‘You what?’ I blurt out, completely muddled. ‘You went to see my ex?’
He nods. ‘That twat that uploaded your picture. Thought he needed a little talking to.’
‘How did you even find him?’ Did Erica give him his details? I didn’t even think I’d told her where he lived.
‘No, it was Nicholas that tracked him down. Anyway, we gave him a telling off.’
Visions of him punching him flash through my mind. ‘Tom! Tell me you didn’t beat him? The police will be here soon to arrest you, you idiot!’
He laughs. ‘Don’t be stupid. I barely touched him. But I did manage to take this.’ He hands over his phone. I press the unlock button to see him lying down with his dick out.
‘Oh my god!’ I snort a laugh. ‘How the hell did you get this picture?’
‘We kind of held him down. Anyway, it’s now up on the same revenge porn site and it’s been emailed out to his employer.’
My stomach drops. ‘Shit, what if they’re able to trace it to you?’
He smiles smugly. ‘You honestly think Nicholas would let me be that stupid? He uploaded it and encrypted the shit out of it. Or whatever the hell it is he does. There’s no way to trace it to us.’
I know I should feel happy about this, but... well, it’s just another life ruined.
‘Hey! Don’t you go feeling sorry for that creep. He did this to you.’
‘Yeah, but two wrongs don’t make a right.’
‘Jesus, Alice. You’re too good for this world, do you know that?’
I lean over and kiss him. ‘I’m too good for him. I’m just right for you.’
He grins. ‘Before we get on with some sexy time, I need to tell you. He’s adamant that he didn’t email out the link to people. Is there anyone else you can think of that would do it? Any other exes you threw up on?’
I burst out laughing. ‘No, I can’t say there is. He’s probably lying anyway. But… will you guys take it down?’
‘You’re joking, right?’
I shake my head. ‘I don’t feel good about it. Please, Tom.’
He rolls his eyes and sighs. ‘Fine.’
‘Also, I want to know if your boss is still making inappropriate passes at you?’
He rolls his eyes. ‘Chill, babe. I told her where to go and she’s left me alone since. I just needed to stand up to her.’
‘Really?’
‘Really,’ he nods.
He leans me back and starts kissing me passionately. But I can’t help but wonder, what if he was telling the truth about someone else sending the email? Who else would do that to me?
* * *
Alice
After our sexy session, I had a quick shower and now I’m on the way to the family planning clinic with Brooke. I can’t help but feel like I’m betraying his trust. It worries me that I’ve slept with a man I don’t trust one hundred percent. Last time I did that I ended up with naked photos of myself all over the internet.
She’s stood outside puffing on a cigarette, her forehead unusually furrowed. She only smokes when she’s stressed.
‘Hey, Brooke, what’s up?’
She sighs and stubs it out under her foot.
‘Nothing,’ she shrugs forcing a smile. ‘Now let’s get you tested for STI’s.’
‘Shush!’ I snap, looking around to see if anyone heard her. ‘I don’t want the whole world knowing. And don’t give me that bullshit. I see you with your stress cigarettes.’
‘Ugh, fine! Nicholas is on about me moving to Peterborough again.’
‘You’re joking?’
She sighs. ‘I wish I was. I can’t move there. Do you know what happens to people like me that move to shit places like Peterborough?’
I glare at her. She’s only been there a few times.
‘They give up. Cease to exist. Next thing you know I’ve got three kids, a bitchy cat, and a baggy vagina.’
I burst out laughing. She doesn’t join me. She looks more worried that it’s actually going to happen.
‘Brooke, you need to talk it through with Nicholas without slagging off his home town.’
She bites her lip. ‘I just don’t get why he wouldn’t want to move here. I mean it’s Brighton for God’s sake. Plus, on top of that Erica and Jack are talking about getting their own place. They’re sick of me walking in on them doing it.’
‘Hi, can I help you?’ a lady at the reception desk asks.
‘Oh,’ I almost forgot where we were for a minute. ‘Yes, I’m here to see someone please.’
‘Down the hall and sit on the chairs. You’re number eighty.’ She hands over a ticket.
Wow, there must be a lot of sluts about today. Myself included.
‘You’ll need to complete this.’ She hands over a form clipped to a clipboard.
We take a seat. I have a quick scan over the other people waiting, all of us trying to avoid looking each other in the eye. No-one I recognise, thank god.
‘So why doesn’t he want to move to Brighton? I thought he could work from anywhere?’
She rolls her eyes. ‘Ugh, it’s his whole leaving his dad thing again. I mean, I get it. He’s all alone, but if he’d just see some of the women he’s been matched up with online he’d be far less lonely.’
‘You can’t force someone to do online dating if they don’t want to. He’s probably still cut up about losing his wife. I don’t think you ever get over that kind of thing.’
‘Well, if he’d stop being such a stubborn bastard and look at his matches he might just stand a chance.’
I roll my eyes and complete the form ticking the STI check. I wait as the other numbers are called. Brooke tells me that two of Jack’s photos have sold for £600 each. That means I’ve earnt £480 just for two photos. Who knew this would actually work?
My number is finally called.
‘Want me to go in there with you?’ she asks with raised eyebrows. ‘Hold your hand?’
‘I’ll be fine,’ I say rolling my eyes. We both know I’m lying, but I square my shoulders and follow the lady into the room. She takes my form and scans over it.
‘Okay, Miss Watts. Do you mind me calling you Alice?’
The woman is about to look at my vagina. I’m pretty sure we can be on first name terms.
‘Fine,’ I nod.
‘Okay, so you’re here for an STI check. I just need to run through some routine questions first.’
I nod again, bracing myself.
‘So, in your own words why are you here today?’ She smiles kindly.
‘Err... for an STI check...?’
She nods, the corners of her mouth upturning ever so slightly. She quickly recovers so as to look professional. ‘So, you’ve had unprotected sex recently?’
‘Um...’ I clear my throat. ‘Yes.’
‘Okay, and are you aware if this person already has an STI?’
‘No. He said he’s been tested, but I’m not sure if he’s telling the truth.’
God, I feel like a slut saying that. Admitting that I’m sleeping with someone I don’t trust one hundred percent.
‘How many people have you had sexual contact with in the last six months?’
Jesus, how is this relevant?
‘Just the two.’ I’m sure she’s used to people saying hundreds.
‘Can you describe your last sexual experience?’
I nearly choke on my own tongue. ‘Excuse me?’ This bitch wants gory details? Wants to know what position we used? Is this even relevant?
‘The type of sex,’ she clarifies, ‘whether it was oral, vaginal or anal.’
‘Oh, um, vagina-based.’ God, I sound like an idiot. ‘But I mean, he has gone down on me too.’ God, this is mortifying.
‘Do you have one or more sexual partners?’
‘No! God, one at a time. Jesus.’ The back of my neck is starting to sweat now.
‘Please remember that these questions aren’t used to judge you. We just need to ask them.’
‘Okay,’ I nod, squirming in my seat.
‘Is your partner of the same gender or opposite?’
‘It was a man.’
‘Has your sexual partner ever paid for sex?’
My eyes widen. She’s asking if Tom’s ever had sex with a prostitute? ‘Oh my god, no! I mean, shit, I hope not.’ Way to sound confident about your sexual partner.
‘Is your sexual partner bi-sexual? Has he ever had anal sex with a man?’
‘No! Jesus.’ My cheeks are burning. I want to get out of here. My heart is beating so fast I can hear it. If it carries on like this, I’m going to be headed for a panic attack.
‘Has he ever had sex with an animal?’
‘Jesus, of course not! What kind of freaks do you think we are?’
It’s my tattoos, isn’t it? It’s caused her to judge me. People are always the same.
‘Just standard questions.’ She writes something on her notes. ‘Right, here it is.’ She hands over a container holding what looks like a long cotton bud.
Hang on a minute. Does she expect me to do it myself?
‘Oh... do I do it myself then?’ I ask, feeling stupid.
‘Yes, in the bathroom.’ I stare back at her in disbelief. ‘You do know where your vagina is, don’t you?’ she smiles. Oh, she’s taking the piss out of me. Nice.
‘Okay.’
I go to the bathroom and insert the cotton bud thing. Wiggle it around inside myself and then put it safely back into the container. I go back in and hand it over to the lady.
‘Great, thanks. Now I’ll just take a blood test to rule out HIV. If everything comes back fine, we’ll send you a text message. If there are any issues, we’ll give you a call.’
How can she be so bloody calm about it? In a few days I’m going to know if I’m fine or if the man I’m sleeping with is a liar.