Chapter Thirty
Rebel
The pain still ripped through me with every breath I took. I grabbed another bottle of whiskey and drank, sooner or later the pain would go away.
The door opened behind me but I didn’t bother to look. I still hadn’t drowned the pain. Right now I wished I was a masochist because then I’d be in heaven.
“What’s up?” Jericho sat to my left and Dare sat on my right.
“Drinking.” My words slurred. Then why the fuck didn’t my pain go away.
“Why?” Dare looked at me then grimaced. “How did you fuck it up?”
“She had to go, she wanted to go, I let her go.” I drank down the whiskey and the second bottle was empty but the pain blazed bright.
“I’ll get you another.” Dare moved behind the bar and handed me a new bottle.
I drank and drank until I didn’t even remember my own name. I woke, reached for a bottle and drank myself unconscious again.
I was on a binge and I didn’t see an end in sight. I stumbled into the shower, threw on some clothes and headed back to the bar in the main room. People were here today. Fuck, was it Sunday? Probably. I got a few bottles of whiskey before slinking back to my room. I wanted to see no one, talk to no one, be no one. I finally understood why Dare had spent all those months drunk on his ass when he and Mama had split up, it was the only way to survive without your heart.
“I can’t have her,” I shouted to the room.
“Can’t have who?” Viper walked in the door.
Fuck Viper, anyway. He didn’t know shit about living without his heart. “Fuck off.”
“Can’t. I got babysitting duty today. You are, I quote, ‘not supposed to get piss-ass drunk before Dare shows up.’”
He picked up the three bottles of whiskey from the floor and carried them out of the room. I still had the one bottle so I didn’t worry, besides there were more out front.
By the time Viper came back, I’d drunk half the bottle. He snatched it out of my hands.
“Give that back,” I hollered but stood and headed for the door.
“Do you know what day it is?” Viper blocked the door.
“Sunday?”
“Thursday you drunk fuck.” He shook his head at me. “Get your shit together.”
“Don’t wanna.” I ambled back to bed. “Life’s over anyway.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you keep her, you want her, she wants you. Why the fucking drama?” Viper threw his hands up.
“The club property clause. She owns a business, and she’s not giving us a share for any reason,” I mumbled, head in my hands.
“You asked her that?”
“I’d never fucking ask her to do that, would you give up that shit for love?” No one would, and more, I wouldn’t take what was hers. “I signed a sheet, I promised her I wasn’t after her company.”
“Shit, you always have to be complicated, different, go a goddam different path than the rest of us.” He sat beside me. “Couldn’t fucking believe you married her. Did you divorce her?”
I shook my head. I’d have to but I didn’t want to do it. I liked Elle being my wife, if only she could be my wife and my old lady. But that wasn’t happening. Fuck I needed a drink.
I stood and he pulled me back down. “No booze.”
“Fuck off.” I went to stand again.
His arms shot out and knocked me off balance.
“I must still be drunk.”
“Yeah, totally pickled.” He looked at me with disgust. “I told one of the guys with a woman they should do this, but the fuckers were pussies. Rock flat out said he’d give you all the booze you wanted. Dare wasn’t even there. Sad when it was down to me or Thorn.”
I shuddered. “Thorn would just have knocked me unconscious.”
“Don’t think I’m not considering it,” Viper growled.
A knock on the door had him up and moving to it, he turned back to me with a pot of coffee and a cup. “Drink it all.” He set the pot on the stand next to the bed.
I poured a cup although I didn’t want it. Already the dull ache had transformed into pulsing pain flashing through me with each breath. But I knew Viper too well, the bastard would tie me up and pour it down my throat if I didn’t comply. The coffee chased away the last bit of whiskey fog. I headed to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Fuck, I looked like shit. Where did I get the black eye? I’d blacked out long hours, but surely I’d remember a fight.
Pathetic. I wasn’t pathetic. No, not me, not anymore. I stripped and showered again, then shaved the start of the beard from my face. Dressed again, I walked out into the room.
Viper nodded. “That’s better.”
I shrugged on my cut. Time to bury Elle in a deep hole and move on because pitiful drunk wasn’t in my vocabulary. I’d played that fool once before and sworn to never do it again. No, I had control and experience with living with rejection. Unlike with my parents, this was my fault. I’d walked away from her love, sure it’d been for the best reason, but I’d left her, destroyed her faith in me.
“Who gave me a black eye?” I touched the black bruise under my eye.
“You don’t remember?” Viper arched an eyebrow. “Of course not. Gator gave it to you, punched you out that first night.”
Fuck. He’d been the one to let Elle know she was safe. What had he witnessed? I didn’t want to know. Already teetering on the edge, knowing exactly what pissed him so much would send me back to the bottle. I needed out of here, out of this room, away from the clubhouse.
I hadn’t made it three steps toward the back door before Viper blocked my path. “Dare needs to talk to you. You stay here.”
“Get out of my way,” I growled.
“Rebel, get your ass over here,” Jericho called from the other end of the hall.
I stared down Viper another minute before I turned and stomped toward my Prez. I sat next to him in the back corner.
“You look better.” Jericho grinned at me. “You’re a talkative drunk.”
I held my hand up. “Don’t tell me.”
Dare strode toward us, an envelope in his hand, and a murderous look on his face. He threw the manila envelope at me. “I fucking hate lawyers.”
I’d only opened up the envelope when he returned with a bottle of whiskey and sat across from us.
I glanced through the papers, a merger agreement between Jackson Bonds and Brotherhood Bonds. I dropped the papers to the table. “I don’t want her company.”
“Stupid fuck,” Dare mumbled.
“This merger lets you claim her as your old lady.” Jericho tapped fingers on the table.
“How do you figure?”
“Fucking stubborn ass,” Jericho growled. “Fine, I’ll lay it out for you. We get 10 percent of her company and she gets 10 percent of ours. Then we provide a line of credit, our cash, for the two companies to do the expansion you both want. The holding company buys them, each partner owning 50 percent of all new businesses. The name of the new companies, your company, hers, all of that is up to you guys to decide. She has the experience, we have the money. The merger trumps the property clause.”
My mind reeled from information overload. “Okay, but she doesn’t need us.” She already planned to do what Jericho suggested.
“She needs you,” Dare grunted.
“And, the attorneys seem to think Jackson Bonds doesn’t have the cash it’ll take to expand. Of course, if the deal goes through, our books and hers will be examined by lawyers, everything up and up.”
“What’s in it for us?” I didn’t understand why he’d even consider this.
“More revenue. Our family made whole.” Jericho’s fierce scowl made me want to back away. He looked like he was a question away from decking me. “Dare’s been working on this since you married her, but we had to speed them up when you fucked everything up.”
I stared between them. “That long?”
“You love her. You want her. This makes it all work out and gives us a stronger business.”
Dare stood up. “Read that shit forward and backward, then go get your woman.”
A flicker of hope sparked to life. Maybe she wasn’t gone. I could fix this. It’d take groveling, but I’d beg her to forgive me. I wouldn’t give up until she was mine.