Chapter Twenty
Rebel
Elle had done her part, now I’d take the bastard down. He’d fucked with Pixie, Rock and our club. Today would be sweet justice, even if it was too long in coming.
Delta moved around the back of the cabin so he could come in from the left, I hurried to the cabin until I leaned against the wall, right beside the porch, while JoJo covered us with a rifle from the woods. We were ready.
Delta began his approach, he’d gotten about halfway to the cabin when Gerald stepped onto the porch. “Stop there.” He held a shotgun with shaky hands.
“Gerald.” I hopped on the porch and clocked him. He fell to the floor, gun falling from his hands.
I turned my gun when I heard noise from the doorway. Gretchen, Pixie’s mom, laid down the knife she held. Son of a bitch. No wonder we’d never gotten close, she’d been telling him everything. Delta joined me on the porch with his gun aimed at Gerald. I stepped inside and kicked the knife away. “Get out here.”
She stepped around her husband and stood shaking on the front porch. I clicked the Bluetooth to talk to Elle. “Bring the truck up.”
I nodded to Delta. “Restrain him.”
“We need to talk.” I grasped Gretchen’s arm and marched her away from the others.
“You will move within the month. I don’t care where or what you tell Pixie, but you’ll be out of our housing and you won’t go to Chet.”
“I’ll have nothing, nowhere.” Her voice trembled.
“That or I tell her and Chet the truth.”
She tried to step away from me but I held firm. “You abused our trust and that ends now.”
“Okay.” She started crying. I walked her back to Gerald who now stood upright. I pushed his wife next to him and snapped a picture with my phone. I wanted proof. She hid her face and cried harder.
Elle stepped out of the truck then opened the back door of her truck.
“You were in the diner,” Gerald snapped. “You, you did this.”
“No you did this.” Elle glared at him.
Delta manhandled Gerald into the back before he shut the doors. “What about her?”
“Let her take the truck, she’s out of our lives.”
“You telling Pixie?” Delta looked between husband and wife.
I shook my head. “I’ll let Rock know, he can decide from there.”
Delta nodded.
“I’m going with Elle. You two let the club know. I don’t want that fucker hearing a word.”
“Got it, boss.” He jogged over to where JoJo stood, and they both disappeared into the woods.
Elle met me halfway to the truck. “You driving?”
“Yup. And don’t say anything he can hear, got me, not even your name.”
She nodded. “You did good work.” Then she headed for the passenger side.
It would’ve been good work if I’d caught him a year ago, but at least I’d closed the case. A small redemption for the way I’d failed my family.
I turned the truck around and drove away. Thoughts raced inside me, and I kicked myself for not realizing the problem months ago. We’d all thought Gretchen a victim because Gerald beat her, but she’d helped him from the beginning. And I’d bet Pixie told her mom anytime I updated her, trying to reassure her mom that Gerald would be caught. The Winstons had been good friends with my parents, and they were just like them.
By the time we reached Barden, my bad mood had settled into my bones. I needed a fight, whiskey, and fucking in that order. I glanced over at Elle, she sat silently staring out the window. When we got to town, I parked in front of the police office.
“I’m going to head over to the tattoo shop, pick me up there.”
Before I could ask what she was about, she was gone. I opened the truck door and pulled the bastard down from the truck. He stumbled and I kept going. I walked him into the police station and silence descended when they saw me and Gerald. “I need to turn in a bounty.”
It took me an hour before the idiots finished the paperwork, three different guys tried to congratulate me, but I couldn’t talk because I wanted to smash my fist into someone. These fuckers had arrested Rock and me but let Gerald escape. I had nothing but contempt for Barden’s finest, but then we had a long history.
Once I’d turned Gerald over to the police, I drove two blocks to Marked Man. No one manned the front counter. When I heard Elle’s laugh, I stormed to the back, anger still fucking with my head. Rock and Elle had smiles on their faces until they looked at me.
“You’re right,” Rock said to Elle. “He’s got it all wrong.”
I stared from one to the other. “What?”
“I told him you were pissed off, not happy to have caught the scumbag.” Elle drank from a bottle of whiskey. I stalked over to her and took it from her, downing half the bottle.
“So I owe you.” Rock met me with a calm determination. “If you need to beat on someone, you know I like that shit.”
Fuck. I drank more whiskey and felt some of the anger drain away. What the hell was wrong with me?
“I should’ve caught him sooner. I fucked it all up.”
Elle had started for the back door.
“Where are you going?”
“I’ll be in the truck when you’re done.” She kept going.
“Get your ass over here.”
She turned and cocked her head in question.
“Stay with me.”
She rushed to me, I squeezed her tight.
I sat in one of the barber chairs the guys used to tattoo then settled Elle onto my lap. “I’m only telling this once. Wait, Pixie’s not here?”
“She’s with Mama.” Rock sat across from us.
“So I found Pixie’s mom with Gerald at the cabin.”
Rock’s face turned stony. “Fuck.”
“She was with him at the diner too,” Elle added.
“Anyway, I told her she had thirty days to clear out of our space without going to Pixie or Chet.”
Rock nodded.
“I’m not telling this story to anyone else. What you do with it is up to you.” I sent him the picture then deleted it from my phone.
“What would you do?” Rock asked, looking a bit lost.
“Fuck, you know I’m the worst for that shit. You do what you’d want Pixie to do, that’s my best advice.” I stood up and Rock clasped me in a hug.
“Brother, it’s worried us both. Thanks for putting it to bed.”
“Should have been sooner,” I told him.
“It’s done and behind us.” He stepped away. “We got a party to go to. Jericho says he’ll drag your ass there if you try and duck it.”
A party was the last thing I wanted tonight. If only I’d thought it through, realized the problem was inside our circle of trust, then I’d have had him a lot faster.
“Pixie took my truck out to the clubhouse, give me a ride?” Rock grinned, knowing I was stuck.
“Let’s go.” I threw the keys to Elle. “I need more whiskey.”
“I can help you there.” Rock grabbed two bottles from the back room before we left.
Elle stayed quiet on the drive out to the compound, and I wanted to know what bothered her, but I didn’t ask in front of Rock.
Rock left us as soon as we’d parked the truck, on the search for his woman.
Elle got out and stood there, just looking at the clubhouse. I walked around the truck until I was in front of her. “What is it?”
“We need one of those rooms.” Her words were hard.
“This way.” We walked in the back of the club and I took her to the first room, a different one from the last time we were here.
Once we were inside, she closed and locked the door. “You told me you strip the crap away.” She shoved me back onto the bed. “Now, you’ll tell me how to do that for you because your head is all kinds of fucked up.”
“Elle—”
She held up a hand. “The only words you can speak are ones that tell me what drives you insane, what pushes you beyond.”
I stared up at her, she wasn’t being a Domme, but she’d committed to helping me, even if I didn’t want help. Fuck me. Why would she even care?
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want to go there,” I warned her.
She stripped off her clothes and climbed atop me. “You can have all of me, anything you want.”
No one had ever offered me so much. “What if I want to share you with one of my brothers?” I was the worst asshole for saying it.
“I trust you, so bring it.” She leaned down and kissed me. Her soft lips on mine were too much, or maybe it was her words. I trust you. She had no idea what I might want, yet she gave herself to me without hesitation.
“Even if I say no condoms?” I baited her.
But she grinned up at me. “Even then.”
I should resist, walk away, but the darkness in me wanted out, craved her offering. I flipped her over, so I was on top, then moved off her to grab the whiskey. I needed more whiskey, maybe I’d find what I needed there.
She moved to the edge of the bed where I stood and undid my belt before releasing my fly and tugging down my pants. No words, no eye contact, then she sucked my cock into her mouth. I was lost, a goner. In that moment, I knew I’d take everything from her, all she’d promised. I just hoped it wasn’t too much.
We were on our third round of balls-to-the-wall sex and she embraced it, maybe even more than me. The weight of my failure felt lighter—how could I feel anything but high when she gave me more every single time we came together?
“You got more, give it to me.” She spoke with a staccato rhythm as I pounded into her.
And I did have more, she might regret challenging me once I gave it to her. I pushed harder, stealing another orgasm from her, each one made me stronger, cleaner, renewed.
When her pussy clenched around me, I fell with her, again, loving the wild freedom of her release. I smacked her ass before I moved away, needing to find supplies for what came next.
The sounds of her deep breaths filled the room, I glanced over my shoulder to my sexy goddess, hair tumbled and sweat glistened on her body, but the wide grin on her face made something right inside me.
“You have a fine ass,” she wheezed.
“Back at ya.” I found an unopened set of anal beads and new container of lube.
Her eyes widened when I set them on the bed. “Flip over.” I wasn’t going to tell her about this, only show her.
She hesitated and I thought I’d reached her limit but then she turned over. Not even a question, when I knew this was virgin territory for her. My body thrummed with anticipation.
When I rubbed lube over her pucker she shivered, tensing a little, before she tensed more I slipped the beads in with a single thrust.
“Oh,” she breathed, wiggling a minute before settling.
“Feel good?” I purred, stroking her leg.
“Different, not bad.”
“You’ll tell me if anything hurts, even a pinch,” I commanded.
“I will.” She spoke in a small voice.
A prickle of conscience bothered me. “We don’t—”
“I’m yours.”
“Oh, baby.” My heart broke wide open with her admission. “On your hands and knees.”
She hurried to comply, excitement and something less sure sparked across her expression.
Words failed me and need filled me, so I took what she gave me, pumping into her tight pussy again. Rocking into me, her sexy sounds drove me crazy. I pushed her, driving her to the point of frenzy, needing her totally open to me. She didn’t disappoint, rushing headlong into another orgasm. When she convulsed, I slid out the beads.
“No, I need, fill me again,” she groaned.
I rolled on the condom, added extra lube, before I pressed against her pucker.
“Please.”
I inched inside with slow precision while I held her hips still. She gasped.
“Did that hurt?”
“Not hurt,” she panted, “need more. Something more.”
I pressed fully inside, moving in a slow slide, in and out. Sensations swamped me and my body tensed, I was already on edge.
“How do you feel?” I needed to be sure she was feeling what I did.
My thumb found her sweet spot and she tried to move, but I held her firm. “Tell me.”
“Good, really good.”
Her sexy noises increased, and I felt the pressure build inside her. “Yes, Rebel,” she shouted as she came. I loved feeling the tension unravel and her body sag. I moved faster, careful not to hurt her, and felt my own driving need thunder through me. She pressed back and I lost it, spiraling out of control yet again.
Pulling out of her, I disposed of the condom in the bedside trash then rolled onto my back totally spent. We’d fucked my dark mood away. I felt lighter than I had in, I don’t know when, but longer than I could remember.
Elle climbed atop me, nuzzling my neck. I liked her cuddled into me and held her tight, savoring the moment of complete relaxation.
She nipped my neck, wiggling down my front until she held my stiffening cock in her hand.
“Baby, I’m done.” I grinned up at her. “You did it.”
Seductive, hooded eyes met mine. “But I’m not.”
I groaned and my body woke up, ready for whatever my woman wanted, unsure what she had in store for me.
After a few teasing licks, she straddled me before pushing my cock deep inside her. Leaning forward her body covered mine. Her softness pressed into me as her hips circled in a slow, seductive dance. She sucked my neck as she writhed over me. Pure torture and pure bliss wrapped together. I had no shields left and each stab of emotion, each slice of pleasure, dug deeper into me, until I was filled with so much I felt adrift, unable to find a single solid thing to grasp to keep from falling under her spell.
Sweetness. She made sweet love to me with all she was bared on her beautiful face. I shuddered when she bit down on my neck grounding me with the pain, letting all I felt become even more real—a living dream turned to a reality.
Before I even took a breath to steel myself, Elle plunged deep and shattered, drawing me into her maelstrom of ecstasy. Lost and loving it, I held tight to her and let go completely.
We lay entwined and silent for a long while until I remembered the party outside. I had to make an appearance. Glancing at the bedside clock, I groaned. We’d been in here two hours and couldn’t hide anymore although partying was the last thing on my mind. Even the need for booze had fallen away, all I wanted was to lie here and hold her forever, but soon, someone would pound on our door if I didn’t get my ass out of bed.
“We got to go out there,” I murmured into her ear.
“I know.” She tried to roll off me, but I held her to me.
“Thank you, I have no words for tonight, nothing that even comes close.” I kissed her cheek afraid if I touched her lips we wouldn’t leave this bed for another hour.
She squealed when I smacked her ass, jumping off me. We dressed and headed outside. My brothers glanced from me to Elle with smirks on their faces. They should have looks of pure jealousy because my woman was the hottest.
A scream was the only warning I got before Pixie launched herself at me. Elle must’ve been paying attention because she’d stepped clear before I caught Pixie in a full-body hug.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She squeezed me tight.
I set her back down.
Hands fisted on hips she glared at her man. “Rock wouldn’t let me knock on your door to thank you.”
I laughed at her knowing smile and ruffled her fire engine red hair. “You should meet Elle.”
Elle stepped forward with her own smile. “You must be Pixie.”
Pixie ignored Elle’s outstretched hand and gave her the same big squeeze she gave me. “Thank you too. I’m glad he’s behind bars.” She shivered.
Rock walked up and put his arms around her and the four of us walked through the party, eventually settling by Viper and JoJo.
“We’re getting close to the grand plan, boss.” JoJo grinned wide. “I got two more military guys ready to jump over when you say the word.”
“It’s cleared with Ringer?”
“What?” Ringer called from another group of guys.
“That we can snare two more of your guys,” JoJo shouted back.
Ringer gave a thumbs up and turned his attention back to his wife.
“Is that the grand plan?” Elle frowned, looking between the two of us.
“A step in the right direction.” I tucked her tight to me in the chair, liking how close she was. “We want to be able to buy other bail bonds companies, expand that way. I’ve looked at the business models and that promises the fastest growth.”
She scooted away from me. “Exactly. I’ve been telling...well anyway when I’m in charge of the company, I plan to do the same, picking up more shops and expanding our footprint.”
I cocked an eyebrow at her. “So I’ll be competing with you for bounties and businesses?”
“Are you heading to Texas?” She gave me a smug grin.
“Still working that part out.” I wanted to be in Dallas, but I wasn’t sure how some of the bigger clubs would take our expansion, although Charlie thought it’d be okay.
“Do you two share a brain?” JoJo shook his head. “I’m headed north tomorrow, so I need some beauty rest.” He gave a two-finger salute and walked away.
“You two are scary, you’re so alike.” Rock grinned. “Maybe it’s a bounty hunter thing?”
“Like you and Zero are twins?” I shot back.
Rock laughed. “Well, not even a bit.”
I pushed on my girl so she’d stand up. “Let’s follow JoJo.”
We were back in Ardmore before midnight, but I wasn’t ready to sleep because a restless energy had settled into me on the drive home. Elle had changed me, changed our relationship and I didn’t know what to do about it. I wanted more but surely that would go away soon because more wasn’t possible.
Once home, I dropped my cut on the leather recliner before heading back to the bedroom to change into workout clothes. I needed to rid myself of this energy and some time with my weights and punching bag should do the trick.
Elle had curled into one end of the couch with her book, she didn’t even look up when I passed through on my way to the workroom attached to the garage. Strange. Maybe she was as unsettled as me because it was unlike her to be so quiet. I’d converted the workshop into an exercise room with a treadmill, free weights, punching bag, and speed bag. I’d added a pedestal bag for Elle to practice her kicks on.
After an hour with the weights, my muscles hurt but my body still buzzed in that uncomfortable way. What the hell could I do to get rid of it? No way could I sleep, and the idea of vegging out on my couch sounded worse than sleeping. Maybe a ride on my bike.
I wiped the sweat off with a towel that I dropped in my washing machine as I passed through the garage. I needed to change clothes if I planned to ride tonight, but I didn’t want to wake up Elle. However that wasn’t a problem because she was still up, reading in the same place I’d left her.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” The question sounded sharper than I’d intended.
She laid her book on the end table. “Not tired.” Questions simmered in her eyes.
“What’s bothering you?” I was drawn to her even though next to her was the last place I wanted to be. My insides were too raw to be near Elle.
She turned so her back was against the black leather arm rest of my couch. “You.”
Damn. Why was she playing coy? “What’s the deal with the short answers?”
“I don’t think you want my questions or my long answers.” She slumped when she said it as if it was some kind of personal defeat. “So, I was trying to give you that.”
As if I’d turned into a masochist, suddenly I had to know what she was holding inside and why she wouldn’t tell me. Maybe her words would be the impetus I needed to push away, find the distance I longed for. What an asshole thought, but I was a desperate man.
“What questions?”
Cocking her head to the side she studied me a long moment before dropping her head. With her hair covering her face, I couldn’t see her expression.
“Why do you think you failed them? Why does that eat at you so much?” Her gaze met mine. “Who made you fear that you’d lose them if you failed them?”
Son of a bitch, she’d nailed it on the head. I stood and walked away. “I don’t want to talk about that shit.” I stormed into the bedroom to find my riding clothes, but her questions had slipped under my defenses, gnawing on me. Or maybe it was what had eaten at me all damn night. I collapsed on the bed, sitting with my elbows on my knees. I let my head fall into my hands, trying to silence the doubts her questions had unlocked.
No one stood by me, not my girlfriend in high school, not my family, not the Old Man even though he’d brought me into the club. Dogg stood by me but then he’d left. Did some maggoty part of me think my brothers would turn away from me if I hadn’t found Gerald? That I had to prove my worth to them, over and over, to earn the trust they gave me. No, I wasn’t that fucked up.
I was tight with a lot of my brothers, but none of them were close to me, not like Jericho, Dare and Bear were, or Delta and JoJo for that matter. In fact few of us formed real tight bonds, but maybe that was because we were too fucked up. There’d been a time Jericho had tried to bring me into his circle, when I was just a prospect, but I’d craved the Old Man’s approval too damn much.
My restlessness grew until I couldn’t stay still. I paced then found myself back in the living room, anger simmering under the raw edges. “You don’t really want to know those answers.”
She marked her place and closed her book before looking up at me. “I told you all that festered in me that night. You need to do the same.” No heat or judgment, just the raw truth. “I’d thought maybe you’d share with one of the guys, but it’s clear you didn’t.”
“We don’t talk about shit like that,” I scoffed, starting to turn away.
“You can tell me anything.” The sincerity in her voice stopped me cold.
Yearning for something I’d rarely had tugged me backward until I’d crossed the room to her. Staring down into her somber face, I knew I could talk and she’d listen, but some shit couldn’t be unheard or unsaid. It was a risk I hadn’t taken since the night I’d told Dogg my whole sorry story. Of course, I’d been drunk, which made everything easier. Too easy. That had been the last night I’d been drunk for four years.
I sat on the other side of the couch and stared forward, remembering the past. “Fear drives me.
“I get that because I spent years fearing I’d disappoint my dad because I wasn’t the son he wanted.” Her quiet words held the ache I felt. “Turns out he disappointed me worse.”
“Betrayed you.” Anger sizzled in me. “My parents walked away from me, didn’t ever really believe in me.”
Her jeans made a sound when she slid across the leather seat, until her knee touched my leg. I liked it there.
“I drank my first beer on my sixteenth birthday.” I remembered how freeing it was to be drunk, all the thousands of expectations gone. “Six months later, I was drinking as soon as I woke up, and I had two DUIs, both of which my dad swept away.” I glanced over to her. “He was the sheriff in Barden, had been since I was ten.”
“Sucks to be you.”
“There are a lot of expectations of the sheriff’s son, and they drowned me until I drowned them with booze.” I remembered the blurred months when I was never quite sober and often drunk on my ass. “I was out of control, and my parents put me in rehab.”
“Sounds reasonable.” Her words were just a way to let me know she was there.
“I thought so too, until they left. It was an extreme treatment center where aversion therapy was a primary tool.”
She gasped and clasped my hand. “What did they do?”
“Fed me alcohol and shocked me every time I drank it.” I hadn’t been a fan. “I was too stubborn, I drank until either the shock or the liquor knocked me out.
“One night I broke out of my room, the first night they’d denied me liquor, and broke into the room where they kept the hard stuff. By the time a nurse found me, I was passed out, they had to take me to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.”
“You should never have been treated like that.” The warmth of her hand in mine comforted me.
“When I was back at the treatment center, they decided to go the other extreme—straight detox, no meds or anything to help me through it.” I hurried on hating to think of the horrible week where I’d have gladly killed myself if I’d had the strength. “It worked, I guess, six weeks later I left clean and sober.”
I hadn’t even wanted to contemplate a drink, fearing to ever go through the hell of detox again. “I stayed sober almost a year, then on my eighteenth birthday, I got hammered, first time.” I remembered the high, how sweet it had tasted.
“Mom and Dad cornered me, told me they were shipping me back to that place.” The remembered fear raced through me now, making my pulse spike. “I knocked my dad down, and ran out the door. I moved to Ardmore, I mean, I was 18, they couldn’t make me go as long as I didn’t live with them, but I wasn’t sure about that. The fear chewed me up and turned me paranoid. I was afraid to leave my apartment to go to work.
“I’d always had a thing for the Brotherhood, I mean, they were the only ones who did whatever they wanted. All my life I’d grown up seeing them as an idea of freedom, chaos and freedom really. My dad hated the club, but they didn’t do illegal stuff so he had to put up with them.”
“Your club is totally legitimate?”
I frowned over at her. “Yeah, none of our businesses are illegal, not saying there hasn’t been any of us do something illegal, but we don’t earn our living that way.”
“Sorry, so is that why you joined?”
I nodded. “And I wanted to piss my dad off, shove his nose in it. I mean, if you’re from town, you’re against the club, not a single person from Barden had ever joined the club until I did, not in the twenty-five years they’d been in town.”
It had been the best feeling in the world when the Old Man had put my cut on me. “Anyway, they accepted me as a prospect, it takes two years to earn your membership in the club. Jericho’s dad, we all called him the Old Man, ran the club then, and he put a bottle in my hand and kept me close to him. Now I know he was shoving my dad’s, the whole town’s, face in the fact that I’d chosen the Brotherhood. My dad went bat-shit crazy and tried to find any way to arrest the members. Hell, he had me in jail at least once a week.”
“How was that for you?”
“I was too drunk and too pissed off to really care.” I honestly remembered little of that six months of my life. “Then one night we were at the sex club and I’d been up and drinking for days. Next thing I remember, I’m in the hospital and Dogg is beside my bed. The Old Man had left me there, to die maybe, but Dogg found me and got me help.”
“What the fuck? I thought they were—”
“The Old Man is cruel and a rotten bastard, that’s why he doesn’t run this club anymore. I just had to learn that lesson the hard way. I was so busy looking for approval, I didn’t care about anything else.” Those words hurt to say, but it was the truth.
“Is that when you started training to be a sex master?”
I grinned at her choice of words. “Yup, Dogg took me in and made me follow his rules, one of which was I couldn’t drink again until I’d become a Master. He helped me through the worst of the withdrawal, then began teaching me. Hell for a solid year, I didn’t even step foot in Barden, hoping that’d cool things down between my dad and the club. It didn’t.”
“So that was the end of your family?”
I nodded. “After I earned my cut, after my dad had lost his job as sheriff, I went to them, but my parents met me with a shotgun at the front door, told me never to come back.” I hadn’t expected a warm reunion but their reaction had cut me deep.
“Dogg left later that same year, he retired from the club, and I started managing it.” I had learned by then how to manipulate the Old Man into doing whatever I wanted. Dogg had taught me that and so much more.
“Then, I got the go-ahead on the bounty business, right when Pixie’s dad skipped on his bail. It was my first case, and I couldn’t catch him. It ate at me bad. I’d failed my family, and now my brothers. I never once considered that Gretchen was telling him things, probably others too. I mean we’re a pretty easy group to spot.” That pissed me off to have been blinded by such an obvious thing. “Most of the time our status as members of the Jericho Brotherhood unlocks doors, but not this time.”
“You think you’re God?”
“I am almost perfect, but no, not him.”
She scowled at my attempt at humor. “I didn’t see one person there looking like you had screwed up. They were thanking you, happy for you, glad you got someone who’d hurt one of your own.”
I shook my head.
She smacked her hand over my mouth, climbing onto my lap. “Do you agree I read people well?”
I nodded.
“Am I a good judge of character?”
I nodded again. She was a helluva lot better than me at reading the people she bonded, in fact, I wished I was as good as she was.
“Do I lie?”
I paused, then shook my head. She’d never once lied to me even when it would have been easier for her.
Removing her hand from my mouth, she stared up at me. “Then believe me when I say what you’re feeling is just your past trying to fuck with you. No one thought you’d failed, or that you were too slow. It was truly a celebration.”
I hugged her to me, unable to form words. The restlessness disappeared along with the anger, and all that was left was some deep feeling for Elle, one I refused to examine let alone name. Normally, all this crap was locked down tight, not even a passing thought, but since I’d met Elle, too many of those locked-down parts kept surfacing.
Once she had her company, then I’d be back to normal. My life could continue uninterrupted. A hollowness opened inside me because I wasn’t sure I wanted that life anymore.