Chapter Five
Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul
on fire.
on fire.
—Mel’s Motivational Blog
The crisp fall evening couldn’t be more perfect for a cookout and bonfire. There was just enough chill in the air to make the fire cozy and comfortable.
Livie sat on Jax’s lap while his daughter, Piper, put another marshmallow on her roasting stick. Melanie couldn’t help but wonder if she’d have a girl. Would her daughter have blond hair like hers or dark like Tanner’s? Would she have those dark eyes framed by inky lashes like her father?
Or maybe she’d have a boy and he’d be strong and a protector like Tanner. Either way, Melanie’s excitement grew more and more each day.
“Sorry I’m late.”
Melanie glanced over her shoulder as Cash walked down the stone path in Jax’s backyard.
“There’s plenty of food left,” Livie stated as she hopped off Jax’s lap. “Let me get you something.”
Cash waved a hand as he headed toward the picnic table loaded with food. “Sit. I don’t expect you to serve me.”
Livie played the hostess perfectly. This small-town life was quite different from the hustle and bustle of her life back in Atlanta. Being engaged, with a ready-made family, looked good on her. Melanie couldn’t be happier for her friend.
“Jade,” Cash murmured with a nod.
Jade flipped him the one-fingered salute and remained silent as she held her bottle of water in the other hand. Wow. It took quite a bit to get on Jade’s bad side. She tended to just strike someone down with her witty banter, but Cash must’ve really pissed her off.
Cash let out a laugh and looked to Melanie. “You’re always the nicer one,” he joked.
Melanie had no idea what had happened between Cash and Jade, but who knew with those two. He seemed to always know how to push her buttons and he totally took advantage of that.
Jade was a live wire, never taking anything from anyone, and she always let people know where they stood. Apparently Cash didn’t stand in a good spot with her. Melanie didn’t recall any mention of a past between them. They’d grown up in Haven and had gone to school together. Maybe Cash didn’t like that Jade wasn’t tripping over herself to gain his attention. Poor Cash. Maybe he’d finally met his match.
“Hey,” Livie complained. “I’m nice.”
Cash snorted. “You’re marrying Jax, so you lost points by default.”
Melanie listened to her friends’ chatter, but mostly tuned them out, hating how she kept glancing over her shoulder for any sign of Tanner. He’d said he’d be here, but clearly something had come up.
A niggle of disappointment settled deep. He’d been adamant he’d be around, yet she hadn’t seen him for a few days. Maybe he’d changed his mind or perhaps he just decided a baby wasn’t what he saw for his future.
Regardless, she wished she’d stop holding her breath at every damn noise. What happened to the “I am woman, hear me roar” mantra she’d engrained in herself during and since her divorce? Tanner had a life before her, before the baby bomb had been dropped in his life.
Melanie had no idea what he did with his evenings. The secrets he obviously kept weren’t coming to light anytime soon. Flashes of Neville’s infidelity kept creeping through her mind. But they’d been married. She and Tanner were . . . what exactly? Melanie didn’t really feel she had a right to ask him about his disappearances. He technically owed her no explanations.
What were the boundaries when it came to personal info from your baby daddy? She’d told him she didn’t expect anything from him and she hadn’t been lying. He didn’t have to tell her his plans or his schedule. She’d pushed him away from getting too close. Part of her wanted someone to lean on during this scary time, but she had Jade and Livie. Her gal pals had gotten her through a rough patch before. No way would they leave her now.
“Right, Melanie?”
Escaping her thoughts, Melanie turned her attention to Jade and smiled. “I’m sorry. What?”
“She said the restaurant should have a classic theme, like fifties retro with the chrome and teal and white.”
Cash shook his head as if that were the most preposterous notion. “I said this is a small town, and it should be more down home and simple.”
“Retro is in right now,” Jade threw back. “And since when did you care so much about designs and décor?”
“Since I had a stake in this airport, too.” He glared at her over his beer as he took a hearty swig before going back to making his plate of food.
“What stake is that exactly?” Jade asked, her tone sweet as honey, but her eyes shot daggers.
Melanie was rather enjoying this show, and they’d clearly forgotten they’d dragged her in for an opinion. At least watching them she wasn’t stewing over the fact that one of their members was missing.
“I have a plane there, too, you know,” he reminded her. “And Jax is like a brother. I want this to succeed just as much as you all do. Don’t be mad at me simply because I tried to warn you away from the jerk you’re dating.”
“My social life is none of your concern,” Jade spouted back.
“Cool it, guys,” Jax interrupted. “Piper, honey, back away from the fire. You’re getting too close.”
Piper had been in her own little world, roasting marshmallows, and sneaking some of the chocolate bar when her dad and Olivia weren’t looking. She obviously didn’t mind the adults arguing, because she didn’t even glance toward Cash or Jade.
“Anyone want a marshmallow?” Piper asked. “I can make them real burnt if you like them crispy.”
Melanie laughed. “I actually love them that way. I’ll take one, please.”
Piper squealed and ran to grab her roasting stick.
“I’ve gotten a few design ideas.” Livie wrapped her arm around Jax’s shoulder and leaned her head against his. “I like too many, that’s my problem. But with the higher-end clients coming through, I’m leaning toward the classic style. I want something that will not look dated in five years. I thought about asking a professional, but I’m pretty sure between all of us, we can come up with a solid plan.”
“Whatever you choose will be fine,” Jax stated as he patted her hip.
“I know, but then I think Haven does have so much small-town charm, I should stick to the down-home feel like Cash mentioned.”
“Because I’m brilliant.” He carried his plate and beer over to the vacant seat next to Melanie. “Let me know when you want me to choose paint colors.”
Jade snorted. “White and off-white don’t count as paint colors.”
“You two act like siblings. Can we call a truce?” Livie asked. “Good grief. You’re both irritating when we’re all together.”
“Speaking of being all together, where’s Tanner?” Cash asked around a mouthful of chips.
“No idea.” Jax ran his hand up and down Livie’s denim-clad thigh. “He said he’d be by, but then I haven’t heard from him.”
Well, at least he wasn’t just not communicating with her and dodging her because of the baby. Clearly he’d had more important things to do tonight. Melanie still wondered what was so important that he would just disappear. This was not the first time he’d missed a gathering without saying a word.
Jax and Cash seemed to imply this was just normal behavior. How reliable could Tanner be if he said one thing and did another? He worked for the force during the day. Did he have a second job he was ashamed about? Something took him away in the evenings, but he wasn’t readily opening up about it.
“He works too hard,” Cash growled. “He’s been looking into something at the gym for me on top of his regular shift, and whatever the hell he does in the evenings that he refuses to clue us in on.”
“You can’t say bad words,” Piper chanted. “Livie smacks dad’s hand when he says those words in front of me.”
“Well, Livie won’t smack me,” Cash retorted. “I’m bigger than her.”
The marshmallow at the end of Piper’s stick caught fire and she pulled it back, but Cash leaped out of his chair and took the stick from her, blowing out the flame.
He shook his head and extended the crispy treat. “Your dessert is done.”
With a laugh, Melanie tapped the charred, gooey mess with the pad of her finger to test the temperature.
“I’m sorry.” Piper frowned and glanced down at her feet. “I just wanted to get it closer to the fire to get it black for you.”
“I promise, it’s perfect,” Melanie assured her as she took a bite. “See? My favorite, and crispy just like you promised.”
Piper clapped her hands. “Do you want another?”
Melanie laughed and tried to lick the sticky mess from her fingers. “I’m good, but thank you.”
“Hey, baby, I think it’s time we take you in to get ready for bed.”
Livie stood up and reached her hand out to Piper.
“But Uncle Cash just got here and I haven’t seen Uncle Tanner yet,” Piper protested.
Even though the guys were all cousins and best friends, Piper called them uncle. Melanie’s heart clenched. What would her baby call Cash and Jax? The guys had no idea about the pregnancy, and Melanie didn’t know if she should let Tanner tell them or if she should make an announcement. Or should they do it together?
As far as she knew, Tanner hadn’t said anything about their night together, so when the announcement came about the baby and the two of them . . . Melanie didn’t even want to know the reaction that would come from so many different personalities.
Melanie was just anxious to get to her appointment and make sure everything looked as it should. She’d researched online to see what to expect during the first visit. The baby’s heartbeat was definitely something she wanted to hear. She hoped for an ultrasound, but apparently those weren’t done this early unless there were complications or a question on when the baby was conceived.
Yeah, no question here. One night, with a condom, and boom. Granted, she’d gone off her birth control after her divorce. She’d not planned on getting involved with someone else and she didn’t like putting pills in her body when it wasn’t necessary. Then time moved on and she hadn’t given it another thought. When Tanner had mentioned a condom, she made the naïve assumption all would be fine.
“I should get home, too.” Melanie came to her feet and pushed her hair behind her ears. “I’m pretty tired.”
“Are you alright?” Livie asked, her brows drawn in.
Melanie didn’t want to give Cash or Jax any reason to question her leaving. “I’m fine. Just sleepy. I was up late last night reading over the next week of blog posts. Then I couldn’t sleep, so I started searching . . . um, recipes.”
Actually, she’d been looking at baby names. She couldn’t help it. Even though this entire situation was a complete and total shock, the more she got used to the idea, the more excited she became.
The simple search for baby names rolled into nursery styles, then that turned into researching the best furniture by reviews and price. The time suck of the internet had kept her up most of the night.
Just because she was having her family in a different way than she’d always envisioned, didn’t mean she couldn’t have just as much fun planning. She seriously needed to catch up on the sleep, though. She’d had no idea how tiring pregnancy could be. The baby was only the size of a pea at this point, according to her newly downloaded app. How could something so tiny cause so many changes to her body?
“Do you need me to come with you?” Jade asked.
“Oh, no.” Melanie waved a hand in the air. “I’m fine. Stay as long as you like. I’ll likely already be in bed when you get home.”
Melanie bent down to give Piper a kiss on her head. “You are my new official marshmallow maker. Deal?”
Piper nodded, her lopsided pigtails bouncing. “Deal.”
Melanie said her goodbyes and headed through the backyard toward the side of the house where she’d parked. She adjusted her cardigan tighter around her as the nip in the air slid over her, replacing the warmth from the fire. Her hair around her shoulders helped, too.
She tended to keep her hair down unless she was working out. After being rigorously programmed for two long years to have it pulled back into a perfect style, she couldn’t help but embrace the small semblance of rebellion by leaving it untouched.
Melanie watched where she stepped as she made her way toward the front of the house. The lights out back and the porch light around front weren’t bright enough to shine into the side yard. She kept her head down to watch her steps on the little stone path leading toward the drive.
And that’s when she plowed straight into something hard. No, not something, someone
.
Melanie squealed and stumbled as strong hands wrapped around her arms.
“Easy there.”
She knew that voice, knew that grip. Jerking her attention up, she landed on a soft smile. “Tanner. What are you doing here?”
He didn’t release her, but his hold eased. She couldn’t see much with the lack of lighting, but she was definitely close enough to see that grin, to inhale that familiar scent that she’d come to crave.
“I said I’d be here.”
“We just figured you weren’t coming since it was getting late.”
Damn it. That sounded like she’d been waiting on him. Hadn’t she already told herself that his schedule was none of her business? Just because she was having his baby didn’t give her full access to his life. Just like she didn’t necessarily want him having full access to her life.
“Sorry,” she quickly added. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Don’t apologize to me. Ever.”
His commanding tone had her nodding. “Um . . . okay.”
“You’re allowed to ask me where I’ve been, Mel. I can’t always tell you, but other than certain aspects of work, I’m an open book.”
Maybe he was, but she wasn’t. There were too many things in her life she wasn’t proud of, too many things she’d worked damn hard to overcome . . . and she’d done just that. So, revisiting wasn’t necessarily high on her list.
In all honesty, Melanie didn’t want Tanner to be an open book, because someone like him would be too easy to slip into a comfortable stage with. And once she did that, he’d want to control things. Control her.
Melanie rubbed her head and stifled a yawn. “I was just heading home, but the rest of the gang is all back there. Olivia just took Piper in to put her to bed.”
Tanner’s brows drew in. “You look tired. Are you feeling alright?”
“Ironically, I am tired.” She dropped her hand and offered a smile. “No need to worry, though. I’ll just get some rest and be fine. Morning sickness hasn’t settled in yet, so maybe I’ll get lucky and dodge that side effect.”
Tanner reached out, framed her face, and stared down into her eyes. Why didn’t she back up or ease away from his touch? Why did such a simple gesture have to have such an impact on her every emotion?
“I’ll take you home.”
She couldn’t focus on the murmured words for the fact he was still touching her as if she were the most fragile thing in the world. Those strong hands held her still and Melanie was so tired, she nearly leaned forward and just let this moment be. Part of her wanted to take the comfort he offered, but the other part still clung to the strong, independent woman she’d become.
Hadn’t she prided herself on moving on? And she’d done a damn good job of it, too. Now faced with another man in her life, a man she hadn’t planned on being a permanent fixture, she couldn’t help but hone in on that sliver of apprehension that curled through her.
“Don’t push me away,” he commanded, as if he were in sync with her thoughts. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
Alone. She’d been alone for so long. Even when she’d been married, she hadn’t had a partner. This whole concept was so foreign to her, she had no idea how to wrap her mind around trying to work as a team. This was just the beginning of their long journey together. All she could do was take this one day at a time.
Tanner dropped his hands to her shoulders and tipped his head. “This is my baby, too. I’m not going anywhere.”
“What the hell?”
Melanie jerked from Tanner’s hold as he muttered a curse beneath his breath. She didn’t need to turn around to know Cash stood behind her. His shocked question was all the evidence she needed that he had overheard Tanner’s comment.
“You two are having a baby?” he shouted.
Tanner stepped around Melanie. “Cash—”
“We are.” She turned, ready to face Tanner’s cousin. But when she turned around, Jax stood there, too. “Um, we didn’t exactly plan on announcing the news just yet, but yeah.”
The glow from the porch wasn’t the best, but it was more than enough to see their dazed faces. Of course the silence added to the shocking moment.
“You two are having a baby,” Jax muttered beneath his breath as if fully processing everything.
“We already established that,” Tanner growled. “But we’re keeping it a secret for now, so—”
“Jade and Olivia know.”
Tanner jolted next to her. “They know? You said you didn’t want anyone to know yet.”
“We knew she was pregnant, but not who the father was,” Olivia stated.
Great. Livie and Jade came into view. Their faces matched the guys’, and Melanie suddenly found herself even more tired than she’d been moments ago. Guess this took the worry out of when and how to tell everyone.
“Tanner is the father?” Jade exclaimed. “Well, well, well. Things just got more interesting.”
Melanie threw her arms in the air. Exhausted, exasperated, more than ready to be done with this impromptu announcement. This was definitely not how she wanted to tell her friends who the father was, and she certainly wasn’t ready for Cash and Jax to know.
“I’m taking Melanie home,” Tanner stated. “She’s tired, but for now let’s keep this between us. Okay?”
“I can take myself home.”
Tanner shot a glare her way. “You can, but you look exhausted, so stop arguing.”
“Maybe you should let him take you,” Livie stated. “You’ve been so tired lately.”
“I’m pregnant, you guys. I’m not dying. I can drive a car.”
“But when a sexy man wants to help, you should just let him,” Jade added with a grin, shooting Tanner a wink.
Cash snorted. “You’re one to give advice about a man helping you out. I tried to give you valid advice and you slapped me.”
Jade waved her hand to dismiss him. “I wasn’t talking to you, Flex.”
Melanie couldn’t help but laugh. Those two definitely had some issues. Personally, Melanie found Cash charming, but she could see where Jade would find that inflated ego off-putting.
But she had her own issues to deal with, and it wasn’t the dynamics of whatever the hell was going on with Cash and Jade.
“I think I need another beer,” Jax said, wrapping an arm around Livie’s waist. “Is Piper asleep?”
“She is.” Livie leaned her head against Jax’s shoulder. “Maybe we should go back to the fire and leave Melanie and Tanner alone.”
She didn’t want to be alone with Tanner. Well, her body did. Her mind was telling her to get in her car and get home. The more she was around him, the stronger her attraction became, and she was starting to wonder if that was just baby hormones talking.
“I could use another beer, too.” Cash stepped toward Melanie and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “We’re all here for you. I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re shocked, but we’re a damn loyal bunch. Except ol’ Red over there.”
Jade narrowed her eyes at the back of Cash’s head. “Be more original than calling me Red, asshole.”
Returning Cash’s half hug, Melanie slid her arm around his waist and patted his back. “I appreciate the support. I’m a bit nervous, but I just need to get used to my new normal.”
“And you need to rest,” Tanner interjected. “Cash, get your hands off her.”
Cash didn’t release her as he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “He’s territorial when it comes to what’s his,” Cash whispered in her ear.
Territorial? His?
Melanie didn’t want to be anyone’s property. She’d been down that road and it had nearly ruined her. She still carried the scars.
Part of her mind knew Cash was just using a figure of speech, but the other part fully feared she could slip back into that role of a secondary character in her own life story. She had to remain in the lead, damn it.
Being pregnant put her completely out of her realm of knowledge. How did she keep Tanner in the baby’s life, but at a safe distance from her own?
“Don’t be stubborn,” Jade chimed in. “Just let Tanner take you home. I’ll hang here for a bit longer so you two can talk.”
“But—”
“We’ll make arrangements to get your car home,” Cash supplied. “I think Red and I can get along enough for that.”
Melanie wasn’t so sure, but she was so ready to get home, and if Jade thought she needed rest and to trust Tanner, then she’d go. Why was her mind such a jumbled mess lately? Why had everything she’d worked so hard to become suddenly morphed into the woman she used to be? Second-guessing every decision was the old Melanie—and apparently the pregnant Melanie.
“Let’s go,” she conceded. “I smell like smoke and I’m in desperate need of a shower and clean clothes.”
She said her goodbyes to her friends and headed toward Tanner’s truck. She wanted to protest when he got the door for her and assisted her up, but she knew picking on every single thing would just be petty. He was trying to help, he was trying to do the right thing and be there, but Melanie couldn’t help but wonder how long that would last. When she got fat, would he still be there? When she was in labor, would he hold her hand? Would he take care of their baby so she could rest when she’d been up all night?
At what point would Tanner be done with her?