Chapter Twenty-Eight
Daisy
“Okay,” I said.
“Jonathan’s not here yet?”
“No, it’s just us. He called though; he said he’ll be in later. He had to go meet with someone in Revere.”
Ian nodded and took a deep breath. “This isn’t . . . this isn’t what I want . . . I mean, there’s no good way to put this, so I’m just going to come out with it. We’ve got to stop doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“This.” He gestured to me and then back to himself.
“But I don’t understand,” I said. “What do you mean that we can’t do this anymore?”
All of the sudden, he wouldn’t meet my eye. “We just can’t,” he said. “It’s not really anything that I feel like getting into further.”
“Hold on a second,” I said, certain that I had heard him wrong, or that his face was going to break out in a smile at any second and he was going to tell me that he was just joking, and of course he’d love to go check out that new restaurant with me tonight! I watched him, waiting. His expression remained the same though—mostly impassive, though there was definitely a discomfort in his eyes. “Ian.” I reached out to touch his arm, but he yanked it back.
“This is just how it’s got to be, okay? And it’d make things a whole hell of a lot easier if you didn’t ask any questions about it and just accepted it.”
“Um, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t accept it.”
He finally looked t me, his eyes angry now. “Well, you have to.”
“But I don’t. I don’t accept that because it completely contradicts everything that you’ve been saying to me. Is this about Annie? Has she been trying to get in touch with you? Has she been making you feel about the baby? Or trying to make you think that there’s no way that I would want to be with you once the baby’s here? Because that’s not true, Ian, okay? I know I don’t have a ton of experience with babies, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be willing to step up and help you out with it, even if it’s not my own. Don’t let her get into your head like that and make you start doubting things. I know it’s scary and overwhelming, but don’t let her make you think that I’m just going to abandon you. Because I’m not.”
I tried to reach out to him again, but he took a step back, looking like a cornered animal.
“Ian,” I said. “What is the matter?”
“You just can’t seem to take no for an answer,” he said. “And I don’t want to go in circles with you about this. We can’t continue to see each other. It’s just not going to work out. I can’t really think of another way to put it.”
For a moment, neither of said anything. I just stood there, still unable to believe that he was saying this and that he actually meant it. My mind was racing, bringing forth everything that he’d said to me recently, how he’d never felt this way toward anyone before, how we had a connection, how incredible it was when we were together. Was all that really bullshit? Was it just something he was saying to me because he wanted to get laid?
The work day was only halfway over, but there was no way in hell I was going to be able to stay there, in his vicinity. Not right now. I grabbed my purse and stormed out, half-expecting him to tell me not to go, that I shouldn’t. But he didn’t say anything. He just stood there, watching me, a pained expression on his face.
I texted Caroline and asked if there was any way that she could meet up with me, even if it was the middle of the day. She texted back and said she could take an extended lunch. We met up at a café right around the block from her work.
“It just doesn’t make any sense,” I said to Caroline. I wished that we had met up at her place, or at mine, because I could feel the tears there, just behind my eyes, but I didn’t want to start crying in a public place, especially when there were so many people around. “I don’t understand why he would go from one extreme to the next.”
Caroline was looking at my sympathetically. I could tell she felt bad, but there was also some relief mixed in there. “He seems like an extreme person,” she said. “That just sort of seems like the way he is, so I guess it’s not really that surprising. I’m really sorry, Daisy, I am. Even though I wasn’t his biggest fan, I know you liked him a lot. But there are so many other guys out there. Don’t let yourself get caught up with him, because I know the right person is out there for you. He’s going to have a baby with someone else. That’s a whole can of worms you don’t even want to have to deal with. It might not sound like a big deal right now, but that’s just because the baby isn’t here yet.”
“I know,” I said. I sniffed and took a sip of my ice water. “I know there are a thousand reasons why it would be better if I didn’t see him. It’s like, if I wrote a list of pros and cons, the cons side would be so much longer, but that doesn’t matter . . . I just know how I feel when I’m with him, and it’s different with him. I guess I just hate that I can’t even trust my own feelings about this!”
“He’s been giving you mixed signals this whole time. I don’t think it’s so much that you can’t trust how you feel about him—I think you can’t trust him. He hasn’t been upfront with you about a lot of stuff, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re a trusting person, and you’ve believed what he’s said so far, and that’s no fault of yours. It’s really not.”
“I still feel foolish.”
“I don’t think you should work there anymore, though.”
“So what, I’m just going to be unemployed?”
“Until you find another job. You’ve got a little money saved, don’t you?”
“Yeah. But I was hoping to move, maybe.”
“I’m not saying that you still can’t do that, but for right now, I think it’d be best if you got out of there. And by out of there, I mean your job. There’s no way that you’re going to be able to get over him if you keep seeing him all the time. And who knows—if you go in there for work tomorrow, he might be like, Oh, Daisy, I’ve changed my mind, let’s get back together, you’re the love of my life.”
“Which I know would be complete bullshit.”
“Right, but would you be able to say no to that?”
“I hope so.” But even as I said it, I knew there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be able to, that I’d just jump back into his arms, first chance I got.