Bray Sutton
LAST NIGHT I should have had a few beers and been done. But no, I had to drink a fifth of whiskey. It was my oldest brother’s bachelor party. He was the one locking it in with a woman, sharing bank accounts, a bedroom, bills, and all that shit. Not me. I should have given him my whiskey. We still had a week before the wedding, but Asher wouldn’t agree to staying up late drinking the night before his wedding. He wanted us all sober. He wouldn’t let Dixie down.
Instead of getting up and drinking coffee, taking a shower, and making myself presentable for work, I was outside behind our barn smoking a cigar. A Churchill reject to be exact. Tasted just as good and it didn’t hurt to pay for it. I’d bought it when Asher and Dixie’s wedding date had been set. Even then I knew I’d need it. Celebrating wasn’t my thing. Sure, I knew my brother was marrying the only woman he’d ever loved. I was happy they had found that fairytale bullshit. What they had was rare, too fucking rare.
Seeing the spot beside Dixie Monroe where her best friend should be would only serve as a reminder to me of what I had wanted. What I’d been so damn obsessed with that I didn’t care who I hurt. My relationship with Brent, my twin, was damaged as a result. We had found a way to move on, forgive, live, but we would never be the same. I knew that.
Taking a pull from the cigar in my hand, I looked out over the land that separated our farm from Dixie’s. I had many memories with Scarlet out there. Secret, hidden moments that I should regret. It was worse than cheating, I was cheating on my brother. I wouldn’t go back and do it differently. Scarlet was gone. Brent was moving on with Sadie something or another. She had pulled up in our drive after getting lost about three months ago. Brent went to her car to see if he could help. They’d talked a bit and when she left, he’d walked back out to the barn grinning with a piece of paper in his hand.
He’d gotten the girl’s number. She was from somewhere up north. Moved down here for work. She was in life insurance. Brent had been in love after two weeks. To say it was hard to stomach would be an understatement. I wasn’t saving myself for Scarlet’s return or some crazy shit, but my heart was unattached. The women I spent time with knew I wasn’t in it for more than a good time. Until Scarlet, that was all I was ever in it for. She’d been different. She’d seen me. She’d looked past the fucked-up stuff others always saw. It wasn’t the bad boy she wanted. She wanted me.
“Asher just arrived with the tuxes. Wants us to try them on. Make sure they fit. No last-minute problems and that shit,” Dallas, my youngest brother said.
I turned around and found him standing a few feet away. He was so much larger now. Bigger than all of us. His arms were crossed over his chest and he was frowning. As if I had done something wrong. It was a motherfucking cigar.
I held it up. “Want some?”
He walked toward me then dropping his arms to his side. When he reached me, he held out his hand. “Sure.”
I didn’t need the whole thing. “Helps cure the hangover,” I told him.
He was too young to drink, but he’d drank with the rest of us last night. Technically, only Asher was legal age. But we’d been drinking since we were fifteen. I had watched Asher cut Dallas off early. We’d lost our dad at a young age. Asher had stepped up as the man of the house and helped Momma. We’d expected that and respected him.
If I had tried to cut Dallas off he’d have told me to fuck off. But Asher, he would obey. He’d earned respect from all of us. Even Steel. It had helped Steel understand and let go of his dream of a life with Dixie. We had all known since we were kids that Dixie Monroe loved Asher. I never could figure out why Steel would want to be someone’s second choice. Fuck that.
“Scarlet should be there. For Dixie,” Dallas said handing the cigar back to me.
“She left all of us. Can’t say I blame her. But I sure as hell won’t forgive her,” was my response. I’d realized a while back that her reason for leaving was more than running from the mess we had made. She’d left me. I’d thought what we had was unique. Intense. Fucking special. She didn’t bother to fight for us.
“Don’t think she had much choice,” Dallas drawled as if he knew and understood life.
“Ain’t the way I see it,” I said and took another pull from the cigar.
“You think she left you. And you’re stubborn and selfish enough not to forgive her for that.”
Dallas and I hadn’t talked about Scarlet in a couple months. He’d tried this Doctor Phil bullshit with me and I’d shut it down. Or rather Asher had overheard and told him to let it go. Wasn’t his business.
“She left. She made her choice. That’s all,” I would not get mad at my little brother today. My temper was an issue. Always had been, but I would control it. For Asher, I would manage. Dallas’s stupid, immature comments were pushing me though.
“She was scared, I reckon. She’d come between the two Sutton boys that were the closest of us all. I would guess she thought in the end she’d lose you both. She’d be the one blamed.”
Walk away. That’s all I could do here. “You want the rest of this? I’m heading in to get something to eat.”
Dallas took the cigar from me but he still had that concerned crease in his brow. That face reminded me of our father and the few images I still held of him in my memories. The crease was inherited from him. One day I’d tell Dallas that. Not today. I needed to get some of Momma’s breakfast and stop listening to him blab on about Scarlet.
“I know where she is,” Dallas blurted out as I was walking back to the house. I almost paused. Almost looked back at him and questioned him, but I didn’t. She’d made her choice. When the time had come to fight, she’d left me here. I had been fucking broken, lost, and unsure. My chest had felt crushed. That shit was over.
It had taken time, but I was back to living. She was gone. She hadn’t contacted me once. But apparently, she’d been in touch with Dallas. That was another twist of the sword she’d jabbed in my heart. Didn’t matter. This week I had other things to focus on. Like helping Asher move out and into the apartment in town he and Dixie were renting. The wedding was soon, so I’d have bridesmaids to distract me. Scarlet’s absence would soon be forgotten as I found the easiest kind of relationship. The kind that ended with a slap on some female’s naked ass before I told her thanks and sent her on home.
“I invited her!” Dallas called out again.
I let the kitchen door slam on his words and went straight to the coffee pot.
“Slam my door again and you’ll be building and hanging me a new one,” Momma barked from her spot at the stove.
“Sorry,” I muttered.
“Get it together, boy. We got stuff needs doing and a wedding to prepare for. Asher needs you this week. You remember that.”
I sipped my black coffee. Anyone else talked to me that way while I was wound tight from Dallas’s information overload, I’d have shut them down quickly with a few words. But there was one person on this earth I would not talk back to. My momma.
“Yes, ma’am.” I looked her way so she could see in my eyes I meant it.