CHAPTER 28
WHITNEY

The tone of his voice stunned me. It was hard and crisp. He was upset at what I’d said during breakfast and I wished he had said something sooner.

“Liam, I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.

He turned his back toward me and started packing his things. I watched him zip up his suits in the travel bag before he packed his shoes and socks in his suitcase. His face was stoic. The kind of stoic it was when I’d first met him. Every single wall I’d tried to peel back from him was crashing back down and I wanted to stop the cascade before things got any worse.

“Liam, just stop for a second.”

I grabbed at his arm but he pulled away from me like my touch was fire. His brow was stern but his eyes were hurt and I had no idea how to make this any better.

“Come on,” I said. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

“I just meant that I needed to get away and clear my head for a while. I didn’t mean that you were just… some tool to do that with.”

“Then what am I?” he asked.

What in the world was he expecting? I’d only known him for a few days. And yes, it was fun. So much fun. I enjoyed the time we were spending together and the memories we were creating. He lit a fire in me in ways I’d never experienced before with another man. I was finally indulging in things I’d only dreamed about. I’d pushed my love life aside for years to get through law school, and then I continued to neglect it when I took that awful job and thought I could actually change the world for the better.

“You’re a wonderful man,” I said. “One I’m enjoying spending my time with. Please don’t leave.”

“Look, I’m not really sure what we thought we were doing but it’s better if this just ends now,” he said.

“Liam, you’re being ridiculous.”

“And how’s that?”

“You’re reading way too much into a conversation over breakfast,” I said.

“I don’t think I am,” he said.

“Liam, what do you want me to say?”

I looked up into his light blue eyes and I could tell he was almost gone. The way his mouth was turned down into a frown and his eyes seemed so far away. He was reaching out for his suitcase while his suits were tossed over his shoulder. I knew if I could just get him to sit down on the bed and listen—get him to just think this through—that we could spend two more glorious weeks with one another before we both had to go back to our realities.

Wait, was that the issue?

“Nothing,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything.”

He picked up his suitcase but I wasn’t ready to give up this fight. I grasped his arm and stopped him in his tracks, trying to find a way to communicate all this to him. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel. How he opened me up to a part of myself I thought was dead and buried forever. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him and how much fun I was having with him.

Why couldn’t we just have fun together?

“You saved my life, Liam. Please stay. Please let me repay you for your kindness.”

“You don’t know the first thing about saving lives,” he said. “I didn’t save your life.”

“Yes, you did. I would’ve frozen out there in the cold and died because I wouldn’t have been able to get up. You saved me, Liam.”

I felt his muscles flexing underneath my touch but not in a good way. His entire body was pulling taut and he seemed to grow in stature. There was a darkness I recognized that was looming over him. A darkness I’d experienced that first night with him.

When he woke up screaming and had to take a shower.

“Liam, I don’t know what you expected but let me lay it out, okay? We spend two weeks together and we make all these memories. We have fun, we enjoy each other’s company, and we get to experience things we’ve never experienced before. You with the resort and me with… all of this. All of you.”

I watched him turn his head back toward me and I was praying I had his attention.

“Then what?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“What happens after those two weeks are up?” he asked.

That was the problem. It wasn’t about opening up or not wanting to open up. It wasn’t about temporary flings or being used or experiencing new things and being afraid of them. Hell, it wasn’t even about being vulnerable or naked with another person you hardly even knew.

This was about the future. About where we would both go after this was all said and done.

“Why won’t you just open up to me?” I asked.

“Why should I?”

“Besides the fact that I did? Try the fact that we’ve shared more between the two of us in the past few days than most people do in a fucking lifetime.”

I knew I was getting angry and I knew it would upset him. I watched him slowly turn around and I took a step backward, trying my best to stand my ground. There was a mixture of anger and sadness and frustration fluttering over his face and all I wanted to do was get him to put down his stuff and cool his damn jets for a second.

“You have no idea what you’ve done for me, do you?” he asked.

“What?”

“You just don’t get it. You’ve got no idea and you don’t have any idea because you hardly know who I am.”

“Because you won’t talk to me, Liam,” I said. “You won’t say a damn thing about yourself and you know more about me than anyone in my life besides Gwen.”

He chuckled to himself before he shook his head and it only made me angrier.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

“For you, it’s just black and white. From here, you go back to your world and you find a new job. Maybe one you like, maybe one you hate. You spend time with your best friend and you sleep soundly in your bed and, soon, you’ll forget about this entire thing. You’ll forget about me, and you’ll forget about this. But that’s the problem because I could never forget about you. Not after what you’ve given me.”

“And what is it I’ve given you, Liam?” I asked. “Can you at least tell me that?”

But, instead, all he did was turn around and start walking down the hallway.

“See?” I asked. “You want to blame this on me but you’re the one who can’t even open your mouth to talk.”

“Yep.”

“And here you are, walking away from me again when you won’t even tell me what the fuck is going on!”

“Uh huh,” he said.

“Fine, go, Liam. Stalk out of here like a little boy.”

He whirled around at the front door and I saw his nostrils flaring. I stopped in my tracks and braced myself for whatever was coming. At this point, I didn’t even give a damn how he said it. I didn’t care if he yelled it at me from his damn truck.

All I wanted this man to do was talk to me the way I’d been able to talk to him. All I wanted to do was give him the sort of relief he was able to give me.

But he wouldn’t open his fucking mouth.

Then, without a word, he turned around and opened the door. I watched him from the porch as he loaded everything into his truck and I stood there while he backed out. Part of me wanted to run after him. To jump in the back of his truck and force my way into his life until he realized my worth. What I could bring to him and the comfort I could give him if he just stopped being so damn reclusive and scared.

His truck drove off down the cobblestone pathway while I stood there shivering in the cold and all I could think was that maybe this was how it was supposed to end. Maybe this was supposed to be the catalyst for me going home. Maybe Liam was only in my life to open it up just a little bit. To show me that my life could be better and that it could be full of happiness if I was just willing to take a few steps I’d never taken before.

I stood there while my toes grew numb, hoping he would turn around and come back. I wrapped my arms around my chest while icy tears brewed behind my eyes. I didn’t even know what he was expecting from all this. I got the sense that maybe he wanted more. That maybe he wanted to keep in touch after all this was said and done, but I still didn’t know. He hadn’t actually told me anything. He’d just beaten around the bush, hoping I’d get the picture or some shit like that. Was that what Liam was afraid of? That I would reject him if he talked?

At this point, it didn’t matter. What was done was done and it was obvious he wasn’t coming back. I walked back into the resort cabin and closed the door. Then my eyes slowly panned over to the cushions on the floor. With a tear streaking down my cheek, I went over and laid down on the cushions. They smelled like him and I took a deep breath. I wanted to memorize his scent before I went home because, the truth was, I couldn’t stay here anymore. I didn’t know if the resort would refund my money, but I didn’t care.

I needed to get as far away from the memory of him as I could.