Chapter Twenty-One
Their flagship store was officially opening its doors tomorrow. That was a wonderful, groundbreaking step for Envision Tech Industries and everyone involved.
So why did Zane feel like the world was about to fall out from under his feet?
The closer he got to the launch, the more he felt an inevitable sense of doom looming toward him. Something that would threaten his recently found happiness.
The fact that Bea was acting strange didn’t help matters.
They had been working at the store all day, making sure everything was ready for tomorrow, and she had just been…distant. Her eyes weren’t warm when she looked at him, but rather skeptical. She didn’t melt against him when he got close, easing away from him instead. And the smiles she threw his way were merely polite, not her usual sly ones that held sensual promises.
What the hell was that all about?
He intended to find out.
The store itself looked great, thanks to the Paxton sisters. The decor was current but not too modern. The lighting pulled you in without overwhelming. And the red accent pieces around the store drew one’s attention to certain displays. Envision’s mainstream items, such as tablets, laptops, and ereaders were placed in prominent spots at the front of the store. Though Bea and Felicity had still managed to feature ETI’s signature technology, such as digital antennas, routers, and various software packages.
There was an article about the store opening being featured in every major news outlet within a hundred-mile radius, so they were expecting a lot of business over the weekend. Which meant that he wasn’t going to be able to relax for a single second. His obsessive need to triple-check everything was stressing him to the max.
Again, Bea’s emotional distance wasn’t helping.
He was scanning the store for her when a display near the register caught his attention. “Denise, why aren’t the laptop and ereader sleeves in the checkout display?”
She looked up from whatever she was doing and shrugged. “Bea said it looked too cluttered, so she put them back with the products.”
Naturally, she hadn’t run that by him.
He stomped off in search of her and found her rearranging the display of smartwatches. “Why did you move the sleeves off the checkout display?”
She didn’t look at him when she answered, which only annoyed him more. “It looked too busy.”
He swallowed back his impatience. “We discussed that display for an entire week and agreed to push them as last-look items at the register. You know how much money stores can make off impulse buys, and those are perfect for gift-giving. Why did you change it without checking with me?”
“Sorry, I thought we already covered this,” she said flatly. “That you trusted me to do my job.”
His blood pressure was rising fast. This conversation was becoming less about the store and more about what had caused her sudden mood shift. “It’s my store, Bea, and the opening is tomorrow. It would have been nice if you’d at least asked what I thought.”
She walked away from the display, brushing by him and still avoiding his eyes. “I apologize. I’ll put them back.”
“Enough!” he growled. Grabbing her arm, he hauled her through the door marked Employees Only and into the stockroom. Away from the rest of his staff, they were completely alone. “Okay, what’s your problem?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been off in your own little world all day. And the rare times you’ve spoken to me, you’ve been practically monosyllabic. Did I do or say something to upset you?”
She finally looked at him, and what he saw there worried him. A lot. Her eyes held uncertainty, and even what looked like…regret, perhaps?
Alarm bells started going off in his head.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“Nothing. I’m fine,” she said, unconvincingly. “We’ve seen each other pretty much day and night for the past month. A little distance is probably a good thing.”
That hurt a lot more than he’d expected, her wanting to spend time away from him. “So you want space. You want some time apart?”
“It’s not as if we’re dating, so it shouldn’t be a big deal,” she said evenly.
It was to him.
This was all wrong. They shouldn’t be moving in this direction. They should be moving forward, into something lasting and meaningful. Instead, she was reverting back to that whole “this is just sex” bullshit she’d tried to play at in the beginning.
“Where is this coming from?” he asked. “You’ve acted completely fine with our situation this past month. Even yesterday, nothing seemed to be bothering you. What’s changed?”
She hesitated, shifting around on her feet as though unsure of herself. “I just thought we both needed reminding of what this is. And what it isn’t.”
Such bollocks.
It sounded as if she was trying the words on herself, seeing how they fit. “You’re really going to try to pretend this thing between us is something to just shrug off? Really, Bea? You’re going to stand there and say you only see me as a friend? A casual fuck? Is that all this has ever meant to you?”
Hurt swirled with disbelief in his stomach when she didn’t deny it.
Something angry flared in her eyes, and she took a step toward him. “I told you from the beginning,” she said, her voice rising. “Feelings don’t enter into sex. We said that’s all it would ever be between us. Sex and nothing more.”
His hurt turned to anger. “And now you’re wigging out because you feel more than that, don’t you?”
She remained silent. Just continued to stare at him.
“Talk to me,” he grated out. “Tell me something real. Not what you think you should say.”
She turned away and slowly walked to the other side of the room. “I just…need some time apart. I’m not used to…all this. I think it would be good if we had some separation.”
He fisted his hands at his sides. He wanted to slam one of them straight into the wall. He knew she wasn’t saying what was truly on her mind, and he was about to go mad.
“I’m guessing that means you don’t want to take the job in London.”
Instantly, he regretted his impulsive words. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen.
He’d planned to tell her tomorrow night, after the launch, preferably when they were in bed. He wasn’t supposed to just blurt it out in the middle of an argument.
Shit.
Too late now.
She slowly turned back around to face him, her face slack, eyes wide. “What job?”
Hell. Might as well jump in with both feet.
“Envision is going to open up five more brick-and-mortar stores over the next year. Three in the States and two in the UK Peter and I have been so impressed with your work that we want Paxton Designs to be the official interior designer of all the stores, thereby extending your contract. Our idea was for you to head up the London division with me, and for Felicity to handle everything in the U.S.”
Bea was breathing heavier and her face had lost some of its color. “Meaning, I would have to move to London? With you? You and I would be working together for another year…in London?” She sounded almost incredulous.
He tried to keep his voice calm, but his words came out harsher than intended. “Would that really be so horrible?”
She didn’t respond. Instead, she took a step back, panic taking over her features.
Not a chance. He wanted an answer.
He stalked right after her. “I thought you’d be happy. It’s a lot of money, more than enough to pay off all your loans. A big job to add to your résumé. There’s no question it would be good for Paxton Designs.”
“We don’t need your charity to pay off our loans, Zane,” she retorted. “We’ve got it covered.”
He jerked back. “Bloody hell, it’s not charity,” he ground out. “This is a job offer. Based on the merits of your job performance. It’s not like I’m handing you this opportunity just because I’m fucking you. You’ve earned this, Bea.”
She flinched at the bite in his tone and swallowed thickly. “Did Peter really want us? Or was it all your idea?”
Zane crossed his arms over his chest, choosing not to answer her question. “This isn’t about the money or the business. This is all about me. Why do you all of a sudden have a problem with spending time with me?” He wouldn’t allow her to avoid this conversation anymore.
“It would mean a freaking lot of time together, Zane!” she practically yelled, throwing her hands up. “I would have to move to London and basically uproot my life. We would be traveling together, working side by side. For an entire year. Not to mention you would basically be my boss.”
“Well, now I’m lost. Are you upset that you would be around me so much or that you would have to answer to me?”
She ran her hands through her hair, her agitation growing. “I don’t know. Both! You’re just…everywhere. All the time. One day my life is carefree, no drama. Just me. And I was fine with that. The next day, you’re there every time I turn around. I wake up to you, I go to bed with you. I’m constantly talking to you during the day, whether it’s on the phone or in person. Even at work, you’re hovering nonstop. I feel like I can’t take a step back and catch my breath, because you’re taking over my entire life.”
Wow.
He felt like his heart was in a vise.
And an icy chill swallowed him whole.
“Jesus. I didn’t realize I was suffocating you so much. Forgive me for wanting to get to know you better and for actually enjoying the time we spend together. Clearly, that was one-sided.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath, so he turned to leave. Her next words didn’t help much.
“I just need to feel like I’m in control of my own life. And lately, it feels like it’s been the complete opposite. Like everything is just spinning out of control.”
“Trust me,” he snapped, turning back to look at her. “I’ve learned exactly how independent you have to be.”
Her eyes shot open. “I take my independence very seriously, Zane. I’ve worked hard to be self-sufficient, and I’m not going to let anyone come in and take all of that away from me.”
He shook his head sadly. “I’m not trying to take anything away from you, Bea. Your self-reliance is something I’ve admired since the moment I met you. But what you’re talking about has nothing to do with independence. It has to do with the fact that you’re scared shitless of actually feeling something for another human being. Because that would mean you’d have to let them in, to trust and rely on someone else. And that terrifies the crap out of you.”
He could see that statement hit her hard, though naturally she wouldn’t admit it.
“No.” She shook her head vehemently. “You’re wrong. It’s you who has to have control over everything and everyone in your life, including me,” she told him. “I can’t even order us takeout without you grabbing the phone to make sure I called the right place. Or gave them the right address. Or asked for extra sauce. Trust and acceptance goes both ways, Zane.”
The hold he had on his anger snapped like a twig.
“I just have to know what’s going on! Why is that so hard for you to understand? It’s not about control. It’s about maintaining a handle on any and every situation, so the mistakes of the past aren’t repeated.”
She leaned back and shook her head. “What are you talking about?”
He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled heavily, though his anger didn’t diminish. “I let her die, okay?” His words came out more desperate than he’d intended. “I could have taken her keys away that night, but I didn’t. I let her leave and then she died.”
Bea’s expression changed, first confused then looking as if she were battling a million different emotions when understanding dawned. “You couldn’t have prevented that, Zane. What happened years ago with your mom was not your fault. But you can’t live your entire life blaming yourself for that and using it as an excuse to control everything and everyone else around you. Especially me.”
Didn’t she see that he didn’t have it in him to just throw his hands up and let the universe roll the dice on his life and the people in it?
“So what does this mean?” he demanded. He needed to get out of there, but he wanted answers first. “You don’t want to work for Envision Tech after tomorrow? Or you don’t want to see me anymore? Or both?”
She rubbed her temples without answering.
The sense of doom he’d felt earlier finally materialized, enveloping his entire body. Whatever the outcome of the conversation, it wasn’t going to be good. Not for him.
“I need to think about it,” she said at length. “That’s a big decision, and I would have to talk to Felicity about the contract. Meanwhile, you and I could use some time on our own.”
His throat constricted. “I’d say your answer is already pretty apparent.”
“There you go again, trying to force a decision on your terms,” she said, her arms falling to her sides, looking defeated. “You always get so impatient and upset when something doesn’t go your way. Well, this is something you can’t control, Zane. So just accept that.”
He slowly shook his head, hardly believing this was how the night was going to end. “All I can accept is…I believed this whole month was leading up to something that, apparently, was never going to happen. That you are so stuck in your ways you’re not even willing to try to make it work between us. Or maybe you just never felt anything for me in the first place. Either way, you’ve made your point clear enough.”
“I just need time to think!” she said, her voice high and shrill. “It’s hard to get perspective when you’re always on my case, telling me what I should and shouldn’t do and feel.” She sounded almost desperate, but he wasn’t buying it.
“In my experience, that kind of knowledge doesn’t need thinking about,” he countered, heading again for the door. “Those feelings are either there or they aren’t.” At the door, he turned back to take one last look at her, feeling paralyzed with betrayal. “And I wasn’t trying to control your life or suffocate you. I just wanted to spend time with you. Because unlike you, it felt like I couldn’t breathe when I wasn’t around you.”
Then he stalked out.
Leaving the shards of his broken heart in the hands of a woman who didn’t want it.