Chapter Twenty-One

 

CASPER

A limousine pulls into the ranch’s circular driveway, gravel crunching as it comes to a stop. Soldier’s ears prick up. The driver gets out and opens the door for a woman in a form-fitting Italian suit. She pats her coiffed, almost gray hair and brushes some invisible lint from the lapel of her jacket. She used to be a stunning blonde, but each time I’ve seen Juliette’s mother Moira over the past eighteen months, she’s aged years.

“Here we go again,” I mutter to myself as I take off Soldier’s harness and smack him on the rump. “Get lost.”

He lunges forward with a whinny, and then gallops flat out across the field like Juliette taught him to do. He flies for the same gate we took that day with Mandy. There’s no way I’m letting anyone take him from me.

I can’t stop thinking about her. Mandy. She spent the night in my bed. She left her wings on the bed post. It seemed so real. I can’t recall the last time I was that damn happy, as I was with her asleep on my chest. I was hoping we’d have a chance to talk about it, maybe repeat it. But she’s called in sick these past couple days, and she hasn’t stepped foot on the ranch.

What if it’s because of my dick? What if she changed her mind about it being an accident? What if I really am a fuck up? Most of all, what if she never talks to me again? I know I’m going to lose her, but does it have to be so soon?

“Great trick,” Moira calls from the driveway as I stride toward her. “Now if you could call my horse back I would like to organize to take Soldier home.”

“Juliette’s horse,” I retort. The only part of Juliette I can’t let go of.

“My horse, Mr. Morgan,” she says when I get to her. “Soldier is a thoroughbred Andalusian with pure Spanish blood lines. He’s not some pet. He belongs at stud. That’s what my daughter would have wanted. That’s the agreement we made. You got Juliette, and when she was done with her career I got him.”

“He’s all I have left of her.” It’s the same conversation over again. The one we’ve been having every few months since Juliette’s funeral.

“I know that.” Her expression softens. “You were very important to Juliette. You were important to us. You could have stayed with us after…”

After the accident that took their daughter’s life? After the questioning by the police? After the news broke a story about my penis? Hell, someone on social media got a hold of the article and hash tagged the damn thing #Murderdick. My fucking dick went viral. “I couldn’t. I felt responsible. To blame for what happened.”

“We never held you responsible. But you took my property, Casper. I want him back. Now.” I know she wants him for the same reasons I can’t give him up. He’s as much a part of her daughter, as he is a part of the woman I loved.

“Wish I could.” I shrug. “He’s gotten lost. It’s going to take me some time to find him.”

As I brush past her, she grips my arm. “And while you’re looking for him will you accidently get lost too? Like the last four times?”

“Hard to tell.”

“We can only do this dance so many times.”

“Then perhaps you should leave him with me.” I jerk my arm from her grip. I can’t give Soldier up. Can’t give up that connection to Juliette.

She sighs and shakes her head in disappointment. “You need to give him up for your own good, Casper. Before I get the police involved.”

“You do what you have to do,” I toss over my shoulder. “I’m not giving him to you.”

***

“Cas? Are you in here?”

“Yep.” I leave the tack room, rope coiled over my shoulder, a bridle in my hand. “What’s up?”

“Claire said you might be in here.” Mandy follows me as I pass her.

“She was right. I was.” I stride across the yard and into the field.

“Where are you going? What are you doing?” Mandy asks, keeping up with me.

She’s wearing those pink cowgirl boots again. The ones that make it impossible not to notice her legs. Those legs that were wrapped around my hips while she screamed my name. The pink in her hair has almost faded, leaving streaks among her silvery strands. Why the hell hasn’t she shown up until now? “Soldier. I told him to get lost.”

“You did what?” She gapes. “Why?”

“It doesn’t matter. Suffice it to say he’s trained to get lost.” I shift the rope on my shoulder. “So now I have to go catch him.”

“I’ll help you,” she says.

“You don’t need to.” I fix my attention on the gate. March toward it. Somewhere in the forest behind it Soldier is waiting to be found. I can’t be distracted by the pretty girl beside me. Can’t be wondering whether she’s actually been sick or avoiding me. Whether she’s chasing after Sam still or maybe, just maybe, wanting us to be real. I don’t want to know. Especially that last part.

“But I want to.” She widens her step to keep up with me, reaches out to grab my arm. “Let me help, Cas.”

God, those expressive green eyes get me every damn time. “Okay. Fine.”

We head to the gate in relative silence. There’s a buzz in the air. Flies, a random stray mosquito that doesn’t know it’s supposed to be nocturnal. A couple of birds twittering in the tree branches. That’s nothing compared to the noise of all the things I want to ask and can’t find the words for. Our side glances keep skidding together, so she’s probably trying to work out where to begin too. She swallows a couple times. I scratch my jaw. All the times I wanted her to be quiet and leave me alone weren’t as frustrating as this.

I push open the gate wide enough for her to pass, follow her through and close it behind us. She rubs at her arms as we head into the trees. “How do we find him? Do we start yelling his name?”

“Nope. That’ll make him run.”

“So we have to pound around in here until we spot him? There are miles and miles of forest, Cas.”

“We’ve only been to part of it.” I shrug.

“Where we went?” she asks. Her cheeks color, so does her neck and along her collarbone, and I know she remembers exactly what happened last time we were out here. Probably replaying it in her head right now. I kind of want to tug at the collar of her top so I can see if the blush covers her tits too. “When we—”

“Yes. No.” I don’t want to hear her say when I ate her pussy, or when she gave me a hand job. My mind instantly conjures up the images, the sensations without it. To have her speak the words might make it hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other when I want to stop and taste her again. “Further up the ridge. There’s a cliff face. An edge. That’s where we look.”

“Okay,” she agrees. We hike up the trail for a while. There’s enough room to walk side by side under the canopy of trees, their leaves twined into a mottled net full of sunlight.

“I hope you’re feeling better,” I tell her when I can’t handle her quiet anymore. I hate that we’ve lost the easiness between us. Hate that my imagination immediately takes me to her being with Sam as the reason.

“I am,” she says, studying her fingernails. “Except I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Sick.”

“I know.” Almost wish she had been. Could have cooked a mean chicken noodle soup for her. Could have cuddled her up in my bed under the air conditioner and let her sleep on my chest. Could have done whatever it took to make her feel better.

“Well, I guess I suck at lying.”

“Why did you?”

“It’s awkward, isn’t it? It feels awkward. I didn’t want it to be weird after… what we did.” She lifts one corner of her mouth, climbs over a log that’s fallen on the path. “I thought it would be better for both of us if we put a clear line between that and when we’re working together.”

“It’s not better for me.” She’s still chasing Sam Sweets. Expected it, but it stings. I want to tell her that. Whose dumb idea was this anyway? Mine. Because I wasn’t going to get close to her. Or be with her. Or spend more than the summer here. Which is why it wasn’t a dumb idea.

“Right, well.” She falls silent as the track turns into a thin rutted line of dirt along the base of the escarpment.

We move along it for a while to a part of the slope that’s less steep where Soldier would have picked his way up.

“I think I see him,” Mandy says, pointing to a part of the skyline where an outcropping of boulders juts into the blue. “Over there.”

“Great.” I pick my way up the flattened grass where Soldier went up.

Mandy follows me. “Are you leaving as soon as the kids do?”

My heart stalls, and I grip the rope in my sweaty palms. The coarse fibers bite into my skin. I hadn’t thought about leaving her. Hadn’t let myself acknowledge how hard it might be, because this wasn’t anything. A play put on for the benefit of another guy. Even when Razer asked me whether I’d considered taking the position permanently the other day it had been a matter of fact that I wouldn’t. Just the way it is. The way my life has worked for over a year now. Years even. All Juliette and I ever did was traipse across Europe for her career. We’d settle in Paris for a few months a year. I’d try to talk her into coming home. She would convince me to stay on the road. And I’d do it. Because I loved her, and I would have done anything for her. Did do anything for her. Everything. Even now I’m still living her life.

“Cas?”

“Probably sooner,” I rasp. Can’t give up Soldier. Can’t let them take him away. Why is it so hard to breathe? “A couple days.”

“Oh.” She’s right behind me. She’s right fucking there, but she gives the impression that she’s so far away.

We’re almost at the top now, where it levels out. The view is amazing. It goes on forever. Rugged crags and valleys, drenched in late afternoon sun. Ever see beauty and not see it? Ever been aware that all it would take to turn a boring landscape into the most perfect vista is to turn around and watch the person you’re with gasp at the view, because without them it holds no value?

I turn and offer her my hand as she hits the top, and she slides her fingers into mine. Mandy Pearce makes the world beautiful. She makes everything vibrant and colorful in a way I never thought I’d see again. She stands beside me on that ledge, Soldier only yards away, and fuck if I don’t want to stay.

“So that’s it?” she asks.

What am I supposed to tell her? What would she even want to hear? Sam is falling for her whether I like it or not. That’s what she wants. Mister Right with his charming personality and his potential to be the perfect family man. Not me. Not this man who is so broken his best friend is a horse he stole from his dead fiancée’s parents. And yeah, that’s funny in some dark, twisted kind of way. Why is that absurd now when for so long it’s been logical?

My heart pounds so hard I swear it echoes over the landscape, bounces off the mountains as thunderous as drums. Soldier raises his head, pricks his ears as though he hears it too. Something else whispers inside me. The faded laughter of a woman I loved. The rippling memories of my life with Juliette. Maybe I’ve been living with her ghost for too long, because I swear I hear her ask, How far would you go to hear Mandy tell you she wants you instead of him?