Chapter Twenty-Two

 

MANDY

I wait for Cas to tell me he’s out of here. That he never meant to get close to me. That we’ll be friends. He’ll email or text me. Maybe he’ll call me once in a while. Of course, he’ll be too busy to do it more than every blue moon, but still, what else should I expect? Only a foolish girl would hope for more, right? And that’s never been me. I’ve always been smart about my feelings.

Especially when it comes to relationships. I’m transparent about what I need in the man I’m going to fall in love with.

Loyal to a fault. Family orientated. Kind.

That is why I picked Sam Sweets, after all. Because he is all those things. It’s why I’m putting my heart and soul into trying to convince him I’m worth more than a cursory glance. Even if it is taking so much longer than I thought it would. It’s also why I came out here to tell Cas we need to break up.

I don’t know why I’m sick over the idea of telling him that Sam might not be ready to commit, but he’s more than willing to explore what’s between us, when I’m not really with Cas in the first place. He’s always been clear that I’m nothing more than a pain in his ass. Almost always. Besides, this is how both of us anticipated things would go. It was our plan. Why am I not ready?

Why doesn’t he say anything? If he would only come out and say that I’m not even a thought in his head when it comes to the next move he makes, it would be easy to tell him we don’t need to continue this charade. Instead he looks at me in a way that makes my knees weak. I hate that he can do that, because I know how much I’ll miss him.

And I know how grumpy he’ll be without me around to make him laugh.

And I’ll miss the orgasms. Oh God, the orgasms.

My vibrator sucks in comparison. Not that I will need it. I’ll be with Sam, who’ll no doubt be sweet and considerate in bed. He’ll make me come, and it’ll be good. But it won’t be like it is with Cas. None of it will be like it is with Cas. Which is exactly why it’s what I want, isn’t it?

“Fine. Don’t answer.” I stalk toward Soldier. More so Cas doesn’t see how sad I am over his grumpy ass, than because I have a chance in hell of catching his horse. Besides I don’t need him to put the silence into words. I don’t even know why I care. I promised myself I wouldn’t waste time on men who weren’t right for me, no matter their effect on my pulse.

Cas still has hold of my hand though. He doesn’t let go. “What about Sam? Has he come around yet?”

I don’t take my gaze off Soldier. Can horses tell when you lie? Aren’t all animals supposed to be able to read people? I swear his big, brown, horsey eyes drink everything in. “No. Not yet. I need your help to push him over the line. It’s only a matter of time. Please, Cas.”

It takes him forever to speak. His voice is raw and demanding when he does. “No more of this staying away from the ranch, from me, because you have this stupid notion that we need reminding of what this is we’re doing, okay? We both know it’s not real.”

“Okay.” My heart flops without the flip. Why is one way the most amazing feeling, the other painful?

“I’ll stick around as long as I can. For you. To help you with your Sam issue.”

“Seriously?” What if I need him to never leave? What if I need him always? What if it would make all the difference? But he doesn’t say he’ll be there as long as I need him because this isn’t what we are. He’s only helping me land my perfect man, and then I won’t need him anymore. Once Sam realizes he’s serious about me I probably won’t care that Cas is gone, will I? I won’t even notice. At all.

“Yeah.” He pulls me back, his hand sliding up to grasp my elbow, so that we’re standing face to face, a few bare inches between us. “Yeah, girl. As long as I can.”

“That’s great.” I can’t stop looking at his lips, remembering what they felt like, what he felt like that night we spent together. I should probably look away, or at least make it clear that we shouldn’t repeat that incredible experience. After all I’m supposed to be making another man fall in love with me, not falling into Casper’s bed. That’s why we’re here. “We won’t have sex again, though.”

“I said nothing about sex,” Cas says, frowning. But there’s hunger in his gaze as it heats my skin.

“Good, because we probably shouldn’t.” Even if Sam thinks we are. Considering it should make me feel dirty, but it doesn’t. Not when Cas steps in closer, winds my hair around his fingers and tugs to angle my head while he starts kissing his way up my neck. It makes my insides melt, and my thighs slippery. And when his mouth gets to mine I kiss him back.

Oh God, how I kiss him back.

We’re all tongues and teeth and wild, wild hands as we pull at each other’s clothing, tearing off T-shirts and denim and lace. Black boxer briefs go too. Until we’re a tangled mess of limbs and mouths and boots and a condom he holds captive between his fingers. His lips are on my breast and his hands are on my ass as he picks me up and staggers over the uneven terrain toward those boulders and the shadows they cast where Soldier chews on a mouthful of long grass. My back finds warm stone; flat and grainy rock that rubs at my skin.

He puts me on my feet, turns me around, smooths his palms along my arms until he gets to my hands, plants them on the granite face while he trails kisses from my jaw to my shoulder. “Do you want to tell me we shouldn’t do this again? That you don’t want it? Because we can stop.”

Can we? I’m completely naked except for a pair of pink cowboy boots, and he’s running his hands over my hips and between my legs, forcing me to widen my stance. All I can focus on is the anticipation and the need coursing through me. I stare back at him over my shoulder. “I want it. So much.”

“Mandy Pearce, you do my fucking head in.” His fingers fill me. Two of them fucking in and out of my pussy, and I grind into his palm. “You have no idea how crazy you make me.”

So crazy. So irrational I can’t breathe. Or think about anything other than the sparks shooting around inside me. A fizz along my nerves that can’t be contained. The heat and pleasure that builds into an inferno of need. “Just do it, Cas. Give me your cock. Stick it in me.”

He lifts one of my legs, puts my foot onto one of the smaller boulders so that I’m wide open for him. It takes him a moment to put the condom on and then he wraps an arm around me to thrum my clit as he guides his cock to my entrance and eases into me.

I rest my head against his shoulder as I moan with his shallow movements. He kisses my hair, brings his hand up to massage my breast and pinch my nipple. I wriggle down on him. Take more of his cock. Want more.

He pushes me forward, bends around me. Thrusts into me. Deep. My breath speeds up, my legs are slick with wetness. His harsh grunts and groans are pressed to my ear. I’m so tight around him. So fucking full of him as he pounds into me until I’m shattering in his arms. Rubbing my clit, he pushes me higher, makes my climax go on and on and on while I squeeze his cock dry. I scream. My pieces fragment, coming apart in a dizzying kaleidoscope and falling into darkness as I slump forward, and he pulls me back into his arms. Is he ruining me for anyone else?

Shadows flicker across my closed eyelids as I draw that thought in. Is Cas making it hard for me to remember what I want? When I finally land Sam will I be able to forget these moments with Cas? Something tugs at my scalp, and I open my eyes to find Soldier mouthing my hair. It startles me and I jump.

Cas chuckles, his arms wrapped around my ribcage under my breasts. He tightens his hold on me. “Easy. He’s not going to bite you.”

“I’m not worried about him biting me.” Okay, I am. I’m naked after all. That’s a lot of soft, easily accessible flesh for him to nip at. And he has big, horsey teeth. “I’m not used to being watched by a horse while having sex. Although I’m not used to being watched during sex at all, or you know, having sex either so I guess that isn’t saying much.”

“He’s curious.” Cas snorts. I can feel his grin against my neck. “That’s all.” He pulls out of me carefully. Even after, he’s still so thick and hard for a while. “Let’s get dressed so we can get down from here before the sun sets.”

“We should do that,” I agree, hurrying to pick up my clothes and wriggle into them as he does the same with his jeans.

Then he picks up the bridle and approaches Soldier, murmuring to him the entire time. I can’t hear what he says to his horse. Not a word. But if the serious look on his face is anything to go by, I’m not sure knowing wouldn’t make me want to cry.

***

I drag myself up off the pillow and glance about for Cas. It’s still early, but the sun’s up. The ceiling fan whirs overhead, and my phone serves up a ruckus of noise that’s worse than nails on a chalkboard. I’m alone in his bedroom. In his bed. The bathroom door is open, revealing he’s not in there either. I draw my finger across the screen of my phone and send the alarm to snooze before I toss it onto the crumpled sheets. It should be good for another five minutes. Me, on the other hand?

I’m not entirely sure.

I’m always sure. Mandy Pearce is the girl with the plan. She accomplishes her goals. She gets her man. She never lets anything get in her way for long. So why does this fake relationship leave me with doubts?

And not straight forward doubts either. I still know Sam Sweets could be my Mister Right if he’d let himself be. I know I can be happy with him and have the relationship I always envisioned. It’s not like anything has changed. It hasn’t.

Cas and I aren’t really together. It’s fake. For him. And for me. Because we both know it’s going to end. Why is that so hard to remember when he’s covering my body in kisses? When his hands are stroking my skin, and he’s thrusting deep inside me?

Even when we got back to the ranch last night and had to pull together dinner for the masses in quick order and he kept touching me and talking to me in between commands, I had to remind myself this is all for Sam’s benefit. Then there was that dirty joke he told me afterward, while I sat on the counter and he fed me chocolate ice cream. The joke heated my cheeks while the ice cream cooled me off and the moment was utterly perfect.

My alarm goes off again, and I yelp. Tossing off the sheet, I scamper toward the shower. I’m a hot mess of post-sex hair and sweat. Crap, I hope I can wrangle all this into something presentable. I’ve only got twenty minutes until I’m supposed to report to breakfast duty.

“Where’s Cas?” I ask Claire when I enter the kitchen to find her in charge. Fixing a cup of coffee, I try to recall him having the day off, but he didn’t mention it, and for one heart stopping second, I wait for her to tell me he’s left. Without even a goodbye. But Cas wouldn’t do that, would he?

“I’m not sure,” she says. “He didn’t mention anything to you before he left?”

“No.”

“Well I’m sure he’ll be back shortly.” She glances up from the bowl of eggs that she’s whisking. “Are you working today? Can you give me a hand?”

“Absolutely.” I drain my coffee cup and put it in the sink before starting on the pile of bagels that need to be toasted. “He didn’t say where he was going?”

“He said he was taking his horse somewhere else for a few days.”

“Oh. Okay. Wasn’t Razer saying some guy kept asking if he was for sale?” That’s probably it. He’s making sure Soldier’s safe, though why he’d take him from the ranch where he’s constantly under watch I’m not certain.

“Possibly.” Claire agrees and then she stops what she’s doing. “Oh.”

“Oh what?” I glance up from slicing bagels to find her staring at the hand she’s holding low on her belly.

“That’s weird.” She smiles.

“What’s weird?”

“It’s the first time I’ve felt him move.”

“Him? Wait.” I put down the knife and walk around the counter. “Are you pregnant?”

“Yes.” Her violet eyes sparkle as she breaks out in a smile that leaves her practically glowing.

“Does Razer know?” I can barely keep from squealing.

“Of course.” She rolls her gaze to the ceiling before bringing it back to me. “We’re almost half way.”

“You’re tiny.” I study her belly. “Are you sure it’s not gas? I hear that can be a similar sensation.”

“It’s not gas.” She giggles as she grabs my hand and places it to her abdomen.

Something little butterflies against my hand. “Wow. I think I felt him move. You’re really halfway?”

“We didn’t find out straight away. We were too busy setting up for camp to notice, and then I chalked it up to stress for a little while. By the time we found out we were almost through the first trimester. Probably helped that I wasn’t sick.”

“Why haven’t you told anyone?”

“We have.” She shakes her head. “Our family. We thought we’d keep the news private though, until I started to show. It’s just easier to keep it between us. I’m not ready to have people come up to me in the street and grab my stomach.”

“This is crazy.” I stare at her abdomen. “If I rub your belly do you think the baby will give me good luck? Maybe attract other babies? I am so glad I got to find out before everyone else.”

“Are you clucky? Although you and Cas seem to be hitting it off quite a lot lately. Am I correct in thinking you’ve been sleeping here? Summer says you haven’t been going back to her place. Are you and he—”

“No. We’re just really good at being friends. Friends who have sleepovers. He’s practically like a girlfriend. Except that he’s more of a boyfriend.” And I’ve never done the things I do with Cas with any of my friends. “But we’re not involved like that. This is more of a temporary thing. So I’m not clucky. I don’t want babies with him.” Would Cas ever want babies? With me? Why am I even thinking about him when it’s Sam who’ll be having my babies? Nope that isn’t right. Sam, who I’ll be having babies with, because I’ll be having sex, falling in love, marrying, and spending the rest of my life with him. Soon. The sooner the better, so Cas and I can drop this charade. “It’s just I do want a family of my own. One day. When I’m with the right guy. It’s really important to me since I didn’t really have that myself.”

“I get it,” Claire says. “You remind me a bit of Razer. He’s always had us Hadleys, but he didn’t really have any family of his own either. I know it bothers him more than he lets on.”

“Now he has you and this baby. As well as all the Hadleys.” I smile, caught up in the excitement. That’s all I want, too. It’s not so much, is it? To want to be loved enough to build a family around it. With Sam, we’re already part way there. His sister is like my sister. He’s moving to Reverence. He’s practically settling down already. How long will it take him after we fall in love to decide he wants to be a daddy? Do I want him to father my children?

“Yes, he does,” Claire agrees. “And now we have a heap of kids to feed, so we better hurry up and put this food on the table.” 

Going back to slicing the bagels, I don’t notice Cas enter until I hear his voice. “Can’t survive without me, huh?”

A shiver rolls down my spine, stirring up that familiar unsettled feeling in my belly. Whether I like it or not I’m going to find out too soon.

“No, we definitely can’t,” Claire agrees. “Can you take over?”

I turn to find him running his gaze over me, and that doesn’t help at all. When he winks and prowls toward me, all that heat in my belly puddles between my thighs. “Absolutely. Mandy and I have this.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.” Claire unties the apron around her waist and rushes for the door. “I need to send a couple emails anyway. If I can get that out of the way before today’s activities that’ll be great.”

“Shoo. Out of my kitchen.” Cas takes the butter knife from my hand without a single remark about my safety and puts it down next to the bagels.

Claire stops at the doors that lead into the dining room. “Your kitchen? I was under the impression I was looking for a permanent chef. Unless you’re telling me that’s no longer the case?”

His jaw tightens and then he shakes his head. His gaze locked with mine is almost apologetic. “No, you’re still looking.”

“Too bad,” she says as she leaves the room.

“Oh well.” I tug my hand free from his and go back to the bagels. There’s no stability when it comes to Cas. No loyalty to anyone but his horse. Nothing safe to fall back on. I can’t believe I considered him and having babies in the same universe even for a minute. Ridiculous.

This is why I have to use my head and not my clit. And focus on catching my Mister Right.

“We better buckle down and convince Sam he’s ready for more than he thinks then.”