2007
As the weeks wore on, Elise’s mood improved even more. She seemed so full of life and energy. She still spent most of her free time with Leah, either shopping or going out dancing on the weekends, but I had managed to get her out for a couple date nights. Those nights she seemed particularly tired. We went to see a movie one time, and she fell asleep in the theater. I wasn’t surprised. She’d attacked her return to the land of the living with gusto. It was as if she slowed down, she just collapsed. For that reason, I encouraged her to keep hanging out with Leah and enjoying life again. I still really wished it were with me, but I remained satisfied with the spill-over of her good mood onto me when she was home.
Before long, I noticed that Elise had begun to drop weight. She had never been overweight but was surprisingly curvy for a woman her size. Gradually, her curves fell away to a much slenderer figure. Her bones began to protrude at her hips and shoulders. Her skin took on a dull appearance, and she developed circles under her eyes. She would get irritable with me sometimes, usually toward the end of the week. Whenever I asked her about these things, she claimed to be stressed from work. When I pressed on about the weight loss, she got really upset and accused me of not being supportive of making changes for her health. I backed off immediately though she didn’t look particularly healthy in my eyes. I didn’t want things to be strained between us again. I convinced myself she’d tell me if anything were wrong. All that mattered was she was recovering from the loss of her mom.
I was conscious that Renee’s birthday was looming on the horizon. I wasn’t sure how Elise would respond to it, but I kept a closer eye on her mood. Leading up to the day, she didn’t seem any different, and she never spoke as if she were aware it was coming up.
Just to be safe, I came home on Renee’s birthday with a bouquet of flowers and a plan to take my girl out for dinner if she hadn’t already made plans, that was. I told myself it would be okay if she did as long as she wasn’t home mourning.
Though she wasn’t due home until much later in the evening, I saw her car on the street as I pulled into the apartment lot. I assumed the date had finally hit her and she came home because she was upset. I called out for her as soon as I opened the door. I heard someone say “Oh, shit!” and some scurrying around. When I came into the room, I was so stunned by what I saw that I dropped the flowers I was holding, along with my lunch cooler.
Before me, Elise was sitting on the floor, her back leaning against the sofa. Leah was standing in the entrance to the kitchen looking lost. The centerpiece of the whole room was the coffee table. It was decorated with a mirror that had a bit of yellowish-looking powder, and there were a few plastic credit cards, and some short straws to the side. There were also two glasses of what looked like whisky.
Having spent time in the company of some very rough characters in the years between Kylie and Elise, the scene before me was not unfamiliar. They had obviously been snorting meth before I walked in. Memories of the last couple of months rushed through my mind as everything I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge fell into place. Leah had gotten my angel into drugs. I looked to Leah who was standing there with eyes as wide as saucers.
“You need to leave right now,” I growled in a low voice. Anyone who knew me well knew when my voice dropped like that, shit was about to get real. Leah obviously interpreted the danger because she grabbed her purse and ran out without even a word to Elise.
I turned to Elise, who was still sitting on the floor, only now, her arms were crossed defiantly over her chest.
“Well?” she taunted. “Go ahead. Get out whatever you have to say.”
“I don’t even know where to begin,” I responded. I wanted to yell and scream, perhaps to give her a good slap to wake her ass up but judging by the look on her face that was what she was hoping for. I wasn’t about to turn something this serious into a spat between us. We needed to talk.
“Elise. You’ve got to be out of your ever-loving mind!” Way to go, Justin. That’s the perfect way to start an open dialog. I immediate softened my expression and voice, the concern taking over as I sat down on the sofa next to her. “How does this even seem like a good idea?”
I’d hoped the fight would go out of her with my gentle tone, but instead, she seemed to double down on the idea that this should be a showdown between us.
“How does what seem like a good idea? Me having a good time? I think you of all people would support that with the way you’ve hovered over me since Mom died. I’ve been doing just that, and you’re still not satisfied.”
“Angel-face…”
“Don’t Angel-face me. You selfishly couldn’t tolerate my grief, so you’ve done nothing but push me. I finally found someone who showed me how to have fun again, and yet, that’s not good enough for you. Now you want to tell me what I can and cannot do.”
“I didn’t say that! I…,”
“You didn’t have to! Your judgment is written all over your face! I’ll remind you, I’m a twenty-four-year-old woman. I don’t need your permission or your approval on how I live my life. If I choose to party that’s my business. I’ll do whatever the fuck I want.”
“Sweetheart. I know you. We’ve been living together for two years. I know you inside and out, backward, and forward. Before you met Leah, you would have been the first to say how stupid this was and no way to deal with your grief.”
“Shut up!” she screamed as she jumped to her feet. “What do you know about grief, Justin? You’ve never lost anyone important to you. Never had them ripped out of your life in the blink of an eye! Cut me some slack! I’m doing the absolute best I can to get through each day and this helps. It helps when nothing and no one else does.”
I watched her as she marched to the bedroom. Next, I heard her slamming things around. When I came to the door of the room, she was loading clothes into a small suitcase.
“What are you doing?” I asked. “You’re just going to leave? Elise, we need to talk. We’ve been like strangers recently. I understand this shit has maybe given you a break from all the pain you were feeling, but you’re not dealing with the issue. You’re hiding from it. When you finally put down the drugs, you’ll find it’s all still here waiting for you to deal with. Assuming you can put down the drugs at that point. Don’t you know how addictive meth is?”
“Oh please, Justin. When did you become such a boy scout? I know you party with your friends. Just because we’re not doing it together where you can control me doesn’t mean I have a problem. That’s your real problem, isn’t it? You’re not controlling me for once?”
I’d thought I’d been floored before, but it seemed like she had a pocket full of punches she was going to hit me with.
“I’ve never wanted to or tried to control you, Elise. I only ever loved you and treated you the best I know how.”
Elise gave me a look that totally took my breath away. There was no warmth or love in her expression, only cold, hard resentment.
“That’s bullshit, but it doesn’t matter. We need some real space between us. I’m not saying we’re done, but I’ll stay with Leah until you decide what you want out of this relationship. Either you allow me to live my life my way, or you can take a walk.”
As I shook my head from the force of this last slap, I felt my anger rise to the surface.
“You’re perfectly free to live your life your way, but if you still want me in it, then you have to choose. Leah and the drugs or me. She’s a bad influence. I think if you get away from her, you’ll see just how out-of-character you’ve been acting, and you’ll come to your senses.”
“So,” Elise gave a bitter laugh, “it comes down to a choice between the two of you?” she asked as she zipped her bag closed. She paused next to it, one hand resting on top of the bag, the other poised in an off-handed gesture. “That’s really simple. I choose what makes me happy, and that’s not you. Now, I’m going to Leah’s for a few days. I’ll be back on the weekend. Make sure your shit is out by Sunday.”
She stomped past me, bag in hand. The next thing I knew, I heard the front door slam, and I was all alone. How the fuck did that happen? I was reeling from the confrontation. We’d gone from me trying to make her see she what she was doing was dangerous to her dumping me in the space of half an hour. I’d thought we were perfect that we’d be together forever, and just one major life event brought us down. I just didn’t get it. How had I become the target for all her rage?
One thing was for certain, I was right to give her the ultimatum. She needed a wake-up call. I felt confident she’d come around. She loved me. This problem aside, what we had was rare and spectacular. She’d come to her senses after a while. Wouldn’t she?
I needed a beer. And some wings. And the company of my friends. I’d get Vance’s take on it later in the week. For now, I just wanted to cut loose and forget the whole incident. It wasn’t real. Elise would come back to me once she’d had time to think, and I’d be here waiting for her.