2002
In the days following the party, Kylie and I were inseparable, which was a miracle considering it had been unsanctioned by my parents. They returned the next day after taking my grandmother back home to Bakersfield, only to find their house in complete disarray. The guys and I had done our best to tidy up, but eighteen-year-olds are not really the most fastidious of housekeepers. I had expected to be grounded for eternity, but my dad sat me down and told me that I was of age and too old to be punished like a child. He said I needed to decide what sort of man I was going to be—trustworthy and reliable or someone who couldn’t be counted on to do the right thing. It was a lecture I would have normally tuned out, but his earnest expression and the urgency with which he spoke grabbed my attention. I took in every word. My dad was obviously disappointed in me but was willing to give me a second chance to prove myself to him. I vowed I would be the sort of man he could be proud to call his son. He shook his head and told me he already was proud of me, but he wanted me to be a man he admired. That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I resolved in my heart to be that man, to approach the world every day with that as my guiding principle.
Having Kylie as my girlfriend was my dream come true. Though my long-time crush had been based on how she looked and how I imagined her to be, she surpassed any expectations I’d had. She was sweet, kind, and witty. I couldn’t see a single one of her flaws. We were together all day, almost every day for the entire summer. I had taken a part-time job sweeping up at a local garage to afford the expense of finally having a girlfriend, so there were times I had to tear myself away from her. We spent so much time sharing all the things we hid from the world—our thoughts, insecurities, fears, and dreams for the future. Nothing was off limits for us, we made ourselves vulnerable to each other in the way only first love allows.
Kylie and I learned neither of us was experienced sexually. We weren’t virgins, but we each had only done it once. I lost mine to one of Bryant’s sisters at an impromptu party we had at his house. It was simply something we did to get it out of the way. Kylie’s story was not so dispassionate. She’d only had one other boyfriend than me, which was in the tenth grade. It just so happened her first boyfriend was none other than that douchebag, Ricky Tanner. He had pressured her into it, telling her if she really cared about him, she’d do it to show her devotion. Kylie was the kind of person who was concerned with making those around her happy. Since she was curious about sex after the many things her girlfriends had told her, making Ricky her first seemed like a small sacrifice if it made him feel good.
Ricky hadn’t grown up. If anything, he had gotten worse. Immediately after she gave it up to him, he dumped her for Jessica Murphy, a girl in our class with a reputation for being easy. He told Kylie he’d only used her to shake the dust off. She was crushed and humiliated. She refused any dates after that until she met me. We spent plenty of time parking and making out, but after learning her history with Ricky, I kept a tight control on my raging hormones. Still, we talked about our next time being with each other. She had hinted she was willing to try again with me, but I always put it off. I wanted her body in the worst way, but I wanted her heart more.
Kylie’s birthday was coming up at the beginning of August. She would be leaving just three short weeks after for Boston College where she planned to major in Political Science. Yeah, my girl was crazy smart. She never said as much, but I suspected she wanted to be President someday. I picked up extra hours at the garage because I wanted to make sure her day was special, for it to be a day that she could look back on for the rest of her life and remember feeling very loved. I made plans to take her to the best restaurant I could afford. Kylie confessed she always wanted to try sushi. I wasn’t sold on the idea of eating raw fish, but if my girl wanted it, then that’s what she would get.
For her gift, I agonized over what to get her. She deserved diamonds and platinum, but I finally settled on a sterling silver necklace with a flat, oval pendant I had engraved with the letter “J.” The idea that she would be off at college wearing the symbol that she belonged to me did strange things to me inside. Just the thought made my chest puff with pride and my dick swell in my pants. It was too much to hope that it would excite her similarly, but I prayed she would like it.
When her birthday finally arrived, I picked her up at her house with a cheap bouquet of ratty carnations I’d bought at a local supermarket. I wanted to get her roses or something exotic, but they were so expensive, it was out of the question. I’d spent a considerable amount on her gift, and when I priced them, together they cost almost as much as what I’d budgeted for dinner
Kylie opened the door when I arrived and immediately began to fuss over the pathetic flowers as though they were the rarest blooms in the world. She beckoned me in, insisting that she put them in water right away.
As I stood in the living room waiting for her, her father eyed me up and down from his seat in his recliner chair. I’d met him a few times before. While he was always friendly, I felt like he had me under a microscope, studying and analyzing me to determine if I was worthy of his daughter.
“So, what are your plans tonight, son?” Mr. Moore asked as I fidgeted back and forth under his penetrating gaze.
My voice cracked slightly as I tried to respond. “I,” I croaked. Clearing my throat, I began again. “We’re going to dinner at Sushi Ko, sir.”
He raised a skeptical brow at me. “You’re going to feed my girl uncooked food for her birthday?”
“It’s what she wants, Mr. Moore.”
He scoffed and turned his attention back to his television. I discreetly wiped the thin film of sweat that his scrutiny had caused from my forehead. I adjusted the ill-fitting tie I had borrowed from my father before clasping my hands behind my back and rocking on the balls of my feet. Before much longer, Kylie came bustling back from the kitchen.
“I’m so sorry, Justin. I’m ready. Where are we going?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Believe it or not, we are going to Sushi Ko,” I replied.
“Are you sure?” She beamed even brighter. “I know you aren’t really eager to try sushi.”
“This is your day,” I smiled. “Anything you want, you get.” I didn’t miss the look of mischief that briefly crossed her face.
“Anything?” she pressed.
“If it’s in my power to give you, sweetheart, it will be yours,” I grinned widely.
She giggled and reached out to grab my hand. “Let’s go, then. I have a long list!”
I laughed and pulled her out the door with me.
I tried the sushi. I wanted to spit it out immediately. Worse than the raw fish was the taste of the seaweed it was wrapped in. I didn’t want to be an entirely uncouth bastard, so I forced it down. I wanted to stop the waitress and order a plate of the chicken teriyaki I saw on the menu, but I didn’t want to disappoint Kylie. If this was what made her happy, I’d do it ten times over. Kylie, on the other hand, loved it. I watched that girl eat four cut rolls all by herself. I’d never seen her eat so much in one sitting. Typically, she picked at her food, then took whatever she’d ordered to go.
“You really seem to be enjoying that,” I commented as she put away the last of a spicy tuna roll.
“Oh Justin, I can’t believe you’re satisfied with just one! This food is fantastic.” She paused for a second. “You don’t like it, do you?” she asked, as she began to chew on her bottom lip. I had quickly come to know this girl. If she thought that I didn’t like it, she’d never want to have it again. Having seen just how happy the dinner had made her, my distaste for sushi was a secret I planned to take to my grave.
“No, I do. I’ve just been watching you enjoy yourself,” I lied as I helped myself to the last roll on the serving plate. I was relieved to find it was a shrimp tempura roll. At least this one was cooked. As I dunked one of the pieces in soy sauce to mask the taste of the nasty seaweed, I noticed Kylie’s expectant look.
“Did you want some of this one?” I asked, with my chopsticks paused halfway to my mouth, she smiled and bit her lower lip again before nodding slowly. I chuckled under my breath and gladly gave her more than half of what remained of the roll.
Once there was nothing but a few stray grains of rice remaining on the table, I asked for the check. While we waited for our server, I grabbed her hand over the table.
“What would you like to do next?” I asked. “The night is yours to do anything you want.”
That mischievous twinkle danced in her eyes again. She leaned in and whispered, “I’d really like to go find a place to park.”
I couldn’t help the slow grin that spread across my face. I loved any opportunity I had to hold my gorgeous girl in my arms. The fact that she was just as eager was like a dream come true. I regretted all the times my insecurities had held me back from introducing myself to her. We could have had so much more time together rather than a short summer before she went on her way.
Of course, we had discussed her impending move, and she swore to me she would remain my girl. We would have a long-distance relationship, and we were sure we’d beat the odds. I knew without a doubt I wouldn’t meet another girl as amazing as Kylie. I wasn’t so sure that some punk frat boy wouldn’t make a move on my girl. Though I’d wiped out any savings I had for Kylie’s birthday, my next goal was to save up enough for a trip to Boston to visit her.
We walked out to my beat-up, old mini-truck hand in hand. After sliding in and stealing a quick kiss, I started it up and pointed it in the direction of the Hollywood Hills.
Mulholland Boulevard was well known for being a beautiful place to park and look at the lights of the San Fernando Valley. It also happened to be a favorite spot for young couples in need of some privacy. Once we’d found a place to pull over, I reached behind my seat and pulled out the tattered blanket I’d taken to keeping handy for such times. I got out and ran around the front of the truck to open Kylie’s door and help her out. After lowering the tailgate and spreading the blanket over the bed, I was surprised with how quickly Kylie scrambled in back. After removing my tie and stuffing it in my pocket, I made short work of following her. Soon, I lay with her wrapped in my arms and the star-studded night sky hanging above us, shrouding us in its illusion of privacy.
I kissed her tenderly, wanting to share all the feelings that were constantly simmering inside me. She was always present in my mind, crowding out any other details or concerns, but when we were together, I felt close to bursting with the overwhelming emotions she brought out in me. I know it made me sound like I was whipped, but I didn’t care. For all intents and purposes, I’d do anything she asked of me. I was that deep in young love.
“Justin,” I heard Kylie whisper in my ear. I turned to look at her beautiful face. The desire written all over it turned her from the girl I considered a real, live angel into a seductive goddess. It literally took my breath away. “Tonight, has been incredible, but I want one more thing from you.”
Her words stirred me out of my lust-filled stupor. I sat up quickly, nearly dumping her on her back as I stuffed my hand in my pants pocket to retrieve her gift.
“I can’t believe I almost forgot to give you your gift!” I exclaimed as I struggled to pull the small box out.
“You mean the flowers and dinner were not my gifts?” Kylie looked at me, confused.
“No, princess. I wanted your day to be memorable. Here,” I not-so-smoothly thrust the slightly crushed box into her hands. “This is your present. Happy Birthday.”
“It’s a little dark out here, Justin.” Kylie chuckled softly. “I can’t see a thing.”
“Let’s go back in the cab, and I’ll turn the light on,” I suggested.
“No way. I want to lay here in your arms while I open it.”
I thought for a moment, then remembered
I had a flashlight in my glove box for emergencies. I slid out the bed of the truck which caused Kylie to issue a small noise of objection.
“Just hold on, baby. I’ve got a solution.” I returned with the torch in hand and scrambled back next to my girl. I switched the light on and aimed it at the hand clutching her gift. I didn’t think it was possible, but her eyes lit up even brighter at the sight of the damaged little jewelry box. After a beat where she only stared at it, she began to delicately unwrap the package.
“Kylie, I don’t think you will be able to salvage that paper after the abuse it took in my pocket.”
“Shhh…, I want to save it. I can see that you wrapped it yourself. It’s as much my gift as any other part of tonight was.” She slid the box free and gently lifted off the lid. Her mouth dropped open slightly as her luminous eyes brimmed with tears.
“Oh, my God!” she said breathlessly. “It’s so beautiful! Here, put it on me,” she said as she quickly turned and held up her hair. I felt the strangest sense of rightness as I clasped the delicate silver chain around her neck. “I will wear this until the day I die,” she declared.
“You may want to take it off to clean and polish it sometimes,” I huffed a quiet laugh. “It’s sterling silver after all.”
“Maybe,” she screwed up her face in displeasure, “but it will go right back on after,” she said firmly. She scooted closer to my side, looking up into my face expectantly. Knowing what she wanted, I dipped my head and kissed her deeply. My whole body thrummed with contentment. Kylie was well and truly mine.
Our kisses soon took on a sense of urgency as she began to move against me impatiently. I angled my body over hers and eased her down onto her back. We lay there, me half-draped over her as her hands explored my back. I kissed her hungrily, feeling my own body respond. I dropped a hand down to her breast and gently kneaded it before grazing the taut nipple with my thumb. We broke apart, gasping for breath.
“Justin,” she whispered. “I need you. Please make love to me. It would be the perfect ending to this day.”
I hesitated for a moment, concerned whether she was ready to take that last step. I didn’t wait for long though. My racing heart, combined with my uncomfortably tight pants, convinced me the timing was perfect for both of us. I nodded slowly, then proceeded to unbutton her pretty, lavender blouse.
Kylie’s hand boldly skated down my chest and abdomen until it rested on my crotch. She rubbed me gently at first before squeezing me as best she could through the fabric. A growl escaped me. We had been hot and heavy before, but it had always consisted of over-the-clothes touching. A couple of times Kylie had let me slide my hand in her pants, but even then, it was over her underwear. She had never touched me below the waist, and if she kept it up, I didn’t think I’d be able to keep from nutting in my shorts.
I reached down and gently eased her hand from my cock. She immediately pulled from our kiss and looked at me questioningly.
“Was I not doing it right?”
“You were perfect,” I replied. “Maybe a little too perfect. I don’t want this to be over before we even get started.”
Kylie giggled with glee. I shook my head and kissed her again to quiet her down and bring the mood back. Fumbling, I found the hem of her skirt and slid my hand up her thigh, easing her legs apart as I did. She opened right up for me. I pushed her panties to the side and once again was nearly undone when my fingers made contact with the petal-soft lips of her pussy. I spread them apart, finding her soaked in her juices.
I’d like to be able to say that I coaxed her into her first orgasm right then and there, but just like any young guy, I went straight to her hole. I slid a finger in, pumping it a few times before my excitement got the better of me.
I raised up and ham-handedly unbuttoned and removed her blouse, then wrestled with the catch on her bra. She finally took pity on me and reached back to release it. The lacy fabric fell to her waist, and I was treated to the silhouette of her bare torso. I leaned down and immediately took her left nipple into my mouth. I licked and sucked it while I squeezed the other one. She clutched my head and held me there as she laid back down.
Soon, I raised back up and slid her panties off, leaving her skirt bunched around her waist. I looked down at her in awe. The moonlight glinted off the silver disk at her throat, doing something inexplicable to me. I wanted to roar like a lion, I was filled with so much pride to see the physical evidence she belonged to me adorning her neck. The word Mine hovered on my lips as it played on an endless loop in my ears.
Kylie reached up and quickly undid my pants. I crawled over her to kneel between her thighs, shoving my pants down low around my knees. She gasped when she saw my dick nearly pointing straight up. I kissed her again quickly and settled my hips between her legs. My aching cock was pressed uncomfortably between us, and I was almost overtaken with my desire to create as much friction on it as I could. With all the control I could muster, I stayed perfectly still.
“Are you sure, Kylie?” I asked, half afraid she would say no. If she did, I’d find some way to corral my hard-on back into my pants, but as I waited for her reply, I was feverishly praying in my head she would give me the green light quickly. The gods must have heard my pleas because she gave a silent nod.
I didn’t waste any time as I reached down and took myself in hand. I pressed the head of my dick against her wetness until those smooth lips parted and enveloped me with all her heat. I gritted my teeth as I groaned involuntarily. After sliding it up and down a few times, I finally found that notch that told me I was in the right place. Watching her eyes widen, I slowly pressed forward. Kylie’s lips parted breathlessly as I slid all the way in. I squeezed my eyes together tightly as I tried to calm my wildly beating heart. I wanted to savor the moment, but it didn’t take long before the urge to move won out.
I pumped my hips in short bursts before raising up onto my palms to watch Kylie. She lifted her legs, wrapping them around my hips and holding me close to her. Her eager hands rested on my ass as I lengthened my strokes.
I quickly broke out into a sweat as I felt my balls draw tight up against my groin. Kylie began to writhe beneath me, and as soon as I felt the sharp press of her fingernails into my cheeks, I blew my load then and there. It literally knocked the wind out of me, I came so hard. I collapsed on top of her, desperately trying to suck oxygen back into my lungs. Never, in all my years of fantasizing and furiously beating off in my bedroom at night, had I come as hard as I did that time. My balls ached from the force of my climax.
When I finally gathered enough of my mind back together to notice I was still buried deep in Kylie’s pussy, I realized there was no possible way she enjoyed the whole five minutes it took for me to finish. I felt the heat of embarrassment rise to my face as I stuttered for my words.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. I… I just couldn’t help it. Did you…?”
Kylie smoothed her hands lovingly over my back as she shook her head. “No, I don’t think so, but it’s okay,” she said with a weak smile.
“I’m sorry.” I huffed out a breath of disappointment. “I really wanted it to be good for you, too.”
“It wasn’t bad, Justin. Besides,” she said with a mischievous giggle, “We have days and days to try again until we get it right.”
I grinned widely at her before dipping my head to kiss her one more time. We spent the rest of the evening cuddling and talking. I really wanted to try again, but the last thing I wanted her to think that was all I cared about, so I simply held her until we watched the sun come up over the hills.
The following days before Kylie left for college found us pretty much searching for a place to park whenever the opportunity arose. It didn’t matter if it was broad daylight. If we had the time (and we often did), I was pulling down her panties and exploring her sweetness with my fingers, mouth, and dick. The first time I put my tongue on her clit, Kylie lit up like the night sky on the Fourth of July. It was my “Eureka” moment. After that, before I did anything, I ate her pussy until she was popping off like a string of firecrackers, and she begged me with her soft little whispers to fuck her. Over time, I was able to increase my stamina, but honestly, it was not by much. I was lucky if I hit the fifteen-minute mark. It didn’t seem to matter to Kylie though. She was just as hungry for me as I was for her.
Finally, the day before she was supposed to leave arrived. It was early evening, and once again we were parked on Mulholland, watching the sun set after another round of hurried sex. Kylie was looking off into the distance, her gaze unfixed and her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“I don’t want to go,” she said as she turned back to look at me. “When I get home, I’m going to tell my dad I changed my mind. I want to stay here with you.”
My heart leaped in my chest at the thought of her staying, but it soon plummeted when I realized she’d be giving up her dreams for me. I still didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. How could I possibly give her everything she deserved that could compare to what was waiting for her in Boston?
“You know you can’t do that. This is everything you ever wanted.”
“I could stay here and go to UCLA in the spring. I don’t know why I was so fixed on Boston in the first place.”
“You have told me repeatedly what a good school it is and how many politicians are alums. You need to do this, Kylie. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Maybe not right away, but someday you will. We are going to be okay. I’m not going anywhere,” I vowed as I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her fingertips.
Kylie sighed loudly. “Fine. But if I am miserable all semester, I’m coming home. I’ll transfer to whatever local school I can get into.”
I chuckled and nodded in agreement, knowing full well she’d throw herself into her studies so hard, she wouldn’t have a chance to be miserable. I was the one who was going to suffer.
I moped around my house for weeks. I gave up my job at the garage and just hid away in my room feeling sorry for myself. I didn’t talk to or go out with any of the guys when they called to invite me somewhere. I didn’t eat. I just listened to the radio and lay in bed dreaming of my girl. I lived for our evening phone calls when she would tell me in her excited voice all about her classes and the new friends she was making. It hurt my heart a little to imagine her enjoying herself while I wallowed in self-pity, but more than anything I wanted her to be happy.
Around the third week after Kylie left, my dad knocked on my door early in the morning. I opened it to find him standing there stern-faced. Whatever he had to say, I wasn’t going to like it.
“Come out into the living room, Justin,” he commanded. Resigning myself to whatever lecture he was about to give, I shuffled after him to the front room.
“Sit,” he instructed as he settled himself into his favorite chair.
Obediently, I lowered myself onto the sofa, leaned forward and rested my forearms on my knees. It was my standard pose for receiving bad news.
“So, how long do you intend to lick your wounds?” my dad asked, not pulling any punches. I was surprised at his tone. I fully expected to get a tough-love kind of speech, but his voice was not without compassion. I looked up at him and merely shrugged.
“I know you’re going through a tough time. You’ve been crazy about this girl for as long as I can remember. I’m sure it feels like no sooner than you got her, she was gone. I’ve given you room to adjust to her absence, but I can’t let you continue to sulk around here as though your life is over.
“Now is the time to decide what kind of man you’re going to be. Are you going to be the kind who crumbles at the first sign of disappointment, or are you going to rise to the occasion and make yourself someone who can be counted on under any circumstances? If you really want to have a future with this girl someday, you will start getting your life in order for the day she comes back to you. That means either going back to school or getting a full-time job. If you want to remain under my roof, you will do one or the other.”
My jaw dropped. “You’d really put me out?”
“I don’t want to, son. I really want you to go back to school, so you can ultimately find a job doing something you really like, but if that’s not a decision you can make right now, your only other option is to go to work. I can’t condone you sitting around doing nothing. If I must leave you to your own devices to take responsibility for your life, I will.”
I leaned back against the sofa and stared at the ceiling, thinking about what he said. Of course, I didn’t want to be the pussy who crumbled. I wanted to be a strong and reliable man like he was. No, he didn’t have a fancy or glamorous job, but he brought home a steady paycheck large enough for us to live comfortably. He never seemed unhappy with his decisions. I could do as he wanted and go back to school, but I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. I thought I was a pretty decent artist, but I also knew it would never pay the bills. I also didn’t want to wait to start earning money. The sooner I had a job, the sooner I could go visit Kylie. I also wanted to get my own apartment, so when she came home for breaks, we had a place where we could be alone rather than frantically searching for a secluded spot to park my truck.
I straightened up and looked at my dad again. “I’m going to start looking for a job today. As soon as we’re done here, I’ll hit all the employment websites on the internet.”
“I’m a little disappointed you won’t go back to school, but if this is the route you want to take, I’ll support you. Just promise me you’ll keep the idea of school at the back of your mind. It’s never too late to go.”
I nodded swiftly as I stood. As I went to walk out of the room, I stopped and turned back to look at him. I realized how lucky I was to not only have a dad who cared, but who was a shining example of the kind of man I wanted to be. I walked back over to him and stuck out my hand to shake. My dad stood, took my hand and then pulled me in for a quick, back-slapping hug.
It took almost no time at all before I found a job. I was hired on the spot for a warehouse position with an auto parts manufacturer. It was simple work but paid decently. They also had me train to drive the forklift which I hoped would give me the kind of experience I needed to operate one of the bigger machines on construction sites. Those jobs paid well.
One day, about three weeks after I started, my cell phone rang. The ringtone alerted me it was Kylie calling. I answered hurriedly since she never called me at work. I had all but begged her to, but she always insisted I was too busy at work, and she didn’t want me to get into trouble.
“Kylie,” I answered on the fourth ring. “Is everything okay?” I could hear sniffling on the other end, so I rapidly walked toward the breakroom.
“Justin,” she replied in a weak voice. “Are you at work?”
“Yes, baby. What’s going on?” I responded as I waved at my supervisor, Gus, and pointed to the breakroom to let him know I was taking a break. He nodded back, then returned his attention to whatever was inside the box he was inspecting.
Pushing through the door, I heard her reply, “Can you call me as soon as you get off work? I need to talk to you about something important.”
“You can tell me now. I’m taking a break, so I can talk freely.”
“No, this will take longer than your break could possibly be.”
I huffed in frustration. How was I supposed to concentrate on anything other than the fact that my girl was crying about something? She was my everything even if I was determined to succeed in my job to make something of a life for the both of us.
“Tell me now,” I demanded. “I’ll leave work early if I have to.”
“Justin, please don’t do that. You need this job.” I heard her mumble her next statement. “Maybe now more than ever.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I was starting to panic. I forced myself to slow my breathing as I eased myself into one of the chairs.
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing that can’t wait.”
Just as I opened my mouth to reply, Gus poked his head through the door.
“Hey Sever. I need you back. Ruben got the forklift stuck again. I need you to move it.”
It was the third time this week. Ruben and I had started at the same time, and we alternated shifts on the forklift, but for some reason, he couldn’t quite manage how to operate it. It made me wonder how he did driving his car.
“Go, Justin,” I heard Kylie say from the other end. “I overheard what he said. I’ll be here waiting for you to call.”
“Alright, baby. I’m off in two hours, so I’ll call then.” I put my phone back in my pocket as I hurried back to the warehouse floor, preoccupied with the call. I had a foreboding sense that whatever she had to tell me was going to change my world.
As soon as my feet crossed the threshold of the exit door, my phone was in my hand, calling Kylie. The line rang several times, so many I thought she might not answer. Just when I thought the call would go to voicemail, she picked up.
“Hi, Justin,” she answered. “I’m sorry it took so long. I’ve been a little sick, so I was asleep.”
I didn’t bother with formalities or even about her illness, I was so wrapped up in my worry over what was troubling her.
“Tell me everything,” I commanded.
I heard her sigh, then a moment later begin to sob. “Justin, I…”
“Kylie, I want to help you, so you need to spit it out. Whatever the problem is, it can’t be anything we can’t solve together.” My mind had raced all throughout the remainder of my shift. I nearly convinced myself that she was going to dump me.
“Justin…,” she said haltingly. “I’m… well, I’m pregnant.”
I had just reached my truck, and the news sent me sagging against the driver side door. I was speechless. It was absolutely the last thing I’d expected to hear.
“Are you sure?” I whispered once I’d regained my voice.
“Yes,” she replied. “I went to the student clinic yesterday.”
I leaned further back against the truck, closing my eyes and tilting my head toward the sky. A small headache began to form behind my eyes, my hand coming up to pinch the bridge of my nose.
“When did this happen?” I asked.
“Well, I don’t know for sure, but I skipped my last period. I think I must be seven or eight weeks along.”
The breath whooshed out of me as my mind reeled.
“I…,” I stuttered. “I was so not expecting this.”
She took a shuddering breath before replying.
“I know. Neither was I, but I guess we shouldn’t be surprised since we never took any steps to prevent it.”
She was right. I’d never even thought to wrap up or to ask her if she was protected. I was always so caught up in my desire to be balls deep in her the consequences never entered my mind.
I wanted to reassure her that everything would be okay as thoughts of becoming a dad pushed their way into my head. Dad. God, what was my own dad going to say?
“Kylie, we’re going to figure this out. I’m still in the parking lot at work. Let me get home, and I’ll call you right back. Will you be okay until then?”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you weren’t at the house yet. Yes, please call me back as soon as you get there.”
“Alright, baby. Give me fifteen minutes. Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out,” I vowed.
We hung up, and I got in the truck. I needed a minute to breathe and steady my shaking hands. I drove slowly the entire way home. I knew I needed to get there and call her back as she was sure to be just as freaked out by this as I was, if not more so, since the physical responsibility for the baby was entirely hers for the next seven or eight months. However, I needed time to process the news and at least try to come up with some sort of game plan.
My mind initially went to picking up more shifts at the warehouse and getting as much overtime as possible. Babies were expensive. I’d have to forego my plans to visit Kylie at school since that would eat into any savings I could amass, in a large way. Then it occurred to me that Kylie was thousands of miles away. Would she come back home to have the baby and maybe finish school here? I supposed I could move to Boston if she was set on completing her degree there, but it seemed to me that Los Angeles would be the more sensible choice since our families were here and could offer help if we needed it. I’d have to persuade her it was the right thing to do.
When I finally arrived home, the house was empty. I thanked whatever deity was responsible for that stroke of good fortune. I didn’t think I could face either one of my parents right now and pretend nothing was wrong. I also took advantage of the privacy and helped myself to a bit of my dad’s premium whisky. It may not have been the best choice for making life-altering decisions, but I needed to relax any way I could, so I could even begin to try.
Once I’d taken an initial shot of the whisky, I poured three fingers into the glass and retreated to my room to call Kylie back. Sitting down on my bed, I took a healthy slug of the strong alcohol and dialed her number. She picked up on the first ring.
“Justin, what happened? You took so long to call, I was starting to worry.”
“I’m sorry, Kylie. Traffic was terrible. There was a fatal accident on the Golden State Freeway and it took a while to get through.” I didn’t know why I lied, it wasn’t as if I had something to hide. I didn’t really want her to know I was rattled. I wanted her to have confidence in me, to feel like I could to take care of everything.
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” she said quietly. I could hear the disappointment in her voice.
“Right,” I began as I huffed out a breath. How did one even go about discussing this? It didn’t seem right that I should just jump in and start giving orders, but for lack of any other ideas, that’s exactly what I did. Sort of.
“Did you get a due date from the doctor?”
“No, but if my timing is correct, I figure it would be sometime in April.”
“Then that’s perfect. Well, as perfect as things can be under the circumstances. You can come home at the end of the semester. I’ll find us a place to live in the meantime, and we’ll be all settled and adjusted by the time school begins again in the fall. You’ll only lose a semester.”
“Justin…” she said, her voice holding a nervous edge.
“What? You’re not thinking of giving up school, are you? I won’t allow it. I won’t let this keep you from achieving your dreams. Sure, we didn’t plan it, but we did know we’d be spending the rest of our lives together. We’ll just be getting started on the forever part a little sooner than expected.”
“Justin, it’s not our only option,” she said a little stronger this time.
“No way am I giving up my baby,” I replied. “I know that adoption is a wonderful thing for childless couples, but my blood is my blood. I won’t give it away simply because it’s not the perfect time in our lives.”
“That’s not the option I mean.”
I frowned in my confusion. There were no other options. Unless...
“Baby, please tell me you are not suggesting you have an abortion.”
“We should talk about it, Justin. Our future is on the line here. Whatever I decide, it’s going to change my entire life.”
“It’s not just your life, Kylie. It’s mine, too. And our baby’s.”
“It’s not even a life yet,” she said. “At this point, it’s simply a glorified parasite.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. It was our baby. Yes, we’d been irresponsible, but that didn’t mean that he or she wasn’t made in love and deserved to have a future of his or her own.
“Kylie, no. You can’t have an abortion. It’s unthinkable, honey.”
“You can’t tell me what to do, Justin. It’s my body and my future.”
I couldn’t help it. I exploded.
“This isn’t just about you! That’s my baby, and I want it. You don’t get to make unilateral decisions just because you have a solution that’s convenient. You don’t get to think only about yourself!” I was so angry, I was shaking. Who was this girl? The Kylie I knew—MY Kylie—would never consider something so selfish. The girl I knew was all heart and selflessness. “Who is putting these ideas in your head? Who else have you told about this?”
“Just my mom and my roommate,” she said mildly.
“God,” I heaved out a disgusted breath. “You didn’t even come to me with this first? Don’t you think I had a right to that?”
“Goddammit, Justin! Stop making this about you! Why can’t you see that this is the biggest decision of my life? I need your support, not you yelling at me!”
“Kylie, there is no decision about whether or not to have our baby. The only acceptable—decent—decision is whether we live here or in Boston.”
She sobbed once loudly, then suddenly the line went very quiet. So quiet, I almost thought she’d hung up. Just when I was about to say something, she cleared her throat.
“Both my mom and Jamie think having an abortion is the right way to go. We made a mistake. A foolish, irresponsible one. It doesn’t have to ruin our lives.”
“Ruin our lives? Would you listen to yourself? How can something that’s a part of both of us ruin our lives? Sure, it complicates things. Yes, it will be difficult, and we’ll have to adjust our original plans, but isn’t that what being a parent is all about, anyway?”
“Yes, Justin, you’re right. And I know I’m not ready to make those adjustments.”
“So, you’ll learn!” I cried. “For Gods’ sake—no for our baby’s sake—think clearly about this. I know you. You won’t be able to live with yourself if you do this.”
“I…, I just know that I’ll be miserable if I get tied down with a baby at the age of eighteen. I have plans, goals, dreams. They don’t include a baby right now.”
“Kylie, please. You don’t need to make up your mind just yet. We can talk more about this.”
“Justin.” She sighed before continuing in a voice I’d never heard from her before. “I need your support. It’s the only reason I even told you at all. I already have an appointment. I just need to know you’re here for me. It’s not going to be easy, it’s not like it doesn’t hurt me. I need you though. I need to know you’ll keep loving me.”
I was so furious with her. She’d already made up her mind, and I was just supposed to sit back like a pussy and go along with whatever she decided. I felt emasculated by her not giving my opinions and feelings any weight in her consideration. I was shaking from head to toe with rage. How dare she?
“That’s just it, Kylie. If you do this, I don’t know if I will anymore,” I said softly before ending the call.