Kara
I knew better. I could look but I couldn’t touch. That didn’t stop me from daydreaming about how it would feel to be in his arms. Would his embrace be as strong as it looked? From the look of the muscles I’ve spent hours, weeks, months admiring, I’d say so. Just looking at him made me feel all tingly inside. I had no right to feel that way. I like to think of myself as a good person, I have better morals than to covet somebody else’s man. But from the first time I laid eyes on him, I couldn’t help myself. Of course I knew he was taken, but that didn’t stop my mind from wandering to places it had no right to go. If this was how it felt before they got married, god alone knew how it was going to feel after. I was used to seeing him a few times a week when he came by the house to see her, but when they got married, he’d be living with us until they could afford a place of their own. Houses weren’t easy to come by for first time buyers fresh out of college without a trust-fund from some rich parents or an inheritance of some kind, so he’d move in with us and I’d have to see him every day. Not that I minded the idea of seeing him that often, I just didn’t want it to be her he was looking at with those sinful green eyes. I didn’t want it to be her bed he was in every night while I lay alone in mine, dreaming of what it would be like to kiss those full lips, to be touched by those calloused hands…talk about messed up. I needed to find a cheap apartment to rent, or against my better judgment, move back in with my grandmother. But if I did that, if I found excuses to stay away from them both, it meant I wouldn’t see him at all. Talk about damned if you do and damned if you don’t. It was a Catch-22 situation. I didn’t want to see him with her, but I didn’t want to give up seeing him altogether.
I lay in my bed and let my mind drift. His green gaze stared deeply into mine and he saw my soul laid bare. He knew I wanted him, and as I let my gaze drag lazily up and down his body, I could tell he wanted me too. I moved closer, like a moth that gets drawn inexplicably to a flame. I knew I’d get burned, but I couldn’t help but dance a little closer to the warmth it exuded. The back of his hand felt rough as he gently caressed my face, and my breathing faltered a little at the electricity I felt in that one touch. His eyes told me all I needed to know as he leaned in closer. At first, his kiss was gentle, fleeting. But then he took my face in the palms of his hands and claimed my lips with his. His tongue licked at the seam of my mouth, seeking permission to collide with my own. I parted my lips on a breath, and his tongue darted in to dance with mine. It was always a strange feeling, getting used to kissing someone new, but the butterflies in my stomach took flight and I knew that this kiss would change me in ways I had yet to find the words to describe.
“Kara.”
The sound of my name shattered the fantasy.
“Kara, are you coming?”
I hated the sound of her voice right now. It grated on my nerves like nails on a chalkboard.
“I’m coming!” I exclaimed in a huff as I grabbed my purse from the back of my bedroom door and headed to the top of the staircase.
“Well, hurry your ass up.”
I’d been treated to that tone of voice before. I’d put up with my fair share and then some. Over the years, I had grown used to her sense of self-righteousness. That didn’t mean I hated it any less, I had just become accustomed to her ways. Lord only knew how he put up with her and the demands she made of him and everybody else they came into contact with. I knew his mother hated her, his siblings too, but that didn’t change his love for her, apparently.
“I said I’m coming,” I snapped as I made my way down the stairs.
“Well, it’s about time you got out of bed. You know how important today is, right? Right?”
“I get the message loud and clear, Zoey. Today’s the day you dress me in pink taffeta and make me look like a fucking marshmallow.”
“Less of the sarcasm,” she seethed as she took the car keys from the bowl on the oak cabinet in the hall.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said and added a salute for good measure.
This would be pure fucking joy. Bridesmaid dress shopping. Zoey was a queen bitch on a normal shopping trip, never mind how she’d act while trying to find the perfect dress to make me look like the world’s most unattractive bridesmaid. Heaven forbid somebody look prettier than the bride on her big day. It wasn’t that I wanted to outshine her on her wedding day. I really didn’t. I just didn’t want to be dressed in something that was as unflattering as things get. But I needed to get a grip on myself and be the best friend I was meant to be.
We drove towards the mall with some awful music playing on the radio. I had moved to change stations, but Zoey had given me the stink-eye so I moved my hand back to my lap where I wrung it with the other one. I wasn’t happy about this shopping trip in the slightest, and to make matters worse, whatever dress she chose for me was something he would have to see me in. I knew she wouldn’t pick something too disgusting, as it was her wedding day after all, meaning that everything had to be ‘just so’ or she’d have a meltdown. But it was bound to be something that didn’t suit my fuller figure. I wasn’t fat, I just had curves in all the right places, whereas Zoey hadn’t filled out in any of ‘those’ areas, which made her jealous. And when she was jealous, she was mean. She was always telling me to diet or exercise more. I already ate less than she did, and I had recently joined a gym at her insistence. No bridesmaid of hers was going to look, and I quote—like a fat blob in the pictures that would be on her wall for the rest of her life—she wouldn’t let anybody embarrass her.
Pulling into the car park, she killed the engine and looked at me with thinly veiled disgust in her brown eyes. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve it, but I knew she’d tell me.
“Are you going to be like this all day? Can you not pretend to be happy for me? I know you don’t like Reid, but you’re my best friend and he’s my fiancé, you have to learn to get along.”
“I’ve never said I don’t like him, Zoey. It’s just…it’s complicated.”
I couldn’t tell her just how complicated it was or why. If I did, I’d end up losing my best friend and I’d never see Reid again either. At that moment, I didn’t know which would hurt more.
“Can you just fake a smile? For me?” she asked as she threw her hands up in the air in irritation.
Looking at my best friend, I saw the girl I loved. Not the queen bee she’d been at school, not the self-absorbed asshole she acted like on the outside at times. No, I saw the sweet girl that she was beneath her icy exterior. Faking a smile, I opened my car door and hopped out before she could say another word. That was another reason I had to stop thinking about Reid in any other way than my best friend’s fiancé. She was actually a nice girl at heart. Sure, that was quite far beneath the surface most days, but it was why we became friends in the first place.
“Hey! Leave her alone!”
I heard the words but didn’t see the person who spoke them, not at first. The group of girls stood around me, blocking my view of anything beyond their makeup-caked faces.
“I said leave her alone,” the voice came again, only this time it was accompanied by an arm, then a body pushing its way in between the girls gathered around me.
“She’s fresh meat,” one of the girls replied.
“Is that how you treat everyone when you first meet them, Nina? No wonder you have cronies, not friends. Get the hell out of here and don’t bother her again, you hear me?”
An arm came around my shoulders and that was when the first tear fell, followed by countless more.
“Hey, let’s get you cleaned up,” the small brunette said as she pulled me from where I sat on the floor.
“Mmm-kay,” I mumbled as I tried to dry the tears with the sleeve of my school jumper.
“Those girls won’t bother you again. Not if they know what’s good for them. My name’s Zoey, what’s yours?
“Kara.”
I couldn’t say anything else. I was too shell-shocked that someone was actually being nice to me. After a week as the new girl at school, I was used to being called names and shoved around. The girls that had just been giving me a hard time weren’t the first, and no doubt they wouldn’t be the last.
“Well, Kara, it’s nice to meet you. Believe it or not, we’re not all like those bitches.”
Sure, Zoey had turned out not to be like all those bitches. She was worse. She didn’t pick on anyone, she wasn’t an outright bully. But that didn’t mean she didn’t belittle people and make them feel like crap. When we first met, she was super cool. She gave me a tour of the school and walked with me to classes. She introduced me to her friends and her boyfriend Adam. They were all really nice to me, I couldn’t fault them for that. But then as high school had gone on, Zoey had climbed the ladder to queen bee, and everyone kowtowed to her. I hated how she had changed, but I still saw the kind-hearted girl she was on the inside.
“Hello? Earth to Kara!”
My head snapped in the direction of my best friend.
“Sorry, my head was in the clouds.”
“Typical. Let’s get going. We have so much to do today,” Zoey chided.
I let her drag me off to the first shop on her agenda. Trust Zoey to have a list of places to visit as well as a time we should get in and out by.
***
It was two p.m. by the time we stopped for lunch. We had just sat down with a drink when I saw a smile light Zoey’s face. A guy came over to speak to her and it seemed she knew him well, as they had a hushed conversation that I only caught snippets of. I thought it was rude to whisper, especially in company, but then what would I know? I took in the look on Zoey’s face and wondered why she never seemed to smile like that anymore. I chalked it up to the stresses of planning a wedding, but it set me wondering if there was anything else on her mind.
“Sorry, that was an old college friend. I haven’t seen him in ages,” Zoey said as she sipped at her glass of prosecco.
“Not a problem. He could have got a drink and joined us.”
“He was on his way back to work when he saw me sat here,” she replied as she fiddled with the charm bracelet I’d bought her for her eighteenth birthday.
“Oh, okay. How many more shops are we going to traipse round today?”
“You don’t have to sound so snippy about it. You’re my best friend and bridesmaid, you should be happily dragging me along to these shops, never mind the other way round.”
“Sorry, Zoey, you know me, never been a fan of clothes shopping at the best of times.”
I really hated to be a drag, but I didn’t know how much more shopping I could take. My stress levels had elevated even more, considering the disastrous dresses I’d tried on. Okay, so they hadn’t been pink taffeta, but they weren’t what I’d call fashionable, either.
***
Home. Never had I been so happy to see the sight of those four walls. The dress had been decided on, much to my chagrin. I hadn’t liked any of the dresses very much, but thankfully, we’d been able to agree on ‘the one’ even though I still wasn’t comfortable with the material, the colour, or the length. The style was about all I’d been able to say I liked about it. Ideally, it would have been a good two inches shorter, after all, what was the point in the spray tan Zoey was making me have done if I couldn’t show off my legs? It wasn’t like anybody would notice it anywhere else. My arms were being covered by some hideous thing Zoey had referred to as a bolero. She said it was to hide my ‘hideous tattoos.’ That was one thing Zoey had never liked, ink. Not until she’d met Reid and she’d fallen for him regardless of his tattooed biceps. But somehow she still managed to hate my tattoos. Probably because she was meant to be prim and proper and Reid’s tattoos were always covered up if they went to visit her parents. She wouldn’t let them see that he had ink. But I was broken, defective, so it was okay for them to see mine. Well, except for on her wedding day, that is.