Daisy’s hand is wrapped around mine. I silently follow him down the corridors that are becoming more familiar and into his room. He shuts and locks the door behind us and for a minute we just stand and stare at each other.
“You okay, Angel?”
I release a drawn-out sigh and shake my head. “No, not really.”
“That’s understandable, you’ve had a shitty few days.”
I scoff loudly, the sound bubbles up from my stomach and I start to laugh hysterically. I don’t know when the laughs turn to sobs, but Daisy folds me into his arms and holds me. My body wracks with the emotions I’ve managed to keep under wraps since I heard my father sell me to cover his debts.
“Shh, it’s gonna be okay, Angel, it’s all gonna be okay.”
I want to tell Daisy that it’s not going to be okay, how could it possibly be okay, but I don’t. Instead, I let him hold me and soothe me and I try to believe his words even though deep down I’m not sure things will ever be okay again.
My sobs subside, and Daisy eventually pulls back to wipe the tears from my cheeks. “Don’t cry, Angel. Come on, let’s watch some TV. I’ll even let you pick the show.”
I nod shakily and climb onto the bed resting my back against the wall. Daisy climbs on and sits beside me—we aren’t touching, just simply sitting next to one another. He flicks through the channels and then moves to the series boxsets. “What do you want to watch?” He asks.
I shrug. “I don’t mind. I don’t really watch a lot of TV. The only one in our house was in the family room and watching that meant sitting with my father. It was easier to sit in my room on my own.”
Daisy looks at me, his head tilted to the side, his teeth worrying his lower lip, like he’s deciding what to say, then he hands me the remote. “Your dad’s a fucking dick. Pick whatever you want. I’ll watch anything except reality dating shows, those things make me want to throw up.”
I smile at him then turn to the TV and flick through the boxsets. I settle on a supernatural drama series and start the first episode. Dropping the remote onto the quilt between us I wiggle into the pillows to get comfy and watch as girl meets boy and realizes he isn’t exactly human.
I try to force my eyes to remain on the screen and not wander to Daisy lying stretched out beside me, but I fail. His body is huge and after the first ten minutes of episode one he shuffles down the bed, so his head is on the pillows and his long, lean body is stretched out along the quilt. My eyes keep glancing at him, quietly watching the screen with one of his arms rested behind his head and the other laid across his stomach.
“You like what you see, Angel?”
My cheeks instantly redden, and I quickly dart my eyes back to the TV. Daisy chuckles at my side and the bed dips as he moves. I jump when his arms stretch across my stomach and I squeal when his grip tightens, and he pulls me down the bed so my head rests next to his on the pillow.
“That’s better, now I can look at you too, Angel.”
I lift my hands to cover my face. I want to deny that I was staring at him, but I can’t and instead try to hide my embarrassment.
“Don’t hide, baby. I love that you’re staring at me. I’m pretty awesome and honestly I was starting to think you hadn’t noticed.”
Pulling my hands from my cheeks, he rolls, so he’s half leaning over me. “You’re too beautiful to hide, Angel, and those big doe eyes of yours tell me everything you don’t say.”
“What are they telling you now?” I say breathlessly.
“That you want me to kiss you, but you don’t want to ask.”
I lick my lips and nod. His lips immediately dip down to mine and I eagerly open my mouth. The kiss is lazy and wonderful. He’s not devouring me, but more like exploring every inch of my mouth and claiming it as his. Gently framing my face with his fingers, he strokes at my cheek reverently and when his lips finally release mine, I feel worshipped and cherished.
“If you want me to kiss you, Angel, you ask. I always want my lips on yours, always. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
Moving from above me he lies back down on the bed and lifts his arm into the air. “Come here, Angel.”
I don’t know what he wants me to do. Does he expect me to lie on top of him like he did to me? I’m not sure I can do that, I’m not sure I’m ready for that.
I must take too much time thinking because he curls his arm beneath me and pulls me next to him. “I just want you to lay closer to me, Angel, that’s all.”
He moves his arm until I’m nestled against him, my head on his shoulder. Lifting one of my legs he repositions it so that it’s resting over the top of his and I’m essentially draped across the side of his body. I’m uncomfortable and tense and he must know because he tenses too.
“Do what you need to do to relax again, Angel. If that means you move back to the other side of the bed that’s okay. I don’t want you to be here with me if it’s making you uncomfortable. Just do what you need to do, baby.”
His voice is open and reassuring and my muscles begin to relax. I lift my head off his arm and move it to rest on his chest, over his heart. I tentatively place my hand on his chest and stretch out my leg, so it rests alongside his.
“It’s not that I don’t want to lie here with you, it’s just I’ve never done this before,” I say quietly.
I feel him drop a quick kiss to the top of my head. “Fucking hell, Angel. You really are as innocent as you look, aren’t you?”
I don’t know what to say so I shrug.
“You’re hiding from me again,” Daisy says.
“No, I’m not. I just don’t know what to say.”
“Would it be easier if I asked questions, and you just said yes or no?” he asks playfully.
I giggle. “Yes.”
“Okay.” He sounds dubious and I half expect him to just stay quiet and watch the TV show.
“Was I your first kiss?”
“No.”
“But I’m the first guy you’ve ever snuggled with?” He says as his arms pull me closer to his chest.
“Yes.”
“Do you like lying here with me?”
“Yes.”
“Have you ever done anything else with a guy, besides kiss?”
I pause for a minute, embarrassed to admit that I’m eighteen and so inexperienced. The sum total of my history with boys is a chaste kiss when I was thirteen at Kristie Manors’ birthday party. I’d spent seven minutes in heaven with her brother’s friend. In truth it was seven minutes with a spotty fourteen-year-old who’d kissed me closed mouth for a minute and then spent the remaining six minutes asking me if my friend Georgie liked him.
“No.” I finally say quietly.
“Fuck, Angel. You’re a virgin.”
“Yes,” I whisper and then bury my face into his chest.
Daisy rips his arm from beneath me and jumps away so quickly the bed bounces. My mouth opens, and I sit up in bed and stare at him, as he stomps to the other side of the room.
“You’re a fucking virgin, Angel, and you’re curled up in bed with me. What the hell, baby? You shouldn’t be in here alone with me.”
I watch him pull at the strands of his hair in frustration and I fill with anger. I want to shout at him, but I can’t. My survival instincts tell me to tamp down my fury and annoyance, to become placid and inoffensive. It’s safer to stay hidden.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I know that you’re a fucking virgin, pure and untouched. I haven’t been a virgin since I was thirteen. If your asshole of a father was any kind of a man, he would be protecting you from men like me. I’m the guy your mama warned you to stay away from.” He rants, almost to himself.
“Grits said I could go stay with her and Anders. Can I stay here until she gets here?”
Daisy stops pulling at his hair and looks at me. “What?”
“Grits said she was coming to see me tonight. Is it okay for me to stay until she gets here and then I’ll ask to go stay with them? It’s only a few days, so I don’t think she’ll mind.”
“What’s wrong with you, why are you talking like that?”
I stand from the bed and circle around it to the other side where my backpack is leaning against the wall. “I’m fine. I’ll go speak to Anders and see if I can wait with him until Grits gets here.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Angel? Of course you can stay here.”
“Okay, thanks,” I say and then sit down on the edge of the bed with my feet on the floor and turn to face the TV again.
“I don’t know what the hell’s happening here. Have you been taken over by aliens because you’re talking, but it’s like I’ve never met you before?”
Turning my head to look at Daisy, I keep my face deliberately emotionless. “You just said that I shouldn’t be in here with you. I can’t just leave, but when Grits gets here, I’ll go.” My voice is monotone and passionless and Daisy gapes at me like he doesn’t recognize me. I hum the tune that helps me hide my emotions over and over in my head, the familiarity of the act calms me, and I sink into my mask. Hiding, always hiding.
I stare at the TV. I don’t want to hear what he’s saying because I can read between the lines. He’s used to women who know what they’re doing and I’m a virgin who doesn’t even know how to snuggle with him. A pathetic eighteen-year-old that’s been frozen in time for the last five years. “I understand you don’t want me here. I’ll go find Anders.”
Standing up, I reach for my backpack, slinging it over my shoulders. I take one step forward and Daisy blocks my path. I don’t make eye contact. Never make eye contact, it only makes it worse.
“Angel, I never said I didn’t want you here.”
“You said I shouldn’t be here. That’s okay, I understand.”
“Angel.”
I stare at a spot on his neck and try to sidestep him, but as I move, he moves with me blocking my escape.
“Angel?”
I ignore him.
“Angelique.”
The use of my real name jolts me, and my eyes shoot up to his face. My mask splinters. “Don’t call me that. You don’t call me that.”
“That’s your name. Angelique.”
My eyes narrow. “It might be my name, but you don’t call me that, you never call me that.”
“What do I call you then?”
“You call me Angel, you always call me Angel.”
Daisy steps closer and his hand slowly rises and cups my cheek. “I do call you Angel. But the person you’ve been for the last few minutes, that wasn’t my Angel. That person wasn’t you—it wasn’t your face, or your eyes, or your voice. I don’t know who that was, but that robotic version of you scares me almost as much as when you went catatonic last night.”
I close my eyes. “Look, Daisy, I think I just need to leave.”
“Fuck, Angel, I freaked out, okay? You told me you’re a virgin, and I freaked out.”
My eyes snap open and all the emotion I’d buried surges to the surface. “You’re freaked out I haven’t had sex?” I say acidly.
“Yes. I’m not the type of guy any virgin should be messing around with.”
“Okay, so you don’t want me here because I still have a hymen.” I say my voice raising as I start to step around him.
“That’s not what I said,” Daisy snaps and steps to block me again.
I desperately try to force down my emotions. “You said I shouldn’t be here with you, so I’m trying to leave,” I say as calmly as I can muster.
“I don’t want you to leave. I want to know what the hell happened a few minutes ago.”
“Nothing happened. Can you move please? I want to leave.”
“No.”
“No?” I repeat shocked.
“No, Angel, I won’t move. I want to know how your eyes went from dead a few moments ago to bright and sparkling with anger right now. I want to know what I did to make you turn into robot Angelique because I never want to do it again. Then once you’ve told me I’m gonna apologize for being a dick and freaking out.”
He takes a step closer, and I let him. His fingers curl around my chin and lift it up. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.
I’m so weak—one small touch from him and I soften. “I thought I had to tell you what you did before you apologized?”
Daisy chuckles softly. “I’m probably gonna need to apologize more than once, so I was getting started early.”
The anger starts to melt from me and when Daisy pulls me down to the bed and into his lap, I go willingly.
“What happened, baby?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know.”
“Yes you do, Angel.”
“I hide, Daisy; it’s how I cope,” I say quietly.
“So robot Angelique is you hiding?”
I nod.
“I don’t want you to leave, that’s the last thing I want. I just. Fuck, I’m bad for you. I’m older and I’m not a fucking virgin and I don’t deserve someone as innocent as you. You’re too good for me, and if your parents weren’t dicks they wouldn’t let me within ten feet of you. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you, so when you told me you were a virgin I freaked out.” Daisy’s eyes are imploring me to believe him.
Pulling in a deep breath, I offer him a small nod. “I started to get angry with you and I’m not allowed to get angry, so I hid. I shut down. That’s how I cope. My life, well, err, it was better if I didn’t show too much real emotion. The other stuff, well yeah, I’m a virgin. I’m only eighteen that’s not really that unusual. I don’t feel unsafe with you, but I’d rather leave than have you be weird just because I haven’t had sex yet.”
Daisy slides the straps of my backpack down my arms and once it’s free, he drops it onto the floor by his feet. “This club isn’t a place for innocent virgins, but I’m selfish enough to want you to stay. I hate that your life has been so hard and that you’ve known anything other than love and protection. I’m glad you’re here and that I’ll have a chance to prove that I’m not bad for you. I like you, Angel, I really like you. You’ve woke something up in me, something that I’d buried a long time ago. I don’t really know how to do this, us, but I want to try. So, get angry at me. You know no-one here is gonna hurt you if you lose your shit and start shouting. Please don’t go robot on me again. I’m gonna fuck up and you’re gonna be pissed at me. That’s okay, we can be mad as long as we’re honest.”
“I’m only here for a few days,” I say in confusion.
“But what if you stayed longer than that?”
I shake my head. “I won’t ever be safe here. My father thinks I’m property that can be sold. I need to get away from Archer’s Creek and figure out who I am when I’m not scared all the time.”
He sighs. “Do you like me, Angel, or am I in this on my own? What do you feel when I kiss you? Do you feel anything? This might make me sound like a pussy, but every time I touch you I feel like I’m lighting up like a fucking roman candle. I won’t lie, I’ve kissed a lot of fucking women and the only thing that’s ever sparked to life is my cock. Everything’s different with you, but you need to tell me right now if this thing I’m feeling is all me or if you feel it too,” Daisy asks raggedly.
My eyes burn with the need to look away from him, his intense gaze heats my skin and makes my heart pound faster and harder. “I like you too. This feels like it could be something more, but I have nothing to compare it to. I’ve only ever kissed one person before and it didn’t feel anything like when I kiss you. I still have to leave, but you could come with me, when I go? We could start over somewhere new,” I whisper hopefully.
“This is my home,” Daisy says.
“It was my home too, but we could make some new place home.”
“This is my family, Angel,” Daisy says, his eyes sad.
“I didn’t realize your parents live in Archer’s Creek,” I say wondering who they are and if I’ve ever met them.
“No, no, I don’t have parents or siblings. The club is my family, the guys are my brothers. The Sinners are my home and I couldn’t ever leave that.”
“You don’t have parents?” I ask cautiously.
“Nope, I grew up in the foster system. Group homes mainly with the occasional foster parents. The only family I’ve ever known is the club—they took me in and gave me a home. I won’t ever turn my back on that, Angel. I owe them everything.”
My stomach churns with disappointment. For a moment I’d hoped that this man I hardly knew—who had become so entangled with what I think happiness feels like—might be part of my future. But obviously he wouldn’t leave his life behind to run away with me. “How did you end up in foster care?” I ask wanting to change the subject.
Daisy sighs. “Usual story. Mom was a drug addict, Dad was a blank space on my birth certificate. Apparently, my mom overdosed when I was two and I’ve been in the system ever since. They spent about a year tracking down my mom’s parents hoping they’d take me, but they weren’t interested, so I bounced from home to home until I hit eighteen and got booted.”
“I’m so sorry, Daisy.”
He laughs dryly. “You didn’t exactly win the parent lottery, Angel. The system wasn’t great, but I survived just like you did. We only get dealt as much as we can handle. I found the Sinners and then I found you. I’m feeling pretty lucky with my lot right now.”
“How did you find the Sinners?” I ask, eagerly taking advantage of this opportunity to learn more about him.
“The group home I lived in until I turned eighteen was in Houston. I was a punk thinking I was badass, stealing cars and motorbikes. One day I was walking past this bar and this sweet Harley was parked up outside, so I tried to steal it. Turns out it was Billy’s bike—he’s a Sinner but he’s retired now. Well, he took one look at me trying to boost his bike and before I got a chance to run he’d got me by the back of my shirt and he kicked the crap out of me. Then he took me into the bar and bought me a drink. He told me I scratched his bike and that I need to work off the cost of the re-spray. He gave me an address and told me to meet him there the next day. I don’t know why I did it, but the next day I went to the address and it was one of the Sinners’ garages. I worked every day for three months, sweeping up and running errands to cover the cost of the repairs. At the end of the three months, Billy told me that the scratch on his bike had been there for ten years, but the day I’d tried to steal his bike I’d reminded him of himself at eighteen. I was so mad, but then he brought me here and introduced me around and when I was old enough, I asked if I could prospect and the rest is history. The Sinners saved me from my stupid eighteen-year-old self, they gave me a home and a family. I’m a Doomsday Sinner to my very soul. I couldn’t turn my back on them if I tried.”
I smile warmly at Daisy. “You were lucky it was Billy’s bike you tried to steal that day.”
He laughs. “Yeah it could have been a very different story.”
“What’s your real name? Oh and I’m dying to know where Daisy came from,” I ask with a raise of my eyebrows.
He licks his lips and smiles. “I don’t use my real name and haven’t in fucking years, so don’t get thinking you can use it once I tell you, okay?”
I nod earnestly.
“Oh God, right. My real name is Marion,” Daisy says, a pink blush covering his cheeks.
“Marion,” I say swallowing a giggle.
“Yep, sure helped me get into a shit ton of fights when I was a kid. I started going by Rin when I was eleven and got sick of punching people for making fun of me. When I started to prospect for the club, the guys didn’t believe that my full name was Rin so they got me really fucking drunk and got me to admit what my real name was. The bastards laughed their fucking asses off—didn’t help that I was in the middle of having my sleeve done and I’d just had all of the color added on the flowers on my arms. Then the fuckers decided that with a name like Marion and a load of flowers tattooed onto my skin I should get the nickname Daisy. Unfortunately, it stuck and I’ve been Daisy ever since. From one stupid name to another,” he says with a smile full of fondness for the memory he just shared.
“You definitely don’t look like a Marion,” I say with a smirk as a giggle bubbles up from my chest and escapes. I slap my hand over my mouth to try to stifle the sound, but Daisy hears it and gasps in mock outrage.
His arms wrap around me and I shriek when he lifts me into the air and then carefully drops me down flat onto the bed. He crawls over me, caging me against the quilt with his arms on either side of my head. His body isn’t touching mine, but my heart starts to pound, and my breath comes in frightened, excited gasps. I look up at him and silently will him to kiss me. He smiles, then he freezes and looks down at my body stretched out beneath him. “Fuck, Angel, you’re like the sweetest temptation. So fucking beautiful and hell, knowing that no-one has ever touched you before, makes me want to beat my chest like a fucking caveman. I don’t want to push my luck or do something that’s gonna make you uncomfortable and I promise I won’t let this go too far but I really want to kiss you like this. You okay with that?”
I nod and his head immediately drops to mine. Our lips meet and we kiss. This kiss is sweet but measured like he’s holding back. This is a kiss you give to a virgin and nothing like the passionate kisses he’s given me before. Frustrated, I push at his chest and he immediately lifts his head and sits up. I push myself up and rest on my elbows. “Daisy, I don’t want you to kiss me like that.”
He looks at me confused. “Like what?”
“Have I ever seemed like I was used to kissing men I only just met?”
He smiles and seems embarrassed. “No, Angel, you didn’t. Why?”
“Is it, err, is it a surprise that I haven’t had sex yet?” I ask him, my eyes unable to make contact with his.
“No, it’s not a surprise. I’ve thought you were innocent from the moment I saw you at the wedding.”
“So why are you treating me differently now I’ve confirmed what you already assumed? I don’t know how many times I’ll get to kiss you, so I want to make them count. Don’t kiss me like you think you should kiss a virgin. Kiss me like time is running out,” I say, my voice laced with desperation.
My words hit home because Daisy scoops me into his arms and kisses me like this is the last kiss either of us will ever have. It’s sweet and powerful; he consumes me but gives me part of himself at the same time. His tongue is in my mouth searching for more and I respond giving him everything I have. Daisy slows the kiss to a torturous pace; his lips explore mine, nipping at the skin on my lower lip then soothing it with his tongue. Small moans of pleasure escape from my throat, as his hands move into my hair and he wraps himself around me, plastered against my chest.
Daisy pulls back, panting. I can feel his heart beating a staccato thump in his chest, his pupils are dilated and an excited twinkle sparkles within his beautiful depths. “Was that better my Angel?”