Chapter 16

When I woke up, I felt cozy and warm. My heart was still on fire from the day before, however, when I rolled over to cuddle into Dash’s arms and feel him next to me, I was disappointed to discover he wasn’t there. I didn’t have many mornings to share with him like this and I was sad to see he’d already gotten out of bed.

Suddenly, I started to worry—was he regretting our time together yesterday? If I was a sane woman, I should’ve been the one who regretted acting like a hussy, jumping on a man I’d known less than twenty-four hours. Seriously, I hadn’t really even confirmed that he was an entirely safe person to be with. I sort of breezed over the whole, living alone, buttoned down in a high tech apocalyptic bunker with zombie games aspect and just went straight to fucking the man.

I have to say my cheeks flushed a little at my wanton behavior. The best way to deal with the issue was to face it head on, so I got out of bed and hopped into the living room, using the walls to brace myself. My foot was actually feeling much better and with the splint he’d made me I was almost able to put my full weight on it. In the end, I must’ve only sprained it. I was so lucky.

When I finally made it to the living room, I saw him slumped over his desk in the corner. I hoped he was just sleeping, but since, he didn’t seem to be moving at all, I ambled over as quietly as I could to see. My heart was thudding in my chest, what if something terrible had happened to him in the night?

Why would I think that, if it was just the two of us here?

I was definitely freaking myself out and I had to stop. I figured he’d wake up though because despite how quiet I was trying to be, I was making an awful lot of noise hobbling around.

When I got to his desk, I was relieved to discover he was only sleeping. My heart didn’t stop racing, but luckily the irrational thoughts cluttering my mind with worry ended. I wanted to wake him, but didn’t dare; he seemed too far gone. I wouldn’t be able to help him to bed, so I left him there. Scrawled in front of him were notes from some sort of project he must’ve stayed up all night working on. While his whole thing was that he was some sort of off-grid energy guru, his notes looked far more like a doctor’s scribbling. Both scientists, clean energy engineers, and doctors had a lot in common, but pharmaceutical formulas were probably not one of them.

Something told me I’d just bought into a well-crafted lie. I’d been working with medicine and doctors my whole college and recently, professional life. As a psychologist, most of my patients worked with psychiatrists and prescribed medication. His work looked much more like medicine than it did sustainable energy. I had to know more about him. The only way I was going to pacify my fears was to see if I could get up into the attic and get a look at what he was hiding up there. I concentrated on walking without making a sound. My heart continued to thud loudly, but it was the only thing making noise. I was as quiet as a mouse. When I got to the attic door, my hands were shaking, but I didn’t care; I had to see what I was dealing with. I had to know what he was hiding.

I expected to find the door locked, but when we brushed past it the other day, I noticed there wasn’t a keyhole, so most likely the door didn’t lock. A lot of these old cabins had attic rooms and none of the doors on them locked.

I was able to easily twist the door open. I almost cried out when the hinges produced a high-pitched squeak. I was ready to confess my sins to an irate and potentially murderous Dash, but he didn’t make a move. He was still out cold.

I didn’t waste any time as I carefully mounted the steep stairs. The stairway smelled musty from age and disuse. It was quite an effort, but I was able to drag myself to the landing. The windows were covered with closed shutters up here as well, but thin streaks of gray light filtered in illuminating the dust and debris floating in the air.

I could barely see anything at all, but each wall socket had a night light similar to those downstairs only these night lights were for children. Elsa and Ana from a Disney movie on one side of the room and a rocket ship and stars on the other side. For a boy and girl, I thought. Obviously meant for his niece and nephew who he said visited him.

Immediately, I felt like a jerk for doubting him. Each end of the room was decorated differently. The far-right side had pink walls and a bed with pink ruffles. There were dusty, sad looking dolls and stuffed animals about the room, and a Barbie house with Barbies lined up inside. It looked like they’d been put away nicely, but stood at the ready for their playmate to return to them, but by the look of the layers of dust everywhere, they’d been waiting a long time.

Again, a spike of dread raced through me. What if the kids were dead? The other side was in the much the same state of disuse, only it was decorated for a boy, with a blue comforter on the bed and Star Wars action figures on a nightstand, just as sad and lonely as the Barbies.

The strangest thing was the pictures. I moved to the girl’s side first for a better look at a large picture on the nightstand. It was a beautiful raven-haired little girl with twinkling blue eyes, just like Dash. She was in his arms planting a kiss on his cheek. What froze me in my tracks, however, was the hand painted picture frame in the indelicate scribble of a young child which said, ‘To the best daddy in the world.’ He’d lied. This wasn’t his niece and nephew’s room, this was for his children. Children he hadn’t seen for a very long time. Now, I knew I was in trouble.

No wonder he wanted me to leave after the storm and say nothing of our affair. He had a wife and kids somewhere. Who knew whether they were divorced, estranged, or dead? What was for sure is that he had them and they didn’t visit him here often. Possibly his work didn’t allow visits, but then why would he say his niece and nephew visited?

I hated to think about it, but it felt like this room was full of relics and my horrible imagination veered towards the macabre—they were dead. Yet it didn’t make sense. Why would he be working on medical formulas or even sustainable energy configurations with an attic full of his dead children’s old toys?

Regardless of the truth, he was obviously an expert liar. Just then, I heard heavy footsteps ascending the stairs. Even if I had made it back down the stairs without him finding me, how could I face a man who’d lied so blatantly to my face? However, at that moment I wasn’t concerned about the lies, I was afraid for my life.

I froze as his deep and gravel toned voice echoed behind me, “I thought I expressly forbid you from coming up here.” Rage bubbled under his breath which he bit back in an effort to keep himself under control.

I turned to face him. If I was going to die, it would be with dignity and without fear, although fearlessness was being a bit elusive at that particular moment.

“You did,” I answered, trying to hide the quiver in my voice. “And I disobeyed you, but you lied to me. I believe you’re hiding something terrible here, and now I’m stuck in this cabin with you… falling in love. What happened to your children, Dash? Where are they?” I was so scared I almost passed out, but I held my own, even though I was visibly shaking.

“I need you to go downstairs now.” He seemed so cold and unfeeling, so I tried a different approach, still not completely sure he wasn’t going to murder me.

“I’m sorry. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in your home and I don’t belong in your life. I couldn’t help myself, I just felt like there was so much about you I didn’t understand and frankly, I’m still a little afraid of you.” I burst into tears like an idiot.

I realized at that moment, I was a mess. My brain was insane. Here I was, stuck in a cabin with a man who’d fucked me twice after just meeting me. I was injured and unable to leave. He could’ve been an opportunistic serial killer, getting his kicks before he offed me. He was pretty abrupt with the suave love making and my sex deprived ass fell for him hard. I didn’t even know how I felt as I stood there sobbing.

“Please,” his voice sounded softer, less angry and harsh, “I’ll help you downstairs. I don’t want to stay in this room.”

With that, his strong arm rounded my shoulder as his other arm caught up my legs and he hoisted me up into his arms. He then made his way down the pitch-dark staircase carrying me like a baby. I made sure to turn my face away from his and neither of us said a word.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs and were back in the hallway, he set me down again.

“I’ll meet you in the living room,” was all he said as he walked away.

The cabin was small, I wasn’t sure where he was going, but I decided to do as he asked. As I hobbled into the living room, I looked for a weapon, just in case. Luckily, I spotted the poker for the fire. I debated taking it with me to the couch, but that would be super obvious, so I just hoped I had the strength to get to it if and when I needed it.

I waited anxiously for him to return. The hallway had two exits, one that went around to the living room, the other opened into the kitchen. He and I went different directions, so when I sat down on the couch, I found him coming out of the kitchen, which had a bar area that opened to the living room. He had a coffee cup in each hand.

I let out a sigh of relief. He handed me the coffee and said nothing, setting his down as he walked over to security room and I heard a motor whirl which opened the heavy metal blinds. I was so grateful for the light. It was bright and sunny outside, what a welcome change. I stared at my coffee for a minute, not sure what to do when he sat down across from me and said nothing.

“I can handle the truth. If you have a wife and children somewhere, you should have told me. I don’t just… I… I wouldn’t have. I don’t sleep with guys.” I was so jumbled, I had no idea what I was saying, but his eyes did perk up a bit when I said I didn’t sleep with men. “I mean, I do… but, I don’t.” I was in hell. “You should’ve at least given me a choice.”

And there it was—all the hurt and everything. It wasn’t like I was going to marry the guy, no way would he let that happen and I’d known him exactly two days, I had no claim to him what so ever, but I should’ve known what I was getting myself into, but alas…I did. I just didn’t want to face it. My heart was in my knees and still, he hadn’t said anything.

There was a long uncomfortable silence, while I sipped my coffee, trying not to choke on it. He did nothing but look outside for what felt like an eternity before he finally spoke.

“I can’t tell you the whole truth. If I did, your life would be in jeopardy as would mine and my children’s lives. My wife died some years ago. That’s all I’m willing to share. That room is forbidden to anyone, even myself. Please don’t violate my trust again,” he said, the darkness returning to his voice once more.

Gone was the playful man who asked me to “play with his joystick,” I was stuck with the angry mountain man again.

“Okay, I understand,” was all I could get out.

I’d been silently crying, and I desperately needed a tissue as I’d had one sniffle more than was polite. I was about to get up and get one when he reached over and handed me a handkerchief. I couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Do people still use these?” I screwed up my face at the thought of using someone’s already used snot rag, even his.

“Don’t worry, it’s clean,” was his dry remark.

“Can I blow, blow on it, cause… um, there’s a lot…”

He cut me off. “Use it, that’s what it’s for,” his eyes were hollow and empty.

I blew on the handkerchief and it was so gross, then I sheepishly offered it back. I thought I saw his face crack a tiny smile, but I couldn’t be sure.

“You can keep it,” he said as he took a sip of his coffee.

Now what? We were stuck with one another. Even though the weather was a little better, there was no way I was going to be able to get out of there at that moment, and yet, I could barely stand to stay with the tension between us and yet, I never wanted to leave him.