I am dreading school today. I’m sitting at my dressing table, mindlessly brushing my hair, still half-asleep. There are several text messages from Jaden on my phone that I have yet to open. But while it’s easy to ignore his messages, it’s a lot harder to dodge Jaden in real life.
It’s just before 7:30AM, and Will should be outside waiting for me soon. Resigned to my fate, I grab my bag and my Physics textbook, then head downstairs feeling bleary-eyed. Usually, the house is pretty quiet in the mornings. Dad’s at work and Mom sleeps in a lot. Today, however, there isn’t the usual silence. I’m halfway down the stairs when I hear the clink of a bottle echoing from the kitchen. I immediately pause, listening.
Another clink.
I stand there, stuck in limbo on the staircase as disappointment floods through me. Mom will be feeling guilty this morning whenever she thinks about Grace, which only gives her another excuse to pour herself a glass or four. And that’s exactly what she’s doing now: pouring wine.
Hugging my textbook closer to my chest, I force myself to continue downstairs and toward the kitchen. I can see Mom already, hovering in front of the counter with her back to me. I creep forward, mentally preparing myself to deal with her this early in the morning, when I notice Dad sitting at the kitchen table.
“Good morning, Kenzie,” he says, glancing over to me. He’s hunched over an untouched cup of coffee and is twiddling his thumbs. He should be at work by now. And the last I knew, our pipes were fine.
Mom looks at me over her shoulder. Although she looks deflated, there’s a sense of determination in her eyes, a strength that I haven’t ever seen before. Her thin lips form a small smile and I realize then that there’s a collection of different bottles of wine on the counter in front of her. There’s a bottle already in her hand, opened, and she turns her attention back to it. Then, she leans over and promptly pours the entire bottle of wine down our sink.
“What’s going on?”
Dad straightens up in his chair and his eyes meet mine. “Jaden was out of line.”
“But he was right,” Mom finishes for him without missing a beat, spinning around to face me. She has the now empty bottle in her hand, and she drops her eyes to study it, as though now she’s only seeing it for the first time. “What he said is what I needed to hear,” she murmurs, gaze still lowered. “I didn’t like it, but it was the truth. I mean, look at this!” She motions to the bottles behind her and shakes her head, the self-defeat evident in her voice. “What would Grace say?” For once, she says her name without flinching. She grabs another bottle, unscrews the cap, and pours that down the drain too.
I blink at her in disbelief as she willingly gets rid of the one thing that has been her crutch for the past four years. I try to process what I’m seeing, but nothing is registering.
Mom sets the two empty bottles down on the counter at the other side of the sink, and then leans back over to grab a third bottle, twisting its cap off. “I didn’t realize what I’ve been doing all these years,” she admits. Still, she pauses with the opened bottle of wine in her hand for a few seconds before she forces herself to pour its contents out. “Neither of you said anything,” she murmurs, placing the empty bottle down. She leans back against the counter and looks at Dad and me. That strength in her eyes is quickly replaced with a flash of hurt. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
I exchange a glance with Dad, and he gives me a small nod, encouraging me to answer her. But I don’t have an answer. Not really. It was always easier not to say anything. I remain silent as I really try to think about the reason why I never said the words Jaden said last night, why I never told her that the wine wasn’t helping her, that it was unfair of her to send me out to buy it, that Grace wouldn’t want this for her.
“Because you’re my mom,” I say, finally. This isn’t what I expected to wake up to, but I’m glad that it is. “I didn’t want to upset you, or argue with you, or make you feel even worse. And I guess we never wanted to admit that it was an actual problem.”
Mom’s eyes mirror mine and she studies my expression, analyzing every single one of my features. Slowly, the corners of her eyes begin to crinkle with both pain and love all at the same time, and she nods as though in acceptance. She shifts her gaze to Dad. “And you?”
“I didn’t say anything,” Dad begins, eyes locked on Mom, “because I understood. I couldn’t blame you.”
The tiny smile Mom gives Dad is full of sadness, but then she turns back to the counter and scoops up the five empty bottles of wine into her arms. “No more drinking,” she announces with fragile determination. She moves across the kitchen and dumps the bottles by the back door. “I’d like a drink right now, but it looks like we don’t have any wine left in this house anymore,” she says. She walks over to Dad and places her hand on his shoulder, looking down at him. “I will try this on my own for now, but if it becomes too difficult, I will get help. Okay?”
I hear the honking of Will’s Jeep out front, but I don’t care. Overwhelmed by a mixture of emotions, from pride to relief to joy, I dump my bag and my textbook down onto the table next to Dad and throw myself at Mom. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her against me and hug her tight. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted to hear her say these things until now. She buries her face into my hair and hugs me back even tighter as though she’s afraid to let go, and she whispers, “Sometimes I forget that I’m still lucky enough to be a mom.”
During Physics, I find it impossible to concentrate. I try, I really do. But no matter how hard I try to focus my full attention on Mr. Acker as he discusses vectors, my mind always wonders elsewhere within a matter of seconds. I’m thinking about Mom, hoping she’s managing on her own. I’m also thinking about Jaden. I have yet to see him, but it’s only first period. I’m still angry, but now it feels like it’s more out of a sense of hurt pride. His truthful words were harsh but necessary, and they seem to have gotten the message across to Mom that she has been grieving the wrong way for four years now. But Jaden still did not have the right to talk to my mom the way he did. He didn’t have the right to get involved. It could have backfired. Luckily for him, it didn’t. So I forgive him, but not entirely.
I glance sideways to Kailee at the desk next to me. Her elbow is propped up on the desk, her chin is rested in her hand, her face blank as she stares at nothing in particular. I reach for my notebook and tear off a small section of a page, popping the lid off my pen and scribbling down a quick message.
Party at Will’s on the 15th. By the way, I’m sort of, kinda, maybe dating Jaden Hunter again. I’ll fill you in at lunch!
I steal a glance up at Mr. Acker to double-check that he isn’t looking, and when he turns his back on the class to point to the screen, I lean over the aisle and set the piece of scrap paper down on Kailee’s desk. She jumps at the movement and her hand falls to her chest, suggesting that I’ve given her a heart attack. We exchange a grin and then she picks up the note, holding it up in front of her face and squinting at my seemingly illegible handwriting. Seconds pass before she fires her wide-eyed gaze back over to me. Her jaw hangs open.
“I knew it!” she mouths, and I roll my eyes, biting back a smile. I can’t gush about Jaden to Holden and Will, and it would be too awkward to talk about Jaden with Dani, so I ought to fill Kailee and Jess in on all of my news from the past few weeks. There’s a lot to tell, and I want to tell it.
I shift my gaze from Kailee’s surprised excitement to Will. He’s busy listening to Mr. Acker and taking notes, and I’m just about to toss my eraser at him when the bell rings out. The abruptness of it startles me and I close my books, getting to my feet.
Almost immediately, Kailee steps in front of me. There’s a shine to her eyes as she tells me, “I always wondered if you guys would ever get back together!”
I laugh and push my chair in. “We’re not really together,” I admit with a small shrug. It almost feels strange talking about Jaden and me so casually like this again after so long. I used to talk about Jaden all the time, most likely to the point where I would frustrate people, but I couldn’t help myself back then. “I’ll tell you about it later, okay?”
“Okay. I gotta tell Jess,” Kailee says, then grits her teeth and releases a small squeal under her breath. I can always count on Kailee to get excited for me. “See you at lunch, Kenzie!”
She heads for the door, following the rest of the class out into the bustling hallways, throwing me a tiny wave before she disappears. A smile has taken over my lips and it won’t let go. Seeing Kailee so excited has massively boosted my mood. Rather than being full of dread and anger, I’m feeling hopeful. Hopeful that Mom will be okay, hopeful that Jaden and me will be just fine.
“I don’t have all day, you know,” Will remarks playfully, grabbing my attention. He’s standing by his desk, textbook against his chest, his hair in his eyes as he waits for me. The class has emptied out, and we’re the only two people left besides one other guy who is chatting to Mr. Acker.
“Sorry,” I apologize. He looks at me with suspicion, and all I can tell him is, “I’m a little distracted today.”
“Yeah, I can tell,” he says. Side by side, we make for the door and join the flow of students in the hallways, forced to raise our voices. “What’s up?”
“Uh, nothing really,” I lie. Such an understatement. But Will doesn’t know about Mom’s growing alcohol consumption, so I know I can’t tell him about what happened last night with Jaden. That’s why I quickly change the subject. “Jaden and Dani are coming to your party, by the way,” I inform him. I keep half of my attention on Will and the other half focused on keeping an eye out for Jaden. I’m nervous about seeing him again.
“Really? Dani said she’d come?” Will asks, surprised. He looks pleased when I nod. “That’s cool. I thought she’d say no. Holden’s invited some of the guys from the team, so it’s shaping up to be a good crowd.”
We split up in different directions then. Will heads off to his next class, and I make for my locker. I don’t have much time left to get to class, so I quickly switch my textbooks around and then steal a glance at myself in the tiny mirror on the back of my locker door. My heart completely stops when the reflection shows Jaden behind me. I spin around to face him, my hair whipping around my shoulders.
“Kenz,” Jaden murmurs, stepping closer to me. His eyebrows are furrowed, his eyes wide with guilt, his forehead creased with worry. His hair is flat today and he’s wearing a black hoodie again, his hand gripping the strap of his backpack. He’s squeezing so tightly, his knuckles are paling, and he looks at me in apologetic desperation.
“Don’t,” I tell him. I slam my locker shut, and the bell echoes throughout the school building once more. I’m late for class, and there are only a few other stragglers that remain in the halls.
“Kenz, I’m sorry,” Jaden tries again, reaching for my hand. He shakes his head fast and I’ve never seen him look so anxious before. With his fingers still grasping my hand, he continues, “I didn’t mean to say what I did. I couldn’t stop myself, and I was wrong, but it just . . . came out. I guess I thought it might help.”
I pull my hand free from his and place it flat against his chest, forcing him to stop. In the silence that forms, I look straight back into his eyes, recognizing the same guilt that I saw in them last night. It’s sincere, and I’m glad he feels guilty. He should. However, my anger is gone. After several seconds have passed, I finally say, “Thank you.”
Confusion crosses Jaden’s eyes. He stares back at me, head tilted to one side, puzzled over my reply. I don’t think it was the one he was expecting. “What?”
“You said exactly what we’ve wanted to say for a while now,” I admit, dropping my hand from his chest and shifting my gaze to the floor. “We just didn’t have the guts to admit it, let alone say it, and it hit Mom right where it needed to. So thank you.” I glance back up at the boy in front of me, knowing that it would have been impossible to remain angry at him. He’s too caring, too loving. I know his intentions were good. He just went about it the wrong way. “Jaden,” I say firmly, my tone solemn, “don’t ever do anything like that again, though.”
“Never,” he says quickly. “Never.” He exhales loudly in relief, his broad shoulders sinking as he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his body. He’s full of warmth and he holds me tightly, and I feel safe and secure in his arms. Burying my face into the crook of his neck, I inhale his scent, and against my ear, Jaden whispers, “I thought I’d really messed up.” He squeezes me tight and then releases his hold on me, taking a step back. His features have softened again and he slides his bag off his shoulder and fumbles around inside it. “Since you’re not a flowers type of girl,” he murmurs. Glancing back up, he gives me a smile and pulls out a small cardboard box from his bag. He hands it to me, brushing his fingers over mine.
“What’s this?” I ask, holding it between my hands and studying it.
“Not flowers,” Jaden answers with a laugh. He nods to the box. “Open it.”
I do as he asks, pulling open the folds of the box. When I look down at what’s inside, I laugh out loud in the hallway. There’s a pile of Hershey’s chocolate bars, and it seems Jaden really does listen to every word I say. He’s smiling sheepishly at his sweet gesture, slightly embarrassed.
“This is way better than flowers,” I tell him. And, because I’m late for class anyway, I step forward and press my lips to the corner of his mouth, leaving a lingering kiss there. “Thank you.”
“It’s no problem,” Jaden says. He zips his bag up and slides it back onto one shoulder, stealing a glance at the watch on his wrist. “Looks like I’m taking advantage again of the fact that I don’t get yelled at for being late. I should get to class.”
“Yeah, me too.”
Meeting my eyes, he reaches up and presses the pad of his thumb to the edge of my jaw. His gentle smile is forever warm and sincere. “See you later, Kenz,” he says, and he turns and walks away, drifting off down the hallway along with the final remaining stragglers.
There’s a giddy smile on my face as I turn back to my locker and open it up all over again, sliding the box inside. Jaden really is sweet in the most attractive way possible. He’s endearing and strong, charming and flirtatious. I get everything in one with Jaden, and it’s the absolute perfect mixture.
“Kenzie,” someone hisses, and I instantly recognize the voice as Holden’s. I crane my neck to the right and see Holden sneaking up next to me. We’ve been on good terms the past few days and he has said nothing more on the whole Jaden matter; however, it doesn’t seem to have lasted. Now, his expression is cold and he stares down at me, giving a pointed glance in the direction that Jaden has just walked off in. “What was that?”
“I’m late, Holden,” I tell him, rolling my eyes at the question. He knows what the answer is: I was talking to Jaden, I was hugging Jaden, I was kissing Jaden, because I like Jaden. I’ve told him this already, so I don’t know why he almost looks surprised, and I’m not prepared to discuss it all over again. “I need to get to Spanish, and I’m pretty sure you’ve got a class to get to, too.”
“Tell me one thing, Kenzie,” Holden blurts out quickly, grabbing my elbow so that I can’t push past him. He looks down at me with those dark eyes of his. The expression within them is different, something that I’ve never quite seen before, and I find myself trying to decode it as I look back up at him. Quietly, he finally asks, “Are you serious about Jaden Hunter?”
I pull my elbow free from his grasp and push my locker shut, sending an echo bouncing throughout the hall. “Yes, Holden,” I answer with confidence, looking him straight in the eye. “I am.”
A flash of fear tears across his face and his eyes crinkle at their corners, his frown growing more prominent. He looks down to the ground, shaking his head slowly. “Oh, Kenzie,” he whispers under his breath. “I really, really wish you hadn’t said that.”