Chapter 19
A week trudged ever so slowly past. Caitlyn didn't know what she had expected. With millions of followers around the world why would Nolan notice that she had followed him? He probably didn't even have notifications turned on, or his phone would be blowing up all hours of the day and night. She herself, had no clue who most of her followers were, and she had barely a fraction that he did. She started typing out messages to him so many times that she lost count. It never sounded right though, and she deleted them all before she could muster up the courage to send them. Telling him she missed him seemed like stating the obvious. Asking him why he never told her what he did for a living seemed bitchy, or worse yet like she was some kind of fortune hunting gold digger. Saying a casual 'hey hows it going' just didn't feel like enough either.
Getting annoyed with how indecisively desperate she was being she left the temptation of her phone at home for the day, and went to her hair appointment. The same woman had been cutting it for years now, and Caitlyn trusted nobody else. Sitting in the chair while her stylist Jen snipped busily away at the mass of auburn curls Caitlyn relaxed and did her best to put Nolan out of her mind. Chatting with an old friend had this magical way of putting things in perspective for you, especially when you weren't even thinking about your problems. She took Jen out to lunch after her hair was trimmed and layered to curling perfection. There was this tiny Mexican restaurant in town that could do no wrong as far as she was concerned. Everything on the menu tasted like a slice of caloric heaven on a plate. Jen decided on a wet burrito, and Caitlyn got a massive plate of nachos this time. They talked about Jen's fourteen year old daughter Ava, how her boys soccer was going, Caitlyn's new book, and all the happenings in their small town while they ate. It was a perfectly normal afternoon, and exactly what Caitlyn needed.
She was in a great mood when she picked the boys up from school. Neither of them had practice that day, and there was already a crew of teenagers hanging out on her front porch, and spilling into the lawn when she pulled in. Her sons tossed their backpacks in the garage after she parked and Wyatt picked up one of the ever present basketballs and they headed out to play a game with their friends on the hoop in the driveway. There always seemed to be boys hanging around her house, splashing around the pool out back in the summer, playing ball, or having video game tournaments during the winter. From experience she knew she was going to end up feeding at least half of them dinner. Looking through her pantry she gathered the ingredients for spaghetti. It was the kind of meal that she always kept on hand since it could be stretched a long way, especially when you added meat balls and a few loaves of garlic bread.
Walking past her phone she snagged it off the counter. She had a few texts to answer back, but nothing major. Plopping down on the living room couch, feet up on the arm, laying down holding her phone up she opened up her twitter. Not obsessing about what to say to Nolan all day she knew exactly what she needed to say to him now. Opening up her direct messages she typed out...
"Nol? That drunken mistake didn't get me pregnant."
Thinking if nothing else he deserved to know that. Hitting send before she could change her mind she got up to make dinner for the kids before they tore through the house like a pack of starved wolves. They would clear her out of every crumb in the house if she didn't have food ready for them when they finished up their game. As predicted, three extra boys ended up eating spaghetti and meatballs with them for dinner, and there wasn't a single noodle left when she cleared the table. The boys said their goodbyes to their friends and headed to their bedrooms to get their homework done. Caitlyn turned on some music and cleaned up the kitchen. She was wiping down the counter tops when her phone lit up with a notification.
"But it made you run away from me." Nolan had written back. That he responded at all had a surge of adrenaline coursing through her veins, making her hands shake and her head feel light.
"I didn't want to ruin your whole life." She replied back to him, sitting down at the kitchen island.
"Bang up job you did, that. Saving me from the unimaginable horror of happiness." She could almost hear his voice as she read his words.
"I deserved that." Caitlyn sent without even thinking. Then added a second message, "I broke my heart you know." He didn't answer for a long time. Caitlyn was laying in bed, thinking that was it, the end of it. The sound of her phone buzzing on the nightstand nearly had her jumping out of her skin.
"Mine too." Nolan finally said.
"I have nightmares about that." Her thumbs flying across the phone.
"About me? Just what every man wants to hear." Came his response within moments.
"Well, about breaking your heart more specifically. In the dreams I have to watch you suffer and can't fix it. Every night, all summer long." Caitlyn told him rolling over onto her side.
"Sounds like you're feeling guilty." Nolan said.
"For hurting you yes, I feel like shit about that part. I don't know Nolan, I couldn't stay, and if I didn't go right then I wouldn't be able to leave you. Falling so hard for the guy you met at a pub on vacation was never going to end well. I said goodbye the only way I could manage." She replied. There was a long pause again as Caitlyn stared at the glowing screen.
"Leaving me like that didn't help. You poured yourself into me all night, Caitlyn. I felt it." He sent her. Then another message appeared beneath that one. "I wasn't going to let it end when you went home you know. I'd been trying to figure out how to tell you everything. I know you thought I was some bloke with his whole life in Dublin." He finally said.
"Yeah, I probably looked like a total fool. Everyone else knew who you were, and I had no clue." She hit send.
"I thought you looked like the rest of my life." Reading what he sent had a sharp pain slicing through Caitlyn. She wasn't sure what she had expected him to say to her, but this hurt. There was nothing to say back to that, so she set her phone down. Staring at the moon out of her bedroom window she felt lost as tears slowly slipped down her face.
Her alarm woke her the next morning, blaring incessantly. Turning it off Caitlyn walked to her sons rooms to make sure they were getting up. They had their own alarms, but that only got them up about half of the time. Once they were both up and moving around she went back to her room and hopped in the shower. She had people scheduled to come over and close the pool out for the year, now that it was getting cooler, and they would be here a few minutes after she got back from dropping the boys at school. They were all three grumpy this morning, so the boys were snipping at each other, and Caitlyn had a headache from crying the night before. After the boys were dropped off at their respective schools Caitlyn stopped to buy a massive coffee before leaving town to drive home.
A white van from the pool company was already in her driveway when she pulled in. Two guys got out as she parked. Climbing out of her own car she walked over meeting them half way. After double checking everything she wanted them to do they went around back with their equipment. Walking into the house Caitlyn heard her phone buzzing on the counter, where she must have left it. Scowling she picked it up. Nolan had messaged her. Opening her twitter app she saw he had sent her a few of them.
"Truth is I've been lost without you."
"Can we figure out a way to fix this?"
"I'm still holding on to your heart. You can't have it back love."
Standing there in her kitchen grinning like a fool she sent him her phone number. It rang less than a minute later.
"Nolan?" She asked her voice breathless with excitement.
"Yeah, love, its me." His voice came through the phone lower than she remembered, his accent heavier.
"Oh god, Nolan I'm so sorry." She blurted out. "I was so scared, it was so dumb. I know that now."
"I get it, honestly I do. But we can't change it. I was pissed at ye for awhile, my heart a fuckin' mess. Writing the album helped take the edge off it though. I forgave you ages ago. Its so good to hear your voice love." Caitlyn closed her eyes and absorbed his words, feeling them fit into all of the places left broken deep inside of her.
She told him all about the book she just finished, and he told her about his new album. The conversation flowed just as easily between them as it always had. Eventually he had to let her go to do a soundcheck for a late night talk show he was playing on. Telling her to watch the show tonight they hung up.
Looking at her phone she realized they were talking for over two hours. She spent the rest of the day floating around in a happy bubble. Bryan got the boys from school, and to practice that afternoon. He texted Caitlyn to let her know they were going out for pizza after, and asked if she wanted to meet them. Texting him back she declined his offer, but told him to have fun with their boys. Caitlyn had a big ceasar salad for dinner, while emailing back and forth with her editor about the book. Bryan dropped the boys off, this time not coming inside.
Later, sitting propped up in bed, pillows stacked behind her Caitlyn turned on her television across the room. The show was about to start. Other than Nolan there were two actors on tonight. One talking up his movie coming out, the other one spilling secrets about the newest season of her highly anticipated show. They announced after the commercial break they were coming back with Nolan's new song. The anticipation ramping up inside of her Caitlyn watched the damn commercials drag by, impatiently. Finally the talk show came back on, the host holding up a copy of Nolan's single as he introduced him. The camera panned over to the stage where Nolan stood with a big smile in front of his band.
"This one's for me love." He said into the microphone as he began singing And You Don't Know. He looked killer in black tailored dress pants, and a white button down shirt that fit him impeccably. He managed to look casual and comfortable in the restrictive clothing, wearing them with practiced ease. When his song ended he thanked the audience and handing his guitar off to someone he walked off the stage heading over to sit on the couch and chat with the host.
"Love that song Nolan!" He said shaking Nolan's hand.
"Thanks, I think its alright meself." Nolan laughed with a shrug.
"Couldn't miss that dedication though. Someone out there's gotta be very happy right about now. And if you listen closely you'll catch the sound of millions of young girls hearts breaking." The host joked holding his hand up to his ear to listen.
"I hope she is. Happy that is. I told her to watch." Nolan said smiling and ducking his head slightly embarrassed.
"This is new territory for you, letting the world into your personal life like this." The host said.
"Well, I'm not waving her picture around, telling ye all the details. But I guess it was time." Nolan laughed. They touched on when the album was set to release after that. Caitlyn sat there a smile lighting up her face. Less than ten minutes after the show ended her phone rang. Looking over she saw Nolan's name lighting the screen up.
"Whatcha think?" He asked her, the smile in his voice sending goosebumps over her skin.