Ew. That was… She wrenched herself away and turned, wielding her golf club like a weapon.
‘What the actual fuck, Dan?’ she shrieked.
‘Oh, don’t be all suddenly shy like that, Ems. I mean you’ve been coming on to me for weeks. The invite to the party. The drinks in the bar, a coffee date, and side glances. I thought I’d move it along, this was where we were heading weren’t we?’ Dan smirked, his hands spread out wide as if this couldn’t be news to her.
Coming on to him?
What? How the hell had he go that idea:
‘I was trying to set you up with Jamie!’ She shouted and pointed at Jamie with her golf club in case Dan hadn’t got the picture.
She looked around, damn, now everyone was watching them. It seemed shrieking could be heard over the sound system.
‘Jamie? What you think I’m sort of gay boy?’ Dan said, disgusted. Obviously, he thought no one was watching and listening.
There was silence except for the sudden blast of the Village People’s YMCA. Emma wondered whether McKee would think it was apt.
Jamie and Max’s jaws dropped. Jamie’s face was flushed.
Where did Dan get off saying things like that?
‘No offense, mate. Just not what I’m into,’ Dan tried to backpedal, his hands splayed out as if he could push the gay away from him.
‘Look Emma, I thought you were into me, you kept asking me places. And, well if I had to be mates with your gay best friend to get you into bed then I would. I mean the mixed signals…’ Dan sneered.
‘Fuck you, Dan,’ Emma could see the tears in Jamie’s eyes. ‘I was being friendly; don’t you understand the concept? Never once did I give you the idea…’
She spluttered to a stop. How could she have been so wrong? There was a burning feeling in her throat, and her face was hot.
It was obvious that Dan was gay, right? No one had told her anything different. But it seemed she was wrong. So very wrong. He was very clearly straight and, the longer he ranted, the more it showed he wasn’t a very nice human being either. She really had read him wrong. And she was so good at reading people. Her radar must be off or something.
Jamie had had a lucky escape.
‘Oh, don’t pull that face and be so sanctimonious, Emma. You are such a cock tease. Everyone says it. I was obviously right in the beginning. You really are some Little Miss Snooty who thinks she’s better than the rest of us. Just because you have a failed boy-bander at home you think you know best. I wonder if you’re just running a halfway house for “has-beens”…’
And then Dan turned and walked off the course, the astroturf squeaking under his shoes.
Never had she… how dare he say that about Gee, he wasn’t a has-been… half-formed thoughts rattled around her head. Why couldn’t she think of something to say, she could feel her mouth hanging open but no great comebacks arrived to shout at him.
There was a wet sniff next to her ear.
She turned around to find a limp and dejected Jamie, his shoulders dropping, his eyes wet and his hair falling over his forehead. Max seemed to have slinked off.
Oh, poor Jamie, how had she got this so wrong?
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered as she pulled him into her arms. ‘I was sure he was perfect for you.’ She glared over her shoulder at the retreating Dan.
***
‘He did what?’ Gee laughed and almost choked on his beer.
Great, Emma thought, choke on my pain. Instead she said, ‘It isn’t funny.’ She curled her hand round her glass of wine. She didn’t want to look round their local, because she still felt as if everyone was watching her. The weight of people’s stares had followed her from the crazy golf course.
Maybe she was being overly sensitive. She’d rushed a disconsolate Jamie out of there as fast as possible, one arm round his shoulders, the other hand opening up her cab app to get him a ride home. Was Dan completely stupid? That wasn’t the way you got promoted, was it? By causing a homophobic scene on a work social outing, and causing one of your junior members of staff to cry. Hopefully Jamie wouldn’t make a formal complaint or anything. She didn’t need to be tangled up in all of it… these things had a way of sticking.
‘I’m fine,’ Jamie had said, sniffing as he allowed her to push him into the taxi.
She knew he really wasn’t. Maybe she should’ve gone with him rather than shoving a tissue in his hand then slamming the door. A good friend would have made sure he was okay, taken home safely. Instead she’d hailed a black cab for herself and as she settled in, she’d texted Gee to meet her at their local.
‘It sounds like Dan’s language and general attitude needs an overhaul. I mean not only does he sound like a complete homophobe, he also sounds like a crap human being. Why would you think he was a decent person to set up with anyone, male or female?’ Gee asked.
She squirmed, because he was right, as always. Dan wasn’t the sort of person you should set up with anyone. She’d not seen the signs that he wasn’t nice. Or had she seen them and ignored them because it didn’t fit into her plan?
‘But really I’m struggling to understand how the hell you thought he was gay?’ He said, staring hard at her.
‘Well…’ She started and then stopped. Why had she thought he was? The more she thought about it she didn’t know. She was just sure he was. ‘Didn’t you think that he was when you met him at the party?’ she asked instead.
‘I thought he was a slimy git who was trying to get you into bed,’ he said bluntly.
What? How had Gee gotten that from that night? She looked up from where she was staring at her wine.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ she wailed. ‘You could’ve saved both Jamie and I from making complete prats of ourselves.’
‘Well, I didn’t know you had some big matchmaking side-line going on. And why would I tell you, I know you never notice when blokes are into you. So, I figured that he’d work it out eventually and would get with the programme and fade away. It is what always happens.’ He shrugged, looked over her shoulder to the bar and took a large mouthful of his beer.
‘It does?’ Emma couldn’t think of the last time anyone had chatted her up, not including Dan. She didn’t think licking her ear and grinding on her constituted ‘chatting up’. No one ever tried to make a pass at her. Not that she wanted them to, mind you. She had the whole life plan thing, and boyfriends weren’t on it until the second quarter of next year.
‘Oh Woodhouse, you are so clueless.’ Gee gave a short laugh, he sounded exasperated. ‘It happens at every party we go to. There’s always some guy, sometimes a girl, who flirts with you and you never notice. They end up looking confused and then they mostly think it’s because you and I are probably boffing on the down low.’
What? Were they even going to the same parties? That didn’t happen, it didn’t, she would notice if it did. People were merely being friendly and she liked chatting, he was reading too much into it. And so what if she and Gee always arrived together and left together. They were housemates after all. People needed to stop assuming things.
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ she said and then took a large mouthful of her wine to wash away the yearning that his words evoked.
‘Emma,’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘There is a bloke standing at the bar who has been staring at you since you walked in. And the only reason he isn’t over here hitting on you is because he thinks we’re a couple.’
Her head snapped up sharply and she turned to look over her shoulder at the bar. He was joking, she thought, he had to be but he didn’t sound like he was joking. Maybe it was merely Gee being over-protective. Or, more likely, he’d got it wrong again and it was some Status Single fan really looking at him. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Which guy was he talking about? She thought. Oh, okay, she spotted the blonde bloke who was resting his elbow on the bar and trying to surreptitiously look at them while fiddling with his phone. She caught his gaze and watched as his face flushed red. His mouth pulled into a hopeful grin, he raised his glass as if asking her for a drink or inviting himself over.
Crap.
She turned back quickly not wanting to give him hope.
‘Should I invite him over,’ Gee asked seriously.
‘No!’ She didn’t want to make uncomfortable small talk with a stranger. ‘Anyway, that is only one instance, that doesn’t mean it always happens,’ she said, not counting Dan trying to taste her ear. She could feel herself getting hot in the face. Maybe if she held her wine glass against her cheek.
His smile was crooked, but it was affectionate.
‘Trust me, it does. And one of the great things about you is you don’t notice. Its endearing,’ he said. She didn’t think she could flush anymore but it felt like her cheeks had raised another degree or two. Her blood sounded loud, pumping in her ears, so she thought he also muttered ‘and not a little frustrating,’ but she couldn’t be sure.
But that was beside the point, she wasn’t going to go home with the bloke at the bar or any of the other people who chatted her up at parties. She was going home with Gee. Because of the plan, of course, not for any other reason. There would be no blokes for her until she sorted out this BOTP mess and got her promotion. Then maybe… She took another drink of wine, this time to see if she could wash away the bad taste that the thought of not going home with Gee left in her mouth. All acidic and full of panic and dread. She had to get used to it, but she had time.
‘Poor Jamie,’ she said, trying to deflect the conversation from her. She made abstract doodles with her finger on the condensation of her glass.
‘Admittedly it is a bit tough on him, but he’s a big boy. He’ll be fine,’ Gee said. ‘Maybe you should invite him around this weekend? Crappy film marathon, junk food and ice cream? Make sure he isn’t on his own, dwelling on it.’
Yeah, that would be nice, she thought. The three of them, vegged out in the living room without the outside world intruding. It was kind that he was looking out for Jamie like that, they definitely should do it.
It would be even better if there were four of them. Because Jamie didn’t need to be dwelling on what that arse Dan had said. He needed to get back out there. But who did she know who would work? Johnnie, maybe? He’d calmed down a bit and Jamie was his type, all leggy and long haired.
Yes, Johnnie might be a good match. Emma sat up straighter, there was no point in worrying when a plan didn’t work out. You had to adapt, move things around and make a new one. She needed to remember that.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Let’s do it.’ She pulled out her phone and sent a text to Jamie.
Plan B.
***
The next day in the office wasn’t as excruciatingly awful as she’d thought it would be. No, it actually managed to surpass even her worst expectations. Never had she been so glad it was a Friday and the end of the week.
It had started with Dan giving her the stink eye every time he saw her. And he probably would’ve done the same to Jamie if he had seen him.
Jamie had come to work but had spent most of the morning hiding in the toilets before Emma coaxed him out with a promise of never ending romcoms on Netflix the next day.
‘Yes, we can watch The Notebook and Titanic,’ she said as she led him shaking into the corridor and then down towards his desk. Gee would kill her, he hated both those films, but it was his great idea so he’d have to suck it up. She would definitely have to start buying that organic peanut butter in bulk. And she’d probably have to let him watch as many football games as he wanted. The sacrifices she made…
No, if it had only been Dan she had to contend with then it would’ve only been a mildly bad day. Nothing earthshattering. When her phone rang at lunchtime, she wished she had been the one hiding in the toilets.