Emma stared into the bag that had been shoved into her hands. She peeked in; it was a mess of rainbow fur and tangled blonde hair. She put a hand in to brush some the yellow strands back.
‘We’re counting on you,’ Will said seriously, his hands still on the bag as if he didn’t quite trust her.
She nodded. There wasn’t anything she could say to get him to totally trust her. This was all about showing. Neither of them had to say that if she got caught setting up the bears then she would be out of a job. That was the new reality. They were all on shaky ground since the New Year fiasco. Ed had been fined for his break for freedom. Frankie’s team had pulled a PR turnaround, publicising a very sad photo of Frankie, supposedly left all alone on a tropical island, with the heavy implication that Ed had abandoned her and broken her heart.
He was a pariah in the papers.
The band were taking bets on how Frankie was going to write about him. ‘I should get a cut of the royalties from her next album,’ he joked.
But it wasn’t funny.
Will looked at her for a bit longer, then let go of the bag and turned away from her. Emma pulled the baseball cap she wore further down on her forehead, hoping her hair was well hidden, she’d tucked it in there to disguise herself.
No one had worked out she was a double agent. Yet. Perrie hadn’t ratted her out, and it seemed McKee wasn’t publicising the loss of his wedding photo.
But it felt as though they were all sailing close to the wind.
And the Mega! team were watching each other, waiting for a moment to rat each other out, Well, Dan was. Being on tour shoved them all closer together and made it worse. If she wasn’t avoiding going home she would’ve run away before now.
But a new narrative that had sprung up in the wake of the end of Freddie. She squirmed, it was horrible. Will and Ed were being turned into enemies, with Will hating Ed because everyone thought they were gay and in love with each other.
She hated it, hated that she’d had a part in it. How had she been so clueless for so long? She wasn’t sure how long she could stay. Getting up each morning was harder and harder.
But at least she could leave, she told herself every morning as she struggled to get out of bed. The band couldn’t.
The absolute cherry on the icing of the cardboard cake that was her life, was having to be around Jamie. A Jamie who had never looked happier, even when Dan was bullying him. He glowed. He’d also gone coy about his love life.
Emma wasn’t sure if that was worse than him wibbling on about it all day. At least she wasn’t home to see him coming to the house. Throughout the past two weeks, he’d been disappearing every few days and coming back grinning harder and wearing scarfs to hide the tell-tale hickeys on his neck. She wanted to strangle him with them.
With the tour reaching London tonight at the O2, there was very little keeping her from going home. Her hand clasped harder onto the bag.
No, this was not the time to start mithering on and getting depressed about Gee, she could do that any other day. It seemed as though the love declaration had been an aberration of her hearing or him being drunk and forgetting.
***
The O2 was quiet, or as quiet as it ever got when a band was setting up for a gig. And today was a big one. The bangs and crashes she heard from where she was backstage, said that they were doing the final set up after sound check.
This meant she had about half an hour to set up the elaborate tableau that Will has planned. Luckily Ed had managed to get one of the security guys to take the large pink revolving chair they’d ordered online, and secure it to the stage. Now all she had to do was add the bears and their entourage. Plus, she was adding a little extra something. Tonight, Will had decided that McKee’s photo frame was coming into play.
What the hell had her life come to? This was not in any of the careers advice she’d been given. And it definitely hadn’t been in her plan. Not that there was one anymore. She wasn’t sure this was exactly what she’d meant when she’d made the resolution to go with the flow.
How much had changed since she had stood in the boardroom being told about this project. Instead of the promotion she had pencilled in for this year, she was well on her way to being sacked and probably blackballed by an entire industry.
She could feel her smile getting bigger.
Was this what Gee had always felt when he said she had to let herself go? That sometimes colouring outside the lines and being true to yourself was everything.
Her stomach swooped, she was still getting used to this freedom, this lack of structure, with no Gee to catch her.
But this was the way it had to be.
She would smile when he and Jamie confirmed they were together, no matter that she wanted to make grabby hands and snatch Gee back, growling ‘Mine’. Because although he had been hers for a little while, okay, for ten years, she’d had him and hadn’t appreciated the fact that she… Damn it. Loved him. There was never going to be the plastic perfect man who didn’t upset her world, because her world was all Gee.
Now he’d have to be her whole world from a distance.
There was a massive feedback which echoed down the hallways.
Crap.
She shook off the thoughts, she needed to get in place before she ran out of time. She adjusted the lanyard around her neck as she walked, turning the corner and…
‘Oomph.’ She bounced off a solid chest.
The person grabbed the top of her arms to stop her falling.
Gee.
She knew without looking up. As if she’d conjured him up by just thinking about him. This close, she could smell him, it was home.
It took everything not to melt into his arms. Even six months ago she would’ve at least rested her forehead on his shoulder and let him put his arms round her. It would’ve been natural. But now… that would be too tempting, because she wanted to plaster herself to him and never let go.
‘Hey, Ems.’ He smiled down at her, sadly.
‘Hey,’ she croaked.
Okay, staring at each other was weird but she couldn’t look away. Gee’s hazel eyes were beautiful, they’d had whole websites written about them. They’d figured in some seriously good fan fiction in the past. But that wasn’t what kept her staring.
She wanted to tell him everything, that she loved him. That she always had, ever since he took her in and gave her the foundations she’d always craved. And she knew she’d fucked up. That she’d taken all that and twisted it and used it against what he believed.
But not here and not now. They were backstage at the O2, she was about to lose her job and was clutching a small fortune in Build-A-Bear workshop bears and accessories in a Sainsbury’s Bag for Life. Not the place for big gestures.
And he wouldn’t want to hear it anyway.
‘Okay, I’ll just…’ Emma started.
‘Wait.’ He wouldn’t let her pass.
No, the one thing she’d promised Will and Ed she’d do was to sort this out. They thought this would be their last hurrah, undermining the horrible enemies’ narrative that would follow. The photos had all been set up and the stories written, they were just waiting to be published, Dan and Si spinning their lies, turning love to hate.
They trusted that she would do this even if she did think the wedding outfits they’d picked out for the bears were a little extreme. But well…
‘Look, Gee, can we talk later. I’m working.’
She watched as Gee’s face closed up. Working, it was the wrong word to use. He was thinking about what she usually did.
‘No…’ She reached out to grab him. He stepped back.
‘Go, I wouldn’t want to stop you from doing your job.’ He said sharply.
Damn it. Why did this happen to her?
‘Look, I have this one really important job to do and then I’ll be back. Here. I’ll meet you here?’
It felt as if time had taken a break and wasn’t keen to get back on the clock, as she waited for him to answer.
Then he nodded.
‘Great. Excellent. Fabarooni.’
Had she actually said ‘fabarooni’?
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, confused.
No. She wasn’t, but maybe she would be.
‘I’ll be back,’ she said, because she didn’t want to keep avoiding him. She needed to accept the new reality and move on.
She pulled her hat back down and jogged to the side door that would let her into the security pit by the stage.
Okay, so she had time. She quickly moved to where the pink chair was posed on the end of stage, high enough that grabbing fans couldn’t reach it but obvious enough that it could be seen. And if the amount of money she’d seen Will push to the lighting guys had anything to do with it, they would definitely be seen.
Emma grabbed the set of steps that had been ‘carelessly’ left by the crew, coincidentally right by the chair. At least these were steadier than the ones at home, she thought, as she clambered up onto it, grasping the plastic bag in one hand.
***
Ten minutes later she was about ready to throw a fit. The bloody veil wouldn’t stay on the bear. No matter how she tried to position it, the elastic which was supposed to secure it under the chin would make it ping off. Maybe she could pin it? She wanted to strangle the bloody bears and the band. And Gee had almost certainly given up waiting for her. He probably thought she was off murdering small puppies. And it wasn’t even as though he’d hang around to see Jamie. He wasn’t due back with them tomorrow. She had presumed that he was with Gee. Like always.
Emma blinked back tears that were threatening to fall.
Bugger.
She watched as the smaller rainbow furred bear listed to the left again, its ‘bride to be’ hat falling off, dropping to the ground.
Putting out a hand to catch it, she didn’t want the pink felt and sequins to get dirty, she grasped at empty space as someone else caught it.
‘Is everyone invited to this wedding or is it private select guests only?’ Gee’s voice rang out, and it sounded loud in the arena, the acoustics taking it and bouncing it around.
‘Shush.’ She gestured and quickly climbed down off the stepladder.
‘We have to be quiet,’ she whispered.
‘Is that why you’re wandering round incognito?’ He flicked the brim of her hat with a finger.
‘Yes, we need to make sure that no one links me with it or the boys.’ She adjusted the hat back, scowling at him,
She watched as for the first time in almost a month, Gee’s face lit up with his cheeky smile. And that was when she realised that, even though he swore he was always honest, he’d been wearing a mask with her, at least recently. And only now was he taking it off.
She clutched the stepladder to keep standing.
‘Well, let me up, then.’ He grabbed her waist, picked her up and moved her away from the stairs.
Wow, that was very… She wanted to take her hat off and fan away the heat that suddenly rushed through her.
‘I can’t get them to stay up,’ she said, trying not to admire the way Gee’s thighs flexed in his jeans as he climbed the steps.
She needed to start weaning herself off him. She hadn’t realised how much she had enjoyed admiring him over the years.
Now though, it was as if she were super sensitive to the man he was. Another thing that the mask she’d been hanging onto had hidden from her. She’d always been attracted to him. Her fifteen-year-old self had known, how had she forgotten?
But now, everything was overwhelming.
‘Okay, I think I’ve got it.’ He stretched up and a sliver of skin flirted with her as his T-shirt came away from his jeans, a small trail of hair on his stomach peeking over his waistband.
Emma rocked back on her heels as she realised she’d unconsciously leant forward, wanting to lick it, follow its trail.
This was so fucked up.
She’d missed her chance and he was her best friend. She shouldn’t be thinking of him like that. He may have forgiven her, but more to the point, he seemed to be dating her work colleague and friend. If that didn’t make him off limits…
She sighed, none of this had been in the plan. Which was why the plan was no longer in play, she remembered. It was all about living in the moment, letting the future roll out how it would.
‘Hey, what are you up to?’ There was a questioning shout from one of the doors into the arena.
She looked around, they seemed to be the only ones near enough for it to be about.
‘Shit,’ she said. ‘Come on.’ She tugged on the hem of Gee’s jeans as she scooped up the bag and pulled her hat further down.
‘What are you doing?’ The voice was getting closer. It didn’t matter that she had an access all areas pass because if anyone from Mega! worked out that she was helping the boys to, well, fight their closet was the only way she could think about it then… No, no time to think about that.
‘Hurry,’ Emma hissed at him. ‘Grab a photo.’ She passed up her phone.
After a moment, he jumped off the steps and landed beside her with a thud and passed it back. She shoved it in her back pocket.
‘Are we going to get into trouble?’ He sounded so gleeful, she wanted to hit him. This was not the time. Even if she wasn’t keen on her job, it didn’t mean she wanted to lose it today.
Or did she?
She stumbled as she scurried to get the exit before they were caught.
When she went into this, she knew her job would go at some point. And hadn’t she spent the past two weeks hating the thought of getting up each morning? Did she really want to work in an industry, or work for a company that could treat people like a commodity?
‘Ems.’ Gee had overtaken her and was gesturing with his hand for her to come.
Now was not the time to have an existential career crisis.
She staggered out the door and started running down the hall.
‘I need to get to the boys,’ she gasped.
Was Gee going to follow her?
Would they get caught?
She heard his shoes slapping on the floor in counterpoint to her own.
‘What are you doing here?’ She panted as they screeched and slid around a corner, and just missed hitting the band’s stylist.
‘Will and Ed sent me passes. And I wanted to see you. Home… the house is quiet without you,’ He said hardly breathing hard.
She couldn’t melt now. Not yet. They reached the dressing room area. She looked back, they were clear. She slowed to a walk.
‘Emma.’ Will called through one of the doors. And she wouldn’t be melting now either it seemed.
***
#WedWedding started trending as soon as the first fans were let into the venue and caught a glimpse of the bears.
‘Emma.’ McKee said as he walked into the temporary office they had set up backstage. She froze where she was doing her ‘official’ role of ensuring that fan photos of Tina sitting in the VIP section were being seen across all the social media platforms. Most of them were being taken from less than flattering angles. She could still be professional and ensure those were the most shared, couldn’t she?
‘Yes?’ She stopped herself from saying ‘sir’. Just because he barked like an army officer didn’t mean she had to act like one.
‘Who was with you today?’ he snapped.
Oh, so this was it. It was as if she were poised at the very top of a rollercoaster, she knew what was coming next. She had never liked rollercoasters.
Someone had definitely spotted them and they’d worked out it was her. Luckily Gee had been hiding out in the dressing rooms until the concert started.
‘I don’t know what you mean?’ She stalled for time.
‘Who was with you when you were setting up that ridiculous toy thing on stage? I know it was you, was it Ed?’
It would have been easy to say yes, to lie and blame it on the band. Say she didn’t have a choice and keep her job. But even when she had been clueless and followed Mega!’s plans that wasn’t the way she worked. Without missing a beat, she said.
‘It wasn’t Ed, it was just me.’
‘No, Emma, there was a man with you. Did the boys put you up to this?’ He was getting closer. For once, his smile had slipped. This was not the kind face of the music industry, that his personal PR liked to spin. No, this was the face of the man who, without blinking, kept two boys deep in a closet so he could make money. And who knew how many other people’s lives he had played god with?
‘It was all me, Malcolm. Only me.’ Her voice was strong.
‘You? You’re the one behind the ridiculous bears?’ He scoffed.
‘Who else would it be?’ she said, thinking on her feet. If she was going down then she was going to make sure Ed and Will were as safe as she could make them. ‘I was in LA when they started. The whole Mike the sound guy being the one setting it up? Well, I made him up to leak backstage videos and photos, so I repurposed him a bit. Spent a bit of money getting people to help me out. But the idea, that was all me.’
They’d always known this could be the last hurrah, that each time the bears appeared could be the last. And ever since Christmas she’d had this job on borrowed time. But if she was having to leave then the least she could do was ease the flack that could hit Ed and Will.
‘It was me.’ She lied and never felt so free.
The swooping feeling of being on a rollercoaster flew through her and for the first time she wanted to take her hands off the bars and let it take her on the ride.
‘Get out.’ McKee was so close he was spitting in her face. She wouldn’t flinch, she wouldn’t back down. ‘Don’t bother getting your stuff from work. We’ll send it to you. You are done in this town, Woodward. Done.’
He moved back from her, his face still screwed up in rage before he wiped it clean and the gap-toothed smile started up again.
It was chilling.
‘Elton, you are now point on this.’ He gestured to Dan.
He turned and stalked out of the room, but as he reached the door he stopped.
‘And I want my bloody photo frame back.’ He walked out, letting the door bang behind him.
There was a vacuum of silence left as he exited. Everyone was looking at her.
‘Well, Woodward, that was…’ Dan began gloating, he was within a millimetre of rubbing his hands.
‘Shut it.’ Paul, the tour manager, interrupted. ‘We might have to work with you going forward but for the next ten minutes, I’m going to treat you like the prick you are. After that I’ll pretend you have a brain.’ His Irish voice made the words sound lyrical.
‘But…’ Dan spluttered as the team started sniggering.
‘Come on, Emma. I’ll see you out.’ Paul said kindly with a wink.
Within minutes she was ushered out into the main arena.
‘Can you…’
‘I’ll let them know,’ he promised. ‘And go and find that lanky lad of yours. You’d have been fine if he didn’t stand out so much. Bloody boy-banders. They’ll be the death of me.’ He waved. ‘See you soon.’
So, this was what being unemployed felt like, she thought, as she leaned against the wall of the tunnel she’d been left in. She noticed that the line for drinks at the nearby bar was very short. She joined it, grabbed a double vodka and tonic and propped herself back against the wall.
The boys sounded amazing. The crowd was screaming.
And she’d never felt so free.
Meet you outside. I just got fired. She sent the text to Gee.
It was blunt and to the point, she was done with sugar coating and hiding the truth. She downed her drink, turned her back on the stage and walked out.