I was standing in front of the French doors connected to Anthony’s living room when he stepped up behind me and circled his arms around my waist. He pressed his face against the side of my neck, and I couldn’t help but sigh in contentment.

Me, of all people, sighed in contentment.

Hell has surely frozen over.

Leaning back against him, I continued to stare out the glass. “It physically hurts not to have him with us.”

It was the truth. I felt empty without Lucca, and it made my chest ache.

Even though I knew he was in good hands with Maddie and Hendrix, that didn’t stop my heart from aching. It was hard enough leaving him at daycare five days a week. Not having him within arm’s reach when I wasn’t at work was gut-wrenching

Anthony smiled against my throat. “Us, huh?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, us. Since you’ve basically kidnapped me I suppose it’s only right for you to be included too.”

After leaving the restaurant, I asked Anthony to take me home. He’d refused, saying that he didn’t want me to be alone. I told him I’d be fine, but he wouldn’t listen. I swear the man was more stubborn than an ornery old billy goat. I even kicked up a fuss about not being able to cook Felix supper, but even that didn’t change his mind.

Instead, he’d swung through a drive-thru and drove me to my house.

But did he let me stay? Nope!

After giving Felix the fast food bag, he pointed at my duplex and told me to go inside and pack some clothes. I stomped my foot and threw a tantrum like a two-year-old, but it didn’t affect him. Wearing a cocky smirk on his handsome face, he walked by me and went into the house. Ten minutes later he emerged with two duffle bags full of clothes. One for me and one for Lucca. He’d also found a couple of recycled grocery bags and filled them with every toiletry he could find. Toothbrushes, mouthwash, hair brush, deodorant—you name it, he’d packed it. The doofus even found my tampons and stuffed them in one of the bags.

The man was crazy!

Still, I liked his brand of crazy. Even if I’d never admit it.

With a promise to bring Felix supper the following day, we headed back to his house, a week’s worth of clothing in tow. Grandmama had just pulled into her driveway when we pulled into Anthony’s.

When I climbed out of the Tahoe, I waved in her direction.

She simply smiled in return.

Taking my hand in his, Anthony lead me to the house. Once we were on the front porch, Grandmama hollered out from across the street. “Break that bone, sweetheart!”

My stomach twisted at her words. I’d been terrified that Anthony would ask what she was talking about, but he didn’t. Instead, he’d looked down at me with knowing eyes. I didn’t like it, but Anthony could see straight through me. He knew I had secrets. Yet, he still wanted me. I didn’t understand it. If I thought someone wasn't straight with me or if I felt like they were trying to keep me at a distance, I’d walk away. Not Anthony, though. With him it seemed like the harder I tried to push him away, the harder he pushed back.

The man is more stubborn than a damn mule.

Raising his hand, Anthony ran his thumb along the line of my jaw before dipping his head and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “Whenever you’re ready, sunshine.”

I’d dang near melted on the spot.

“I’m sure Lucca’s having a good time,” he whispered in my ear, bringing me back to the present.

“I don’t doubt it. I’m sure he’s on his third bowl of ice cream and second episode of American Ninja Warrior by now.”

Hendrix was obsessed with ANW, and he’d gotten Lucca hooked on it too.

Anthony chuckled. Spinning me around, he wrapped his arms around my back and rested his forehead against mine. “Question is, what do we do now?”

Grandmama’s words repeated in my head.

Break that bone, break that bone, break that bone!

At that moment, I had a decision to make. I either needed to tell Anthony the truth about my past or I needed to walk away for good. Standing at a proverbial crossroads, I was being forced to choose which direction to take, knowing full well that both choices would change my future and reshape my destiny. The only problem was, I didn’t know which way to go. Both options terrified me, one more so than the other.

Time to shit or get off the pot, Shelby.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I slid my arms around Anthony’s neck and tangled my fingers in his hair. “Now,” I paused for emphasis, “we talk.”

You can do this.

Eyes locked on my face, he pulled me closer. “Then talk, gorgeous.” His warmth washed over me, and his scent flooded my lungs, making my head feel funny.

I tilted my head back. “I need you to promise me something first.”

“Anything,” he replied softly. “Whatever you need, Shelby.”

The way he spoke my name in that deeply accented voice of his made chills race down my spine. I looked up at him. “I need you to promise that you won’t say anything. Not until I’m done speaking.” My arms flexed and I fought the urge to rip myself away from him and hide. The desire to shut down was overwhelming.

You’re stronger than this, Shelby.

Fight the darkness…

“I won’t say a word.” His lips met the apple of my right cheek. “Not until you’re done.”

Pressure began to build in my chest. “You already know I didn’t have a good childhood.”

He nodded, remaining silent.

“What you don’t know is how dang awful it was.”

My eyes slid closed as shame washed over me.

“My daddy split before I was born.”

The worthless bastard.

“I lived with my mama in a one bedroom single wide on the outskirts of town. The trailer’s roof leaked, there were holes in the walls, and we didn’t have heat or AC. The place was overrun with roaches, and at night you’d hear field rats burrowing in the walls, making nests in the insulation.”

To this day, rats still terrify me.

“We didn’t have running water or electricity half the time. Mama had more important things to do with her money than pay the bills or buy groceries.”

Stupid bitch.

If she were standing in front of me right then, I’d have strangled her.

“I already told you that we didn’t have much food but what I didn’t tell you is that we never had food. The church only came around once a month, and Mama would trade most of what they gave us for beer or cigarettes. That was after she sold all of the food stamps the county gave her.”

Anthony tensed, but he didn’t say anything.

“I got free breakfast and lunch at school so that helped but during the weekends and summers…” My voice trailed off as phantom hunger pains caused my belly to twist in agony. I remembered the feeling of starving and going days without food all too well. “I begged a lot. We had this neighbor, Mrs. Higgins, that lived about half a mile down the road. She’d give me leftovers sometimes, but it was barely enough to keep a bird alive, much less a growing child.”

Keep talking…

“As I got older, things got worse. When I was fourteen, I got expelled from school for fighting. I always had a temper, and the worse things got at home, the harder it became for me to control it.”

Anthony chuckled under his breath.

“This kid, Nick… he was the quarterback for our high school football team. He touched me inappropriately one day so I smashed my Biology book into his face a couple of times. I broke his nose, busted his bottom lip, and blacked both his eyes. The bastard couldn’t play in that weeks game, and I was punished for it.”

I bit my tongue as rage began to consume me.

“Didn’t matter what he’d done to me, or that he’d grabbed my breasts and called me vile names in front of half the school, all that mattered was that I’d busted up his face enough to have him sidelined.”

“After that, things snowballed. Mama went from turning tricks at a local motel to working out of the house. Men were always coming and going.” My skin prickled; goosebumps spread across my arms and down the length of my spine. “Wasn’t long before they started noticing me.”

Anthony’s arms tightened around my back.

Needing to be closer to him, I laid my head on his chest.

“When I was sixteen, one of Mama’s dealers propositioned me. I told him no, but he didn’t listen. The night after I turned him down, he told Mama that he’d give her a hundred bucks worth of dope for free if he could take me in the back bedroom for an hour.”

Anthony froze, every muscle in his body tensed.

“Mama had never been good to me, but she’d never physically hurt me. Neglected me, yes, but she’d never… I mean, she’d never hit me or anything. I didn’t think…” I shook my head. Angry tears blurred my vision. “Until that day, I thought that maybe a small part of her loved me. I thought maybe she—”

Fresh pain sliced through me and I lost the ability to breathe.

I tried to take a step back, but Anthony wouldn’t let me. “Drop your arms, sugar,” I said, pushing against his chest. “I need some space.”

Hesitantly, he removed his arms from my waist. I turned around and walked over to the French doors and pressed my cheek against the cool glass. “Mama agreed.”

Anthony sucked in a breath.

“She fricken agreed.” A whole lot of hurt bubbled up inside of me. “She sold me, her own fucking daughter, for a hundred bucks worth of dope!”

It was at that moment that I’d known, she’d never loved me.

“Her dealer tossed a little baggie at her, and she immediately tore it open. Pointing at the back bedroom, she’d said, ‘take her back there.’ She never even looked up from her homemade crack pipe to see how terrified I was. When the man turned towards me, a dirty smile plastered on his face, I made a run for it.”

I ran faster than I’d ever run in my life.

“Even barefoot and half starved, I was fast. He never stood a chance at catching me.” Behind me, Anthony exhaled in what I assumed was relief. “I didn’t go home until the next morning.” I blew out a shaky breath. “The sun had just risen when I made it back to the trailer.”

I should’ve never gone back.

“Mama was sitting on the couch waiting for me. Her bottom lip was busted, and her right eye was blacked. It was clear as day that somebody had thrown her a beating and I had a pretty good idea who.”

I shook my head back and forth before burying my hands in my hair.

“When she saw it was me who’d come through the door, she jumped off the couch and charged me. At first, I just stood there taking the hits. I was in shock. Mama was a piece of shit, but she’d never beat me.” I paused for a minute, needing to catch my breath. “But when she called me a whore, I lost it. I was sixteen, still a virgin. Hell, the furthest I’d gone with a boy at that point was first base.” Anthony’s eyes met mine. “Tony, you’ve got to believe me—I never would’ve hit her; never would’ve hurt her but when she said that, something inside of me snapped.”

I spun around and cupped my elbows in my hands.

“I beat the shit out of her. Blacked her other eye and cracked a few of her ribs. It was ugly.” Anthony stayed silent. “It was like sixteen years worth of hate boiled to the surface and the only way I could release it was with my fists. Hit after hit, kick after kick, I repaid her for all the harm she’d caused me since the day I was born.”

She still got her revenge in the end.

“What happened after that?” Anthony asked, unable to remain silent any longer. I was honestly surprised he’d lasted that long. God knows he’d been intermittently growling like a pissed off junkyard dog for the last few minutes. “If you tell me you had to leave again and were forced to live on the street, I swear to fucking Christ, I will drive to Alabama tonight and murder that bitch with my bare damn hands!”

I whipped around so fast my head spun.

Eyes bulging, I looked at Anthony. “Excuse me?”

Clenching his hands into fists, he crossed his arms over his chest and bowed his head. “Shelby,” his voice was strained, “I haven’t ever been this pissed off.” Shoulders shaking, he looked up at me with hard eyes. “Not once in my life have I laid my hands on a female but—”

I held my hands up, cutting him off. “Don’t, Tony.” Shaking my head reverently back and forth, I continued, “don’t finish that sentence.”

His brows furrowed. “What?” He took a step closer. “Baby, you can’t tell me that you still care about her, that you—”

I once again cut him off. “No,” I hurriedly replied. “I don’t care about her, but you’re too good of a man to say what you were about to.” I shook my head. “You would never hurt a woman. Not even one as evil as her.”

His face softened. “That sounds an awful lot like you’re beginning to trust me, sunshine.”

I shrugged my right shoulder. “Partially.”

He stepped forward. Wrapping a lock of my hair around his finger, he examined the golden strand. “Partially, huh?” I nodded. “Explain that, sweetheart.”

I slid my arms around his waist and rested my chin on his chest. Our eyes met. “I trust you with my safety”—I paused to press a kiss to his shirt covered sternum—“and I trust you with my body”—another kiss—“but I’m having a heck of a time convincing myself to trust you with my heart.”

His hands cupped my jaw, and he tilted my face up. Dipping his head, he touched the tip of his nose to mine. “We’re going to have to work on that, gorgeous.” His right hand slid from my jaw to my chest where it came to rest over my rapidly beating heart. “Because this right here,” his eyes bored into mine, “is what I want more than anything.”

I want you to have it. I just don’t know how to give it to you.

“Tony.” My voice shook. “You scare me.”

“Yeah.” His lips hovered over mine. “And why is that?”

Push him back, my mind screamed. He’s getting too close.

I remained silent. My head and heart were going in different directions. It was ripping me apart and confusing the hell out of me. I didn’t know what to do, what to say.

Anthony, however, refused to let his question go unanswered. “Talk to me, Shelby.” I slammed my eyes shut. I couldn’t— “Open up to me, baby. Let me know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”

Much as I tried, I couldn’t disobey him. Not right then. “I already told you. You make me want things I can’t have.”

“Things like what?”

Things like a father for my son and a husband for myself.

Forcing a smile, I pulled away from him and took a step back. “Doesn’t matter.” I winked at him and tried to add a dose of attitude to my tone. “Now, are you ready to listen to everything else I have to say? Or are you going to keep interrupting me?”

To my dismay, he didn’t smile.

“Depends. How much uglier does it get?”

His words were like a one-two punch to my chest. Reeling, I clenched my jaw and gritted my teeth. My rage skyrocketed. If he thought that part of my past was ugly, what would he think about the rest? Because trust me, the things that I hadn’t told him yet were far worse than what I’d gone through while living with Mama.

Balling my hands into fists, I moved towards him. “Sugar, if you think what I just told you is ugly then maybe it’s best I keep my mouth shut about the rest.” My mind felt muddled; my brain foggy. “Lord knows I wouldn’t want you to see me even worse than you already do!”

I was being irrational. I knew that. Still, I couldn’t control the hurt welling up inside of me. After Anthony spilled his guts to me at the restaurant, I’d decided to tell him everything. I wanted him to know about my past; wanted him to see the real me because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide it much longer. When he looked at me I felt like he could see more than anyone else; Maddie included.

But I realized opening up was all just a big mistake.

Didn’t matter how beautiful the words he spoke were, the truth was, someone like Anthony could never love someone like me. For a moment, I’d allowed myself to hope, allowed myself to believe that he could, but I was wrong.

So. Fricken. Wrong!

All he’d ever see when he looked at me was ugliness.

Didn’t matter how many times I tried to scrub it away, my filth would always remain, shining bright and clear for the whole world to see.

Run, my mind whispered. Run away now.

Heartbreaking, I shook my head and ripped my gaze from him. “You know what?” I took a step back. “Never mind,” I hissed, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture. Moving across the room, I picked up my purse from the sofa. “I can’t do this.”

Straightening my shoulders, I held my chin high and walked to the door.

The moment my fingers wrapped around the knob, Anthony’s hands landed on my hips. He spun me around so quickly, my purse flew out of my hand and skidded across the hardwood floor before coming to a stop against the living room wall.

My back slammed into the wall, and all the air left my lungs in one quick swoosh.

An arm circled my lower back, and a hand landed on the back of my neck.

“What did I tell you about running from me?” Anthony’s nostrils flared.

I shoved him. “Let me go.” Tears blinded my vision.

Anthony shook his head. “No,” he growled. “I’m not letting you walk away from me.”

My anger flared, and I pushed him harder. He didn’t budge. I may have been strong for a woman, but I wasn’t that strong. “I’m not going to ask you again, Tony! Let me the fuck go!”

His jaw clenched. “I will never let you go.”

I froze; memories triggered by Anthony’s words bombarded me. “I will never let you go, Shelby Ray,” the monster’s voice whispered in my head. “You will always be mine.”

My arms fell limply at my sides. Gaze becoming unfocused, I felt the panic begin to rise; felt the blackness begin to stir. Heart racing, my fingers and hands tingled.

Push the darkness back. Fight it.

The monster isn’t here, Shelby. You’re safe.

“Shelby,” Anthony’s voice held an edge of worry, a trace of panic. “Look at me.”

No.

I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to handle seeing the disgust in his eyes. Much as I hated it, he was about to get a good look at the real me; the hideous part of me that I could no longer hide.

My chest rose and fell erratically; my head spun.

“Back,” my voice shook, “u-up.” A lone tear slipped free.

Hands latched onto my jaw. Anthony tilted my head back. “sunshine,” he said in a firm tone, “look at me.” Another tear. I wasn’t sunshine. I was darkness. “Open your eyes.” Terror loomed. His large hands slid to my cheeks; calloused palms cradled my face. His touch was soft, loving. “I need you to open your eyes and focus on my face.”

More tears.

I couldn’t open my eyes. If I did, the panic would overwhelm me.

Anthony pressed his body into mine. Dropping his hands, he wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me closer. My breasts met his upper stomach, and my hands landed on his chest. I felt his heartbeat through my palms.

The calm beat anchored me, gave me comfort.

Anthony’s forehead rested against mine.

His warm breath ghosted over my face, and his scent filled my nose seconds before his soft lips met my clammy cheek.

“You’re safe, Shelby.” His hands massaged small circles on my lower back. “I’m right here, baby. I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you.” The ache deep in my chest grew. “Just breathe for me.”

I inhaled.

“Good girl.” Another kiss, this time an inch lower. “Now do it again.”

I took another breath.

“Let it out.”

I exhaled.

He gently swayed my body from side to side. “There is no danger, gorgeous. It’s just you and me.” His warmth bled into me; the panic began to recede. “Let me see those pretty blue eyes, Shelby.”

My eyes slowly fluttered open.

One of Anthony’s hands slid into my hair. “There’s my girl.” His long, adept fingers massaged my scalp. I shivered in response “You listened,” his raised his brows, “it’s a fucking miracle.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, wanted to smack his hard chest playfully, but I couldn’t do either of those things. Still gripped by lingering—albeit fading—fear, I could do nothing but stare up at him, the man who’d kept me from sinking into the blackness that served as my own personal hell.

No one had been able to do that before.

Not even Maddie.

“Just keep breathing.” A thumb caressed my lower lip. “I’m right here.” Lifting my hand to his mouth, he pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “And I’m never going to leave you.”

My lead-filled legs shook as fatigue set in. All the fight that I’d possessed minutes earlier had disappeared. Suddenly, I was too weak to stand. “Tony,” my voice was merely a whisper, “I need to sit.”

Not able to take a single step, I started to drop to the floor.

“You are not sitting on the damn floor,” Anthony hissed, slipping an arm under my legs and another under my back.

Picking me up, he carried me to his bedroom where he deposited me on the left side of his big bed. Eyelids heavy, I felt like I was a second away from passing out. The panic had zapped every ounce of energy from my body, exhausting me.

“Hold on, baby.” Anthony walked to the opposite side of the room where he turned off the ceiling light. The room was encased in darkness.

I sucked in a breath.

He flicked on the small lamp beside the bed. The light spilled across half the room, bathing the area around me in soft, white light. “I’m so tired,” I said with a sigh, my eyes fluttering closed on their own accord.

Anthony’s fingers encircled my ankle. He pulled off one of my sandals, followed by the next. His hands then flew to my shorts. After unbuttoning and unzipping them, he slid them down my legs. “Tony…”

“Shhhh, baby. I just want you to be comfortable. I swear I won’t touch you unless you ask me to.” He placed two fingers under my chin and turned my face to his. My eyes were still closed, but I felt his stare boring into me. “I meant what I said, Shelby. I will never hurt you.”

My eyes slid open, and my gaze crashed into his. “I know.”

Placing one knee on the bed, he hovered over me. “But somebody else did hurt you, didn’t they, sunshine?” His head dipped towards me, and he placed his face in the crook of my neck. My arms encircled his strong, broad back; his muscles twitched beneath my hands. “Who hurt you, baby?” A light kiss tickled the base of my throat. “Tell me their name.”

I didn’t allow myself to take a breath before answering. Needing to say it, needing to set the truth free, I whispered, “Damien.” Anthony’s entire body stilled. “His name is Damien.”