Ethan
I can’t bring myself to open a second bottle of wine, even though finishing this first one hasn’t even gotten me buzzed. I don’t want to be numb. I want to feel this, even though this misery is crushing me more than I even knew was possible. I miss Emmaline so damn much it's killing me.
I can’t let anything stand between me and Emmaline. I know this now. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything or anyone in my life. I fucking love her. I know this, and I should've told her. I crave her, I long for her, I think about her constantly, and in my mind I picture a life with the two us, together. Forever. I’m not giving that up.
I don’t like what that means right now though. I have to go to Joelle. She’s not going to stand in the way of Emmaline and I. I know that there’s a complicated history. That Joelle is Emmaline’s mother and has genuine reasons to want me not to date her daughter.
But I don’t just want to date Emmaline. I want to marry her. I want to possess her. I want to grow old with her and die by her side. I'm older, and that means I’ll likely die first…and damn if that won’t be a life well lived.
I grab my keys, knowing I’m sober enough to drive and desperate enough to have Emmaline that nothing is going to stop me.
When I get to Joelle’s house, Daniel isn’t home. Good. I don’t want to deal with him. Daniel didn’t plan to kill me with his bare hands. That’s honestly a little strange…but he’s always been a much more passive person than me.
Joelle answers the door in shock when I show up. She looks like she wishes she brought a kitchen knife to stab me. “Come in,” she says instead.
I follow her inside, sitting on the couch. She sits in her chair. “I’m here to tell you that I’m dating your daughter. I love her,” I tell Joelle. I hate that I’m not telling Emmaline first. Emmaline should be hearing from me and I’ve been avoiding her, trying to drag myself out of my own stupor long enough to fix this situation and bring Emmaline back in my arms, no firing squad included.
“You have a lot of nerve, showing up here. I knew you were messed up, that you were hung up on me in a bad way, but this is beyond the fucking pale, Ethan, really,” Joelle says, standing up. “Just get out.” She’s angry. I certainly recognize the emotion.
But for once I’m calm. “You’re caught up in the past. Not me. Emmaline is an adult, and she can make her own choices,” I say, and I turn to leave.
“If you love her, how can you do this to her? You’re her professor. People will talk. You jeopardize her future if you do this, and I will go to the university,” Joelle says, her voice grating against her mess of emotions.
Before I leave, I shake my head. “I’m sorry that things are so tense between us. But you’re not getting anywhere going to the university,” I say, and I don’t wait for a response. I’m done here.
I drive home thinking about how Emmaline must be ready to stab me as much as her mother is. Well, maybe not though. Emmaline is too damn good…I don’t know what I did to deserve her.
Maybe that’s my penance for being an angry little shit. All these years I never thought I’d found my soul mate. My soul mate hadn’t been born yet when I was already suffering the thought that I’d never meet someone that meant everything to me the way that Emmaline.
I have to make this right, and I know what to do. I’m never beholden to anything, and I go after what I want. I recognize that ambition in Emmaline, too. Joelle was never aggressive in the way that Emmaline can be. But it is the grace that Emmaline always has that wrecks my self-control, my better sense. She’s everything to me. I need her, I want her as mine. I have to have that, at any cost.
The truth is, as much as I love Emmaline, I do not see any price as high at all.
In fact, now the path is cleared. I did the right thing and talked to Joelle. I don’t need to worry about that again. I need to worry about getting my woman back because I hurt her. I can’t fucking believe what I let happen; I let my anger keep me from standing up for what is mine. Emmaline is mine. Joelle could say anything she wanted if it was just about me, but Emmaline is proud to be mine and she was miserable that whole time.
I’ll never forget how she cried when I wouldn’t listen to her pleas and left her. I have never regretting something so much in my life, and I’ll spend forever loving away the memories of those tears. I need to make her know just how much she means to me. Disappearing acts are done for. I want to be in her life, now, forever, always. When I get home, I jump in the shower and wash off the misery that’s going to be behind Emmaline and me so soon.
Tomorrow, I’ll fix everything. Tomorrow, I’ll do what has to be done and I won’t even be off-campus before I call Emmaline and bring her back to my life.
Then I’ll do my best to kiss, fuck, claim every inch of her and replace the misery with my longing.
Tonight, I know I won’t be able to sleep. I may never sleep well again until my woman is tight in my arms. Emmaline’s small little body, warm and pressed against me, is all I need to live.