Kaylah woke on Friday morning tired and irritable. Felix had thankfully rushed out early for a work meeting but had promised to meet her later.

Tomorrow was her wedding day, and she was about to marry the man she’d just…rejected. Not once but twice. First, she’d feigned a headache and then last night, she’d been so unresponsive to his touch, he’d given up. Not only was she not interested, but he knew it.

She winced at the shame and hurt she was causing Felix.

They’d never had a problem in bed before, until now. Now that she and Jonah had spent time together, she couldn’t enjoy Felix’s touch. Not only was she as responsive as a sack of potatoes, but she was wishing it were Jonah’s fingers and tongue touching her.

Burying her head in her pillow, her heart ached with indecision and questions. She needed advice and reassurance. Lifting her head, she realised there was only one woman who could help. The one woman who’d been there for her over the past thirteen years, Elaine.

An hour later, they were seated at a small coffee shop that served breakfast and lunch only. Fortunately for them, it was quiet and they were able to find a table outside in the garden area that was not only shaded from the early morning sun, but gave them privacy.

“Thank you for meeting me. I need advice,” Kaylah said.

“Of all people, I didn’t expect you to have bridal jitters. You’ve been living with Felix for the past few months. I would expect you would know what he’s like. If he’s tidy around the house, replaces the toothpaste lid, is attentive to you,” she lifted her brow. “If you know what I mean.”

Kaylah fiddled with the straw of her freshly squeezed juice, unsure what to say. It didn’t seem right to talk about sex with the woman she valued as closely as a mother.

“Kaylah,” Elaine said in a firm voice.

She looked up at the older woman, surprised to hear the directness in her tone. “You can tell me anything. I’ve been looking after young women for years. Do you think there is anything that would shock me?”

“You’ve been a better mother to me than my own,” she said. “I know I can talk to you about anything…I just don’t know how to tell you.”

“Just say it. Haven’t I always told you that telling someone helps?”

She shrugged. “You’re right. That’s why we’re here, but I’m still having a hard time getting the words out.”

The older woman removed her mobile phone from her purse. “I’m going to read the newspaper and enjoy my coffee until you’re ready to talk.”

Kaylah stifled a grin at Elaine’s tactic. It had worked over the years and still did.

“I’ve fallen for Felix’s brother, Jonah, and he’s in love with me and now I’m wondering if I’m doing the right thing marrying Felix.”

Elaine placed her phone face down on the table and peered at her over her glasses, a serious look in her eyes. “Your wedding day is tomorrow. You need to make a decision now.” She pointed her finger at the table to emphasise her words.

Kaylah slouched in her chair, an oppressive pressure of indecision pulverised against her. “I know. I need your help. What do I do?”

Elaine removed her glasses, placing them over her phone. Her lips were pressed together and Kaylah knew she was thinking about options.

After draining her juice, Kaylah signalled to the waitress for a large, strong café latte.

“I never married because I never found the right man to marry. For years, I focussed on my career and I loved the power and prestige. Then I retired and have looked after wayward teens since.”

“And I am thankful every day that you rescued me and gave me love.”

Elaine’s eyes clouded with tears. “Thank you, my dear. But I have to confess, I’ve met a man recently. He’s got older children and is widowed.” She cleared her throat. “I’m in my mid-sixties, which is not so old these days, but I’ve struggled as I contemplate a new chapter in my life. Being with the man I love. I want to travel, start sewing again and do some charity work with young mums or babies, I’m not sure yet.”

“You should be with him. Why is the decision so hard?” Kaylah’s problems were pushed aside as she looked at the kind woman who’d shown her so much love over the years. If it hadn’t been for her, she didn’t know where her life would’ve ended. On the streets, likely destitute.

“Colin has been very supportive and has agreed we can foster young women together but I’m selfish. I just want a tree-change or sea-change, so to speak. I want a change in my life but I feel guilty about letting young women down who may need me, or rather us.”

Kaylah could see the pain and uncertainty in her eyes, and her heart ached for the decision she had to make. “You can’t save the world.”

“But I saved you. Wasn’t that like saving the world?”

“What about your happiness?”

“What about the next girl who needs to be loved?”

“You’ve spent years looking after everyone else. You should do all the things you want to do, and not feel guilty about it. It’s your time,” Kaylah insisted, wanting her foster mum to enjoy time with Colin and have the opportunity to experience all the travelling she wanted.

Kaylah’s coffee arrived and she stirred in some sugar even though she normally drank it without. The confusion and indecision Elaine was going through matched hers. Different situations, but both had hesitation and adversity to overcome.

Kaylah looked at the woman who deserved a Nobel Prize for her dedication to making the world a better place and took her hand. “You are the most selfless person I know. You’re kind and caring, and you deserve happiness. You can’t be there for everyone but you should be there for yourself. Isn’t it time that you enjoyed your life? And travelled with Colin?”

She shook her head, obviously the reluctance to make a decision pressed heavily on her. “I keep wondering about the next girl who needs me. She could end up on the streets…or dead.”

“You can’t save everyone, I’ve been saying it for years. What you’ve achieved in your life is incredible and inspiring, but I think it’s time for you to have time to yourself.” She paused. “Tell me about Colin? I know you’ve been seeing someone, but you’ve been so secretive about it.”

A blush tinged her cheeks and Elaine looked a lot younger as she smiled in reply. “He’s five years younger than me and we met at the movies. We were both there on our own. We started talking…”

“Two souls on their own who found each other?”

“Something like that.” Elaine placed her hands in her lap. “His wife died many years ago and he raised his three children.”

“They’ve finished school?”

“Yes.”

“I’m an old woman, not like you, but I have never felt like this before. I want to be with him and forget my responsibilities.” She rubbed her forehead with her fingers. “Do I forgo everything I’ve done over the past fifteen years and be selfish?”

“You should be with him.” Kaylah could see the genuine doubt in her eyes. “What does Colin say?”

“He wants me to be happy. But he said we can foster together, if that’s what I want.” The older woman sat back in her seat and her face softened as she talked about the man she wanted to be with. “He’s been a wonderful, caring father. His children may not have had a mother but he made sure he was there for them and they had plenty of aunties, grandmothers and positive female influences in their life.”

Kaylah noticed how Elaine’s eyes lit up every time she spoke about Colin. Did her eyes light up when she talked about Felix? Her fiancé? Her heart sank with a thud. She knew the answer to that. No. Because she wasn’t marrying for love; she was marrying for different reasons.

“He sounds wonderful. I would love to meet him,” Kaylah confessed. “Why don’t you take some time off, travel with Colin and when you come back you can foster together?”

The older woman smacked her palm against her forehead. “Such an easy answer. Gosh, why didn’t I think of that?” She gave Kaylah a warm smile. “I’ll continue for now, and then take some time off. If I still want to foster, I can do it later. I can do both.” Elaine stretched her neck from side to side. “I feel so much happier now. Let’s celebrate with an almond croissant? They serve delicious pastries here.”

Kaylah chuckled. “I knew there was a reason you chose this place.” After ordering, they sat across from each other, both with decisions that would greatly impact the direction of their lives.

The older woman looked at Kaylah with kindness. “Not all the girls I’ve cared for have had such successful lives. Some returned to the streets, had broken relationships or just couldn’t cope with life.” Her brow creased with sadness, and Kaylah assumed she reflected on some of the teens who had chosen a less desirable path than she. “What’s the matter with Felix? Is he hurting you?”

“Goodness, no. He’s kind, supportive. There’s nothing wrong with him.”

“So why aren’t you glowing like a bride-to-be and gushing over him. We talked about this when you got engaged. I know you love him but are not head over heels in love. Unlike you, I waited for love. But then I didn’t have your childhood.” She shrugged. “You chose to marry for security.”

The waitress placed their pastries in front of them, topped off their glasses of water and left.

Kaylah waited till she was out of earshot before she spoke. “You’ve been so supportive over the past year and you’re the only one who understood why I accepted Felix’s proposal.” She hadn’t told Elaine everything. That was private and only for her and Felix to know.

She fiddled with the end of her croissant so that it broke apart and the crumbs became a pile.

“If you don’t eat it, I will.” Elaine threw her a stern look, as she had so many years ago.

“Sorry,” she said, before taking a bite of the buttery pastry. “You’re right. It is delicious.” She swallowed her mouthful and continued. “I thought I was so clever. I had a career, I was about to enter into a marriage built on respect, and I would be gaining a family.”

“So what’s changed?” A troublesome look crossed the older woman’s eyes.

“I’ve fallen for his brother, like really fallen, as in, I’m thinking about him when Felix and I are kissing.” She let out a deep sigh. “And yesterday we kissed and…and, it was special. I’ve never felt like that with Felix. And last night…” Her face burned hot with discomfort.

“Spill it, Kaylah. There’s nothing you can say that would embarrass me,” the older woman snapped at her.

Sucking in a deep breath, Kaylah said, “I’m embarrassed.” She blew out a long breath. “Over the past two nights, I’ve rejected Felix…in bed.”

Elaine’s eyes opened wide. “That’s not good. You can’t start a marriage like that.”

She buried her head in her hands. “I know.”

“Look at me,” the older woman directed. “What about this Jonah? Why are you two kissing two days before the wedding? That’s not proper.”

Kaylah quickly filled Elaine in on how they met and why Jonah had moved overseas.

She clicked her fingers. “I remember the engagement party and you mentioning his absence.” She pressed her lips together. “You need to make a decision now. This can’t go on. You’re supposed to be getting married tomorrow.”

“I know,” Kaylah cried out. “Why do you think I called you here? I don’t know what to do.”

“What about Jonah? What are his intentions towards you?”

“He’s crazy for me but will not do anything that jeopardises the happiness of his brother. This love between them is incredible. Is it any wonder that I wanted to marry into this family?” She added in a quiet voice.

“Marrying in will not give you that love.”

“What?”

“You heard me, girl.” Elaine wagged her forefinger at her. “This family has a bond created from years of love. You can’t just expect to waltz in there and share that. It needs to be earned and developed.”

She bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. The dreams of her happily-ever-after started to fade.

“Trust me when I say that as much as they love you, they will side with their sons.”

“There’s no war,” she said.

“They’re parents and protective of their sons. You have betrayed them.”

“I haven’t,” she pleaded, seeking to reason with the older woman.

“You have here,” she points to Kaylah’s heart. “If you go with Jonah, there will be consequences. You will hurt the family you say you love.”

“I don’t know what to do.” she threw her hands in the air.

“Is Jonah worth destroying your future life? You’ve been engaged to Felix for months and you wonder now if it’s a good time to marry?”

Kaylah opened her mouth then shut it again. Elaine was right. Whichever decision she chose was going to have a negative impact on her, Felix, Jonah and their family. “I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do. I’m supposed to be meeting Felix soon. And all I can think about is me pushing him away last night.” She rubbed her temples as the pain of a headache started.

“You need to tell him you kissed his brother,” Elaine chided.

“I have,” she said in a quiet voice.

Elaine’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

“He knows.”

“And?”

“And, he’s accepted it.”

Elaine’s palms hit the wooden table. “That’s not good.”

“W-what d-do you mean? Of course, it is.”

“If Colin kissed another woman, I’d be furious. No one kisses my man except me.” Her thumb pointed to her chest. “I’m not the jealous kind of woman but I’m telling you, I wouldn’t put up with it.” Her voice rose as she considered the possibility. “Not that he would of course,” she added.

“It’s okay that Felix is not jealous,” she tried to assure Elaine.

“No, it’s not.” Elaine drained her coffee.

And yet again, she questioned her decisions. Was she being selfish? Would her decisions impact the Randall family? Would there be fallout?

The headache stretched out across her scalp, making her wince. The pain of confusion and uncertainty hurt as if knitting needles were being stuck in her head. She had to make a decision. Elaine was right. But whatever she decided, it would come at a cost and would impact her and those she loved.

Tears of self-recrimination stung her eyes. She was in a quandary but she needed to get herself out of it. Now. Before tomorrow. That wouldn’t be fair to her, Felix or Jonah.