Kaylah masked her disappointment when she discovered the Randalls would be out all afternoon, and she would be alone with Jonah after all.

It sounded mean, but it wasn’t. Her feelings were all tangled up like knotted wool, and she wanted some thinking time away from his handsomeness. The more they spoke, the more she could see that she’d made assumptions about him. Assumptions that weren’t always right.

It made her question the barriers that she had put between them, which made her tummy tumble, like clothes in a dryer.

Jonah carried the box to the dining table. Moving the table runner to the side, he set up an improvised workstation. “Tell me what needs to be done,” he said.

From the corner, she brought some smaller boxes to the table. “We need to create the bonbonnieres. The paper boxes are flat, we need to put them together, add sugared almonds to each one and then tie it closed with ribbon.”

“I’m sure we can do this quickly. How about you create the boxes and I’ll fill them up?”

“Sure,” she said.

He lifted his phone, fiddled with it before the Beatles ballad “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” played.

“That’s soulful,” she said, not wanting to confide that it was one of her favourite Beatles’ songs.

“I’m playing a compilation of all their songs, something to listen to while we make these,” he pointed to the boxes. “Do you think it’s weird that your guests are being given gifts to attend your wedding?” He lifted his eyebrow, making her wonder if he was mocking her.

She crossed her arms defensively. “It’s a tradition that I like. The party favour is a small gesture to thank guests for attending our special day.” Her lungs grew heavy as she reflected on her reasons for marrying Felix. Unlike most brides she knew of, she wasn’t crazy in love with him. Perhaps, the party favours were a stupid idea.

No. She intended to have only one wedding and everything needed to be perfect. It may not be a traditional marriage between Felix and her, but to everyone else, it would look like one.

She liked and respected Felix. Not only was he kind, he was also generous and attentive to her needs. Theirs was a coming together of mutual respect, attraction, and compromise.

Suddenly Jonah was by her side, lifting her chin so she looked up at him. “You have a funny look in your eyes. Is everything okay?”

Not really, she wanted to say. She wanted to confide in him that she was attracted to him which was disconcerting since she was marrying his brother in two days. She attributed her stupid fascination to stress. It had to be nerves, she told herself. Didn’t all brides feel jittery before their wedding day?

“Of course it is,” she snapped, before taking a step away from him.

A look of discomfort crossed his eyes telling her that her retort was uncalled for. “I’m fine,” she said in a calmer, more gentle voice. “Let’s get to work,” she added forcing a smile.

“Sure,” he replied.

They sat across from each other. She formed each box and he added the sugared almonds and tied a blue ribbon at the top to hold it all together.

“I’m assuming the bridesmaids are wearing blue,” he said. “Isn’t that what brides do? Have a colour scheme?”

“I’m not having any bridesmaids,” she said.

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her. “How come? What about your friend? The one you made the dress for.”

She blew out a long breath and made a decision to trust him with the true reasons for her decision. “I don’t really have any close friends,” she confided. “I’ve always been a bit of a loner. As you know, I didn’t have a good childhood and then after being in the foster system for so many years, I came to rely on myself.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being comfortable in your own company.” His dark brown eyes held genuine warmth and honesty.

She chuckled. “Your brother doesn’t think so.”

“Felix has always been charismatic. I can’t remember a time that he didn’t have people flocking around him.”

“He has enough friends for the both of us,” she added. It had taken time for Felix to accept that she was quite comfortable being alone and didn’t need a crowd of friends around her to be happy. He finally got it but had been stunned when she’d confessed to not having any bridesmaids.

“That’s Felix. He’s always been the popular one,” he added in a quiet voice before he returned to tying the ribbon in a bow.

“We chose to have the groomsmen’s ties as light blue, but your boutonnières are white.”

His eyebrow cocked skyward. “I’m assuming you mean the flowers on our lapels?”

“Yes,” she said. “It’s a day wedding, so we chose fresh and summery colours.”

“You could have me in a gorilla suit, and I wouldn’t say anything.” He paused, “It’s your special day and if that’s what you want me to wear, then I’ll wear it.”

A lump of doubt became stuck in her throat and she stood and walked to the kitchen to drink some water. What was going on? How had Jonah had such a profound impact on her that she was questioning her motivations and everything she’d wanted?

After drinking two glasses of water in quick succession to wash away the self-recriminations, she stood at the sink, her fingers gripping the benchtop as she took some calming breaths. She needed to stop this stupidity and focus on the significance of what she was doing. She was creating a stable and secure future for herself. Everything else was inconsequential. She repeated her mantra a few times before she turned around and ran smack, bang into Jonah’s firm chest.

* * *

Jonah’s arms came up, catching her in his arms. He couldn’t quite pinpoint it, but his instincts told him something was not how it should be. He didn’t have much experience with brides, but the mood she’d been in all morning was making him question whether things between her and his brother were okay or not. His rational brain drove him to follow her into the kitchen and ensure she was okay.

She untangled herself from his arms and looked at him through narrowed eyes. “Why are you following me?”

“Because you jumped out of your chair and literally ran here. I wanted to make sure you were fine,” he said.

She fiddled with her hair. “I’m fine, as you can see.”

His lips pressed together as he took in the shadows under her eyes and the skin straining around her jaw. “You don’t seem fine.” He took a step back and jammed his fists into the pockets of his shorts.

“You ask a lot of questions, for someone who hasn’t played an intrinsic part in this family for the past year,” she said with a twist of her lips.

“You have no right to judge me. You’ve been in this family for what—” He made a show of looking at his watch. “—Five minutes, and you’ve decided you know everything?”

She crossed her arms and fired an angry look at him.

“Stop making assumptions about me. I’m sick of it,” he said before turning around and heading to the dining room.

“Where are you going?” he heard her call out.

He spun around. “What’s it to you? You have nothing nice to say to me. I took you out, helped you with the party favours and all I get from you is criticism and fault finding.” He expelled a long breath. “I’m going.”

With a desperate need to be alone, he walked away from her. In the dining room, he grabbed his mobile phone, ending the song “All My Loving.” That’s all he needed to hear. A love song.

Turning the music off and shoving the phone into his pocket, he collected his keys and wallet, then stopped. How annoying that he had to leave his own house. If anyone should leave, it should be Kaylah. A glance at the messy table told him she wouldn’t be going anywhere soon, so he may as well find a friend to hang out with and if not, a pub.

A beer or three appealed to him. Getting away from Kaylah, her beauty and her ability to turn his life upside down appealed to him even more.

“I’m sorry,” she cried out.

He turned to look at her and could see genuine confusion and uncertainty on her face.

“What are you sorry about?” he asked.

“I’m sorry for acting like an idiot around you. I judge you and make dispersions about you. It’s wrong of me.” Her head bowed with remorse.

In a few strides, he stood by her, confusion tumbling in his belly. “I thought we would be friends.” He stopped as she lifted her gaze to him and he took a moment to admire the flecks of amber in her brown eyes. “One minute we’re having fun together, the next minute you’re throwing accusations at me. What’s going on with this hot/cold treatment? I don’t like it and if you can’t be friends with me, then I think we should avoid each other completely till I leave.”

“Jonah, talk to me.”

“You must be joking. I’ve confided in you more than I should and instead of you respecting me for it, you’re quick to judge and throw accusations at me. I’m sick of it.” He waved his arm in the air, as though waving her away. “Have a nice life. Let Felix put up with your erratic behaviour.”

He turned to leave and he felt her hand around his forearm. Spinning around he fired at her, “What more do you want from me?”

Her shoulders slumped with dejection. “I deserve that and more. I haven’t been good to you and I’m sorry for questioning your decision to move away.”

She gulped some air and he noticed there was a slight shake in her fingers.

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I’ve got a bit of a crush on you. It’s wrong and I don’t know what to do.” She fiddled with her fingers, twisting them around and around. “I may not be deeply in love with Felix, and I’m struggling with my feelings.”

His jaw clenched at her unexpected confession and he grabbed her forearm. “What do you mean, you’re not deeply in love? You’re marrying my brother.” He all but roared at her. “How dare you?”

“He knows and he’s okay with it because he’s also not in love with me either.”

He swore out loud and saw her wince at the vile words that erupted from his lips. “Is this some kind of show? What are you two up to?”

“Nothing that you should worry about,” she reassured. She took his hand. “Let’s sit down and I can explain.”

He shook his head. “No, tell me here.” He pointed to the polished parquetry of the house’s entrance.

“I love your brother, but I’m just not in love with him,” she started to say. “He’s a wonderful man and cares for me deeply.”

“Is there a point to this?” He rolled his eyes, pretending he was bored when he was the complete opposite. He yearned to know what was going on between her and Felix.

A protective need swamped him and he had every intention of approaching his brother as soon as he could to discuss this. Was he being taken for a ride by the gorgeous Kaylah?

She cleared her throat. “You know that your brother is bi-sexual.”

“Shouldn’t you be saying, was?”

“No, is,” she said firmly.

“I don’t understand,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. His brother had confessed to him years ago that as much as he loved bedding women, there were times he enjoyed being with a man. Jonah had been surprised but had been supportive of Felix. He loved his older brother and would never turn his back on him. The closest he’d come had been when Felix had started dating Kaylah. And instead of allowing issues to come between them, Jonah had moved away.

She cleared her throat again, as though wondering what she was going to say to him. “Felix has needs. Occasionally, he enjoys being with a man, and I don’t object to him doing so.”

“What?” he fired at her. “You don’t object to him cheating on you?”

“I do, I don’t like it but he’s been upfront about it. He’s promised I’ll be the only woman in his life.” She bit her lip, her gaze was unsteady and he could see the conversation was making her flustered. “I know that if he’s with a man, it will just be sex, a release. He’ll be discreet about it. I trust him that he will never do anything to hurt me or our children.”

“And you don’t have an issue with that?” His stomach rolled with revulsion, at the idea of her accepting Felix’s unfaithful behaviour.

“Come on, at least he’s honest. How many men cheat behind their wives’ backs? Look at my father. He went out one afternoon and never came back.” Her breathing came out ragged, as though she’d been running a marathon.

“Oh gee, so that’s okay then?”

She waggled her finger in front of his face. “It’s okay with me. Felix understands my trust issues and that I can’t give my heart completely. But he genuinely cares for me. He got me the job of a lifetime. I’ll never go hungry, never have to worry that he’ll leave me. I will never have to worry about him leaving us because he’s decent and honourable. At least he’s honest with me.” She gulped some air. “We both want children, a family. . .”

He shook his head, as though trying to get rid of what he’d just heard. “It seems he gets to fuck men and you stay at home with the children. What type of marriage is that?” She’d winced at his expletive and he wanted to apologise for swearing, but he couldn’t. Disbelief and anger swirled in his belly at the audacity of them both, and he couldn’t believe the incredibility of the situation.

“You don’t know what it’s like to be abandoned and unwanted. You grew up in this beautiful house,” her arm swept around. “Your parents love you, your brother loves you, and you’re surrounded by aunts, uncles, grandparents, and friends.” She paused. “You have no idea what it’s like to be me.” She slapped her palm against her chest.

“My mother blamed me for everything wrong in her life. My father didn’t want me and left when my mother was pregnant. I’ve been rejected over and over again. Not just by my own parents,” she stressed the words. “But I was rejected for years by foster parents and the system. No one wanted me.”

Her bitter words hung in the air and he couldn’t talk. He didn’t know what to say.

“Your brother, your handsome, charming brother has chosen me to marry. You want to know what he’s going to give me? He’s giving me everything I’ve ever wanted.” She all but yelled at him. “He’s given me a job, stability, affection and most importantly, a family. A family who loves and has welcomed me. That is what is important to me.” She stood straight and looked at him with indignation. “I don’t care if you don’t agree with my decisions. But I intend to be the best wife I can to Felix. I care for him, support his career and will nurture the children he so wants.”

She gulped in some air. “Let him have those men on the side. It’s a small price to pay for what he’ll be giving me,” she said with fierce acknowledgement.

He didn’t know what to say. His mouth opened, but no words came out. The revulsion he’d initially felt had dissipated and he could see that this wasn’t just a marriage of convenience. They’d each made allowances for each other. And in a way, they’d done more than some couples who married for love. Felix and Kaylah had worked through their differences, negotiated and found ways to ensure the other was happy. If it wasn’t so weird, he’d be jealous of his brother.

“I don’t know what to say,” he managed to croak out.

“Let’s sit down and talk more,” she encouraged, taking his hand and leading him to the drawing room.

Collapsing on the sofa, a million questions zipped through his brain and Jonah felt a stress headache developing behind his eyeballs.

Unlike him, she sat straight in her seat, her hands folded demurely in her lap and said, “I know it must seem strange to you, but to me, it works. We both get something out of this marriage.”

He felt his forehead crinkle. “And what does Felix get out of it, apart from the obvious,” he said, rolling his eyes with misgivings.

“He gets a wife who has accepted who he is and will never cause issues about his lifestyle,” she replied. “Felix wants a family, he wants what he had growing up. I guess you could say he wants it all.”

“I still can’t accept the fact that you’re prepared for him to cheat on you,” he said sitting up, studying her.

“I wish I could say fidelity is a priority for me, but I can’t.” Her eyes were filled with sadness and regret. “I grew up hungry and empty inside, craving love. With Felix and your family, my needs are taken care of.” She paused. “I’m prepared for him to have an occasional night out with a man. He’ll do the right thing to keep us both safe and healthy, and I know for him it’s just sex. There won’t be any emotion. Sex for sex’s sake is very different from an ongoing affair where there are lies and deceit.”

He got it. He understood her decisions even if he found them distasteful. Having had a girlfriend who’d cheated on him, fidelity was so important to him. It was the basis for a couple’s trust and communication.

He scratched his head. What about infidelity where the spouse knew? Kaylah wouldn’t be the first and she certainly wouldn’t be the last wife to accept a husband’s straying eye and inability to keep his trousers on.

“It’s not for me. Fidelity is important.” He rubbed his chin. “I guess he’s been upfront with you, in everything.”

It was inconceivable to him to engage in such a relationship, but then he wasn’t his brother, was he?

He and Felix were opposites. He was the quieter of the two brothers, the more studious one who excelled in the sciences and IT. While he’d been applying himself to his studies in his final year at school, Felix had been charming girls out of their panties.

Jonah had little doubt that his brother could charm a nun into bed if he wanted to, which made him wonder who’d instigated the arrangement. Kaylah or Felix?

The tenacity and fortitude in Kaylah’s voice had reassured him that Kaylah had not been charmed into consenting to this unconventional agreement. She had willingly and openly agreed to it. Of that, he was certain.

He could see her eyelashes fluttering and she cracked her knuckles making him wonder why she was on edge. Was it his doing? He hoped not.

She cleared her throat. “Until you came here, I’ve never questioned my decisions or my actions.”

She affirmed everything that he believed of her. Their arrangement was cordial and had not been “forced” on her.

He could see a tenseness in her neck muscles and the stiff manner in which she now sat. “I thought my life was perfect, I truly did. But then you returned and you’ve made me question my decisions.” She paused. “I hate that.”

“How could I do that when I had no idea about the two of you,” he said.

“Because I’ve fantasised about kissing you, and I don’t know what to do about it.” She threw the words at him and then stood and walked to the window, looking out at the garden.

His heart skipped a beat at her confession. He was filled with joy and sadness at the same time because even though she liked him, he would never do anything to cause pain or grief to his brother and family.

No. The wedding must go ahead. He would support the brother that had always been there for him. Felix was a kind, loving man who always cared for his family. That’s why he’d left Melbourne. Because he hadn’t wanted to impact Felix’s relationship with Kaylah. His broken heart was inconsequential compared with doing the right thing by his older brother.

The weight of his decision placed a heavy burden on his soul, and he wondered if he’d ever feel genuinely happy again. He didn’t know what was worse. Knowing Kaylah had thought about kissing him, or knowing he could or rather would never do anything about it.

Burying his head in his hands, feeling despondent and rejected and unable to look at her, he asked, “Why are you telling me this now?”