With trembling hands, Kaylah haphazardly balled her T-shirts adding them to the growing pile in the borrowed suitcase. She hoped Felix didn’t mind that she was using it, but she needed it and didn’t think he was going to ask for it over the weekend.

Tears of self-pity and loss rolled down her cheeks as she reflected on the discussion they’d just had with Eleanor and James Randall. As expected, they’d tried to help them compromise and find a solution so the wedding could go ahead tomorrow. They’d begged, pleaded, cajoled. But it had been to no avail. Then Felix had walked out, pleading that he needed some alone time.

The hurt in their eyes as they watched Felix kiss them goodbye meant she couldn’t leave, just then. She’d stayed with them, doing her best to console and help them see why the marriage wouldn’t go ahead.

Her head ached from her inability to tell them the truth. How could she? She’d lied, extended the truth and pretended as best as she could. But they wanted answers, answers she couldn’t give.

Two cups of tea later, she’d pleaded a headache, needing time alone. They’d agreed but she could see the hurt, confusion, and disappointment in the brisk manner of their farewell. The warm embraces and kisses were gone. Her heavy heart was filled with despondency, knowing it was her fault they were so unhappy.

Returning to Felix’s apartment, she now had the task of packing all her clothes, music and furnishings she’d bought. Felix wouldn’t be home for a few hours, at least he’d had the decency to text her. But she still wanted to grab her things and get out soon.

The doorbell rang and she opened it without checking who was there. It was Jonah.

“I brought you some chocolate and some packing boxes,” he said. “I thought you might need a hand.”

“Thank you,” she said, waving him in before grabbing the chocolate. Tearing the packet open, she shovelled a handful in her mouth, not caring how unattractive she looked. “Just leave the boxes there,” she pointed to a wall. “And then you can leave.”

“Leave?”

Swallowing the last bit of chocolate, she fired at him. “Why did you have to kiss me?”

“You kissed me.”

She waved her hand in front of his face. “Whatever.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she said, but the words tumbled from her lips. “I’ve hurt your brother and hurt your parents.”

“I know,” he said in a hushed reply.

“I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought what I’d agreed to was good but now I know it wasn’t. I’m angry.” She paused. “I’m most angry at myself for thinking I wasn’t good enough for anything else.”

“You are good enough.”

She shot him a look of frustration. “For years I never believed I was good enough and then I started dating your handsome, charming brother. I stupidly allowed myself to believe that making allowances would bring me happiness.” She thumped her chest with her hand. “I can do that on my own, I don’t need him or you to do that. I just wish I had realised that months ago.”

Her eyes filled with tears of self-pity and self-loathing. How could she have forgotten all the lessons Elaine had instilled in her? She’d allowed what she thought she wanted to dictate her actions.

She continued to fire at him. “While you were gallivanting in the Pacific on your noble quest, I was engaged to a man who I expected to spend the rest of my life with. We compromised and I truly believed I was happy. And then you came back,” she spat out. Stupid really, it wasn’t his fault that he’d returned because of his brother’s wedding.

“I never meant to hurt you. I thought by staying away I could give you what you wanted,” he said in a reassuring tone. “Why don’t I speak with Felix and see if I can help you work things out.”

“It’s too late for that,” she said. “You can’t change me. I’m the one who doesn’t want to compromise anymore.”

Because even if Felix promised her he’d be faithful, she still couldn’t go ahead with the wedding. She wasn’t in love with him, and she now knew she wanted all that mushy stuff. She wanted a man who wanted her.

She didn’t want a husband who enjoyed sex with someone else. She wanted him to want only her.

While he was “wherever” she had an opportune time to take her belongings and leave before he returned. She didn’t want to face him and have to deal with the consequences of her decision.

Looking around the apartment, she knew she needed help, although she was loath to ask. Blowing out her cheeks, then releasing them she said, “Either help me pack or get out.”

“I’ll pack,” he said in a quiet voice. “I’ll do your clothes. At least I know what’s yours.” He grabbed a couple of boxes and made his way to the bedroom.

Kaylah didn’t know whether to yell at him or herself. She wanted to blame him but really, it was her fault. She’d kissed him and had loved every second of it. And because of it, had realised a lot about herself. If only this hadn’t happened the day before the wedding.

Her heart was still filled with pain from the hurt she’d seen on James’s and Eleanor’s faces. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she walked into the kitchen and surveyed the space, determining what she would take. Boxing up her life, yet again.

She was a loser, just as her mother had reminded her so many times before her untimely death sixteen years ago. Her mum had insisted she was like a bad luck charm, bringing misfortune to the family. It was her fault her father had walked out, her fault her mother drank and that she fell under a train, and without a doubt, it was her fault that she was unlovable as a teen and no foster family had wanted her.

The only person who’d made allowances for her had been Elaine. The woman who’d loved and cared for her since she was sixteen. Elaine had helped her unshackle herself from the feelings of abandonment and self-loathing she’d carried for so long.

An emptiness settled inside the hollow of her belly and she just wanted to finish removing her things from the apartment. Gazing around at the beautiful interior, she stifled a sob. This was no longer her home and never would be.

She’d taken a chance and blown it. Not just blown it, but shattered it into so many tiny pieces that it could not be put together.

A bitter taste clung to her tongue, reminding her that she was disgusted with herself, not Felix.

She just wanted to get away, be alone.

Lifting her phone, she sent Felix a quick text asking if she could use the tickets and accommodations they’d booked for their honeymoon. Since they’d been so busy with work, a few days at Palm Cove in the tropical north was all they’d organised. Felix had reassured her they’d have a proper overseas trip at a later time, and now relief threaded through her veins.

The cost of the wedding was high and she’d have to determine a payment plan to refund the Randalls and Felix for the wedding that would not be happening. At least she didn’t have to worry about cancelling an overseas vacation.

An hour later, Jonah walked into the living room as she finished packing the boxes. “There’s a ton of presents in the spare room. What should I do with them?”

Her mouth dried. “Do me a favour?” She wrung her hands. “Please take them to your parents so they can be returned.” Curling her arms over her head, she gave him a pained stare. “There are engagement presents that we’ve used. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’ll pack everything and we’ll take them to Mum and Dad’s. We’ll work everything out later.” He paused. “I just want you to finish here so you don’t need to return.”

“That’s very mindful of you,” she said with a sharp tone, which wasn’t fair because it was kind of him to help her.

“I’ll drive everything there and once I’m back, I’ll take you to Elaine’s.” His eyebrow lifted. “I’m assuming that’s where you want to go?”

“Yes,” she said. “Thank you.”

On the drive to Elaine’s, Kaylah stared out the window, feeling numb and bereft. She felt broken inside.

She was now officially homeless again. Tonight she’d be at Elaine’s and then she would be in Palm Cove for a few days while she dealt with the embarrassment and humiliation of a broken wedding.

Her little nest egg, sitting in her bank account would disappear once she started paying the caterer, florist, band, and everyone else for a wedding that would not happen.

She doubted the money saved over the past few months would cover the expenses and she’d need a financial plan to pay the balance to the Randalls. Tears of self-pity lazily rolled down her cheeks and she brushed them aside, not wanting Jonah to see.

If he did, he didn’t comment and she was grateful. Directing him to Elaine’s, she was happy that Jonah didn’t say much or ask questions. She wanted to be alone and hide from the self-disgust and self-reproach of the situation.

Outside Elaine’s apartment block, Jonah turned to her and said, “I’m really sorry about you and Felix. I blame myself. I wish I could fix things.”

“It’s my fault.”

“I’m so sorry, Kaylah,” he said, reaching over and wiping away a stray tear.

“Don’t,” she said, pushing his hand away. Turning, she un-clipped her seatbelt and started to open the door.

“Wait, I have something to say,” he said.

“I don’t want to hear it. Whatever you’re going to say can wait till another day,” she stifled a sob. “Just leave me be. I’ve hurt Felix, your parents and myself.”

Taking her purse, she exited the car and walked to the boot only to find Jonah was removing her suitcase. “When you’re ready, let me know and I’ll bring the rest of your things to you. I’ll keep them at Mum and Dad’s for the time being.”

“Sure, thanks,” she said, pushing the hair from her face. “I need to go.” She dragged the suitcase away from him, and the life she’d thought she wanted.

* * *

Later, she sat in Elaine’s kitchen, drinking tea and nibbling on shortbread. “I seriously can’t believe the day I’ve had. It’s like a nightmare that I’m stuck in.” She lowered her teacup and looked at the woman she loved more than anything. “Tell me I didn’t make the wrong decision?”

“I don’t know, love,” the older woman said. “But you were very brave doing what you did. And honestly, it’s better to break up a marriage before it happens rather than after.”

The what-ifs hung between them. “Felix said I can go to Palm Cove. Want to come with me?” she asked, her voice filled with hope.

Elaine took her hand. “I would love to…but I think you need to be alone and work out what you’re doing.”

“I understand.” Kaylah’s heart ached with sadness but also gratitude for the woman who had given her so much.

“Have you thought about where you’re going to live?” Sadness filled the older woman’s eyes, as she continued to gently hold Kaylah’s hand.

She sighed loudly. “Somewhere cheap. I’ve got to pay back the Randalls for the reception, the catering, the band, the flowers…” Her voice trailed off. “It’s ironic that I didn’t even want this big affair. This is what they wanted, and now I have to pay for it all.”

Elaine gave her a kind smile. “You, of all people, know that life is not always fair.”

“I have saved over the past few months, but it’s still not enough to cover the cost of the wedding. I want to pay this money back and get on with my life.” She sighed dramatically. “I was thinking of getting a retail job on the weekend and living somewhere cheap, like student accommodation. Then I can clear the debts quickly. What do you think?”

“You’ll be working weekdays at PricePoint and a second job somewhere else.” She rubbed her palm across the back of her neck. “I hope you don’t run yourself down, working two jobs.”

“I need to pay off this debt. Once it’s gone, I can focus on me again.”

“Some of my friends rent rooms in their homes to students, I’ll see if anyone has a vacancy. At least, you’ll be staying in a home and they’ll make you dinner.” She paused. “But you won’t be able to date, start again, meet someone new…”

“Elaine, I’ll do that once everything is paid.” She rubbed a hand across her weary eyes. “I feel like such a loser.”

The older woman leaned back in her chair, crossed her arm and her eyes narrowed. “If you keep up that attitude, you can leave.” She pointed to the door. “And don’t think I’m joking. I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

“Haven’t you listened to what I just said? I’ve messed up my life, upset Felix, Jonah and their family. I made bad decisions and now have a ton of money to repay for a wedding that’s not going to happen. Bye, bye savings.”

The older woman’s lips pressed to a white line. “I’m sick of the oh-woe-is-me attitude.” She waggled her finger at her “daughter.” “You stood up for yourself and your beliefs. You should be proud of yourself, not recriminating yourself.”

The pressure in her head escalated, and Kaylah rubbed her eyes. “I feel like all hope is gone.”

“That’s just you being melodramatic,” she said with a chuckle. “Go to Palm Cove. Walk on the beach and think things through and you’ll see I’m right. Trust me. I’m an old woman.”

“That’s not what Colin says. He likes cougars,” Kaylah interrupted with a grin. She raised her hands, palms facing Elaine. “I’ll do what you say. I do need to get away.”

“Maybe you’ll have an affair?” She chuckled.

Kaylah rolled her eyes. “Not only is the resort aimed at couples and families with young children, the last thing I want is to be involved with a man.”

“You don’t need to be involved. Just have some hot sex,” Elaine whispered.

Kaylah felt her face redden. “I don’t think so,” she said in her most determined voice.

“And what of Jonah?”

“What about him?” Kaylah suddenly felt lightheaded.

“You and him?” Elaine gave her a look of hope.

Kaylah’s toes curled inside her runners. “It’s over. Not that there was anything to start with,” she added wistfully.

She allowed her traitorous thoughts to drift to Jonah’s square jaw, gorgeous brown eyes and muscular abs. Not only good looking, he was what she wanted in a man, caring, family-oriented and crazy for her.

But his family would never accept her, and he would never betray his brother. And even if he did, she was not going to live in the middle of the Pacific Ocean when she had a debt to repay.

No, Jonah and her could never be.

With a loud sigh, she stood and cleared the plates. Brushing her lips against Elaine’s cheek, she said, “God bless you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

Elaine clutched her arm and said, “It will be okay, darling. Things have a way of working themselves out.”

“Not for me. I just can’t see myself getting out of this.”