Kaylah chewed her lip and wondered the same thing. What had possessed her to be so open and forthright with Jonah?

It was two days before the wedding when she should be enjoying the lead-up to her big day and instead, she’d pretended to be engaged to Jonah, allowed him to kiss her, confided in him about her marriage arrangement, confessed that she wanted to kiss him again and ogled his body at the beach.

Crap. Why now? Everything had been perfect until now. Again, she asked the question. Why now?

She knew the answer all too well. Jonah had arrived in Melbourne and swung her life upside down. To be fair, it wasn’t his fault; it was hers.

“I don’t know,” she lied.

His head lifted and he looked at her with such pain in his eyes that her heart agonised over her fib. She couldn’t do this to him; she had to come clean. “When I met you at the party last year, I really liked you. We clicked.” She snapped her finger to emphasise the point. “But when Felix turned up, you became rude and uncivil, making me wonder if the glass of wine I’d had, had impaired my judgement.” She paused. “It sounds silly, but I don’t have a lot of self-confidence, as I’ve explained.”

“Go on,” he said with a scratchy voice.

“Before you left, you barely looked at me and were so curt that I convinced myself that I had imagined the spark between us. And your dismissive attitude to me while you’ve been away only confirmed my suspicions. I had chosen the right brother.” She stopped, cleared her throat before saying, “Felix.”

She drew a steadying breath. “Can you imagine my surprise when you confessed how you really felt the other night? We’d had this amazing time together at the beach and then you tell me you like me and explain your gruff behaviour.”

The anxiety burning inside of her made her pace the room in an effort to clear her head. “It’s made me question every decision I’ve made in the past year, including whether it’s right not to marry for love.”

In a few angry strides, he was by her side and his hands gripped her arms. “Love will come. As kooky as your agreement is, it may not be for me, but it suits the two of you. You’ve worked things out between the two of you.”

“But…”

He lifted his hand, palm facing her. “No buts. We may have attraction between us, but you’ve got commitment with Felix.”

Her shoulders slumped in recognition of what he’d said. He was right, of course.

“But how can we see each other when there is an attraction between us?” She did quotation marks in the air when she said attraction.

“What’s meant to be, will be,” he said with a regretful tone. “I’m leaving straight after the wedding, and I will stay away as best as I can.” He released his hands and stuffed them into his pockets. “My brother and my family come before everything…even before my happiness. I will not do anything to jeopardise my family’s joy for anyone, including you.” He shook his head. “You could declare your undying love to me, and I would still say no. How can I betray the brother I love? He was there when kids bullied me at school. I was a geek, I wore glasses, I was an easy target.” He paused. “Felix stood by me. When I was rushed to hospital just over a year ago, he stayed with me for days. He barely slept, worked as best as he could from my bedside, caring for my parents and ensuring I got the best medical treatment possible.” His fist pounded his chest, near his heart. “I have my health, thanks to him. I got through high school because of him. I will never do anything against my brother, even for the one woman who makes my heart lift when she smiles. He found you first, and I will never do anything that will harm Felix. Ever.”

Her breathing came in spurts as she listened to his confession, unable to comprehend the bond between brothers and the family love he valued. This is what she wanted. This is what she was marrying for. To have a love that went beyond simple platitudes.

“I do want you, with a longing that would surprise you,” he confessed in a low voice. “But Felix comes first.”

They stood facing each other. Their breathing was erratic. Hers because she was overwhelmed by Jonah’s devotion. And Jonah’s for his insistence in doing the right thing by his brother and parents and not jeopardising the harmony in the family.

“Your devotion to Felix and your parents is honourable and shows me that not all men are as bad as my dad was. I didn’t have strong, positive male influences in my life.”

He gripped her hands with his. “But you have my dad and my brother, plus a host of uncles and family friends.” She could see the insistence in his eyes.

“I know,” she replied in a soft voice. “It’s what I always wanted.” And to her surprise and dismay, her eyes filled with tears that leaked out and slid down her cheeks. Brushing them away with her hand, she said, “I’m sorry.”

He gathered her in his arms, and her arms automatically went around his waist and she held him tight. The strength in his muscles gave her the comfort she needed while she cried over the anguish she felt in her belly.

Never once in the past few months had she questioned her decision to marry for a family rather than love. It made sense. It had been the way of the world until recently, and in some cultures, quite acceptable.

But now, being held by Jonah, a myriad of questions pounded her brain and she allowed her muscles to soften and her cheek to rest against his chest.

She could hear the pounding of his heart, and a wave of peace washed over her. In Jonah’s arms, she didn’t worry about her shyness and inability to exude confidence. She was who she was—quiet, happy in her own company, and a loner who was not alone.

He kissed the top of her head. “Feeling better?”

Nodding, not wanting to speak or leave his arms, she snuggled closer.

“Kaylah.” Her name came out scratchy and hoarse.

Lifting her head to look at him, she caught the confusion in his eyes. It matched hers. They each told the other how they felt through their gazes of longing.

It was wrong, and she wanted to step back, but didn’t have the energy. . .or the will.

Taking a step away, her arms fell to her sides and hung loosely. Her head bowed as shame washed over her. How was she going to marry Felix now? Her skin ached for Jonah’s touch. Her mouth tingled, wanting to feel the press of his mouth, not Felix’s. A painful headache started and made her wince, and her hand came up to massage the base of her neck.

“Are you okay?” His fingers came under her chin, so she looked up at him.

If having her heart broken and shattered into tiny pieces didn’t count, then she was okay. She didn’t say anything, not trusting herself.

“Kaylah, you look broken. You’re about to marry Felix and get your heart’s desires. I can’t give you that, and I have my new life to return to. Not only am I going away because I have to, I’m going because I want to.” He gently ran his knuckles along the side of her face. “I found a new pace of life. I’m needed in Samoa and can make a difference for the people there.”

With her throat clogged with tears, she nodded.

“I had a heart attack at twenty-nine. Twenty nine,” he repeated. “I’d pushed my body to such an extent that I collapsed.” He stopped and she could see the anguish in the creases across his forehead. Taking her hands, he massaged her pulse points with his thumbs. “I worked myself to exhaustion and ended up in hospital. I won’t do that again,” he said with conviction. “I have a new life and am fitter and healthier than I’ve ever been. I miss my family but I’ve now found purpose and meaning that I’ve never had before.” He gave her a soft smile. “You belong here in Melbourne, doing the job you love. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Felix and you created that job. Even if I went against my brother, which I wouldn’t, and you came with me to Samoa, you’d lose your job. Someone else would snap it up.”

He was right. There would definitely be another “hacker” like herself who would jump at the chance to work at PricePoint. She couldn’t do the job from Samoa; she had to be here with access to the warehouse, the manager, and the products.

“You can’t give up everything you want just because of some attraction between us,” he said.

It wasn’t some attraction. It was more than that, but she said nothing. He was offering her an out, an opportunity to make a clean break.

To hurt Felix, his family and leave the best job she would ever have on a whim was folly, sheer lunacy. He was right. And what of her and Jonah? Undoubtedly resentment would grow between them, and especially the pressures from the family from a broken engagement. How could they survive? It was only chemistry, not love. It wouldn’t last; it wouldn’t survive.

Jonah was displaying insight and consideration, and she needed to follow his lead. “You’re right,” she said with a decisive tone. “I belong here with Felix. I don’t want to go and live on a Pacific Island. I have a life here that will make me happy.”

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I want you to be happy.”

“But what about you?” She looked at his chocolate-brown eyes.

“I have my health and my life. That’s enough for me,” he said.

Her hand reached up and cupped his cheek, and he leaned his face against her. His mouth opened as though he was going to say something, but then he snapped it shut. The decision was made and it was time to move on.

“Thank you, Jonah. You deserve better than me,” she whispered. How good was he, to give up what he wanted for the love of his brother. And unable to help herself, she reached up to him on tiptoes and brushed her lips against his.

The feel of his soft lips and the masculine scent of him had her hand moving to the back of his neck and she tugged him towards her. His lips pressed against hers and his body melded against her body. His arms came around her, anchoring her close.

The kisses started off tentative, as though they were each waiting for the other to say stop. And when neither of them did, the kisses became more urgent. His hands trailed up and down her back as his lips moved against hers. She opened her mouth and welcomed his tongue, as he deepened the kiss. The feel of him, the taste of him spurned her on.

Greedy with lust, she kissed with need and desire. Her fingers made their way to his scalp and she ran them through his hair. He brought his mouth to her jawline and nibbled along till he reached her ear. Using the tip of his tongue, he trailed along the rim of her ear, before he nibbled at the base.

“Oh, my. . .” Her hands came down and started tugging at his shirt, desperate to feel the strength of his chest.

His hands came up, cupped her face, and he kissed her hard.

She almost fainted from the lust pummelling through her. She’d never felt so wanton, so alive, so desperate to feel him.

“Jonah,” she breathed, between their kisses.

He gave her another scorching kiss before he stopped and stepped back. “We have to stop.” His breathing was rapid. “I’m going to take you now, if we don’t stop. It’s wrong.”

She took a step away, already missing the feel of him. Her heart pounded against her chest and her arms ached to feel the strong muscles in his forearms. Her fingers traced her lips, remembering how good their kiss had been. Her breasts grew heavy in her bra and she ached to have him touch her more intimately.

Looking at her top, she gasped. Her buttons were all undone. How had that happened? With shaky fingers, she tidied herself up as he stuffed his shirt back into place and ran his fingers through his hair.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” he said, not meeting her gaze.

Straightening her shoulders she said, “I know I should regret it, but I don’t.”

His eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, and he shot her a look of pure molten desire. “This can never happen again.”

“I know, you’re right,” she said. His kisses had left her edgy, wanting more and she knew she’d be thinking about them later.

“We should not spend any more time together, I mean…alone.” He swallowed hard. “I should stay away.” He rubbed his chin.

“I’ll still see you, I mean. There will be other people around. I’m sure we’re not going to kiss when there are people around,” she said playfully.

Her attempt to lighten the mood fell flat as he stepped forward. “I can’t hide how I feel about you. Do you think my parents are so blind that they won’t see it, too? They’ll see how I ache for your touch and your kisses.”

Her fingers fluttered to her throat. “It’s not fair to you. I don’t want to take you away from spending time with your family. You’ve been away for months.”

He waved his hand in the air like it didn’t matter. But she knew it did.

“Listen, I’ll pretend I’m not well tonight and tomorrow. I’d already planned to be with Elaine.”

“You’re living together. Do you have to spend the night apart?” He shook his head, unable to believe she wanted to be “traditional.” “We’re getting ready here on Saturday so you should stay in the apartment. It makes sense.”

“You’re so sensible,” she said. “But how can I spend my nights with Felix after what we just did?”

“We kissed, that’s all,” he said with a dismissive tone, as though he didn’t think it was the most incredible kiss ever.

Her lips were still tingling from the delight she felt after having him show her such attention.

His hands came up and gripped her shoulders. “You need to tell him.”

“Tell him?” Her voice was high pitched. “Shouldn’t we pretend it never happened?”

“No, don’t start your marriage with a lie.” His hands let go, his arms hung by his side. “Tell Felix, and don’t let a kiss ruin your happiness. Be honest with him. I will also speak with him.”

“What are you going to say?” The question fired from her lips.

“I will say, um…that I kissed you and it was wrong. We’ve agreed it was a moment of insanity and it will never happen again.”

It was a moment of insanity and he was right, it should never happen again but her heart stupidly ached at his astuteness and resolve. “I will say the same thing,” she said with resolution. It wouldn’t be an easy conversation to have, but Jonah was right, she needed to tell Felix before they got married.

Would Felix leave her because of the kiss? Her heart ached at the thought.

As though reading her thoughts, he gave her a smile filled with compassion. “He’s not going to let you go. I know him.”

She drew in a deep breath and hoped he was right. “I hope so.”

“I think I should leave.” His thumb jerked towards the door. “I don’t want Mum and Dad to walk in on us. Do you mind? We didn’t finish the party favours.”

“It’s fine. I’d prefer to be alone and do them. You should go.”

“Bye,” he said, turning and walking to the front door.

“Bye,” she replied, her heart aching with an unfamiliar pain, that made her wonder if she’d made the right or wrong decision. Too late now. The decision had been made.