Chapter Four
“Hey, can I speak to you for a moment?” I walked up to my new friend Liv and tapped her on the shoulder. I looked around the room to make sure that Henry wasn’t in the room. I didn’t need him trying to make the moves on me in front of everyone. Liv was married to Henry’s brother, Xander, and I was hoping I could get some information out of her about Henry before I made any decisions about what I was going to do next.
“Sure, Lacey. Just a second.” She smiled at me as she finished drinking the glass of wine in her hand. I stood there and kept a pleasant smile on my face as I waited. I could see Eliza staring at me from across the room. Eliza was dating Liv’s brother, Scott, and that was how I knew both Liv and Henry. I was happy that Eliza had found an awesome guy, but it made me feel a little left out and lonely. Especially now that I was hanging out with Eliza, Liv, and Liv’s best friend Alice, who was engaged to Liv’s other brother Aiden. And knowing that Liv was married to Xander, Henry’s brother, had me really curious. Xander had the same twinkling green eyes that Henry had. Their eyes seemed to devour you when they looked at you and I had to admit that they both made me feel faint in the knees when they looked at me. Not that I was interested in Xander or him in me—he loved Liv with all his being and that was obvious to everyone—but he had the same charm that Henry had. Only Henry seemed to have it in spades.
“Okay, done,” she said and put her glass down. “What do you want to talk about?” She looked at me curiously.
“Can we go in my room?” I said quietly as I noticed Henry entering the room and she nodded, her expression concerned. I felt bad that I was being so stealthy, but there was no way I wanted to have this conversation out in the open. I walked out of the living room and down the corridor to my bedroom quickly, closing the door behind Liv as she followed me inside.
“Your room is gorgeous,” Liv said with a smile as she looked around. “Henry really has such a beautiful house.”
“He does, doesn’t he?” I nodded in agreement. “He’s really lucky.”
“Yeah, he is.” She looked at me with a genuine smile. “I’m so glad that Eliza and you were able to make it this weekend. I’m glad she and Scott were able to sort things out. It’s been clear as day to all of us that they should be together.”
“That who should be together?” Eliza and Alice burst into the room, both of their faces curious as Eliza closed the door and grinned at me. “You and Henry?”
“No.” I went red at her comment. Liv and Alice were both looking at me curiously, huge grins on their faces. “Uhm, what are you guys doing in here?” I asked and looked at Eliza, trying to change the subject. I hoped she didn’t open her mouth too much. I didn’t want the other girls to know that I’d been crushing on Henry.
“Obviously we’re here to find out what’s going on.” She grinned at me. “As soon as I saw you and Liv walking down here, I had to know what was going on.”
“We were talking about you and Scott,” I said quickly. “Liv was saying that she was glad you and Scott were back together.”
“Yeah.” Liv grinned over at her. “You and my brother are a perfect pair.” Then she looked over at me and wiggled her eyebrows. “And what’s this I hear? Are you interested in my brother-in-law?” She winked at me. “I can see why if you are. Henry is gorgeous.”
“I don’t even know him.” I went red and then collapsed down on the bed and sighed. “Who am I kidding? I think he’s hot. Really hot, but I just don’t know if it’s a good idea to pursue my interest.” I made a face at the girls. “I feel like he’s not a serious sort of guy.”
“What do you mean by serious?” Liv asked me curiously. “Like book serious?”
“Like relationship serious,” Eliza answered for me. “Lacey’s unsure if Henry is the sort that wants a girlfriend or if he just wants to have some fun.”
“Oooh.” Liv nodded understanding. “Yeah, I can see that.” She looked thoughtful for a few seconds. “Honestly, I don’t know him that well, so I’m not really sure what sort of guy he is.”
“He does look like a player though,” Alice said and made a face. “Not that I know him or anything, but he’s super rich and he’s gorgeous.”
“Yup,” I agreed. “He has everything going for him. He really doesn’t need someone like me in his life. What do I have to give him that would make him want to commit to me? Not that I’m looking for him to commit to me or anything. I mean, I don’t even know him that well. Maybe I’m just overthinking everything.” I sighed and sat up. “You guys can ignore me. I’m just driving myself crazy.”
“That’s because you think he’s sexy.” Liv grinned.
“And you want to do him,” Eliza added, and we all started laughing.
“Let’s be real here, girls. Who wouldn’t want to?” I almost shouted. “He’s frigging hot!” I closed my eyes and thought of Henry and his cocky sexy smile and could feel myself melting. “Why, oh why does he have to be so hot?”
“I’m taking it that something might go down this weekend then?” Liv asked with a smile, but I shook my head quickly.
“I don’t know. I don’t know.” I licked my lips nervously. “I’m not really a one-night stand kind of girl.”
“I know, but maybe you can also have some fun. Just see what happens,” Eliza said and gave me a look. “Unless you think there’s a chance that you’ll get hurt, then you should definitely just stay away.”
“I mean, after Steven, I’m always scared of getting hurt. You know how it is when you get your heart broken.”
“He was a douchebag,” Eliza said. “I’m so sorry he hurt you. You deserved better than him.”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m over him now. I just don’t want to go through pain like that again, you know?”
“Heartache sucks,” Alice said and made a face. “There’s nothing worse than a guy screwing you over. Trust me, I know.”
“Yeah, it feels like you just want to die,” Liv said. “It sucks. I take it you had a bad breakup?”
“Yeah, my last relationship ended really badly.” I made a face. “And I’m just not sure what Henry wants. He’s been flirting with me a little bit, and I’m not sure if I should flirt back and engage with him or if I should just ignore him. I’m so confused.”
“What do you want to do?” Liv asked me, a thoughtful expression on her face.
“I want to kiss him,” I said honestly and blushed. “I just want to know what it feels like to have his lips on mine. Oh my God, I sound like a little kid, don’t I?”
“No, you sound like I felt when I first met Xander,” Liv said with a smile. “All I could think about was being with him, morning, noon, and night even though I thought he was a cocky jerk.”
“Really?” I asked her, surprised by her words. “But he seems so nice. I never would have thought he was cocky.”
“Haha, trust me, Henry has nothing on Xander. Both of the James brothers seem to think they are God’s gift to women.”
“Hahaha, that’s so true.” I burst out laughing at her words. “Henry seems to think he’s a sex god or something, and that I should be on my knees in admiration of him.”
“Oh yeah, I can see that,” Liv said and we both just smiled at each other. I knew then that she was a kindred spirit. She understood what I was going through, having had her own issues with a James brother. Though for some reason I felt like Henry was going to be an even bigger challenge than Xander had been. Henry just seemed to be the biggest alpha male I’d ever seen.
“Anyway, we should go.” Liv gave me a winning smile. “I think we all need to make ourselves beautiful for dinner.”
“Yeah. I definitely need to have a shower,” Alice said as she ran her hands through her hair. “I feel all sweaty.”
“Yes, I need to clean up as well.” Eliza grinned. “I don’t want Scott to think that I’m a scrub.”
“Haha, he would never think that.” Liv started laughing. “He’s lucky to have you in any form you come in, and I’m pretty sure that none of those forms are a scrub.”
“You’re too sweet.” Eliza shook her head, beaming at the compliments. “But trust me, when I wake up in the morning, I look like the Loch Ness Monster.”
“I can confirm that,” I joked. “And I can say that because I look like her hairier cousin, Big Foot.”
“Big Foot that needs Nair, stat,” Eliza quipped and we both started laughing. Liv and Alice gave us an amused look and started laughing as well.
“You two remind me so much of Alice and me,” Liv said with a grin. “I’m so glad that we’re all friends now.”
“Yeah, we’re double the trouble,” Alice said with a grin. “The guys better watch out.”
“Yes, I need to change as well. We need to look hot tonight. These guys need to think we’re the hottest girls in the world.”
“Well, we are, aren’t we?” Alice said and gave me a wink.
“Don’t we wish!” We both started laughing uncontrollably, somehow our moods were both unreasonably high.
I wondered if that was a good or bad sign for the night. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so excited about a guy. I couldn’t remember the last time that I’d wanted to be with someone so badly. Had craved them like a fish craved the water. Henry was a charismatic, enigmatic man. A man I was both intrigued and scared by. I didn’t know what he wanted. Didn’t know what he needed. What his end game was.
And a part of me didn’t care. A part of me wanted to just see where it went. A part of me just wanted to go with the flow and let myself float through knowing him. It was something that made absolutely no sense to someone like me. Something that I wasn’t used to. I wasn’t normally a go-with-the-flow sort of girl. I was a girl who wanted the answers. I was a girl who needed to know where I stood at all hours of the day. And I certainly had no clue where I stood with him. No clue whatsoever. It was something that I found confusing. That I could so easily get over my fears was something I’d never expected, but I was excited by the possibility of having a new and adventurous man in my life. I knew that the experiences that he could bring to my life would be like no other.
I just hoped that I wouldn’t end up broken by the end of it.
“We don’t need to wish,” Liv said with a grin as she and Alice both headed toward the bedroom door. “We’ll see you guys at dinner, yeah?”
“Of course, we wouldn’t miss it,” Eliza said as she headed toward the door as well. “I’ll see you later, Lacey.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “And don’t stress about Shane. He’s your ex for a reason. Let him do and think whatever he wants to do. Don’t let it affect your relationship with Scott. It does seem like he’s following you around though and trying really hard to get you back. I sure hope he doesn’t turn up this weekend.”
“I know,” she said with a wary smile. “He’s definitely not worth my time or energy. I’m glad to have this weekend away, where I can just focus on Scott and not think about Shane at all. I really hope he doesn’t show up. I don’t even know why he wants me back so badly. I’m not sure if he has good intentions or not.”
“Yay, good-bye to bad rubbish,” I said and made a kicking movement. “He was, and still is, a real jackass.”
“You can say that again.” Eliza made a face, and I grinned at her.
“He was, and still is, a real jackass.”
“Haha, oh, Lacey.”
“Oh, Eliza.” I laughed and reached over and gave her a hug. “We’ll get through this weekend, I promise.”
“I sure hope so. Here’s to us, and here’s to Scott and Henry.”
“Oh, Henry,” I groaned and made a face. “What am I going to do?”
“You’ll figure it out. I promise.” She gave me her pinky. “Trust me, it’ll work out.”
“I hope you’re right.” I laughed and then flapped my hands at her. “Now scoot, I have things to do.” She ran out of my bedroom and I looked at the contents of my suitcase to see what outfit would be best for the evening. I wanted Henry to want me and to think I was the hottest girl he’d ever seen—but I didn’t want him to think I was easy. I had to play it just right; which was going to be hard because I wasn’t even sure what I wanted.
***
“Wow, just wow.”
Someone was mumbling behind me as all of us stood in the hallway of Henry’s house, feeling dazed and confused. I stared at Eliza in shock. I felt for her and what she must be going through. The sudden appearance of Shane, Eliza’s ex, at the front door and his confrontation with her still had us all reeling.
But it was what he’d just revealed that had me more in shock. I couldn’t believe it. I just couldn’t believe it. I never would have guessed. Never would have known. I knew that Shane had shown up here to make trouble for Eliza and Scott; I knew that. But he’d also succeeded in stirring up trouble for her and me. Eliza had slept with my ex back when we were in college. How could I forgive her? How could she have done this to me?
I never thought that I’d ever question my friendship with Eliza. I never thought that she’d ever been anything but a best friend to me. I guess I thought wrong. I thought we knew everything about each other. I thought we had no secrets. Best friends aren’t meant to have secrets. Best friends aren’t meant to keep things from each other. I didn’t want her to think I was okay with what she’d done, even if it was in the past. I understood why she hadn’t told me, but I still didn’t think it was cool. Not at all. I couldn’t believe she’d slept with my ex-boyfriend. And kept it from me. How could she not have told me that she’d slept with Steven? I felt like my whole world was upside down. If I couldn’t even trust Eliza, who could I trust? I would have trusted her with my life. I would have bet good money—in fact, I would have bet all that I had—that she would have never done anything like that to me. I was still in shock.
And I never would have known if Shane hadn’t shown up at Henry’s house. Even if it had been a one-time thing. Even if it had been a mistake. I couldn’t believe that she’d never told me. I couldn’t believe that she could have crossed that line. I never would have done something like that to her. I never could have slept with someone she’d dated. And then to not tell me. How could she do that? How could she have betrayed me like that? How could we be best friends if she could hide something like that from me? I felt like my whole world was tumbling around me and I had no clue how to make it better.
***
“Are you okay?” Henry looked at me, his face a sea of concern. I wondered if he was being sincere or if he was just a really good actor. What did it matter to him if I wasn’t okay? He wasn’t my confidante or my friend. I was nothing to him.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I shrugged, trying to ignore the pain that was running through my body. I stared at him and blinked rapidly, trying to stop the tears from pouring from my eyes.
“Maybe because you and your best friend just fell out?” His lips thinned as he surveyed my face. “Are you upset that she slept with your boyfriend? Do you still love him?”
“What?” I looked at him for a few seconds. “What do you mean, do I still love him?” I made a face at him. That was a weird question to ask. I hadn’t dated Steven in years, but I suppose that Henry didn’t know that. He didn’t know that Steven and I had never even had sex and that while I’d thought I was in love with him for a short time, it had been puppy love and I really couldn’t care less about him. I cared much more about the fact that Eliza had been keeping this secret from me for years.
“Is that why you’re upset? Are you jealous?” His voice grew deeper and his eyes narrowed. “Do you feel sad because you wish you were still with him?”
“What?” I couldn’t believe him. “I don’t wish that I was still with him. Why would you think that?”
“Do you wish you were still having sex with him then?” He almost snarled. “Is that why you look like you want to cry?”
“You’re such a jerk!” I shook my head, my mind reeling at his words. Was that all he thought about? Sex? “I can’t believe you’re speaking to me like this. The world doesn’t revolve around sex.”
“You can’t believe that I’m asking you direct and straightforward questions?” He raised an eyebrow at me, and his green eyes looked into mine mockingly. “Or you can’t believe that I’m calling you out on still holding onto sexual fantasies in your head about your jerk of an ex-boyfriend?”
“Those aren’t appropriate questions. No, I don’t still love him, and no, I don’t wish I was having sex with him still. And my fantasies are whatever I want them to be.” I didn’t tell him that Steven and I had never had sex. He didn’t need to know that. “And it’s none of your business if I was having fantasies about him anyway.”
He looked annoyed at my response. “I’m just concerned about you. I would like to know what I can do to make you feel better. It is not healthy to have sexual fantasies about an ex. Maybe I can help.”
“If I said yes, I want your help, how would you help me?” I made a face at him. “What if I said yes, I desperately missed him and wanted him back, how would you help me?” I asked him, now rolling my eyes. “What would you do to get him back for me?” I looked directly in his eyes, challenging him to give me a good answer. Any answer would have worked. I was pretty sure he didn’t have one, good or bad to give me.
“Are you delusional?” He raised an eyebrow at me. “You think I would have helped you get him back?” Henry chortled. “Really, Lacey, you think that?”
“You said you want to help make me feel better.” I shrugged. “And if you thought I was still into him, wouldn’t that be what you would have done to help make me feel better?”
“Yes, I do want to make you feel better, but I’m also a selfish man, Lacey. I would not be bringing another man into this picture.” He started to come toward me. All I could think about was Eliza and what I’d just found out. I didn’t even care that she’d slept with Steven. He’d been an asshole and he’d been a cheat. What killed me was that she’d never told me. She’d never told me about that or the fact that she’d lied to Shane about being pregnant. She’d hidden so much from me. She hadn’t trusted me. She was my best friend, but she hadn’t trusted me. Yet Shane had known. He’d known everything. She’d trusted him. She’d confided in him. He meant more to her. Ultimately my friendship was nothing. I was nothing. I’d thought we were best friends forever. I’d thought that we’d have each other’s backs for the rest of our lives. I’d thought that we could share our deepest and darkest secrets with each other. I’d thought that we had already done that. Yet I now realized that that wasn’t true. We weren’t the friends that I’d thought we were. Essentially, we were nothing.
Essentially, I knew nothing.
“I would be the one to make you feel better,” Henry said with a smirk, and while a part of my brain knew that I should say something to him, some retort, I didn’t have it in me to say anything. I felt like a veil of sadness had fallen over me, and while his words were being heard, they weren’t piercing my veil. They weren’t important. I didn’t care that I found him slightly sexy. I didn’t care that he was making a sexual innuendo. I didn’t care that he wanted me. I just didn’t care about anything at all. I just wanted to get into bed and sleep and forget everything.
“Cat got your tongue?” Henry said after a few seconds, his eyes searching mine as I just looked up at him. His face was mere inches from mine and his green eyes were staring into mine intensely as if he were wondering what I was thinking and why I wasn’t responding. I blinked up at him as his hand came to rest on my shoulders, and yet I still did nothing. I had nothing to say. Nothing to feel. What did it even matter anymore? If my own best friend could lie to me, what did it matter what this man said? This man who I knew didn’t have any real care or concern about me. He didn’t know me. All he wanted to do was flirt with me and get in my pants, and while I hadn’t cared about that fact before I’d come up on the trip, I was no longer interested. I felt lethargic. I didn’t want to banter playfully with him and flirt. I just couldn’t be bothered.
“I have nothing to say.” My voice was barely a whisper as I gazed at him, tears starting to run from the corners of my eyes. I looked at his face closely as I tried to think about something other than Eliza’s betrayal. He really was handsome, but there was something in his face that seemed almost unsure of himself. He was cocky and arrogant, but something in me told me that he wasn’t as confident as he tried to let on. I wondered what his story was. Wondered if there was a part of him that needed fixing, just like there was a part of me. Was I judging him too harshly? Maybe I should give him a chance. I sighed as I found myself getting distracted. I wasn’t really sure how I felt anymore. I wasn’t sure if I was coming or going. I wasn’t sure what side was up and what side was down and I wasn’t sure that I would ever really know or understand at this point. Obviously my read on people was off if I’d never realized that Eliza had been lying to me for all these years. How could she have done that to me? And how could I have not known?
I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes for a few seconds. And did I really want to fix him if he did have problems? Was it really possible to fix anyone? Would I just be walking into trouble?
“You have nothing to say?” He frowned. “Are you sick?” He reached his hands upward and touched my forehead and my eyes flew open. “You do feel slightly hot. Do you have a fever?”
His voice sounded concerned and that surprised me. I looked into his eyes to see if he was being sincere and I was surprised by the intensity in his gaze. We just stared at each other for a few seconds, and this time, it was his eyes that flew away from me. As if he were uncomfortable with our gaze. As if it had awakened something in him as it had in me. As I’d gazed into his eyes, I’d really felt a special connection with him, a spark of something. Something I’d never felt before. Something that was both thrilling and scary. Something that felt real. More real than I’d ever felt in my life.
It scared me because I wasn’t sure if it was all in my head. I wasn’t sure if it was real. And I wasn’t sure if I was just hoping that he was feeling the same thing or if it was just me. Maybe I just wanted a connection so badly that I was imagining one.
“I’m fine.” I shook my head and then looked down at my watch. “Thanks for your concern, but I need to go now. I need to leave,” I declared, feeling flustered. I just wanted to be by myself and out of here as quickly as possible.
“How are you going to leave? And where are you going?” His eyes narrowed and he looked annoyed. An expression I was seeing quite a lot.
“I’ll catch an Uber to a hotel or something.” I shrugged. “Thanks for listening to me, but I think I need to be alone right now.”
“There hasn’t been much to listen to. You haven’t said much.” He shook his head. “And you’re definitely not leaving.”
“Excuse me?” I frowned at him. “You can’t make me stay here.”
“I don’t want you to leave. You can’t leave while you’re sick.”
“I’m not sick.” I sighed. “I’m just upset. My best friend betrayed me.”
“If you no longer have feelings for the guy, why do you care so much?”
“You wouldn’t understand, obviously.” I looked past him and to the door behind him. “It has nothing to do with Steven and everything to do with Eliza.”
“Then explain it to me, make me understand.” His expression changed to one of caring and it almost made me want to cry. I wanted to believe that he was being sincere and that he really cared, but I just didn’t trust him or myself.
“Look, it’s been nice getting to know you, Henry, but I’m going to go now.” I shook my head and clasped my hands together as a wave of sorrow hit me. All I wanted was to go and lie down in a bed and then soak in a hot bath. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and was about to hit the Uber app on the screen when I felt Henry’s hand on my arm.
“I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you’re not going anywhere right now.” His fingers gripped my skin and I looked up into his eyes with a small glare. His eyes pierced mine and I could see a nerve twitching in his forehead.
“What’s your problem?” I glared at him and pulled my arm away from him. I took a step back and tried to ignore the fact that he was standing so close to me and that my body was reacting like crazy. My arm was still burning with heat from where he’d touched me and my stomach was churning for a different reason now.
“Lacey, I didn’t have a problem before…” His voice drifted off and then he continued, “but you’re fast becoming my problem.”
“I’m not anyone’s problem, least of all yours,” I said. “I don’t know who you think you are, Henry James, but you’re super annoying.”
“I’m annoying?”
“Yes, you are. I don’t know if you think I’m some floozy or if you’re so used to women throwing themselves at you or what, but I can resist your charms. I don’t need you and I don’t want you. Save your come-ons for some other girl. I don’t want to sleep with you or play your games,” I said in a rush, even though a part of me had been very interested in both sleeping with him and playing whatever games he had up his sleeve.
“I don’t think you’re a floozy.” He smirked. “And who says women throw themselves at me?”
“Really, Henry?” I rolled my eyes at him. “Does anyone actually have to say it? I think it’s obvious to all of us.”
“Oh, really?” He grinned at me. “How is it obvious?”
“You’re a very handsome guy. You can have any girl you want.”
“You think I’m handsome?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes at him.
“Really?” I shook my head. “Who doesn’t think you’re handsome?”
“I don’t care about others. I’m just happy that you think I’m handsome.”
“Okay,” I said and rolled my eyes at him. As if he didn’t know he was blessed with good looks. As if he didn’t know that ninety-nine percent of the women on God’s green earth would jump at a chance to be with him. At least, all of the straight women I knew would be eager for a chance to just flirt with him.
“I’m glad you think I’m handsome.” He winked at me. “I think you’re very beautiful, so that puts us in good company.”
“Whatever,” I said as I felt a blush rising up my face. There was no way he thought I was beautiful, but it was nice of him to say. The way my stomach was rolling let me know just how happy his sentiment made me. I felt like I was floating, soaring through the sky. He thought I was beautiful, and even if he didn’t think I was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen in his life, he certainly thought I was attractive—if the look on his face was indicative of how he viewed me. His eyes were alight with admiration and he was surveying my face as if he thought I were a piece of art to be studied and observed in minute detail. His gaze made me feel like I was special. And his words made me feel light inside. It really was something else to be considered beautiful by someone who I thought was so hot and sexy. I felt like I’d never really been admired by someone that I’d been so attracted to. His stare alone gave me nerves. As I stood there, I literally felt like I was going to throw up. It was such a weird feeling to be with someone who affected me so much just with his words and smile.
“Don’t you like me calling you beautiful?” He tilted his head and looked at me. He reached his fingers up to the side of my face and ran them tenderly down my jawline. “Don’t you like it when I compliment you?” he said as his eyes grew softer and his fingers traced the line around my lips before falling away.
“Who doesn’t like receiving compliments?” I paused, feeling lighthearted, and gave him a look. “When they’re sincere, of course.”
“Why wouldn’t my compliments be sincere?” His eyes narrowed. “I feel like either you have a very poor opinion of me or you have a very poor opinion of yourself, and I’m not sure why.”
“I don’t have a poor opinion of myself, but glad to hear that you think that I might.” I rolled my eyes at him. “Now that you’ve told me that I shouldn’t, I will definitely not have a poor opinion of myself anymore.”
“Ha, you think I’m an asshole, don’t you?”
“Now why would I think that? You’re definitely not an asshole.” I winked at him. “I’m sure no one would ever think that you’re an asshole. I’m sure that out of all the men in the world, you’re the last guy that anyone would think was capable of being an asshole. The absolute last guy.”
“I didn’t think that you were a comedian as well.” He grinned at me. “A writer and a standup comedian. I’m in awe of all your talents.”
“All my talents?” I started laughing. “All my millions of talents?”
“I thought you had a billion.”
“A billion and one.” I giggled and then gave him a huge smile. “Thank you.”
“Thank you?” He frowned and wiggled his eyebrows at me. “What are you thanking me for? You’re the one with the billion and one talents. I had nothing to do with any of them.”
“That is true.” I nodded my head. “But I’m not thanking you for my talents. I’m thanking you for making me laugh and for distracting me.”
“Oh, I distracted you?” He winked at me. “With my handsome good looks.”
“Of course.” I winked back at him. “What else could you have distracted me with?”
“I don’t know?” He flexed his biceps. “My bulging muscles?”
“Hmmm…” I tried hard not to stare at his muscles, but I couldn’t stop myself from admiring them. I swallowed hard as he flexed them again.
“You can touch them if you want.”
“Why would I want to do that?” I said, my hand itching to move forward. I wanted to touch his skin, wanted to feel his flesh against mine, no matter how minor it might be. I knew I was being stupid. I knew that I was letting my attraction to him take over every feeling I had. It was almost driving me crazy. I wasn’t sure if I was driving myself crazy or if he was driving me crazy. All I knew was that my body was heating up and all I could think about was him touching me. Or me touching him.
Ugh, I was going to make myself go insane—if I wasn’t already a little insane. I wouldn’t be shocked if the insane asylum came calling for me. I felt like I was a ripe candidate. I wasn’t really sure if I was coming or going. Everything in my life seemed to be topsy-turvy and upside down. And while I wasn’t sure where I was going, I knew that it could get worse. I knew that Henry could drive me absolutely bonkers if I allowed myself to become obsessed with him—which I was fast allowing myself to do. I wasn’t sure what it was about him that was so poisonous to me. But he was fast seeping into my bloodstream. And that was the last thing I needed. I’d been smitten before, fallen hard for men who were out of my league. And I knew that it was bad news for me. I knew that my addictive personality couldn’t handle obsessing over another man who wouldn’t feel for me the same way that I felt for them. I knew that I couldn’t afford for all my emotions to become invested in another man who wouldn’t feel a tenth of what I felt for him.
And I knew that with Henry it was even more dangerous. I knew that with Henry it would be so much more intense. I could feel it in the way my heart skipped every time I saw him. The way my breath caught every time our eyes locked. I felt like he was someone special. Someone who was already a part of me. And I knew that was a weird feeling. A crazy feeling. An odd feeling. I knew that what I felt for Henry could be fate, true love, kismet—whatever you wanted to call it.
Part of me wanted to ask him if he felt the same way. If his heart beat in the same odd erratic way. But I knew it would be crazy. I knew it would be too much. I knew that it would scare him away. It would scare any man away. And I knew that even though I didn’t want to pursue anything with him, I wasn’t quite ready to scare him away. I wanted to enjoy our flirtation. I wanted to enjoy his company. I wanted to enjoy the way he made my heart skip a beat and the way I felt when he smiled and touched me. I wanted to enjoy it for as long as I could. For as long as it didn’t hurt me. I knew at some point, I’d have to pull away before I lost myself in the dream and hope of whatever flirtation we had becoming more. Because I knew, as I always knew, that I would hope for, would want more.
And I knew, as I always knew, that it was unlikely to happen, and I didn’t want to lose myself again.
“So you’re not going to leave, right?” he asked me with a small smile. “Please stay.”
“I don’t know why you care so much if I stay.”
“I don’t know. Maybe I want to get to know you better.” He shrugged. “Maybe I want you to spend the night with me.”
“So the truth comes out.” I shook my head. “I see what you really want.”
“Is it wrong for me to desire you? Is it wrong for me to let you know?” He stroked the side of my face and grinned. “Because if it’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
“Henry!” I giggled, not able stop myself from feeling giddy at his words. It was in that moment that I realized that I wasn’t thinking about Eliza’s betrayal as much as I had been earlier. Maybe Henry could help me take my mind off of my pain.
“I’m being serious, Lacey.” His face turned grave. “I think we could be good for each other. I think we could have a lot of fun together. If you agree, you should come to my room tonight.”
“Come to your room for what?” My heart thudded as I gazed at him.
“You’ll have to come to find out.”
“Henry James…” I said his name slowly and deliciously, the words curling out of my mouth with pleasure.
“Say my name again, Lacey.” He grinned at me. “Say it louder.”
“Say it louder?” I blinked at him. “Say what louder? Your name?”
“Haha, yes, my name.” He winked at me. “But I can wait for tonight. Tonight you can scream it.”
“Oh my God, you’re a pig.” I swallowed hard, imagining what he’d be doing to me to have me screaming his name out loud. I didn’t even want to think about it too much as I knew that I’d obsess about it and think about every little move he’d make in finite detail.
“You can find out exactly what else I am tonight,” he said with a laugh, and I just shook my head at him.
“Good evening, Henry,” I said as I headed toward the door. “I hope you have a good night.”
“It’ll be good if I see you,” he said in a whisper as I walked away. It took everything I had in me to not turn back and say something snarky to him in response. I hurried out of the room, not knowing what I was thinking or feeling. Everything in my life seemed to be upside down, and I felt like a bit of a mess. I felt like everything I knew was twisted, and I started to wonder what the point of being a good friend and good girl was if I was only going to be disappointed over and over again. Maybe I didn’t have to play by the rules anymore. Maybe the rules I’d constructed in my head were wrong. Maybe I just needed to have some fun. Maybe I just needed to let go.
And who better to do that with than gorgeous, sexy Henry?