Chapter Nineteen
Two Months Later
Henry
I sat on the couch in Eliza’s apartment stiffly. She stared at me with venom in her eyes and I tried to give her my best smile. I didn’t blame her for hating me. I didn’t blame her for not wanting me to be here. I knew she didn’t want to do this. I’d had to pull every string I could to get Xander to talk to Scott, so that Scott could talk to Eliza and try and convince her to let me talk to Lacey. My heart pounded as I sat there waiting. I closed my eyes and thought of her face. Of her expressive beautiful eyes. Of the way she’d cried the last time she’d seen me. And then I thought of how I’d walked away. Of the words I’d said. And I wanted to punch myself. I was a fucking fool. The biggest fucking fool. And I was scared that I’d ruined everything.
“I don’t think you should be here.” Eliza glared at me. “You really should leave.”
“I know you hate me. And rightfully so, but I just need to see her. I just need to talk to her.”
“She doesn’t need to see you.” Eliza shook her head. “She’s just now starting to really get over you.” My heart sunk at her words. I didn’t want Lacey to be over me. I didn’t want her to move on. I wanted her to love me. I wanted her to always love me. How could I have been so stupid?
“Every second of the last two months has felt like decades,” I said to Eliza, my voice cracking. “I know you don’t care and you shouldn’t, but I messed up. Big time. I need her to know that.”
“What do you want from her, Henry?”
“I want to tell her the truth.”
“That is?”
“I want to tell her how I feel. I want her to understand that I’ve been a stupid scared idiot. I realize that now. I want to apologize.” I stared into her eyes. “I don’t know if you’ll understand.”
“You love her, don’t you?” Her eyes lightened as she stared at me carefully. “You love her.”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I love her.” I spoke slowly, the words feeling weird from my mouth. “I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone before in my life.”
“Oh God.” Eliza buried her face in her hands. “Please, dear God, please,” she whispered into her hands and then leaned forward and grabbed my hands tightly. “If you hurt her again, I will kill you. I will personally stab you in the heart and kill you, do you understand me?”
“Yes.” I nodded as she continued to squeeze my hands. “I understand.”
“Okay. Good.” She sighed and jumped up. “I’m going to text her to come home.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” She grabbed her phone. “I swear to God by all that is holy that if this is a mistake I will never ever forgive you.”
“I just need to talk to her. Please.” My voice cracked and I could feel my heart racing. It made me feel scared and that shocked me. This was a feeling I hadn’t felt since childhood. I wasn’t scared of anything, but the possibility of Lacey not wanting me anymore, of not loving me, of not forgiving me, made me feel scared. I didn’t know how I’d continue with my life if she didn’t forgive me and understand. This was ten billion times worse than I’d ever felt about my situation with Claudia. Maybe because I’d never thought that Claudia was the one. Even through the heartache and pain of her cheating. I’d never felt this despair. I’d never thought she was the only one I wanted to wake up to every day of my life. I loved Lacey with everything that I was and I was so scared that my unthoughtful and scared actions and words had ruined everything.
“She’ll be home in ten minutes.” Eliza looked at me. “Don’t fuck this up,” she said and walked out of the room. I sat back on the couch and waited, my heart feeling like it wanted to burst out of me. The fear running through my veins was palpable and I knew that if Lacey didn’t forgive me and still love me, I would never be the same again.
The door opening about fifteen minutes later made me jump up. I hurried to the doorway as quickly as possible because I needed to see her face.
“Oh,” she said as soon as she saw me. Her face looked even more beautiful than I remembered it being. “You’re here.”
“I am.” I nodded as I walked toward her, wanting to throw my arms around her so that I could pull her into my embrace and never let her go. “Is that okay?”
“I guess,” she said, looking away from me. My heart stopped for a second as I continued to stare at her, hoping she would look at me and give me some sort of sign that she was open to forgiving me.
“I’m sorry, Lacey.” The words came pouring out before I could stop myself. “I’m so sorry for everything. I’ve gone and made a mess of this whole situation and I just need to talk to you. I’m sorry I’ve come barging back into your life and if you never want to see me again—God, that makes me want to cry just thinking about it—but if you never want to see me again, I will walk out of your life and leave you alone. However, I’m hoping…I’m hoping that you can forgive me. I’m hoping you still don’t hate me. I’m hoping that…” My voice trailed off as she looked at me again, her eyes wistful and sad. And I leaned forward and grabbed her hands. “I’m hoping that you still love me because I’ve been such a fool and I love you more than anything else in this whole world and I know this is all coming out in a rush, but I don’t know how to stop myself. I want you to be in love with me still. I want you to tell me that you can forgive me. I want you to know that I know I’ve been hurtful and cruel and selfish and a jerk. And I hate myself more than you could know. I want you to know that the last two months have been hell for me. That I’ve thought of you every second of every day, even in my sleep. I’ve dreamt of you. I’ve had you on my mind. In my heart. In my soul. I have been such an idiot and I know it. And I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve someone as beautiful and kind and funny and patient as you. I don’t deserve to have your heart, but I’ve been hoping on everything that I can. And I even bought a bible, just in case. I’ve been saying prayers for you, Lacey. And I never in my life ever read the bible.” I made a face. “I’m rambling and I’m sorry. I just…I just want you to know that I love you so much and it’s been hell staying away and I wanted to be a better man. I wanted to let you move on with your life. You deserve better than me. And I know it. You deserve so much better than me. But I want to spend the rest of my life showing you that I can make you happy. I can love you and adore you and be everything you need, if you just let me.”
“Oh, Henry.” Lacey’s eyes were full of tears and my heart stopped. I felt defeated. She didn’t love me. I’d lost her. I’d ruined it all.
“It’s okay. It’s my own fault. You don’t have to explain. You’re a princess and you deserve better than me.”
“Henry.” She grabbed my face and looked at me. “Are you being honest with me right now?”
“Yes.” I pulled her into my arms. “Yes.”
“I love you,” she said softly and kissed me on the lips. “But what about Claudia?”
“She’s going to go to a facility. Her dependency isn’t healthy. I’ve known that for a while, but it has always made me feel guilty. But I’ve come to realize that it’s not a good situation for either of us to be in.”
“You chose her over me.” Lacey’s voice was sad. “You made me leave that night.”
“I’m sorry.” I nodded. “I know it seemed that way. I know how that must have hurt. Please know that that was not my intention. She was in a really bad place and I was angry at her. And my anger made me feel guiltier. And my feelings for you were confusing me. I just needed space. I needed to think. I didn’t want to acknowledge and appreciate that I was in love with you and that made me defensive and scared. I’m sorry about that.”
“You really hurt me.” She blinked up at me. “You really broke my heart. And the words you said to me, they tore me apart. You tore me apart and you didn’t care.” She chewed on her lower lip. “I don’t know that I can ever forgive you for that.”
“I see.” I wanted to throw up. I didn’t know what to say. The pain I felt inside was killing me. I’d lost her. And it was my own fault.
“Do you really see, though, Henry?” She grabbed my hands. “Do you know how you made me feel? Do you know how you crushed me? I still love you. Of course, I love you, but I’m scared. I’m so scared that you’ll get scared again and you’ll leave me, or drop me, or run away, or stop loving me. I couldn’t live with that. I couldn’t live with that pain. Of having you and then losing you. I’ve barely held on these last two months. I’ve barely survived. I couldn’t survive going through something even worse. You were cruel to me, Henry.”
“There will never be a day that goes by that I won’t regret the things I said to you and how cold and unfeeling I’ve been. There’s nothing I can say that will take that pain away or excuse my behavior. I know that. Trust me, I know that. But I’m willing to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much you mean to me and how badly I regret my harsh words. I didn’t mean them. I know that you might not believe me now. But I didn’t. I’m not sure why I didn’t want to acknowledge my feelings. Maybe because I didn’t want to believe that I loved you. Maybe because I knew that you were the one and if I believed in that and in us, I would fall, too hard, harder than I’d ever fallen before.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It scares the shit out of me, Lacey. You mean more to me than anything. If, I ever lost you, I wouldn’t, couldn’t survive. And that’s the scariest thing I’ve ever had to face. To know that you’re the one thing in my life that makes sense. That I want. I don’t understand it. And when I don’t understand something, it makes things really hard for me.”
“So, this is too hard for you?” Lacey looked worried and I grabbed her hand and placed it on my heart.
“I don’t care how hard it is or what you want me to do to prove my love to you. I will spend my life showing you how much you mean to me. Feel my heart beating? It’s beating for you. I live for you. Every breath I take is for you. Every time I open my eyes, it’s in the hope of seeing your beautiful face. Every minute of every day, I want to be with you.” I felt myself choking up. “I want to marry you, Lacey. I want you to be my wife. I’ve been such a fool. Such a big big fool. I just want to make it up to you. I just want you to know that this, us, you, me, it’s all I want from life. It’s all I need. Please tell me that you can find it in your heart to give me a fresh start? A chance to make it better. A way to show you that I’m a better man than I’ve proven myself to be.”
“Okay,” she said simply. “It’s always been you, Henry. It’s always been you. I could never say no. I love you.”
In that moment, I felt like my heart was going to explode. This was why I loved this woman. This was why I was going to spend the rest of my life showering her with love and affection. She was perfect. She was mine. She was the reason I was born. She was the reason for everything!
Thank you for reading Falling for the Billionaire. I hope you enjoyed it. Please sign up for my to be notified of all of my new releases and to receive a special sneak peek of my upcoming book, The Hookup.